In early April of this year, my house burnt down. We lost almost everything we had. I still remember when we were finally inside, we went through the piles of insulation and ashes to find what was salvageable. This was my family's most dire time in need, and people we didn't even know were offering money and clothing. It was through the charitable giving of strangers that we were able to buy groceries and cover our necessities. To give back, I'm looking into volunteer opportunities. I also donated the money I had available to me to St Jude's Cancer Center. In the next coming years, I plan on donating to St Jude's yearly. I love to crochet, so I'm planning a project where I donate homemade newborn hats to babies at the hospital, including premature babies. I have donated during canned food drives and sorted pads during Hurricane Harvey. I'm looking into volunteering at a hospital after the new year. Now that my family is back on our feet, I know within the next year I will have a lot more opportunities to giving others what they need.

Feeling negative emotions and owning those feelings has been one of the most difficult things I've done. Living a life worth living means soaking everything in, even when it's hard. I've found that the obstacles in my life have taught me the most about how to go forward. At the time, I'd felt guilty for feeling anything but happy because I was busy trying to think of everyone else. This habit had resulted in those emotions being prolonged, and I spent much more time being stressed about whether it was okay to be feeling what I was feeling. Stress kills. We see it in movies and books, but it is a reality of our world. Stress causes physical changes in the body, not to mention damage to mental health. I find that knowing my feelings are valid and I don't have to provide anyone with an explanation for them helps me get over it faster, leaving more time for me to feel happy and spend time working on my future. This past year, I lost my house and my friends. I was so worried about what came next and whether or not I'd be okay. I was stressing day in and day out, so much so that it felt like my life had been on autopilot. I hated feeling this way because it felt like my fault, or that I knew there were others in worse situations and I felt bad for feeling angry at my friends when I tried so hard to keep them. I held onto my pain for months. Recently, I explored that pain. I felt it and let it be real, and now I'm motivated to take steps toward my physical and mental health. I only wish I had learned it was okay sooner.

In my freshman year of high school, I admittedly lost a lot of my individuality. My plans and future had been shaped around what would bring approval from my friends. I found myself relying significantly on other people to allow me to be happy. I felt as though I couldn't live without these people and was so sure they would stay in my life forever. I learned the hard way that things don't always turn out the way you want them to. It was hard losing the people I had spent so much time happily with. Now, a few months later, I am finally learning how important it is to be your own person. I figured out that I should want people, not need them. I am working on not needing approval from others and being the person that I want to be. I have started working out and practicing self-care to build my confidence. I am forcing myself to do things that normally would be way outside of my comfort zone. I am taking care of my body and treating it with the respect it deserves. Some days, it is difficult, but one day at a time I become a little bit of a better person. Pursuing higher education and a job I know I am passionate about is a big part of this self-improvement. There are people who don't think I'll make it, but I know I will prove them wrong someday when I continue to prosper and succeed, and by then what they think will not matter to me. One big part of my pursuit of finding myself is living a life separate from that of the one with my parents. School is expensive even without housing and necessities, so naturally, I will need assistance paying for college. This scholarship would help me in learning about myself with less concern about the financial burden that college carries with it. This also gives me more room to continue to work on myself and carry on the habits I am building currently. I plan to pay it forward through my career. I aspire to be a nurse, preferably in a neonatal or pediatric field. They say that you can't take care of others until you take care of yourself. After I learn to be independent and find out who I am in the world, I will help children and babies learn how to gain their own levels of independence. I'm excited to be a part of their journey and am happy to know that I get to witness their milestones as they pass. I get the unique opportunity to watch people grow and change, and that is an irreplaceable experience.

Investing in yourself is one of the best things you can do, and yes, this does have financial benefits. Many of us grow up thinking that we have to be selfless, so much so that we often grow up feeling that we cannot invest in our well-being. As of now, self-care is becoming more popular and encouraged in the media. However, what they don't tell you is that investing in yourself doesn't have to mean spending boatloads of money on luxury products. It could mean giving yourself time and being compassionate to yourself. It could mean giving yourself the benefit of the doubt, and believing that you can do things. Personally, it is letting myself pursue higher education and believing in myself. I have always struggled with seeing my abilities and catering to them. I had the adverse habit of sticking to a fixed mindset, not letting myself open up to the capabilities of my life. I was afraid to move on and try new things out of the fear of failing. I invest in myself every day when I acknowledge my struggles, skills, and knowledge. I am paying for college because I know I can get through it, graduate, and pay that money back. My salary range will increase because I am taking a chance on myself and that in itself will benefit me financially and mentally in ways that no other investment can.

