**I Slay Everyday as a First-Generation Warrioress** Being the first person in my family to attend college, I have had to overcome financial and academic problems to pursue my education. However, this has also given me a powerful sense of motivation and determination to succeed. Therefore, I am majoring in business with a focus on digital marketing because I want to use my skills and knowledge to create positive social change. I have always been interested in how technology and media can influence people's behavior and opinions, and I want to learn how to use them effectively and for good. Moreover, one of the issues that I am passionate about is ending gun violence and advocating for stricter rules and laws for aggravated assault repeat offenders. I believe that the web is a powerful platform to raise awareness, educate, and make people act against this problem. My personal experience of gun violence has motivated me to pursue this goal. Imagine living in a place where you hear gunshots every night, where you lose your friends and family to senseless violence, and where you fear for your life every day. This is the reality for many people in America. I have personally felt and witnessed the devastating impact of gun violence on families, friends, and neighbors, and I have also seen the resilience and courage of survivors and activists. Consequently, I want to use my voice and influence to make a difference in the world and help others who are in similar situations. By being a first-generation college student, I hope to inspire and empower other students like me to do the same. I want to show them that they can achieve anything they set their mind to and that they can also contribute to making the world a better place.

Recovery: The Reason I Rise Everyday On December 23, 2019, I stood in a courtroom before a judge who was sick of seeing me. I was a four-time convicted felon on parole for 20 years with four new felony gun charges carrying a mandatory 65 years plus my parole sentence. I was ready to go back to prison. At least there, I was sober. But then I heard the voice of God. The judge used my first name and asked me to plead guilty. I hit my knees in the courtroom, thanking God. This was my last chance. I got released and immediately called my parole officer for a ride to Louisiana Adult and Teen Challenge. I did 18 months of intensive rehab and started peeling off my mask. Sobriety is the reason for my next breath.

Uniquely Underestimated: Finding My Voice and Purpose My skills are agility, resilience, and courage. I have faced many challenges in my life, such as prison time, losing custody of my kids, drug addiction, and the murder of my son. Everyone in my family said I was worthless and stupid. But I'm the first generation enrolled in college at 41. I want to use my skills and experiences to help others who are going through personal struggles. I know how hard it is to overcome adversity and find hope and meaning in life. I also know how important it is to have someone who listens, cares, and supports you along the way. That's why I'm going into business, to help others who don't get opportunities like so called normal functioning individuals. I believe that empathy and compassion are essential skills for this profession, but they are not the same thing. In my opinion, Empathy is an emotional response to another’s pain that involves an authentic desire to help, while compassion means using these feelings to take action. In other words, empathy helps me understand what the person is feeling and needing, and compassion motivates me to do something about it. Many people confuse empathy and compassion and use them interchangeably, but there are several aspects of caring for others. People want to help but they get confused. This can cause the person needing help to become defensive. Compassion is an emotional response. I think empathy helps you better grasp what the struggling person is needing at that moment. I believe empathy is the key to creating a more peaceful and harmonious world. As Jeremy Rifkin, a social theorist and author, says, "To empathize is to civilize." Empathy helps us to understand each other's feelings, perspectives, and needs. It also motivates us to act kindly, generously, and cooperatively. Empathy can reduce aggression, prejudice, and discrimination. It can also Enhance communication and understanding with strangers and people from diverse backgrounds and cultures. By teaching empathy to others, especially students, we can help them develop prosocial behaviors and attitudes that will benefit them and society. I value listening, caring, and supporting others. - I'm pursuing business to create more opportunities for people, and to find their strengths and passions. I also hope to educate the public about the issues that affect oppressed and vulnerable groups, such as homelessness, addiction, mental illness, and violence. By raising awareness and understanding, I hope to create more empathy and less stigma. People just need a hand up not necessarily a handout I think empathy is a skill that can be learned and improved with practice. I know I have a lot to learn myself, but I'm willing to keep trying. I think empathy is also a gift that we can share with others. By being empathic, we can make a difference in someone's life, and even in the world.

