If life has taught me anything, it's that I can make as many plans as I'd like and set endless goals and God will always find a way to bring His will to fruition anyway. My focus is on seeking clarity on how God has taken my experiences and used them to strengthen me and shape me to carry out His will, and to learn to look for opportunities that will serve Him and His Kingdom. This scholarship would support my journey to becoming a public school administrator. That is a role that my hands have been bound from pursuing since I do not have the mandated Masters Degree. My hope would be that God uses this journey to shape me into the kind of leader He needs me to be. Working with children is not something to be taken lightly. The impressions we leave upon children through our interactions, the ways we speak, and the character we teach to them will shape them for life. It impacts their view on people, adults, learning, and the world. It can affirm their beliefs from what they see in their own homes or shift their beliefs based on their experiences at school--either for good or for bad. It's essential for school leaders to establish a culture and climate for students to reach their full potential and grow into the people God is calling them to be. Throughout the years, countless times, people have made comments to me like, "you're just a teacher" or "why would you ever go into education?" or even "not my kid, not my problem." Educators have taken a beating from the public for decades. We are either too involved or not doing enough. We are either too opinionated or don't know how to do our jobs. They don't want us to discipline their kids, but they do want us to teach their kids manners and respect. We have been treated similarly to the checkout cashier with the lady who is causing a scene by screaming and complaining about everything--the main difference being, no matter how good or bad the service, we are expected to endure the verbal assault of parents without the option of saying "we have the right to refuse service to any customer for any reason." We endure. Despite it all, we persevere. We rise up. We remain kind and professional. We remain focused on loving the child and helping them achieve their personal best, both academically and social-emotionally. What does all of that have to do with my hopes and goals and aspirations? Well, everything. Knowing what I am stepping into is called wisdom. Choosing to step into it anyway is called courage. Doing so with confidence is called faith. Right now, I feel called to work up into administrative roles--to grow stronger through a Dean of Student or Vice Principal role before becoming a building Principal or working at the District Office level. I would hope that eventually I could work into a Chief Academic Officer of Teaching and Learning position. What I have faith in is that God will guide me and open up opportunities for me that He see's will benefit His Kingdom in the most impactful ways. God has already shown me the ways He has prepared me for each step toward leadership. My career began with teaching 6th-8th grade (all-subjects) and K-2 English Language Development. Neither of those really came into the picture of being helpful for much until this year, 17 years later, when I interviewed for a new job, at an elementary school, that wanted to make sure I had K-2 experience and is a school that needs significant support with English Learners. After a few years in that building, some extreme life circumstanced led me to relocating to a nearby city. I taught 4th grade and 5th grade for several years, taking on many leadership roles during that time. When I transitioned to middle school, every one of those positions, and the fact I had already taught middle school and elementary lent itself to a big picture view of standards alignment, poverty and trauma, intervention supports, curriculum needs, regular developmental norms for varying ages, data knowledge, and more. After a couple years, I was offered a position to be the building's Instructional Coach. This role has allowed me to use all of the experience, knowledge, skills, and strategies to support all of our teachers in their classrooms. Even my experience as a firefighter (while I was working toward my B.S.) has helped me lead and develop more functional safety policies and procedures for our building, in regards to lockdown and hall-check procedures. He has worked through me to receive over $69k in grants to meet the needs of our students living in poverty at our school throughout the past 3 years. God is good. All the time. No matter how big or small, God has always prepared me for the next chapter in life. Even the opportunity to work at a new school next year was a God thing. I'd scoped out many opportunities and prepared my documents, and the day I went to submit each one, the positions would suddenly be gone. This one remained open. It's a school that is switching to Title 1 status next year and is unsure of how to support students living in poverty, as well as language learners. They have never had an Instructional Coach before. I will be the first. The past 17 years of my career have been devoted to serving at-risk students. After I accepted the position, the same district reached out to me for a Dean of Students position interview. It requires a Masters Degree. The opportunity is there, waiting for me. I am prepared to work toward the degree and see what God has in store for me next. I know He has been preparing me for something big, I just don't know what yet. I feel His hand ushering and guiding me; there is a kind of indescribable peace I feel as I move into this next step. This scholarship will help me move into the opportunities that God provides for me--the doors He opens for me. It will provide all of my life experiences to be used for His greater good in our schools and communities, which can have a profound impact on His Kingdom. But always, I will pray, look for signs, and listen for where He wants me to serve Him.

