"Hair of the dog" did me in. In my early 20s, the concept was introduced to me and it seemed wonderful at the time. Have a small drink just to get the hangover under control so you can hold down food and liquid and feel better later. Except I didn't stop with just a small drink. I woke up and felt miserable, and the idea of a shot was out of the question so I'd have some wine and feel a bit better, then finally I could stomach a shot of vodka and felt right as rain. Sometimes it was just beer, but I could barely drink enough beer to feel a difference. I grew up with parents who rarely drank. As it turned out, my mother had always struggled when drinking. She had DUIs, vomited in her car while driving, would cheat on my dad while drinking, and so on. There were other various family members on either side with substance abuse issues, mental health struggles, and other disorders that would mean I was more susceptible to having my own substance abuse. But when you have an abusive mother who fails to acknowledge any faults and an enabling father who stays silent to keep the peace, you tend to not be aware or understand the full extent of these issues. I started drinking more frequently around the age of 23, and within 2 years it became an everyday occurrence. I drank to numb the pain I was in. My manager at the time had been sexually harassing me, my roommate who was also my coworker was abusing me, and I felt so many emotions all the time that I just wanted them silenced. Depending on who you ask, some might say that my drinking led me to be in these situations, while others might see the increase in my drinking as a result of frequent abuse. Through the years I became more and more isolated. My emotions were out of control. Eventually, a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder was given by a psychiatrist after my stint in a psych ward. I used alcohol to get through the miserable relationships I had with the only people I could find that were seemingly okay with my diagnosis. I felt unlovable and don't think for a second that some men didn't use that against me. "You won't find anyone else who will put up with you!". So I kept drinking because being drunk made me apathetic and I could tolerate the man I was with. I've been sober for a few years now, in a stable relationship, and have kept the same job for two years. I'm still not religious or spiritual, but I am happier. Even though I don't see humans as having a "purpose" so to speak, I believe this is the only life we get so why not do what makes us happy, and why not try to make it better, not just for us, but for everyone? I may not believe I was been born to become a therapist, but I enjoy helping others and I know how miserable life can be to not have someone who understands what you're going through. I'd rather take all the awful things that happened in my life and turn them into something good. I want to show that no diagnosis, no addiction, can't be overcome.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Now, from that sentence alone one might assume that I am manipulative and abusive, but that couldn't be further from the truth. There are 5 out of 9 criteria that need to be met to receive the diagnosis, so the disorder can vary greatly from one person to the next. Yet because of the stigma associated with the disorder, a large portion of the public assumes that everyone with BPD must be petulant. If I tell someone that I am diagnosed with BPD, they are initially hesitant to believe me because the stigma suggests that I should be petulant but I'm not. In reality, I'm part of the "quiet" variety. My mind has always worked a little differently than others, but it's led me to creative resolutions. I overthink quite often, yet I have won customer service awards for my unique handling and solutions. As a child, I was seen as stubborn, but I've turned that into determination. If someone tells me I can't do something, I find a way to succeed. Deciding to attend college when I was 32 was daunting, but I can see now that my life experience, as bad as it was at times, has put me ahead of my younger classmates. I've found that I'm more familiar with psychological jargon and Marxist ideology in sociology which has helped me immensely in my studies. This fall will begin my sophomore year at Fort Hays State University. I am majoring in psychology and will be getting a minor in sociology. From there I plan to attend the University of Northern Colorado for my master's in clinical counseling and receive my license to work in counseling. During my time in college, I have fought and will continue to fight against the stigma surrounding mental illness and advocate for therapy and medication. I want others to see that having a disorder doesn't limit your future. Once I become a therapist I will continue to encourage patients and clients to work toward their goals while also continuing to fight the negative stigma that surrounds the mental health field. My high school GPA was 2.5 so I was simply average at the time. I didn't have any drive or determination when I was younger; I just wanted to survive. Now I have found myself thriving with three A's and one B in my first semester and all A's currently in my second semester. This is not something that I ever pictured myself achieving, but I'm incredibly proud of myself. I have the desire to do well now so that in the future I can help and encourage others. The need for psychological help is constantly growing, and I'm excited to finally be of assistance to others in a meaningful way.