Gun Violence: The Need for Stricter Laws: Austin's Story When I received the call that 8-8-2022 afternoon, that my 21-year-old son Austin had been shot and killed, I was devastated. He had been a light in the lives of all who knew him, and I will never forget the moment I received the phone call that changed my life forever. My story is one of tragedy and heartbreak, but also of hope, as Austin's legacy lives on in the form of an organ donor. Austin had been searching for me for years, and our reunion was cut short by a monster with a gun. This individual had multiple convictions for aggravated assault, attempted murder, and other violent charges, but was still able to obtain a gun and take away Austin’s life. One of the most urgent steps we need to take is to regulate untraceable ghost guns. These are firearms that are assembled from parts or kits that do not have serial numbers or background checks. They are easy to obtain online and can be used by anyone, including felons, domestic abusers, and terrorists. According to CNN[^1^][1], ghost guns accounted for 30% of guns recovered by law enforcement in some states in 2022. Several states, including California, Delaware, and New York, have passed laws to ban or restrict ghost guns, but we need a federal law to address this loophole. It is clear that we need stricter gun laws in the United States. We must take proactive steps to ensure that those with a violent past are not able to access firearms. While we cannot undo the tragedy that has already occurred, we can prevent similar situations from occurring in the future. We must also take steps to increase public education on the topic of gun violence, as well as provide resources to those who are struggling with mental health issues. We must also support community violence intervention programs that address the root causes of violence and provide alternatives to conflict resolution. We must also respect the rights of responsible gun owners who follow the law and use their firearms safely and legally. Austin's legacy of love and compassion lives on in the form of a two-year-old who received his heart, and I am grateful for the opportunity to carry on his memory. We must continue to fight for strict gun laws in the United States to ensure that no other family has to experience the pain and heartbreak that I have endured. We must remember Austin and Charles as well as all those affected by gun violence, and work together to create a safer future for us all. I plan on using my degree in Business/Digital Marketing to be the voice that cries out for justice for all the innocent lives taken and the families torn. I plan on using the web and the ever-evolving world of technology to make my voice heard. Not only my voice but the voices of the ones who can't be here to speak for themselves. Through their stories, they will be heard. If it's the last thing I do. I will fight until my last breath is gone!

Grief and Going For My Goals Grief is a natural response to loss, and it can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. That's what everyone says. What about anger? I have lost 5 people who I considered the closest to me. My grandma, my mom, two best friends who were closer than family, and my 21-year-old son was murdered. I am mad at myself because of my poor choices I wasn't around. I hadn't spoken to my son in 15 years. I had just reconnected with him. I had to say hello and goodbye in the same breath. When I first experienced grief, I was in a state of shock, denial, and disbelief. I struggled to process the reality of my loss, and this led to a range of emotional and physical symptoms that impacted my ability to focus and attend to my school work. I experienced intense sadness, anger, and guilt, and I found myself feeling physically exhausted and mentally drained. I had difficulty concentrating on my schoolwork, and I found myself struggling to keep up with my academic responsibilities. I found that talking to others about my feelings and concerns helped me to process my grief and feel less alone. I established a routine and set realistic goals for myself, which helped me to stay organized and focused. I utilized coping strategies such as mindfulness and self-care, which helped me to manage my emotions and maintain a sense of balance. Through these strategies, I was able to continue with my school work while also dealing with my grief. Through my experience of coping with grief while continuing school work, I learned several important lessons. Firstly, I learned the importance of self-compassion and self-forgiveness. It is natural to experience a range of emotions when dealing with grief, and it is important to be kind and patient with oneself during this time. Secondly, I recognized the impact of grief on academic performance, and I learned to be more forgiving of myself when I was not able to perform at my best. Finally, I developed resilience and learned to adapt to life changes, recognizing that grief is a part of life and that it is possible to continue to grow and thrive even in the face of loss. Through my personal experience, I have learned that it is possible to grow and thrive even in the face of loss and that grief can ultimately be a transformative and empowering experience.

Memory lane is what this essay is. I am 41 years old, and Disney has been passed on from my mom and it was passed from her mom. Everything was Disney for my sibling and me growing up. I had the whole set of Fun To Read books and, in turn, passed them on to my sister and brother. My mom, who has now passed, would read them to me every night. My mom's first tattoo at 45 was The Mikey from Fantasia. When I think about all the memories of my mom, there's something with Mikey involved. I wish I could add pictures to this essay. To show how serious my mom was about Mikey Mouse. I still know the original clubhouse song by Heart M-I-C see you real soon. K-E-Y why because we like you, M-O-U-S-E! We have always been a low-income family, so Disney World was never in our budget, but we would be there if it had been. Disney has evolved tremendously since the '80s. My new inspiration is Rapunzel from Tangled. She is my hero, and I use her saying every day. Best Day Ever! Anyone who knows me knows that is my signature saying. I am so excited about the new Ariel movie too. My first bike was a Minnie Mouse bike that I learned to ride, holding onto a pipe that ran along my grandma's wall outside. It was red and had a wicker basket. Inside the basket, my stuffed Donald always rode. Christmas tradition always entailed us as a family gathering around the tv watching Mickey's Once Upon A Christmas. I loved Scrooge. I have always been of villains—Dr. Facilier from The Princess and the Frog. I got friends on the other side. I sing along every time. I could go on and on about what Disney means to me, but I am not the only one. Disney is a household name around the world. This scholarship would mean everything to me. Not just because the money would help so much but because I know my mom and grandma would be so proud. You see, they passed before I had a chance to change my life around. This scholarship is like them telling me that they see me. That they love me and are watching over me. I am so proud of my changes and the woman I am becoming. It is a financial struggle, but I will finish college with a business degree focusing on Digital Marketing. Thank you, Disney, for this fantastic opportunity.