The greatest challenge has been life prolonging the opportunity. I'm the grandma. Let's face it. Going back to college to enter a Masters Program at 37 basically makes me an artifact. As well intended as it was to get my Masters within five-years of graduating with my B.S., it just wasn't feasible. I was a momma to a baby born just a few months after graduating college. We've all heard how hard your first year of teaching is, and well, that's no joke! My first teaching job was teaching 6th-8th grade (all-subjects--yes, ALL, even electives!), and K-2 English Language Development at a very small rural school. That's a tough gig to give a newbie! After my 2nd year of teaching, my husband was involved in an incredibly serious ATV accident. He lost his life twice and was on life support, completely unconscious. I learned a lot about TBIs and worked hard to help him recover in his physical and cognitive therapy activities, and get him to all of his appointments. Ultimately, he decided to make other decisions that led to the end of our marriage. As a newly single mama to a 3 year old, I was barely able to make ends meet, often crying and praying for a way to pay the bills, shedding tears when people allowed me to make small payments. Starting over meant a lot of things. It meant figuring out things alone. It meant that I didn't have anywhere for my daughter to go, besides with me. It meant that I needed a lot of counseling to heal from my wounds and the things I had experienced, so that I could be the best mama to her that I could be for her. And it also meant that I didn't have a way to return to school to continue my education. Eventually, I met my second husband. I went from having one kid to four kids within a year! Talk about big changes! It was an honor for me to teach in the school our kids attended and be a source of support for my stepsons, who were struggling through some pretty tremendous things of their own. It meant prioritizing our children and family above any personal goals I had. And I felt at peace with that and am so grateful I was able to be there for them in those ways. Fast-forward to now, and the day has come! 17 years later, but the timing is right. Actually, the timing is better than I could have imagined. Who I am as a person now has prepared me better than I could have ever imagined. There's an unshakable faith in me that I have been built and prepared to enter public school administration. All of the experiences and challenges I've faced, both personally and professionally, have led me to be well-rounded. They've helped me gain wisdom and insight that I couldn't possibly have had at a mere 21 years of age. I've learned so much about myself, my beliefs, trauma, the educational system, and humans in general, that I have faith I will be able to lead others with a strength that will lift and shape them, as well. So, although I may be gray-haired and ancient in comparison to my classmates, I will bring a kind of wisdom and support to them as they grow and develop their beliefs of leadership, as well. Not to mention, set an example for my own kids that age is not a factor and it's never too late to reach toward your dreams.

There are two different versions of me. Version 1: Grew up in poverty, was abused, had extremely low self-confidence, felt like life's cards were stacked against me. Got married young. Got divorced young (after a traumatic accident changed my (ex) husband's life trajectory). I lost all of my friends after that. Had to start over in a new city with a new job as a single mom barely able to get by. Pretty sad, huh? Not really. Here's why: all of those situations that happened to me led me to become who I am today. Who is that? Version 2: She is filled with faith and grace and ambition. She understands trauma on a deep level and worked extremely hard to heal her old wounds and grow from them. She see's the purpose of the challenges she experienced and uses them to connect with others and lift them up. In the world of secondary education, where about half of staff are males, she finds all staff--men and women alike--turning to her for answers and looking for her to lead the way. Working in public education for 17 years, I've experienced strong leadership from some administrators, as well as fear-based leadership from others. Unfortunately, there has been truth to the fact that when women struggle to lead well, people say it's been because "she's a woman and get's too emotional". And when men struggle to lead well, it's because they would just be better at a different job. What I've learned is that strong leadership is strong leadership. When I listen to staff members--no matter their gender--and acknowledge their ideas and ask clarifying questions, sometimes they end up seeing flaws in their own thinking, and other times it leads to implementing their ideas--and if that happens, credit is always given where it's due. By taking this approach with all staff, and also being the calm in the storm, it's led to all staff members holding a high regard and high level of respect with me. The challenge? Our school administrator is a female who does not operate under these premise. Fear is instilled in staff and responses to student issues are based on fear of what parents will do or say. It's left the structure of the school in crumbles. It's led our staff to be too afraid of our admin to speak up about anything. This year, I have had many staff members tell me that I would be a great administrator. It surprised me that so many, even men from older generations, would encourage me to move into that role and officially lead them in all things. Aside from the surprise, what it did was open my eyes to the fact that I can. I can lead men and women alike. I have been. I can be a voice for what's right and good for the big picture. More so, people want to hear my voice and trust me in those decisions, even though I'm a woman. Perhaps even because I am a woman. I can be steady and strong, and also caring and intuitive. I can be the woman that teaches other women you can lead without shouting over others; you can lead without instilling fear and you can lead without being the only one making decisions. You CAN lead with strength and dignity. And others will listen.

