In my freshman year, in a child development class, I learned that I would eventually end up in a real classroom at an elementary school as a student teacher. I didn't know how badly I wanted that until it was in the palm of my hand. Until I was knocking on the door of room 217 at a local elementary school. My junior year was full of ups and downs. Being at this elementary school was the biggest up of my life. Because of this experience, I now truly know that being an educator is my passion. As I re-read last year's reflection essays from my experiences, I see how much being in that classroom changed me. "Teaching has its ups and downs. In the short time, I have been an intern I have experienced many different things. Interning for me has honestly been the highlight of my junior year. From the first time I met my class to now, I love them. They are some of the kindest and most loving humans I have ever met, but because we all develop differently, they too have their issues. Being around and working with this group of kids has not only taught me a lot about them but also a lot about myself." I was placed in a kindergarten classroom, in the middle of an academic year. At first, I was overwhelmed. I was worried that I wouldn't be good enough for those children. Long story short, I was everything they needed and they were everything that I needed. There was one specific little boy whose name I cannot tell you because of confidentiality, but we'll call him B. B was 5 and extremely behind his class. I couldn't read or write or do basically anything. He was often just an extra body in the room and at times you could see that that is exactly how he felt. He was lonely and his eyes showed it more than his words did. That also may have been because he couldn't speak well, in the end, I could see it. Every day I got there, B would run up to me and hug me tighter than I had ever been hugged before and say "Ms. Madisson, I missed you so much all day." The first time he said that to me was day two of my being there. He was my best friend from that day on. We would also be working on something new every day. By the end of my time there, he was reading at the lowest level but reading nonetheless. He also gained the ability to write his name and a few other sight words. The progress I made with him was incomparable. B is now a 1st grader. I was told that if it wasn't for the work we did, he wouldn't have moved on. I was told that I saved him. But the truth is, B saved me. He showed me that kindness is all it takes to build the best relationship. He trusted me with his education more than his own teacher. He taught me that I am a good teacher and that I will make it. If I remember anything from my junior year, it will be the small, 5-year-old boy who needed me as much as I needed him. One day, I hope that I can thank him for all that he's done for me. Until then, I will keep teaching kids just like him.

In my freshman year, in a child development class, I learned that I would eventually end up in a real classroom at an elementary school as a student teacher. I didn't know how badly I wanted that until it was in the palm of my hand. Until I was knocking on the door of room 217 at a local elementary school. My junior year was full of ups and downs. Being at this elementary school was the biggest up of my life. Because of this experience, I now truly know that being an educator is my passion. As I re-read last year's reflection essays from my experiences, I see how much being in that classroom changed me. "Teaching has its ups and downs. In the short time, I have been an intern I have experienced many different things. Interning for me has honestly been the highlight of my junior year. From the first time I met my class to now, I love them. They are some of the kindest and most loving humans I have ever met, but because we all develop differently, they too have their issues. Being around and working with this group of kids has not only taught me a lot about them but also a lot about myself." I was placed in a kindergarten classroom, in the middle of an academic year. At first, I was overwhelmed. I was worried that I wouldn't be good enough for those children. Long story short, I was everything they needed and they were everything that I needed. There was one specific little boy whose name I cannot tell you because of confidentiality, but we'll call him B. B was 5 and extremely behind his class. I couldn't read or write or do basically anything. He was often just an extra body in the room and at times you could see that that is exactly how he felt. He was lonely and his eyes showed it more than his words did. That also may have been because he couldn't speak well, in the end, I could see it. Every day I got there, B would run up to me and hug me tighter than I had ever been hugged before and say "Ms. Madisson, I missed you so much all day." The first time he said that to me was day two of my being there. He was my best friend from that day on. We would also be working on something new every day. By the end of my time there, he was reading at the lowest level but reading nonetheless. He also gained the ability to write his name and a few other sight words. The progress I made with him was incomparable. B is now a 1st grader. I was told that if it wasn't for the work we did, he wouldn't have moved on. I was told that I saved him. But the truth is, B saved me. He showed me that kindness is all it takes to build the best relationship. He trusted me with his education more than his own teacher. He taught me that I am a good teacher and that I will make it. If I remember anything from my junior year, it will be the small, 5-year-old boy who needed me as much as I needed him. One day, I hope that I can thank him for all that he's done for me. Until then, I will keep teaching kids just like him.

In my freshman year, in a child development class, I learned that I would eventually end up in a real classroom at an elementary school as a student teacher. I didn't know how badly I wanted that until it was in the palm of my hand. Until I was knocking on the door of room 217 at a local elementary school. My junior year was full of ups and downs. Being at this elementary school was the biggest up of my life. Because of this experience, I now truly know that being an educator is my passion. As I re-read last year's reflection essays from my experiences, I see how much being in that classroom changed me. "Teaching has its ups and downs. In the short time, I have been an intern I have experienced many different things. Interning for me has honestly been the highlight of my junior year. From the first time I met my class to now, I love them. They are some of the kindest and most loving humans I have ever met, but because we all develop differently, they too have their issues. Being around and working with this group of kids has not only taught me a lot about them but also a lot about myself." I was placed in a kindergarten classroom, in the middle of an academic year. At first, I was overwhelmed. I was worried that I wouldn't be good enough for those children. Long story short, I was everything they needed and they were everything that I needed. There was one specific little boy whose name I cannot tell you because of confidentiality, but we'll call him B. B was 5 and extremely behind his class. I couldn't read or write or do basically anything. He was often just an extra body in the room and at times you could see that that is exactly how he felt. He was lonely and his eyes showed it more than his words did. That also may have been because he couldn't speak well, in the end, I could see it. Every day I got there, B would run up to me and hug me tighter than I had ever been hugged before and say "Ms. Madisson, I missed you so much all day." The first time he said that to me was day two of my being there. He was my best friend from that day on. We would also be working on something new every day. By the end of my time there, he was reading at the lowest level but reading nonetheless. He also gained the ability to write his name and a few other sight words. The progress I made with him was incomparable. B is now a 1st grader. I was told that if it wasn't for the work we did, he wouldn't have moved on. I was told that I saved him. But the truth is, B saved me. He showed me that kindness is all it takes to build the best relationship. He trusted me with his education more than his own teacher. He taught me that I am a good teacher and that I will make it. If I remember anything from my junior year, it will be the small, 5-year-old boy who needed me as much as I needed him. One day, I hope that I can thank him for all that he's done for me. Until then, I will keep teaching kids just like him.