HELL Complete and utter bondage to any drug that would take my emotional and physical pain away. Why? Is there ever an answer to that question when it comes to addiction? There are always plenty of excuses, —plenty of them. I started cocaine at the age of 21 to keep a man. Then it became a monster inside of me that I could not control. So for the next 18 years, I took that man's physical and mental abuse. In 2004 I had four beautiful boys physically ripped out of my arms. I can still hear their screams. I had more babies after that, eight in total. I watched my 1yr old take his first steps behind glass. My hell then spiraled out of control into an inferno of hellacious living. In 2015 my mom was dying of cancer and was giving me her pain pills. I think back to all the destruction I have caused—the family I do not have anymore. I did not deserve them anyway. Today I can say that I am a four-time convicted felon, have been to rehab over ten times, and spent altogether almost 10yrs in prison. However, what got me was God. He used Louisiana Adult and Teen Challenge as a vessel to change my life. Last June, my oldest, Austin found me. 2 months later, my 21 yr old son lost his life by pushing his friend out of the way of two bullets. My world crumbled again. I had not physically seen my son in 15yrs, and I had to say hello and goodbye simultaneously. For the next few months, I only thought about the destruction I had caused in so many people's lives, especially my children. I knew something had to change. So I Picked myself up and started to crawl my way back up out of my black abyss. I enrolled in college. I want to go into digital marketing. My degree choice is for me, but my reason for furthering my education is to show the one's still in the darkness that even at 41, change is possible. Do not quit! If one person finds light in My hell, I will return to that same HELL carrying a bucket of ice water. It is so much better to live a life of sobriety than wondering what your Hurricane destruction scale was. I refuse to feed the monster inside of me.

My dream self is a strong, resilient person who has triumphed over adversity and found peace and joy.

White Ribbons Wave Kritter, Baby Girl, I think I broke my ribs. My mom had been feeling some pain in her side for a few weeks, yet she neglected to look after herself. Everyone else always came first. When I noticed the pain in her eyes, I convinced her to come with me to the hospital. Once we arrived, X-rays were taken, and when the results were presented to us, the doctors requested that I leave the room. However, my mom refused to be apart from me and insisted on me staying with her. She held my hand and promised it was going to be okay. The doctor then informed us that my mom had stage four small cell lung cancer and she needed to be hospitalized. They gave us the outcome of a possible seven years. That outcome was crushed. I felt so helpless at that moment, knowing that there was nothing I could do to ease her pain. Her family didn't want to believe it. My dad and sister barely called. It was just me and her. I stayed with her throughout the night, hoping and praying that she would get better soon. All my praying didn't work. I felt like I was the reason she didn't have the strength to fight. My rock, my momma didn't have it in her to battle this ugly disease. I felt like I was the reason she didn't have the strength to fight. The years I spent driving her crazy. Late-night phone calls to come to get me from the trap house or knocks on the door from the police always looking for me. I slept in the bed with her and made sure she knew how sorry I was for all the pain I caused. I now understand the importance of taking care of our health. Having regular check-ups so that illnesses will be detected early. My mom went to heaven five and a half weeks later. Even though it's been almost 6 years I miss her every day. I hate that cancer didn't give her a chance to see me sober and achieving big goals for my life. I have our memories and I will carry her forever in my heart. Physically cancer took her from me, but it can never take the things she instilled in me. This scholarship will help me take a few more classes. I want to enroll full-time. Cancer comes in many forms and has many ribbons of color. My mom's is white. White ribbons wave!

Future is a word that I didn't want to think about just a few months ago. A few months ago I didn't want to live, didn't see a reason. My twenty-one-year-old son was just murdered. The future now is everything to me! I want to make my son proud like I'm so proud of him even though he isn't with us anymore. I have a hellish past. I've battled addiction, loss, and promiscuity. I wasn't a good person. I quit school and depended on others to take care of me. I had eight kids and lost custody of all of them. I watched my youngest take his first steps behind the glass. I was a horrible person. I have hurt a lot of people and left a trail of mass destruction. The future now isn't just for me. It's for every other person out there who thinks they cant do it. Who have been told they will never amount to anything. My degree choice is for me. I want to go into Digital Marketing. I love any kind of art. To be able to help companies with web design just fascinates me. My motivation to keep going is I want my children to see that their biological mother did change. That I'm not the same person that they were taking from. I have three goals that I want to receiving my degree to accomplish. The first is to better my life, the second is for everyone who thinks it's impossible, and three to leave a legacy for my children. This scholarship will help me achieve this so I can take another class. I'm just part-time now. I chose the wrong college to start. That made it to where there wasn't very much financial aid left. So to be able to keep going I need all the help I can receive. No matter what I will keep going. Striving towards my goals. I will be a first-generation college student at forty-one years old. I will be a person who has changed when my children come looking and I will make everyone who said I couldn't do it eat crow. My college degree means everything to me. As I'm writing this sitting in a hotel room because I have nothing, but you see I do have something. I have everything I need determination, dreams, and hard work. It might not seem a like a lot to some, but it's everything to me!