In my last two years of high school, I was lucky enough to have an opportunity I'm aware many others didn't get. I enrolled in a trade school during my junior and senior years, which gives me an advantage compared to other students interested in the health profession. The certification I was able to get is required for many nursing programs. I came from a small, unwealthy school, but due to our location, I got an education many people would dream to have. Some people do not get this option and aren't learning much in their schools due to a lack of resources and good faculty. Students that live in low-income areas have fewer options and materials in school, and that certainly does affect their education and their ability to find their passions in life. If everyone was given the same opportunities, many more people would be employed in work that they enjoyed. People as a whole would also be much more productive. If everyone is given the same things to study and work with, they'd be able to learn more in their time in the classroom, and schools would produce more hardworking people who are passionate and know what they're doing. Educational inequity doesn't just affect the poor. It affects everyone in the service they receive and the experiences they have out in the real world with the people doing their jobs. These people will be your co-workers, bosses, or workers. You want them to be capable.

Whenever I hear the word "feminist," there's usually some negative comments or tone to go with it. For a long time, I struggled to label myself with this word because of how people felt about it. I didn't want to be judged or disliked for wanting equal rights for everyone. I think women's empowerment starts with acknowledgment from as many people as possible. Both men and women have disregarded the feminist movement as being backed by false information and assumptions, but that simply isn't true. To empower women, we first have to show them that they aren't being dramatic and to stop looking for the approval of others. Oftentimes feminist posts are full of comments about men having societal issues as well, and while I agree that men may have some problems of their own, that is not the place for those issues. Those problems are being used to disvalue our point rather than people looking for equality. This is frustrating, especially when these people could simply express these issues on their own public posts instead of piggybacking off of another. They look different but we all have struggles and disadvantages, some more so than others. That doesn’t mean you can tell me what I do and don’t deal with. You can’t tell me how I should feel about those things. Yes, their house may be burning, too, but they can’t come here and tell me where my fire started, how it burns, or how it feels. It’s not a competition about whose life is worse than the other, so we need to stop comparing our struggles. People need to stop saying we're feminists and acting like it’s a bad thing. It’s only bad to them because we’re fighting for our rights and they aren’t. Does it look easy? People are going to call you names. They do it every day. People are going to ignore the legitimate facts out there. It’s dreadful, but if they feel so strongly about the struggles of being a man, then they need to fight them the same way I fight for my struggles as a woman. I know many people will say that they can't fight because no one will listen to them and they will disregard their feelings. To those people, I would say that is what women have been going through for centuries. We still found a way to make vast improvements, and continue to make those improvements to this day. For women to feel valid, there should be more education for everyone about our history and what we've gone through to get where we are. It should be made clear that we fought for this, and other people can too if they feel that they have something to fight for. Gender studies should be a required class in high school. It should be a place for students to have wide, honest conversations and debates, and provide accurate facts with rebuttals and proof to those who will refuse to see them as truth. Everyone, regardless of gender, should be educated on all genders. This way, we can better understand each other, our bodies, and what the people around us go through. Spreading awareness can go a long way. If women feel that they are truly being heard and understood, empowering other women will be much less scary. It will take time, and there will forever be people who refuse to believe or understand what we go through, but by teaching children compassion and respect, women will grow to be more comfortable in talking about it.

