A time where I faced and dealt with adversity was the beginning of my sophomore year in college.
It was September 2022, a new semester filled with new courses and new expectations. At the time, I was a nursing major. I fully, wholeheartedly, believed that this degree and this program was my calling in life. Despite believing in that sentiment, I knew deep down that the foundations were unstable and rocky. I was riddled with doubt and worry about how, if, or when I could keep this act up. I was slowly falling into a depression, wondering if my decision to choose nursing really was what I wanted to do with my life.
The foundations that were already shaking had finally spilt and broken down. On September 30th, a day before my last clinical trial, I attempted to end my own life. Every emotion and every stressor was present that evening. My heart was heavy, and I recall looking at my newborn sister with regret and feeling apologetic for failing her. I felt I had failed everyone, especially failed myself. I was not proud of what I had achieved, I always thought I could do more or do better. In the end, even after the attempt, I'm alive.
It wasn't until a month after my attempt that I recognized I needed help. I had gone on for so long, leaving my mental health unchecked and pushing through with pure grit that I convinced myself I didn't need it. However, the attempt opened my eyes. It was around this time that I met my boyfriend, whom I opened up to about my struggles with mental health. It was him that pushed me to advocate for my health and to take a break from college. Without him, I'm not sure if I'd be here today.
I was especially fragile the months after my formal leave of absence. My parents were not the most supportive of the idea, asking me to hold out for just a little longer and to take a break once the semester concluded. However, I stood my ground and made sure they understood my intentions. In the year I took off from school, I found peace in myself, entered a better mental state, fostered and maintained positive relationships, and found my true calling in life: psychology.
Overcoming my fears and doubts was no easy task. It took lots of crying, resilience, grit, and patience to come to terms with how things have played out. I believe that things happen for a reason, whether to guide us or teach us lessons, and this situation proved just that. Leaving the nursing program was the best thing I did for myself. Now I, wholeheartedly, know this is my calling in life and I'm living my truth. There is nothing more important than staying true to yourself and living up to it.