'GUTS' is absolutely one of my favorite albums at the moment. From the fun and upbeat songs like 'love is embarrassing' to the slow melancholy songs like 'lacy', this is truly a no-skips album, which does not happen for me often. I had a hard time picking just one lyric, as so many of these songs resonate with me even now in my 20's. But the lyric from this album that resonates with my teenage self the most is from 'ballad of a homeschooled girl': "Everything I do is tragic. Every guy I like is gay. The morning after I panic, 'Oh, God, what did I say?'". The reason this lyric stands out to me so strongly is two-fold. I was never homeschooled, but I may as well have been. I was entirely uninvolved in extracurricular high school activities (except for choir) until my senior year. Additionally, I definitely fit the homeschool stereotype of being shy and anxious and socially awkward. This is the first reason the above lyric hits close to home. I would overthink every interaction and every word that came out of my mouth, and honestly, I still do. Even now, I will leave an interaction worried that I had said something that presented myself in a way that I did not intend to. "Did I offend them?" "Did I say something stupid?" "Was I even talking coherently?" I have made a lot of progress in overcoming this, but I am definitely still working on it. The second part is far less serious. I was involved in children's theatre (a program that attracted many a homeschool family, so I fit right in). As is the stereotype, theatre boys are often gay. It's true. Being the awkward, quiet kid I was, I was thrilled that these boys were being friendly too me. Even though I had been to public school all my life, I grew up in a Christian household. So I did not have any kind of "gaydar". Because of this attention I was getting, on not one, not two, but three separate occasions, I had an intense crush on guys who later ended up coming out as gay. Each of them had and has my full support in all that they do, but you can imagine what that does to a poor anxious girl's psyche! Even now as a 20-something, if I start to catch feelings for someone, I worry that I'm not his type, and because it's none of my business, I usually end up suppressing those feelings and starting the cycle all over again. Olivia Rodrigo's music resonates with me now as an adult, but I would have loved it even more in my teenage years. She writes teenage experiences in a way that is relevant to all kinds of people of all different ages and backgrounds.

Ilona Maher: a woman of great strength in every way. I know next to nothing about rugby, but watching her on the field is nothing short of exciting. She is powerful in strength and skill, but what is the most powerful about her is her social impact. She talks a lot about body positivity, femininity, and self-advocacy, which is inspirational for all people of all ages. She first came across my social media feed a year or two before the 2024 summer Olympics. She was speaking on the ridicule she gets for wearing makeup on the rugby field. She often speaks on how she is still allowed to be feminine and wear make up and pretty dresses, even though she does not have what society deems as a traditionally feminine stature. One of my favorite quotes from her is this: "I do have a BMI of over 30. I am considered overweight. But alas, I'm going to the Olympics and you're not." Though she will admit that the comments from the media and the public online of course get to her, this mentality arguably makes her an incredible role model for little girls, little boys, and really anyone. She empowers people to not let societal standards dictate how they live their life and what they believe is possible for themselves. She is visibly incredibly strong and she likes traditionally feminine things. She reminds people constantly that two things can be true at once. For me, I can be fat and have a strong sense of style. For someone else, they may be a traditionally masculine man in all other aspects, but he likes to paint his nails because it looks cool. Ilona Maher has faced mass scrutiny in the public eye for years now. She is my favorite Team USA athlete to cheer for, not because of the way she plays on the field, but because of what she does off the field.