Fear held my body with an iron grip. Being as young as I was, all I could do was stand and watch as my dad pulled out a gun on my mom during an argument. I was afraid that he would hurt her. I was frozen, hearing my mom cry and threaten to call the police. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was threatening his life, not hers. Mental illness runs in my family, specifically on my dad's side. Yet, somehow, my mental illness was not properly diagnosed until years later. At 14, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My first depression symptoms had occurred when I was 11, and I have had symptoms of anxiety for as long as I can remember. As a child, I felt like I was always being watched, even in my own home. In my mind, my classmates were just outside the window, judging. I had this feeling every time I played outside, walked through my house, or went to sleep at night. Mom was the one that made that appointment after a particular episode. One morning I had woken up. No one was home and I had my first job interview that day. I thought I was dying. There was this crushing pain in my chest, and it felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get a satisfying breath. It felt like someone was sitting on me, and it lasted for hours. This was my first panic attack of this nature, and I had a few more in the future. To this day, it is possibly the worst pain I've ever felt. People tend to think that mental illnesses are only mental, but they do have physical symptoms as well, some of which can be extremely distressing and painful. I was put on medication, but after a year of taking it, I stopped. It isn't uncommon for people with mental illness to stop the use of medication because they feel better, but don't realize they feel better because of that treatment. After about a year of being off that medication, tragedy started to hit one after another. I felt like I was struggling to keep my head above water. In just one year, we had adopted a dog that turned out to be violent, lost our cat, got covid-19, lost two of our dogs to old age, our house burnt down, I lost my best friend and then was broken up with by my boyfriend. My depression had come back stronger than ever before. I lacked the motivation to go to school, partake in hobbies, or leave my room. I didn't have any friends left and was struggling to go on. Suicidal thoughts plagued my mind, and I had thoughts about jumping out of a window more times than I can count, just so I wouldn't have to go to school. Thankfully, I have a caring family and a father who understood to a degree what I was going through. Even though everyone else was happy because we had a new house and a new era of our lives, I was stuck in the past. I have had several dreams about the fire since it happened, and I can remember all of them vividly. My family took me to a psychiatrist where I talked through some of my struggles and was prescribed medication to treat insomnia, depression, anxiety, and potentially PTSD. I am still seeing this doctor to this day and getting better, shown in my motivation to get my college paid for and receive a degree in nursing. It is somewhat commonplace for patients to be disregarded when talking about symptoms. After experiencing the struggles I have with my mental health, I understand how it feels to have people not understand or believe you. Advocacy is important to me, which is why I believe I was so drawn to healthcare. I have always felt the need to take care of other people when I couldn't take care of myself, and in healthcare, I know that my patients will receive the best care from someone who is compassionate with the brightest of intentions. I am now beginning to take care of myself so I can more effectively help others. I am drawn to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) because these infants are at an age where they cannot speak for themselves. They need someone with attention to detail and hope for their survival. They need an advocate, who can use context clues and body language to find out how they're feeling and make them better. I had a hard time speaking about my emotions and what I was going through. I relate to the babies in the NICU, because I didn't feel that I could speak for myself, either. My family pulled me out of a dark hole because they were able to tell that something was wrong. I want to do that for someone else, and being a NICU nurse gives me that chance. I know now that my head is coming back to a clearer space, I will hold onto the people who believed in me a little harder. The people who have stayed with me thus far are all amazing and I'm so happy to have a support system. They inspire me every day, and I know that if anyone, whether I know them or not, is struggling, I will be the first one to try and help. I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I've had hardships and battles in my own head. If one thing good came out of it, it's that I understand people better now. I am capable of changing and getting better and helping other people get better. I am proud of the person I am, and no matter what, I'll always remember where I came from. Mental illness is a war, but I'm a soldier.

This past year was a very difficult time in my life. On April 2nd, my home burnt down at about 11:30 PM. For much of the year, I thought there was no way I could survive. I felt like I'd been dying, and having had mental illness prior didn't help my case. I was in a depression where I could barely get out of bed. I felt that the world had been punishing me like I had done something wrong. I blamed myself for everything that was happening to me and had a hard time breaking out of that mindset. Even once we'd gotten out of the one-bedroom hotel my family of four were placed in, and we were in a real house, I still felt like I hadn't moved on. I started having frequent dreams of the fire. As my mental health deteriorated, I finally asked for help from my family. Since then, I've been put on medications. My teachers at school pushed me into the direction of a grief group, held every Thursday. This week, on November 18th, we'll be having everyone in the school paint rocks for loved ones or things that they have lost. We will place them together in front of the school and recognize the sacrifices and things we have gone through to be here today. I feel excited to go forward. I've started making plans and acting on them. I have decided on a college and have been working endlessly applying for scholarships to pay for it. I feel passionate about what is coming next and hope that stories like mine will inspire others. I know one day, I'll tell my children all about it so they know that whatever happens in life, they will survive it.

