Ever since the second grade, my heart has been with writing stories. During English class, I enjoyed the liberties of writing what came to mind and would occasionally conjure the most ridiculous of stories because I could. A brand new world would come to fruition at my fingertips and to this day, it confounds me so. I have the same experience with reading and love it just as much, even before I could read. I hardly ever have a difficult time imagining the characters and the scenery as a story progresses, it displays as a mental movie that I can sit back and watch. In recent years, I have come to have a passion for record collecting and appreciate music in ways I don't think I'll ever fully understand. I received my first record player for Christmas in 2018 and it was like magic thereon. My first record was Sam Cooke's debut album, and I recall playing it often until I could purchase another one. The vinyl had to have been an original as it had a crackly tone to it (but played well nonetheless) with an unmistakably musky smell that vintage items tend to have. Other albums in my collection have the same fragrance and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy it as I do with a new car, books, and dry erase markers. I've had struggles with anxiety and depression since March of 2016 at age thirteen, originating from dealing with bullies at school. Even though I had a close group of friends, I was made to feel like I was an outcast and the odd girl out. Initially, it was anxiety that would take hold but during my freshman year of high school, depression would come to pass and I would eventually be diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2017. Suicide would cross my mind and I am extremely thankful for the psychiatric professionals, as well as my friends and family who were there to help and listen. I occasionally struggle with suicidal ideation nowadays but I do not formulate a plan or pay into those thoughts, how ever sad they make me feel. Similarly, I still have bouts of anxiety but have techniques in place to help calm my nerves. My favorites include listening to brown noise on YouTube, reading my Bible or a good book in general, listening to calming music, or talking it out with a loved one. My therapist also gave me little cards that describe types of faulty thinking propelled by anxiety, which I carry in my purse in case I need them. I have certainly had peaks and valleys and it does still sting sometimes, but I have a God who has kept me upright and will continue to. I know that I am not my mental health struggles, and I never will be. I am my kindness, my creativity, my love for others. I have many dreams for my life which include but are not limited to: being a writer, serving others through human services and philanthropy, and becoming a mother. The difficult experiences I have had in years past (and nowadays every now and again) have allowed me to appreciate my life. It is easy to forget how precious the living experience is and how rewarding it can be. Mental illness can have a way of putting a veil over your eyes and I have help when that veil tries to cover them once again. I choose life.

Ever since I could recall, I've had a heart for the creative arts. Growing up, I had an assortment of books ranging from children's Bible stories to classics such as The Rainbow Fish, The Snowy Day, and Harold and the Purple Crayon. My grandma would read to me often, igniting a passion for reading that remains steadfast to this day. I'm currently reading a fantasy-historical fiction mix entitled The Conductors at the time of writing this and I'm ecstatic to say the least as I haven't had the opportunity to have read as much as I would've initially liked due to schoolwork and beginning my job. It's extraordinary how the words on a page can transport you to a whole new world built from the ground up. Many times, I have lost track of time because a novel engulfed me so. It's an experience I will manage to never be tired of. The same goes for writing. Since about the second grade, I had a knack for making up stories from seemingly thin air. I could imagine the characters vividly, even down to a miniscule detail such as a small scar on their left cheek. I wonder why they are the way they are, how their fashion sense formulated, never mind that I developed the characters myself. That is how my mind operates as a writer and I am thankful for that ability. Another way I display my creativity is through my jewelry. I had my ears pierced in seventh grade and since then, I've enjoyed decorating my ears with the funkiest of earrings. I have everything from mini cassette tapes to large earrings with a photo of Cyndi Lauper circa Girls Just Wanna Have Fun plastered across them. It is my firm belief that creativity knows no bounds.

To put it lightly, my mother is a sunshine ray in my life. She's been there for me since the beginning and I know that I have comfort as I have support with her. Coincidentally, I would be born on her 34th birthday on September 23rd, 2002. I was due to be born in early November so my arrival came as a surprise that was sudden yet welcome nonetheless. Growing up, my father wasn't present in my life as my parents had been separated by the time I was born and divorced when I was nine months old. In the present day, I am working to build bridges with him and my mother's supportive as I know she would've been. For the majority of my life, it has just been my mother and me. Being a young woman now, I'm coming to understand the great sacrifices she has made for my protection and happiness and I'm not certain if there's any way I could ever repay her. I thank God for allowing her to be my mother and being a direct demonstration of His love. My mother has instilled values in me that were instilled in her by my grandparents: love the Lord with your mind, heart, and soul, establish a work ethic of steel, love hard, and always keep your head held high. She encouraged my dreams as a writer and hard work alike, something I will pass down to my own children in the future. After all these years, she'll set time aside to read a story I wrote on a whim or listen to a potential idea I have that bloomed at random. Being a young woman who's nineteen, it can be easy to forget your self-worth or get lost in comparing yourself to other women, both being a thief of joy. You're at a point where adulthood is still relatively fresh and scary all the same. Add college and navigating taxes for the first time and it can become a ballgame that you want to sit out for. It is just another reason why I'm thankful for my mother, who is able to guide me through this journey. I am not certain what lies ahead and I know that I never will. It's exhilarating and anxiety-inducing nonetheless but everything will be a bit easier knowing that I have a steadfast cheerleader in one Ms. Kimberly Render, the woman I am fortunate and blessed to call my mother.