Billie Eilish's catalog spans a wide variety of music, and she is undeniably one of the best vocalists in music right now. Given the range of songs and style, it was hard to choose only three, but these three come out on top for me. SKINNY is about growing up in the public eye. To me, it is about growing up and changing. The lyric that hits the hardest is "People say I look happy just because I got skinny. But maybe the old me is still me and may be the real me, and I think she's pretty." Society thinks higher of thin people, and either directly or implicitly, make clear their views of big people. As a fat woman and a performer, this hits me deeply. If I would lose weight, people would say, "You look great!", maybe unknowingly implying that "the old me" looks bad. But “the old me is still me” and she may even be more authentically me than the version that is deemed more worthy of praise. The song also talks about putting on a mask for her audience. Otherwise, she will be scrutinized for anything less than what is expected of her as a woman and performer. This kind of standard does numbers on a person's self-worth and mental health. The last minute of the song is instrumental. The gorgeous swell of strings feels like being entirely yourself for just a moment. Then the last few seconds of the song goes into a pop beat that sounds like putting the mask back on before going back into public. My next favorite–TV–is about a breakup. It talks about being so in love that you don’t have time for anyone but your partner, so that when you break up, you have no friends because you let them slip away. This song resonates with me and my cyclical self-sabotage. In elementary school, I was on a team with all my friends. One of our younger friends was now old enough to be in our age group, but our team was full and she was very upset that she could not join us. The following week I was told I was randomly selected to switch teams. Being the adult-pleasing kid that I was, I let it happen. They did not seem to care much that I was not on their team anymore. This left me with a fear of abandonment that still tempts me into self-sabotage to this day.I now recognize those patterns and can more easily fight those urges, but the emotional spiraling that this song lays out is an experience I know all too well. What Was I Made For?, written for Barbie in 2023, is the most hopeful of these three songs, though it still speaks to hard realities of the society we live in. The Barbie movie and this song are a commentary on the impossible standards that society puts on women. In trying to obtain these standards, we face burnout, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, and overall a life that is anything but fulfilling. In spite of it all, we long for a bigger purpose to our lives. The song wraps up with the speaker realizing that there IS something out there that she IS made for, and she CAN reach the goal, even if she doesn’t know how yet. For the last several years, I have felt that there is something different and better out there that I was made for. And very recently have I reached the end of this song in my own life.

On November 11, 2023, I was in a car accident that could have taken my life within a matter of inches. Since then I have battled anxiety and depression worse than I have ever experienced in my life. It took several months before I was willing to even get back behind the wheel. Of course part of this was related to the PTSD from the accident, but the other part of it was that I was worried about doing something I would regret if I was back in the driver's seat too soon. The depression and anxiety caused a level of OCD in the way of intrusive thoughts and visions that I had never experienced. Admittedly, I never made it to therapy. I never felt ready. I felt like it was too fresh and wouldn't be productive as I would probably just sob the whole time. Or I would have a hard time finding the right therapist, and shopping around would have just been way too exhausting for my mind and body that was trying its very best to heal. I regret not seeing a professional sooner. (Full disclosure, I still haven't started. But I feel like I am finally ready.) But I was blessed with an incredible support system who I can openly speak to about healing. I see how easy it is for people who have experienced tragedy, or near-tragedy, to get into the mindset of "why me". But with this strong support system, I was able to stay away from that and spin this in the way of having a new lease on life. This experience really made the idea of "you never know which day will be your last" concrete. Over the last year and a half, I have considered many a new life path. I have also had times of complacency where I just start coasting along while my life slips by without me. I very recently made the decision to go back to school for a BFA in Musical Theatre. I always dreamed of pursuing theatre as a career, but I never thought I'd be able to do it. Something I have told myself almost daily for the last year is "the worst that can happen is it doesn't work out" followed up with "rejection is just redirection". That mindset has completely changed my life. If the worst that can happen is it just doesn't work out, okay, so what? That just means there is something better out there for me. With this BFA, I will not only pursue a career in theatre, I will also work to educate young performers about what their options are for following their dreams and inspire them to do so. Despite performing since the age of eight, I never believed in myself enough to take it any farther than community theatre. My big dream is to travel the country doing professional theatre and spend some time teaching it. I frequently think about the fact that if I had never been in that car accident, I would have very likely stayed in my mediocre corporate job for as long as it fit me, stayed auditioning for community theatre (even though I love it, it doesn't pay the bills), and teaching theatre for a small stipend all the while thinking this was me living my dream with a steady job to support it. As I pursue these dreams, I will continue to rely on my support system and support myself by finding a therapist to help with things that my friends and family cannot. As horrible and difficult as the healing process was--and still is--I am able to be grateful for that terrifying night.