If I could give past me advice for the future, I would have told her to listen to her body and her instincts instead of everybody else. The world is full of people telling you what you should and shouldn't do in every aspect of your life. I found that the most important self-care is knowing what I need to be happy and not letting other people influence me. I know my limits better than anyone else. I know when I need to sit down and work. I know when productivity will make me feel good and when it won't. If I need to take a hot bath with bubbles and fancy soaps, I do so. My bathroom is full of more handmade soaps than I know what to do with. Lavender and rose petals have especially been a recent favorite. I take time to go outside every day and read a chapter in a book. I allow myself to do the things I love so I can do the things I have to do. I try to pick up hobbies that keep me active, but if I don't feel like working out, I don't. When I feel that my body and mind have had enough, I listen. Recently I've been trying to get into meditation and yoga. These seem like such small things, but they make a world of a difference. I notice that when I listen to my instincts, I am happier. I am confident and have a better work ethic. Keeping myself from laying in bed all day leaves me feeling energized and full. During the day, I always keep the window open for some light. Right now, I'm looking at beautiful snow flurries. I'm so happy that I decided to listen to my body.

Friendship got me through much of high school. My favorite memories were with people I had known for about four years before we all went our separate ways. I still sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if they'd stuck around. We would have gone to prom together as we had for our first homecoming. We would curl each other's hair, build the others up with sincere compliments, and giggle over silly faces in pictures. I miss them every day. Having friends takes work, but in my opinion, it has always been worth it. The joy it has brought into my life has changed my mindset and the way I see the world. I had my first battle with depression in sixth grade. At the time, I had no friends and was too anxious and sad to bother making any effort. There was a girl in my history class who sat behind me. She would talk to me, despite us never having had much of a relationship before. She followed me around, and whatever classes we shared, she was always by my side. At first, I thought it was annoying. I felt like a joke to her and wanted her to leave me alone. Eventually, as we got closer and I began to open up more, we became the best of friends. By no means had my depression disappeared with her, but I didn't have to face it alone anymore. I had a hand to hold and someone to laugh with. She introduced me to her friends, and I have memories that will stay with me for a lifetime. Friendship is important to me because it brought light into my life, and I will thank that girl for it every day until the day I die.

I, like everyone, have failed numerous times. Failure will consistently be a major component of our lives. The way we perceive it, however, is what sets us apart from others. Having a growth mindset sounds simple, but it can actually be exceptionally difficult. You have to have confidence in yourself and your ability to improve, which is a challenge in itself. You have to think positively of yourself and see the potential you have. I struggled with this element a lot. I was always so frustrated when I wasn't good at sports as a kid. Here all my teammates were, playing like pros in my eyes, and here I was, barely able to throw a ball straight. I was already at that point in my life where I was very insecure. I quickly decided I wasn't made for sports. I wanted to quit all the time, but my parents forced me to stay in. That was when it became an excuse: sports was something that I would never be good at. If I did badly, I blamed my lack of natural talent. I didn't try or take nearly as many steps as I could have to get better. Since then, I've learned that you can't do that. If you quit everything you're not immediately good at, you won't ever be good at anything. I didn't think I would be good in the healthcare field. I worried that I would be too shy, or wouldn't be strong enough to lift the patients. Regardless, I pursued it and when it came down to actually doing those things, I was able to do it with ease. I decided from then, how can I do even better? That was how I decided college was my next step, and I've been pursuing that ever since.

When we were kids, our parents would tell us to be patient. They couldn't give us everything we wanted right then, and so we had to wait and be happy we got anything at all. At the time, I didn't understand how much of life was waiting. I grew up with people telling me that if I wanted something, then to go get it. I was taught to work hard and endlessly, but nobody mentions the part where you have to wait. It's good to move toward your goals, but there are occasions where all you can do is wait. You do the hard work, and then the world has to catch up with you. It is impossible to force everything to go the way you want it to. You have to be able to understand that even if you do everything right and it feels like all the stars are aligned, you are going to have setbacks. It is vital to success to be able to bear the fact that the things you want might not come today. Job applications are a good example. You can put in all the work, make a perfect resume, prepare day and night for the interview, but unless they hire you on the spot, you have to stand by while they consider other candidates. Maybe you get hired, maybe you don't. If you don't, you remind yourself that there are other jobs out there, that you can try again somewhere else or at the same place at a later date. Patience is just as important as labor. The effort may seem like the hard part, but it's not. The hard part is sitting back and seeing how the world reacts to that effort.

