I’m a twin. My earliest memory was climbing from my crib to my twin brother’s. Clearly, I have an adventurous personality. However, as a twin I started out life codependent. The yin and yang between the two are my life story.
I am a creative and sensitive personality. I recall writing random songs, inspired by my surroundings. My parents are extremely introverted so they and my brothers were my world. I was lucky to have my twin as my companion. I felt connected with my family, and would cry if my mom was crying. I hated seeing them anxious or upset as it frightened me, so I would always listen to them.
The forced socialization of Kindergarten was anxiety provoking but I had my twin! My world suddenly improved when my twin and I were cast as Mr. and Mrs. Claus for the Holiday Show. Performing in front of an audience was exhilarating yet terrifying, but I was doing it with my twin.
Then middle school started and so did my anxiety. I grew up in a household with anxiety but thought I had escaped those feelings because I had my twin. I decided to use my positives - an adventurous and creative personality - to overcome the negatives, so I joined the theater club.
Starting theater put my life on a new path. I found a sense of community and expression. Although many days felt like I was at the top of a roller coaster waiting for the drop, I kept going. I started talking with a worry coach, and learned helpful coping mechanisms. For the first time, my twin and I were not sharing the same experience. He didn’t have anxiety and didn’t need a worry coach. Our paths were beginning to diverge.
Covid set me back. I was forced into days in my comfort zone - the only contact I had for months was my family. But having experienced friends, theater and adventure, I used this time to work on myself and my craft. Leaping completely out of my comfort zone, I created an audition tape for a regional magnet school specializing in tech and art. The audition was complete with a monologue from an over-the-top-wanna-be TV personality (me), an emotional rendition of “God Help the Outcasts” from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and a heartfelt interview. I sent it off and was SHOCKED a month later to receive my warm welcome and acceptance. The next big chapter of my life was decided, and I would be writing it without my twin.
A new school, a new curriculum, unknown classmates, and lacking the comfort zone of my twin, my anxiety skyrocketed. I took a deep breath, and put myself out there because theater was my passion. Early in Sophomore year, I auditioned in a shaky voice for Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. When I was awarded the role of The FooI, I made sure to be over-prepared, work outside of rehearsal, and used every coping mechanism I knew. I pushed my anxiety aside and had a confident performance. My speech patterns, stage movement, and characterization improved. I grew hungry for more. Junior year found me multitasking. I performed in two shows simultaneously and created costumes for the musical. I discovered a passion for directing and will co-direct a competitive piece in November of senior year.
Theater shaped me into the person I’ve always wanted to be. The anxiety paralyzed bystander is gone. I fought to get here and I’ll continue to, even though it’s hard. I can’t wait to experience the next chapters of my life.