My grandmother was one of the most lively people I had ever met! In April of 2022, she went in for heart surgery. All went very well. Recovery was going well. We had all the family over for Easter dinner, and Grandma and Grandpa were going to come later. They never ended up coming over because my grandma was feeling too tired. Early the next morning, she had gotten up to use the restroom, said something incoherent to my grandpa, and she passed. We all spend the next day at their house. Listening to my grandpa call their friends and loved ones to let them know of her passing through his sobs still haunts me. Watching my grandpa’s health deteriorate from grief is horrible. But the memory of my grandma and the woman she was will always cast light over all these hard things. My grandma was an incredible artist of many mediums. She drew, she painted, she wrote poetry. She was a harpist, an accordion player, and a singer. But the way she loved people was the best thing about her. She gave hugs to every person she met, even if she knew there was no chance they would ever meet again. Even non-huggers could not resist a hug from “Granny Annie”, as she liked to call herself. She was generous with her time and always available to talk or just lend a listening ear. My earliest memories with her include art, whether it was coloring on a kids menu or singing a silly song that she made up for me or one of my siblings. I grew up in theatre and dabbling in many arts and crafts. She and my grandpa were at every single performance, no matter how insignificant the performance seemed to me. She always had the right thing to say when I needed encouragement and when things were going well. My first performance since her passing was so difficult. It was a show she would have loved so much. I feel a special closeness to her whenever I am creating art or giving a hug. Any time she got goosebumps, she called them angel hugs. I never knew what she meant by that and just took it with a grain of salt as she was kind of a hippie in the way of her spirituality. As I’ve grown and changed, I’ve become a bit of a hippie in my spirituality as well. These days I often think of her and get these “angel hugs” from her. I know what she means now. I miss her real hugs, but her angel hugs will have to do for now. Grief is a funny thing. Some people say “it comes in waves”. The analogy that rings true for me the most is probably the most poetic. Maybe that is the reason I feel it more strongly. It goes something like this: We want grief to shrink, but it doesn’t. It may even grow at times. Yet it gets easier somehow. That’s because we are ever growing and learning and changing. I aim grow in my art to honor my grandmother and her memory, and I hope to inspire my future students, children, and grandchildren the same way she inspires me even still.

I have been a fan of Sabrina Carpenter since her days as Maya Hart on Girl Meets World on Disney Channel. Her sweetness and quirkiness always spoke to me as a kid as those were qualities that I saw in myself. Some people will change of course as they grow up. But some people stay exactly the same. Sabrina has not changed one bit and I greatly admire that about her. She seems to have stayed nothing but her genuine self. Her music is some of my favorite. It is quite theatrical in some ways and as a theatre performer, that is something I appreciate very much. It is the kind of music that I do not mind getting stuck in my head. (My current earworm happens to be "Slim Pickins" from her newest album Short 'n Sweet.) I also enjoy and appreciate all the work she has put into this most recent tour of the same name. I was unable to attend, but it is clear in all the videos online that the energy never drops. The level of commitment to creating and putting on such a lively and entertaining show is inspiring. Her sense of humor shines through most of all. From her most recent collab with Dolly Parton on a cover of "Please, Please, Please", there is a clip of them meeting. Dolly says, "You'll be as old as me one day". To which Sabrina answers, "I know, I can't wait! I hope I look like you". The two seemed to hit it off immediately and the connection shows clear through their chemistry in the music video as well. Anyone who hits it off with Dolly is probably just as genuinely kind as they come.

Having performed in musicals since the age of 8, I grew up belting out Defying Gravity and Popular. As I came to learn more musicals, Stephen Schwartz quickly became my favorite musical composer, and he still is. (His unique harmonies and rhythms, his incredible and clever lyrics, his signature dissonant chords…I love it all! And this man knows how to write a fierce female power ballad.) I got to see a touring production of Wicked in high school, and it absolutely lived up the hype and then some. When they announced that it would be adapted for the screen, I was quite skeptical. You never know how a movie adaptation of an existing—and very successful—musical is going to go. (See “Cats”. Or on second thought, maybe don’t see it.) I have very few qualms with this movie. What I love so much about this movie is the ways the team got to add to and play with the material in ways that the stage does not allow for. I admire Jon M. Chu’s dedication to building such full and detailed sets. He really brought the world to life in a way that felt as though Shiz and Oz had been there for centuries. The costumes were so innovative and added depth to the universe and characters. The additional scoring is what really made it for me. It ties it all together with a pretty bow of cohesiveness. As much as I loved the original, I do not believe I cried. (And in true Cancer form, I am a crier through and through.) But the Wicked movie makes me truly sob every time. It all starts when Elphaba starts to dance at the Ozdust Ballroom, and then it hits even harder when Galinda joins her and stands in solidarity with her. Later in “Popular”, Galinda says, “Miss Elphaba, you’re beautiful”. Ariana Grande delivers that line with such sincerity that it just cuts like a knife straight to the heart. Wicked is a story of sisterhood, of standing up for the oppressed, and of self-empowerment. What better story to be shared in times like these.