Hospitals have been around for centuries, but healthcare has been revised thousands of times as we have developed new ways to protect patients and do things more efficiently. Babies who would not have had a chance 100 years ago are thriving now. These are the patients that I connect with. Out of every job I’ve had, nothing compared to babysitting. I learned how strong infants are despite their size. There is so little advocacy for them, and they are still so vulnerable to the world, yet they manage to survive. At this point in our lives, we are canvases, not yet shaped by the world and with little experience. Regardless of whether you were born of a cesarean section or naturally, birth is one of few things everyone has in common. I, a high school freshman who was already interested in healthcare, decided to start doing research. I became fascinated with pregnancy, birth, and everything that came after. I decided to see what jobs were available in neonatal healthcare and came down to the decision that a career in nursing within a neonatal intensive care unit would be a perfect fit. This is what eventually drove me into joining a vocational school for the health technology program. The class has provided me with the knowledge of the healthcare field that I needed to solidify my passion, and with that, I began to make more specific goals. My excitement to get started was unprecedented. I want to get into the field as quickly as possible. That is when I discovered nurse residencies. Specifically, the one Dayton Children’s Hospital provides. The opportunity to work in a NICU or PICU as a new graduate exhilarates me, and since my discovery of the program, I have decided that is my next step. The nurse residency will help me transition into a long-term position in neonatal care. While I receive my nursing degree, I plan to take steps to improve my resume by maintaining my grades, participating in school interest groups, and volunteering at the hospital regularly. It is certainly a lot to achieve, but I am confident. Everyone knows that college gets expensive. It's one of the scariest parts of the whole process. There's this lingering worry that you'll be in debt for the rest of your life, drowning in interest. I am going to attempt to get out of school with as little debt as possible. I plan on doing a work-study, where the majority of my money will go toward paying off student loans. I am applying for every scholarship I can find, small and big. Any amount of money to ease the financial burden will add up. I have already filled out the FAFSA so that I will also have access to whatever grants I am eligible for. I will find a job during the summer to continue to pay off that debt. My goal is to get that number down as soon as I can to prevent interest from sneaking up on me. I know I will take my education seriously and inspire the people around me who think they can't seek higher education because of the cost. Healthcare workers continue to inspire me every single day, and I hope to become one of them as a dedicated, compassionate nurse. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to grow and make a difference. I will continue to expand my knowledge the way healthcare does every single day. Every job is important, and I can’t wait to do my part.

Why do we smile? Do we do it because we're happy, or are we socially influenced to do so? Scientifically, smiling relaxes our nervous systems, so when our body releases endorphins, we smile. It's our body's way of trying to keep us in a happy loop: when our brain is happy, we smile, and when we smile, we make our brain happier. To me, this makes smiling all the weirder. How have we taken something good—an action that is supposed to hit the reward center of our brains—and turned it into something so painful that all too many of us experience? I remember one major point in my life where I could not fake a smile. I had started antidepressants for my anxiety and came out with the worst depression I have ever experienced. I refused to do anything that day, and for a moment, I felt that I might understand why people took their own lives. Many people in my family had threatened or attempted to do so while I was young, and I remember watching and not understanding. I didn't get what they were trying to do or why, but only that it was scary. As far as mental illness, though I have experienced spurts of depression, I struggle with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Most of my experience surrounds my own internal turmoil and paranoia. It has, at times, harmed my life and my relationships. My anxiety has caused me physical pain on the worst days, usually when I have to do something important like a job interview. When I had friends spend the night, I would wake up feeling like I couldn't breathe. Mental health has more power over us than some of us think. I considered becoming a therapist for a short time. I felt that my mental illness was a good reason to do it but eventually concluded that my mental illness is why I didn't want to do it. I felt that I couldn't teach other people how to cope without figuring out how to do it myself first. However, I still felt a desire to help people. I do experience a lot of social anxiety, so finding that out about myself seemed extremely out of character. A job where I might have to be around people? No way! But my anxiety isn't my character. Sure, it is one of my building blocks, but it is only one out of many. I wasn't going to let my life tip over just because this part of my brain didn't agree with me. This was when I found interest in the NICU. There are still enough communication aspects of the job that can help me improve in that area. At the same time, I can still help people. I strongly believe that mental health needs to be taken more seriously in our society. Despite many modern aspects of the world we live in now, it's still commonly frowned upon to take mental health days. I and many others know when we need one, but we feel too guilty to take that time for ourselves. People with mental illness are often looked down upon. Because of this, it's common that people don't get the treatment they need. This can result in harm to individuals and their peers. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in America in ages 10-34. Yes! Ten! It is so important that we not only teach but encourage taking care of your mental health. People die of many things, but this is preventable. We have to start treating it like a threat.