My job is a wonky one. I am a teacher that's job is to lead other teachers. I am an "Instructional Coach." I provide trainings, mentorships, feedback, and more. It's a hodge-podge of all the things that help teachers be more successful in the classroom. It can span from writing lesson plans to modeling lessons or new strategies for them to managing student behaviors to communicating with parents. One of the hardest ways I've had lo lead others happened this year. It's been a rough year, all around, from school threats and gang violence to new admin to new curriculum and new district initiatives. Through a lot of discussions and various supports, I've had to mentor and coach teachers through how they feel about teaching. For some, it was actually coaching them out of the career. Sounds awful, right? Well, it was. Some found that teaching wasn't what they thought it would be and it was having an extremely negative effect on their mental health and families, with a few staff even requiring medical and/or psychological help. For others, it meant helping them find their strengths and connect them to opportunities where they can flourish and grow and discover success. Teaching in a high-poverty school that has a lot of gang-violence activities on campus is no joke. It's hard. It's not for everyone, and it's also something that can sometimes wear a person down to burnout over the years. For those teachers, where their hearts were still committed to teaching and caring for students, our conversations shifted toward identifying and reflecting on their own calling or mission or vision. It was hard for teachers to pin down what that meant to them. Our discussions worked on how their core beliefs aligned to their current assignment. Some teachers found the clarity they were looking for and now firmly believe they are where they are meant to be. A couple teachers found that their placement no longer aligned with their values and morals and feel they can have a greater impact elsewhere. Being in education is hard enough. Guilting people to stay because the kids need them or "deserve teachers like them," like admin often do, is an ultimately fatal move for that person's career. Being a leader isn't always about doing what benefits you most (or your institution). Being a leader is about finding ways to help everyone continue to grow and develop and succeed. Sometimes that is with you, and sometimes it is not. By working toward my Masters in Educational Leadership, what I've learned about being a leader will be very valuable in the ways I plan to intentionally build the climate and culture of a school. It should be somewhere people want to work, perhaps even "enjoy" to work at! It should also be a place where students enjoy coming each day and parents are confident in the care and education their children receive each day. Sometimes that will mean having hard conversations with teachers who may need "coached out" of the career or school. Other times, it may mean coaching them up--strengthening them so that they can have a positive impact on the lives of the students they teach. The opportunity to be a school administrator is putting the pebble in my hand and providing me the opportunity to toss it into the pond, and thus launching the ripple effect.

Do you remember the moment you first held your baby? The over-abundance of love. The flow of tears. The immediate need to protect and care for this beautiful, tiny person. What an extraordinary gift to be entrusted to care for and raise this little human. Love. It can mean so many different things. I can love pizza. I can love my children. I can even love love itself. My love for my children is so deep. I am a mama of 4. Two of them were blessed to be mine by birth, and the other two were blessings that came by marriage. Being a parent is one of the hardest things. Being a stepmom is hard. But also so very rewarding. As a teacher and parent, I was always there to advocate for my 4 tiny humans as both students and people, holding them to a certain standard of character and lifting them up to learn from mistakes that were made. I had the blessing of being in the same school as my kids throughout their elementary years, followed by the opportunity to transfer to middle school and be there, as well. For 9 years, I had the honor of watching them grow at home and at school, in their friend groups and in their clubs and teams. (I now have the opportunity to go back to elementary schools to walk through those years with our youngest.) Forever, those years will be cherished in my heart. Throughout my 17 years in public education, I've learned that love looks very differently from one family to the next. I've learned that trauma can have a profound impact on how people are able to show love and their capacity to feel or express love. I've seen the impact that has on their children, my students, who often feel unloved. It's heartbreaking. And although I cannot fix the challenges in their homes, I can love on and care for students as a mother would. I can advocate for them and protect them. I can support them and show kindness to them. I can laugh with them and cry with them. I can listen to them. They are my kids. Not by blood, not by marriage, but in my heart. By choice. I love them in the same way an auntie loves her niece or nephew. And that is what has inspired me to continue my education. My goal of moving into a leadership role in public school administration is to create a building-wide climate and culture where students feel seen, heard, and valued. And loved. Genuinely cared for and safe. And not just students, but also staff. Every human deserves to be seen, and heard, and feel valued. When we are, we can all bring our best selves to the table, which leads to overflowing potential. How do we balance work, "momming", and going back to school? Through my faith. Through understanding the impact it will have and feeling it in my heart. Through continuing to see the impact that relationships and supports have in a child's education and emotional well-being. And, of course, through some late-night course work because we all know I'm still going to be there, front and center, cheering on my kids (all of them) at their sports and events!