I was never one to stay in the same place for long. My mom had the tendency to put men before her own children. Evidently, none of the men were good enough for her but she spent my childhood searching for “the one” anyway. In total, I have attended 7 elementary schools and 4 secondary schools. None of which by choice. Every school I went to was different. Different cities, different class sizes, different people. I spent my 6th-grade year first getting bullied. I started getting bullied by a group of girls that were once my close friends. I was called many names and pushed around so much that I eventually stopped coming to school and my grades started dropping. The school had become my own personal hell and my parents hated me for defying the place I once loved wholeheartedly. Eventually, the girls stopped tormenting me and I decided to go back to school. Because of my absences, I was a little behind but like the year before I caught myself up in no time. The summer rolled around and that's when everything changed. On July 3, 2017, the most devastating thing happened. The world that hadn’t been so kind to me, hit me harder than I could have ever expected. My father passed away. Drinking and driving wasn’t something new to me. I would often find myself begging both of my parents not to. Time and time again, I was told they would be fine. That was until they weren't. My dad was driving home one night, intoxicated, on his motorcycle. It had just rained and was still slightly sprinkling. 5 years later, I was never told what actually happened but I can imagine he hydroplaned and crashed. One thing I know for sure is that he died quickly and felt no pain. Knowing that I was able to keep going. I encountered 30 vastly different teachers before my freshman year of high school. Out of those 30, I was able to build strong relations with 2 that I can remember. Coincidentally they are both from Goliad. The first one is Mrs. Delagarza. She helped me discover my love for books. Because of her, I was the top-scoring student at Goliad Elementary for the accelerated reader. While I was only in the second grade, my reading level was at a 6th-grade level. I was placed in the gifted and talented program at her request. Speaking of 6th grade, Another teacher I still think very highly of is Mrs. Pantel. 6th grade was a rough year for me because I missed so much school due to bullying. I remember receiving a progress report one day and immediately sobbing at the sight. I had my first failing grade and although that seems silly to me now, it broke the 12-year-old me who thrived in academic praise. Mrs. Pantel did nothing but hold me in those devastating minutes. She said nothing and everything at the same time. “This number does not, and will never define you.” I didn’t believe her then but now, I realize I needed that more than ever. Looking back on everything now, I realize that while these teachers had tremendous impacts on me, I was truly just a little girl wanting a mother. I yearned for a mother figure and found it in these two women. They showed me my reason for “why”. I want to be an educator. Not just because I want the power it comes with but because I want to be someone a student will remember. I want to be their reason why.

I still remember the cracks in my mothers voice when she told me my best friend died. I remember the painfully loud silence as every piece of me shattered. I remember the tears streaming down my face as my body went numb and my voice no longer made a sound. I was only 12 but two words changed my entire life. I don’t think I really understood it for a while, but maybe I was just grieving. July 3, 2017, also known as, the day my childhood ended. My dad only had one other kid, my younger brother, Cash. He was only 1 at the time and I think that killed me just a little. From my mom, I have another brother, Rhylen. My dad had always been the father figure in my brother's life. Despite him not being his biological father, and my parents not being together, my dad took my brother in as his one very early on. I wasn’t the only one grieving the loss of a father. When school started back up in August, I was slipping big-time. I became severely depressed and still suffer to this day. I had gotten straight A’s up until the beginning of 7th grade. That was the first time my dad wasn’t there to tell me good luck on my first day. I had always been very interested in school. I thoroughly enjoyed learning and lived off of academic validation. I stopped caring. I gave up. That was until the night before my brother, Cash’s, 2nd birthday. We were staying at my grandparents house that night and had fallen asleep rather early. I woke up in a panic because when I went to feel for Cash, he wasn’t next to me. I jumped up and immediately went looking for him. After searching the whole house, I noticed that the back door was slightly open so I ran outside. I saw my 2-year-old brother sitting in a chair outside talking/babbling at the sky. He was giggling and talking and I immediately started crying. After about 5 minutes of watching him conversate with the stars, I went up to him and asked him who he was talking to. “Daddy,” he said, pointing, “Daddy up there.” The stream of tears became a fast flowing river. It was then when I realized that he needs me. He needs me to tell him bedtime stories of every adventure me and our dad went on. He needs me to help him with homework as he grows up. He needs me but more importantly, I need him. Every day since then, I have fought for my sanity and my life. I have fought for my mom, both of my brothers and my future. I will continue fighting every day to become someone my dad would be proud of.