For most of my life, I have had no idea what I wanted to do. If there is a career you can think of, I probably considered it at one point or another. When I was eight, I wanted to be a famous singer. I am not a good singer. When I was twelve, I wanted to be a writer. At 13, I thought I was going to be a lawyer. Years 14-16, I went through every possible job under the sun. In my sophomore year, I discovered birth videos and became obsessed. I became fascinated with pregnancy. In my junior year of high school, I applied for a health technology program at a nearby technical school. Recently I passed my Nurse Aide certification and got my Basic Life Support certification. This, I had found out, would be my first step into getting into nursing school. From here, I thought about how I could incorporate the things I love into what I considered a practical but rewarding career choice. I had experience babysitting, and one of my favorite things to do was to take care of the babies. I researched and discovered the neonatal intensive care unit, and it has been my goal to get there ever since. My goals are to get into a four-year college, from which I can get a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I hope to find some shadowing opportunities to get some experience. I have found a few NICU nursing residencies I hope to get into as a new grad, which is important in getting me into my dream job as soon as possible. I want this because I have an unexplainable passion for the work NICU nurses do. Every time I do a little more research on it, I feel a thrill in my chest. This is a feeling I have never gotten when researching any other job. I intend to take this feeling extremely seriously. I won't say that I'm not scared. I am because I'm always afraid of things not working out the way I want them to. Even still, I feel like the risk is worth the reward. I love kids, and I think every baby deserves someone competent in their job. Whether they be pre-term, drug-addicted, ill, or anything else, the babies that end up in the NICU deserve a cheerleader in their corner—someone who believes they can survive even the worst odds, even if everyone else gives up on them. As a NICU nurse, I may not do fancy surgeries or save every life. I may have to change diapers or do feedings. Regardless, I will be making a difference for a family, or at the very least, a person who is just trying to fight for their life. I know that this job is important, and there will never be too many good nurses in the world. The tasks may seem trivial, but the work of a NICU nurse is life-changing for so many families and individuals out there. I am excited to grow and help raise the next generation of children who will one day control our world. I am excited to see the babies I may have helped save grow up to be wonderful people who continue to change the world. To me, there are few to no jobs that will ever compete with the work of a NICU nurse.