Hope. Sounds crazy, right? It's so intangible. It's so hard to build and create something you can't see or touch, and is labeled as "silly" to some. In fact, it may be one of the hardest things to build. When everything seems "hopeless," how do you do that? How do you help others see that there *is* hope? How do you help them feel empowered when they may be feeling so powerless? Throughout my past 17 years in public education working in high-poverty and high-crime areas, I've been blessed with many opportunities to bring hope to others. From clothing to food to connection and community. You see, hope isn't something you can create. It is something you build through relationships and opportunities. Hope is built by showing others what is actually a real possibility. It is built by helping others see their own strengths and building them up so that they can experience other things. So that they can access a future they may have once thought was off-limits. Hope is built by the conversation you have with a student after you split up their fight, instilling opportunities for choice and conveying the potential you see in them. Hope is built by knowing who your kids are and how to meet their needs, like knowing that a kid just became homeless and not just accessing supports for the family, but acknowledging life's struggles and continually checking in on the kiddo to see how they're doing and what else they need. Hope is built by showing you care--not just checking in because it's part of your job. It's showing you truly care for them, human-to-human, and are there for them so that they can not just have their needs met, but also experience success. Hope is built by helping students experience new skills and opportunities, like out-of-state field trips that are free to students so that the impossible doesn't seem impossible anymore. Hope can be built in a million different ways. It all depends on what each person needs and what you are willing and able to do to help them build hope for their future and confidence in themselves. Shifting from a classroom teacher (at both the elementary and secondary levels) into an Instructional Coach role has taught me a lot about how hope and opportunity can open a whole new world to students. Moving into an administration position by completing this graduate program would lend me to building a school-wide climate and culture for all students based on providing supports and opportunities to students so they can not only have hope for their futures, but also faith and confidence in themselves.

Model? Check. Firefighter? Check. Children's Book Author? Check. Mom of 4? Check. Teacher? Check. School Admin? Nope. Not yet. (Who is this lady?! And what on God's green earth is she getting at?) All of that is fun stuff, yes. It's parts of who I am and experiences I cherish. But, aside from being a mama, the role I hold closest to my heart? Writing grants. Sounds super boring, right? Just hear me out. Working in high poverty schools for 17 years has provided lots of opportunities to either turn a blind eye, or open my eyes and ears and search for solutions. When you can write an essay to earn translation devices for refugee students who just had their home bombed, so they don't have to be confused and scared during a lockdown and so they can have a way to make friends, that is pretty incredible to witness. When you can rally with the community to collect donations for teens that live in poverty so that they can have a gift to open on Christmas, or a new pair of shoes (or even a simple black hoodie)--and you see the level of excitement they get from that, it speaks volumes to their needs and circumstances. When you can write a snippet or two to get sneakers, or gym clothes, or uniforms donated so that the financial barrier of playing sports can be removed, and you get to see the impact that experience has on a child, that definitely jerks the tears out of your eyes. Or how about being able to write grants so that your school gains a community partnership to not just provide food to families in need, but also free "snack pantries" throughout the school, so that kids in need never have to feel hungry--no matter the time of day. Or how about grants that open a whole new world for kids through reading--by seeing themselves in the novels and having books that empower them. Or better yet, how about providing enrichment opportunities to students during the school day so that they can learn new, fun life skills like operating drones and caring for a greenhouse that gives back to the community. The list could go on. The truth is, each of those grants received throughout these past 3 years, totaling just over $69k, all came from a lot of tears and heartache. They were all written because there was a deep need. And it's how I'm able to use my position, as an Instructional Coach who no longer has her own students, to advocate for the needs students have and share. It's kind of like being an auntie whose kids have flown the coop. I now have the opportunity to love on and lift up many children through many different ways. My hope is that by receiving my Masters in Educational Leadership, my impact and reach will have a ripple effect that leads to school-wide advocacy for all children to have their needs met, be them emotional, social, physical, or financial (or anything else). All children deserve to have someone who will fight for them and love them fiercely. And I intend to do just that. Build a culture where that is what we are all doing together--for every child.

