If you would’ve asked me if I was happy with my life a year ago, I would have laughed in your face and said ‘absolutely not’. I mean, I was miserable, living day to day with nothing to look forward to. I was in an abusive relationship, self-harming more than I ever had before, and relying on marijuana for relief. Everything seemed bleak, nothing to lift me up and give me the strength to survive another day. Imagine being force-fed the idea that you would be better off dead over and over again. When you wake up in the morning to when you fall asleep at night. Even your dreams are filled with plots to take your own life. Then one day, you can’t get out of bed. Knowing that you have so much to do, but not being able to give yourself the courage to get up anymore. Finally stuck. The weight of my thoughts dragged me deeper and deeper into a depressive coma. I turned my head to look out the window, with watery eyes and I thought to myself, “When will this all be over?” My gaze dropped to the bright orange bottle of pills and the silver glimmer of my razor blades. The world went quiet and I knew what had to be done. I woke up nauseous, with a pounding headache. I was shaking violently. The unsteady pulsing of the heart monitor rang loudly in the hospital room. After what felt like hours, a nurse entered the room to check my vitals. She didn’t explain anything. All she said was, “Your family is in the waiting room.” My family. They’re here. My father's eyes fell on me as he was trying not to cry. My mother rushed in behind him, eyes swollen, makeup running. She came to the side of my hospital bed and held my hand. I felt an uncomfortable lingering pain in my arm. I pulled at the tube, and my mother stopped me. “It’s an IV, Kiera,” she sighed with relief, “just an IV.” After being so close to death, you’d think it would’ve made me yearn for it so much more. But, no. I WANT to live now. I need to live. I have to meet my husband one day, hold my babies, and help other people. I still have so much work to do, but one day I will be helping people out of the same mindset I was in. I made it my mission to help people realize that life IS worth living. That’s why I want to become a psychiatrist. My passion for helping others is my biggest drive to get through college. I want to study as hard as I can during college, getting the best grades possible, so that way I can use my knowledge to better the world. I want to take my experience and use it to be a better, more compassionate person, to help people understand that they are not alone. I want to teach the lessons life has to offer to hopefully better someone else's life and to pass on the kindness that I have to offer, to make even one life better.

If you would’ve asked me if I was happy with my life a year ago, I would have laughed in your face and said ‘absolutely not’. I mean, I was miserable, living day to day with nothing to look forward to. I was in an abusive relationship, self-harming more than I ever had before, and neglecting my self-care. I used to put effort into school, getting good grades, making friends, and taking care of my physical appearance. Not anymore. Everything seemed bleak, nothing to lift me up and give me the strength to survive another day. Imagine being force-fed the idea that you would be better off dead over and over again. From when you wake up in the morning to when you fall asleep at night. Even your dreams are filled with plots to take your own life. Then one day, you can’t get out of bed. Knowing that you have so much to do today, but not being able to give yourself the courage to get up anymore. I was finally stuck. The weight of my thoughts dragged me deeper and deeper into a depressive coma. I turned my head to look out the window, with watery eyes and I thought to myself, “When will this all be over?” My gaze dropped to the bright orange bottle of pills and the silver glimmer of my razor blades. The world went quiet and I knew what had to be done. I felt like I was in a dream. The world was good, my life was better. I lived in peaceful bliss for what felt like years. I made it to college, got married, and had kids. I had finally been happy. I was living life the way it was supposed to be lived. But then, one day something felt off. I remember I saw the same pills and razor blades, and I couldn’t stop staring at them. It finally clicked. This wasn’t real. What happened to my little siblings? My older brother? Where are my parents? I started sobbing violently. My whole body quaked. I woke up nauseous, with a pounding headache. I was shaking violently. The unsteady pulsing of the heart monitor rang loudly in the hospital room. After what felt like hours, a nurse entered the room to check my vitals. She didn’t explain anything. All she said was, “Your family is in the waiting room.” My family. They’re here. I was half expecting my “husband and kids” to walk in, but it wasn’t. My father's eyes fell on me as he was trying not to cry. My mother rushed in behind him, eyes swollen, makeup running. She came to the side of my hospital bed and held my hand. I felt an uncomfortable lingering pain in my arm. I pulled at the tube, and my mother stopped me. “It’s an IV, Kiera,” she sighed with relief, “just an IV.” After being so close to death, you’d think it would’ve made me yearn for it so much more. But, no. I WANT to live now. I need to live. I have to meet my husband one day, hold my babies, and help other people. I still have so much work to do, but one day I will be helping people out of the same mindset I was in. I made it my mission to help people realize that life IS worth living. That’s why I want to become a psychiatrist. My passion for helping others is my biggest drive to get through college. I want to study as hard as I can during college, getting the best grades possible, so that way I can use my knowledge to better the world. I want to take my experience and use it to be a better, more compassionate person, to help people understand that they are not alone. I want to teach the lessons life has to offer to hopefully better someone else's life and to pass on the kindness that I have to offer, to make even one life better.