When I was still in grade school, I would wake up some days feeling nauseous. I would get up and tell my mom I wasn't feeling good, and she would sometimes let me stay home from school. On the days that she would, I remember her thinking I was faking it because I would feel better by the end of the day. On the days I did go to school, I remember getting sent to the nurse's office and sent back to class when I didn't have a fever. I believed wholeheartedly that I was sick. I was too young to understand why I felt this way at the time. It wasn't until many years later that I realized what this sick to my stomach feeling really was as I learned about all the emotions a person could have. Even when anxiety seemed to follow me like a swarm of angry bees, I felt I didn't deserve the title of an anxiety disorder. There was always an excuse for me to refuse to be in that group. I know now that having that title does not make me broken or bad, but it makes me strong. I was diagnosed in my freshman year of high school after the anxiety couldn't be hidden anymore. My mom would catch me crying on Sunday nights out of the pure dread school was bringing me. After I was diagnosed, I was put on medication. Everyone should know that the road to treating mental illness is not a straight line. It curves, it goes backward, and sometimes it just stops. My first medication took me backward. While I didn't feel any more anxiety after using it, it had put me in the worst depression of my life. I couldn't find the energy or motivation to do anything that day, so I stopped the medication cold turkey. Later in life, my anxiety has affected my ability to hold a job. I felt that my mind was turning against me and that there was something wrong with me. I didn't understand why I was struggling with daily responsibilities, unlike my peers. It became clear that the blow to my mental health was not worth the money. My goals changed while I tried to figure out how to go on with my life. I knew I needed something I would enjoy, and that brought me back to my babysitting days. It was the only job I loved without a doubt because I love kids, and my dream to be a NICU nurse was born. However, something else was brought to light in my venture for a future career. I realized that the working world is not made for people with mental illness. My father, who struggled with depression, had once been fired from a customer service job because he didn't sound happy enough. My mother, who works as a supervisor in medical billing, admitted that in interviews they were looking for someone that was charismatic and could sell themselves as good candidates. She told me they looked for people who sounded happy, interested in the work, and outgoing. This didn't seem fair to me. Some people don't sound perky all the time, and shouldn't their qualifications outweigh their personality? As someone who has always been really bad at interviews, it just didn't seem right. About six months after finding a medication that worked for me, I fell in love, and suddenly I felt like I was doing something right. He became my support system, and he still is to this day. He has taught me and is still teaching me without doing so intentionally. Unfortunately, I latched on to having someone to talk to. I treated him like a therapist, and it was harming our relationship. Before him, the friends that I had would blow me off the few times I did try to talk about my problems. I became self-relying, and after that changed, I took it too far. I now realize that it is just as much my responsibility to maintain my relationships as it is for anyone else. Yes, we should be able to listen to other people's problems. It is okay to vent every once in a while. But you are not responsible for anyone else's mental health but your own. You can't take care of someone else's garden and still be able to put your all into your garden at the same time. If you know someone who is going through something or may need your help, get a professional involved. They may not appreciate it at first, but you can't be afraid that your friend will be mad at you. Be afraid that they'll give up before they get a chance.

My home of 15 years burnt down. On April 2nd at around 11:30 PM, my ten year old sister walked into my room and said, "there's a fire." I don't think it settled in for her the first time she said it, or maybe she was trying not to panic, but I didn't react until she said it a second time. When I stepped out of my room, my entire house—my entire life—was filled with smoke, a blazing fire that only seemed to get bigger on the stovetop. I woke up my parents and everyone made it out safe and alive, including all pets. The thing about fires in your home is that once they reach the roof and the insulation catches light, there is very little you can do to stop it without fire hoses and professional help. I, as one might imagine, did not react very well to the events of the night. However, I didn't realize the road we had ahead. When people talk about fires, they'll tell you all about the actual event and the insurance, but no one talks about the struggles that come after. This was where I had to step up for my family as well as myself. We were moved into a hotel over an hour away from my sister and I's school. Both my parents worked, and we had four dogs that could get rather loud when left all by themselves in a strange place. So on days we had to go to school, I would wake up by 5 AM, get myself ready, and take all the dogs out to the bathroom so that by the time my sister and mom woke up, we'd be ready to go as soon as they got dressed. We had to pack four dogs into the car, including two small and two large dogs. Nothing I did was major or life changing. Sometimes I was the only one left helping my mom to keep up with the place and making big decisions, but even then it seemed so simple that I felt like I was doing the very least I could do. This event however was life changing, and I learned a lot about how much those simple chores can help. Even if it's just a little bit more weight off the shoulders, it doesn't take a million people to make a difference in your life. It takes one, and you have the option to be that one. I learned how to tell the people who were there for me versus the people who weren't. I figured out that the people who weren't were also the ones that were not willing to help me out in even small tasks, or didn't bother to ask how I was doing. Not doing something can be just as bad as doing something bad. All it takes is a spark, or a reason for someone to believe you no longer care. A spark, unchecked, can lead to a fire, and as I mentioned before, once the fire makes it to the roof, you can't reverse the damage it does and it takes a lot to stop it from getting worse. It seems so small, but I realized what a difference it makes when someone just shows that they care. Even if that's just a wellness check, or doing a little chore so someone else doesn't have to. It has made me a stronger leader and person. There is no excuse to not show up, because you may not be able to move mountains, but you can move people.