Resilience the devil might have knocked me down but he didn't knock me out. I've overcome prison sentences, addiction, the urder of my 21 yr old son, the death of my mom and two best friends, a fifteen year abusive relationship, 8 biological children being ripped from my arms. I could go on and on but theres no need. I'm learning resilience. I will be a 40-year-old college graduate with four felonies and an amazing testimoney. That will shake anyone going through struggles to get up and try agian. You used to sale drugs? Yes I did. You were a drug addict? Yep, that's me too. Your kids want nothing to do with you because of your past? Yea that would be the children I gave birth too. No matter what you can still get up in the morning smile and make it the best day ever! I take all of the obstacles as a chance for me to go harder. Then when I overcome it I will reach back and help the next person out. No matter what even on my worst day I know I have to keep going. Lots of people would say I had every reason just to quit, but those are the weak. I used to be that weak woman, but not now. With God on my side, I know who I am. I am the daughter of a King. I want the whole world to know that there's no good reason to give up. You need to hold your head high and just push. I have goals I will accomplish. I want to graduate college with a 3.0 or better. I want to make the dean's list. I want to be that woman. I want to give my kids something to be proud of. I don't want them to come back and see me the same way I was when they were taking. Everything they have heard I will prove wrong. I also am so excited to get far enough to be a mentor to the next freshman student. That's me that's some of my obstacles. I am and will always be resilient. I will have joy, peace, faith, and love forever in my soul. I will transfer it to all those who come in contact with me. For those judging these essays, I'm sure there are a lot more grammar correct and punctuality perfect. That's probably not me. I haven't been in school in over 25 years. Just know it came from the heart and I will still shine.

August 8th, 2022 2:30 p.m. my phone rings “Ms. Townsend this is detective Fields, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your son Austin has been shot two times in the head he's in critical condition in Greenville North Carolina.” The day my twenty-one year old's heart stopped beating mine did too. My first instinct was to pray. To go to God and ask for a miracle. Then I had to find his dad. Where do I even begin to find him? We hadn’t talked in years. He hated me, we hated each other. He didn’t think twice when I asked him to come get me. We had an eighteen hour drive ahead of us and he had already drove six hours out of his way to come get me. My son who was so full of life was now fighting for that same life. Why? My baby who had gone through my addiction with me, who had struggled with me, he had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. He pushed his friend out of the way of the bullets and took one bullet to the base of his brain, the other bullet hit his spleen. My son's loyalty always has ran deep. It ran too deep that August 8th afternoon. 18 hours later we're being escorted through the doors of the University Hospital of North Carolina. We meet with the team of doctors who told us that Austin was brain dead with no chance of life. I go in the room first, he's unrecognizable, his beautiful face so swollen and bruised. His head is bandaged because of the entrance of the bullets. I was so mad, I still am mad thoughts of our last conversation always run through my head. I love you mama and I can't wait to come home. Seven days and he would have been back home with me in Louisiana. From August 8th until the day after Thanksgiving I hadn’t wanted to do anything. I hated life everything about it. I just wanted my baby. Then the day after Thanksgiving I get a phone call “Ms. Townsend, I just wanted you to know Austin's heart went to a 2-year-old.”So even in death my son is still being a hero. I might not have my son this Christmas but another Mama gets to hold her baby for years to come Austin wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I knew right then I couldn't mope around anymore. I knew I wanted to be someone he could be proud of because I'm so proud of him. I'm still grieving the loss of my baby and I always will it's something I'll never get over. It’s one of those moments that changes your life forever. It will be with me everyday, every moment for the rest of my life. So, I'll take the moments I have now and I'll hold tight. You see time is a thief and we never know when it will stop. So at 40 years old, with a wretched past. I'm getting up dusting myself off and trying again because that's what Austin Wayne would want his mama to do. Of course I'll hold tight to the memories of Austin. I see his beautiful smile every time I close my eyes. I hear his voice, his laughter, his silliness those are all etched in my heart, my mind, and my soul forever. I'm a fighter, I'm a warrior, I'm a overcomer. I will be a college graduate. With a bachelor's degree in Business Administration. I want to work in marketing. You see I have dreams. I have goals and I will achieve them with my son's memories forever with me. Austin you will Be Forever 21..