How did I find God? Through pain, simply put. I didn't realize it until now, when that question asked me to reflect on how I found the Lord, but I see it now. As a high schooler who lived in an abusive home and had dark thoughts of self-harm, I found myself attending Fellowship of Christian Athlete meetings each week, hoping to find answers. On my darkest day, when I thought my time was up, I found myself crying out to God in desperation to help me. I dropped to my knees crying and praying and pleading. Asking Him to help me understand why I had to go through these things. He saved me. For the first time, I felt His presence. I knew He was with me. I see now that it was for this. God turned something terrible into something for His glory. He turned me into a warrior for His children--to protect and advocate for them, to let them know they are deeply loved and cared for by the adults at their school and that we will be their champions. As a teacher, I've seen lots of good intentions from admin and coworkers fall short. I've seen pity rather than grace be shown toward others and how that ultimately hurts our children. I've seen how a lecture meant to motivate can be a stampede to a student's self-confidence. I've seen how personal life traumas have lead people to make decisions that they aren't sure are the right ones. God's hand is there. It's there to guide us as leaders, to take on the burden so that our shoulders alone don't have to bare the weight. He has the answers and He gives us the strength to fulfill His will--that is, if we would just let Him. The past year, my faith in God has grown exponentially. My husband, who was a child refugee from the Bosnian war, grew up experiencing religion as something very bad. It killed people he loved. It forced them to leave their home and live in camps. It even tried to break up his parents, who were Orthodox and Muslim; their relationship was not acceptable. For 8 years, we struggled through our marriage. I kept praying for God to soften his heart and see the ways He's been working in his life all these years. I prayed for patience so that in God's own way and in His own time, He could do his work and if He wanted me involved, to help me see the ways He needed me. And that moment finally came in April 2024. Life exploded in every horrible and horrendous way imaginable. No matter what I said, he was adamant that he wanted a divorce. I cried out a prayer of desperation. One with full-body pain. This time, I prayed for God to help me know what to do--what He wanted me to do. For the first time in my life, I learned and felt what it meant to fully submit to God. Not 99%, but 100% submission to God's will and plan and having faith in it. A flip switched. He used that flip of the switch to keep me out of the way, out of interfering with His work in my husbands heart. About a week after that enormous heartbreak and not speaking with each other, my phone jingled. It was my husband, a proud agnostic, calling to tell me he was on his way to the church to get baptized. I thought, "How could you--" and cut the thought off. Who was I to question what God had been doing in his heart? Since that day, April 18, 2024, our entire family has been transformed. We hit the reset button back to Day 1. God helped us fully forgive the past. We began dating again. We restructured our relationship and our household. We speak God into our children, we pray, we say grace at meals--whether it's at home or in public, our kids read devotionals and attend church camp. And we worship. That is how my faith has grown deeper. I'd always loved worship time at church, but it's different now. The ugly crying because you're abundantly overwhelmed by God's goodness. The being lost in worship and FEELING God's presence. The dizziness and swirling in your mind as you praise Him. The prayer language--speaking tongues I've never heard before. My faith has completely transformed in the past year. My journey through my faith and through public education are not separate. They are closely intertwined. God has used me to speak love and strength into children for decades. He has used me to rally community resources to help our children have their needs met on large scales. As my faith has grown, so have the opportunities to let Him work through me. I feel now, that he is building me up to do His work in more ways. Bigger ways. Ways that I need to do my part to open those doors--like get a Masters degree, so that I am "qualified" for those positions. For the past 17 years, I've bared witness to many styles of leadership. As I've grown into a leader myself, taking on the role of "Instructional Coach" within my building, I've learned that my moral compass is pointing me in a new direction. I've discovered there is a strength and deep love within me that helps me see things differently. I'm an outside-the-box thinker, and due to my years in the fire-service, I have a strong understanding of logistics and policies and procedures. Teachers seek me out--not just for support in their teaching, but to make decisions that are things only administrators can decide. They turn to me for answers and trust me to guide them in all of the right ways. That's a long way of saying that my experiences in public education, albeit challenging, have all strengthened me and brought me to see that my purpose is to lead others by leaning into my biblical morals and values to create an environment where people enjoy being--whether that's students or the teachers employed in the building. This Master's Program is definitely a "God Thing." The door opened, another career opportunity opened, our Sunday sermons have connected directly to the burdens of leadership, and the past few years have shown me the ugly sides of leadership. God has shown me that it is not going to be easy. I am not entering this blindly, but rather I am entering it prepared and understanding that serving my community in this way truly is serving God's will and that He will be with me through it all. It is allowing His ministry to flow through me in my role as an administrator, so that He can work in the lives of the children, as well as those who are in the classrooms leading the children each day. It is being a vessel for God's love in our community, with His hand there to guide tough decisions for His greater good.