For me, recovery means having a second chance to live my life, a new life. It means that I get to pay forward the kindness and the grace that I received from the first time I stepped into a 12-step room. Recovery allows me to be a member of society, and I genuinely desire to be a part of that now. I always say I got the gift of reflection and gratitude, something I never had before. I have enough humility now to know I can’t be perfect, but I can make progress- even when I take a step back, I can keep moving forward. Recovery is hope. Recovery is a chance.

Addiction changed my life and everyone’s around me. I was really good at hiding things, from my feelings to the truth. Eventually it all caught up to me and I couldn’t stand how I was living. I remember getting home at 5am one morning and calling my dad. I told him I had a problem and I didn’t know what to do. I wish I could say I got sober then and there but that was not the case. I put my family through misery for about 4 months. My life was chaos, my mental health was shot, and everyone I loved was getting the worst side of me. Finally after being awake for days I met my breaking point at work. I texted my parents from the bathroom and said I was ready for rehab. Thank God they had found Al-Anon and a support system at the time because they already had everything in place. I told my co manager that day what was going on, called my boss, and the next day I was driving up to inpatient. I was actually there for Easter. I’ll never forget a bunch of adults doing an Easter egg hunt, looking for the golden eggs that had cartons of cigarettes in them. Rehab was a bubble. A reset. After I got out I put together 88 days, white knuckling it. No meetings. No sponsor. No actual recovery, just a dry drunk if you will. After putting together that time and having a not pleasant relapse I knew I couldn’t handle doing that a second time. I ended up at a meeting the next day and picked up a sponsor. It took a while but I finally started wanting to be there. I still was miserable, closed off, ego driven, just dry and lonely and victim playing…. In a meeting one night, as I sobbed, someone told me connection is the antidote to addiction. From that moment on I put effort. I allowed myself to be seen. I allowed others to love on me. I opened up and I connected. All I ever wanted to feel was loved and like I belonged. Sobriety gave me acceptance, grace, opportunity, perspectice, and hope. My world was very small when I drank and drugged. Today that’s not the case. I live like normal people. I have what some would consider a “boring” life but I appreciate it because I went to hell and back to be standing where I am today. God saved me over and over again, I just was too ignorant to see that before. I can still do everything I did in active addiction, but the difference today is, just for today, I no longer have the desire to.