I have always found a deep desire to help others. In high school, I wanted to become a lawyer for underprivileged children in the justice system. However, through learning about the justice system and taking criminology courses, I learned that many of these kids need help before they are entered into the system and after they come out. Prisons do not help many of these kids and often make their mental health worse. So, my goal is to become a therapist for underprivileged and marginalized kids. I want to focus on black and brown kids in poverty, black and brown kids within the foster system, kids of abuse, and LGBTQ+. I think if we try to fix the underlying issues, we can change the justice system and who is entering it. Working within the system as an intern, I learned just how much of a disadvantage these kids are, with many professions already viewing the kids as criminals and problem kids before their trials even began. I see how many are no "bad kids" just angry and hurt. I learned that for many the environment they have at home is affecting how they behave. These are things that affect a child's mental health and lead them to a life of crime. To fix that, I think we need to start with their mindset of themselves and their environment. Personally, I struggled with my own mental health as a kid and went to counseling. I loved it because it was a way for me to say what I wanted to say without judgment. This made me very able to express myself as an adult. I want this for every child. I do struggle a little bit with stress and overworking myself, but I will always have the tools to manage my mental health. I am able to understand my body and know when it's time to take a break. When I'm overworking myself, I know I can give myself a time-out if I need it. From my own experiences, I know how one can fall into a bad mindset, and how it can affect many aspects of our normal life, eating, schoolwork, relationships, personality, and more. I know how powerful our brains can be and how powerful words and thoughts can be. Something that I learned that I always try to remember, is a child can not properly function when all needs are not being met. We can not expect a child to behave the "correct way" when they are struggling in other aspects of their life. So when you see a child struggling ask, where are the issues that are causing this child to not be 100%? Not what is wrong with them. Are they not getting the support they need a home, this could even be them being LGBTQ and not feeling safe to be open, these things can hinder the way they operate.

I have always struggled with my mental health. I have always told myself it was apart of life and that when I get older and made a name for myself it will stop. However I noticed that while doing that it was hurting me physically. I started have migraines and other health issues and every time I went to the doctor they would ask “are you stressed?” And I would always say “yes, I’m in school.” But I think that was an excuse, I was just neglecting my health and had a unhealthy mindset. I have done therapy, but you can’t always be at a therapist office. So I’ve learn techniques that helps me, I learned to breathe, take breaks and do something I don’t have to strain my body or brain. Like painting, or some type of art project. I have also learned to go outside. The sun is a powerful source and it honestly helps. I still struggle with somethings but, I think me understanding that I don’t have to start fixing my health when I’m older and more free. I can start now, I can set boundaries with people and even work to take care my mental, physical and emotional health. And it’s okay to do so.

The problems with my eyes… Is I see nothing at all, My eyes don’t see the lies he told, I love you, you’re my soulmate, I won’t do it again, i would never hurt you. my eyes don’t see, the pain his hands caused, The black eye that lingers on my face, the busted lip That makes my lips look two times bigger, the discoloration in my legs from kicking. My eyes don’t see the women he looks at when I’m around, the blonde, the redhead, the brunette, the curvey, the skinny, the tall the short but, never me. My eyes don’t see the words he says when he thinks I’m not listening, She would never leave me, she ugly anyway, you can have her, why she can’t look like, My eyes can’t see the tears that run down my face, When i try falling asleep when i shower when he’s on top of me. Why can’t my eyes see it? Is there a problem with my eyes?

A challenge I had to overcome was holding other’s expectations of me over my own expectations and health. As a black woman, I was always told I needed to work harder. That while some could put in 50% or even 100% that was acceptable for me. I needed be in 120% to have a place in this world. School was always a competition, I was taught that I needed to beat everyone to have a seat at the table. This created serious anxiety, depression and other health issues. My brain was unable to process what actually failure was and, also that it was normal to make mistakes or even fail. I can remember one time I was trying to do an essay and my mind wouldn’t stop racing. I remember the topic being so simple yet, my brain couldn’t comprehend it, let alone anything else at that moment. My mother told me to not do the essay and I cried. She kept saying it and I cried hard each time. Despite my brain not being able to understand the simple essay prompt because I was overwhelmed, somehow still understood that I couldn’t fail. This will always stand out to me because I think that’s when I realized the how far the damage went. That’s when I knew it was unhealthy but, again I had to work hard and sometimes we have to push through. My mom was never one to be strict about grades as I was. Trying was good enough to her. But, the world told me expectations for me was different so, I believed it. My school told me my 100%, wasn’t enough and I believed them. Yet none of these people are helping me, they didn’t wipe my tears, didn’t pay for the therapy, didn’t offered support. They gave me depression, headache and anxiety. I don’t believe a child should ever have to experience that. The way your mind makes you feel alone, dumb and hopeless all because 100% wasn’t good enough. I think honesty now as an adult in college doing that essay was my biggest regret. While I was happy at the moment to get an A, I realized that A didn’t heal anything. That A will never be enough to fix the damage or even the childhood I missed out on. That A felt so good, the praise felt even better. Yet when I went home it still felt empty, alone and not enough. I am still working on it but, I know that now my 100% is enough. I know that C wouldn’t kill me, even if it might feel like it. I have learned that nobody in this world has the answers to everything and I will not be the smartest in every room. I learn that it’s find to not be the smartest and I will alway have a seat at the table because I will make one. If they don’t have enough seats, I will bring my own. Not enough tables space I will make my own table. Nobody can ever take away what God has planned for me. My goal is to get my PhD in psychology, and help kids in low income areas. I want to help kids have a healthy mindset and know that their 100% is enough. That it’s okay to fail, make mistakes, ask for help. To make sure they have a seat, weather they brought their own seat or built they own table.

Something that changed your perspective on something significant in your life, was that a lot of kids we see getting roped up in the prison system, and lacking support and resources. I learned this in my juvenile system class last year. At first, I went into the class thinking "oh only bad kids go to jail." However, this class taught me that a lot of these kids are not bad but, are trying to survive. They grew up in bad environments, taught that stealing, selling drugs, robbery, and other crimes were the only way to make it out; the only way to make fast money, because they had no support. After taking this class, I learned that a lot of these kids are being negatively affected by the prison system. They go in and come out worse than they were before. I decided after this class that I wanted to be a support for these kids. I plan on getting my Ph. D in psychology and working with kids affected by the prison system. Also well as kids in low-income areas. To help them change their outlook on life and to help them through the trauma they might hold. I also would like to help them by providing resources where they can get a better education.