Heaven - Gold - House - Won Coal - Catwalk - Copper - Candy Hive - Sand - Dive - Apron Wings - Silver - Free - Diamonds 1. ______bar: candy, dive, sand, gold - One of my favorite categories is when it is a fill-in-the-blank. They can be any range of difficulty. I decided I would make this my easy category. 2. Things that are mined: silver, diamonds, coal, copper - I tried to take something from another category (“gold” in this case) to throw the audience off a bit. They may be tempted to try “silver, gold, copper, and diamonds” as something along the line of “things of value”. 3. Rhymes with the first four odd numbers on the number line: won, free, hive, heaven - Every once in a while, the New York Times will come up with one category that just does not seem to make a whole lot of sense. So this is my play on that. 4. Areas of a theater: house, catwalk, wings, apron - I will be a musical theatre major, so I thought it would be fun to throw something related to that into one of these categories. Each of these is a fairly common word that means something entirely different without the theatrical context.

I recently picked up watercolor last summer after having surgery on my ankle. I have always had an affinity for arts of all kinds, and watercolor always appealed to me. My grandma was a very talented artist, and since her passing, I have felt connection to her through pursuing more forms of art. My primary art form has always been performance, but given the downtime of ankle surgery, I couldn’t do much of that. So watercolor became a meditative hobby to take my mind off what I could NOT do. Attached are two works out of my book: one of pink orchids, the other a pattern of koi fish. Both were inspired by exercises in different techniques. The flowers were modeled after some orchids I had been given as a get-well present from my aunt after surgery and commissioned by my sister. The koi were just for fun. I will be pursuing a BFA in Musical Theatre. If ever I need to design costumes or sets, watercolor is typically what’s used to mockup designs. I believe it is beneficial for artists to diversify their medium so they have a hobby outside of their hobby-based career.

I wasn’t ready for college when I first attended right out of high school. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I had little motivation to do well. School always came easily to me, so I never developed any study skills before college. I was so defeated I never finished my associate’s, even though I had one or two classes left to take. I never thought I’d go back. I thought it wasn’t in the cards for me. For the last couple years, my mantra for trying something new has been, “The worst that can happen is that they say ‘no’ or it just doesn’t work out. But at least you tried.” But again, I never thought I would be telling myself that when it came to going back to school. I’ve overcome this problem of lack of self-confidence by remembering that the worst that can happen is it doesn’t work out and that every rejection is a redirection. My long-term goal is to earn my BFA in Musical Theatre. When I was first enrolled in college, I did not know what I did not know. Frankly, I was completely unaware of this degree being an option until my younger sister was looking into it a couple years ago when she started to make college decisions. If I had known that option was available to me, my college career would have looked wildly different. Earning this degree will allow me to not only bring more elevated art, whether for entertainment or deeper meaning, to my community. It will also give me the tools to bring up a stronger next generation of artists and inform them of all the options available to them if they want to pursue theatre as a career. This scholarship will be invaluable in helping me reach that goal. After doing brief research on philately, I have learned that it is the “king of hobbies” because it’s easy and inexpensive to get into, according to Times of India. A philatelist does not need to collect the stamps to be considered such. I would encourage young people to get into this hobby due to its accessibility and all of the different ways to study postage stamps. One could study the historical figures, pieces of art, or landscapes and places featured on the stamps, why they were or are significant to society, and why they were honored in this way in particular. The value of stamps can be studied. Postage stamps can be collected. An avid philatelist could attend coin shows, where postage stamps are often featured as well. All of these points of interest make philately incredibly accessible for anyone looking to bring a new hobby into their life.