Imagine standing in the center of a tornado with impossible amounts of chaos and debris flying around in circles. You look up and see an opening, but your feet are glued to the ground. Struggling against the wind and the roaring in your ears, you reach up. Then, the opening of the tornado slams shut and everything goes dark. You can no longer see the simple pleasures of life being sucked up, but you still hear the devastating sound. Now, imagine that going on in your mind; all day, every day. Further, imagine not being able to get anyone to understand just how bad it is. That is just a simple description of how my mental health has been for the last fifteen years or so. I am surely not proud of the way I have handled things in the past, but no one taught me how to cope otherwise. Don’t get me wrong, I have had wonderful times in my life. I graduated high school with honors, I do my best to be kind, and I have hobbies. When I was working, I always tried to do more than the minimum. I have four beautiful children. Each of the days they were born was the best day of my life. I had a beautiful wedding, a home, and pets. Two of the best people on Earth raised me. I wish I could say I had more good days than bad days as far as my mental health goes. Over the last fifteen years, I have been to countless appointments with therapists, in and out of psychiatric hospitals, and put on and taken off of multiple different psych meds. I’ve lost friends along the way. Family members have given up on me because I was apparently not worth the headache. My husband criticized me for everything I did. I have been broken and mended so many times before. One day, things got so bad with my husband and home life that I made a plan. I wrote the last note I’d ever write (or so I thought), I grabbed a 45mm pistol, and got under the covers on my bed. I put that gun to my temple, closed my eyes, and pulled the trigger. To my astonishment, nothing happened! Something prevented that gun from firing. A second later, a police officer knocked on my bedroom door. I had been texting a friend during the event, and I guess he called the police to come to check on me. Back to the psych hospital, I went! After everything that occurred on that day, I started taking a good look at my life and the image I had of myself. I did not like the person in the mirror, and I wanted to do whatever it took to get rid of her. Now, there are many ways that I could have done that, but I chose the healthy way. I started being more kind to myself, I left my husband, and I decided I was not going to let people walk all over me anymore, and I am not going to stop until I reach the best version of myself. Surrounding myself with people who accept me for who I am and encourage my growth was the first step in the process. I decided to pursue a degree in Psychology so I can help people struggling with their mental health and self-image. I want to watch people transform into their best versions, and I want to cheer them on during their journey. My goal is to become a therapist so I can guide others. The world is full of people who need help, but it is also full of people who want to help. I know we can make a difference by working together.

"I'm homeless, I'm jobless, and I'm stuck," is one sentence I never thought I would hear come out of my own mouth. No one prepares you for the total abandonment you feel when you are told you have to leave your home. A home you thought you would be in for years to come. I thought I had my whole life figured out, that is until my husband started treating me like an object instead of his wife. Our marriage was great in the beginning. Until it wasn’t. He just kept pushing me away. At first, I tried to do better for him, but one can only take so much before it starts to take a toll. I told him I no longer wanted to be with him and that I wanted a divorce. Now, this is not going to be the ramblings of a disgruntled ex-wife. This is just the triggering event. He refused to leave our home, so I had to endure living with him. I did not have a job at the time, so I had no other choice. As one can imagine, things were not easy. We were fighting all the time, and my mental health plummeted. I felt like a prisoner. It was getting to be too much to handle anymore. Journaling wasn’t helping, but I wrote one last thing: my suicide note. I grabbed the 45mm pistol out of the drawer. The bedroom door was locked. I put my notebook with the suicide note next to me on the bed, and I got under the covers. I was not afraid. I closed my eyes, put the gun to my temple, and pulled the trigger… The craziest thing happened. The gun did not fire! I tried again, but the gun just would not go off. A friend of mine that I had been talking to during the event had called the police, and they arrived right after I failed to commit suicide. Now, the hard part was going to start. I would have to sit in a room and explain to someone in a white coat everything that was going wrong in my life. Maybe they would help me, but probably not. A few days and a med-adjustment later, a police officer showed up at the psych hospital I was housed at. He served me with a no-contact order filed by my husband. It stated that I was not allowed access to him (fine with me!), my children, or my property. So I stayed with my brother for a little while. Things were good. I got a job, I had a place to sleep, and there was food in my belly. The job didn’t work out, but it was okay. Until I had a disagreement with his girlfriend. I was defending my mother against his seventeen-year-old daughter. He threw me out of his house without a care for where I would end up. None of my friends could take me in. I applied for numerous jobs with no luck. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. In my career, I hope to help those struggling with their mental health. I want to help them pick up the pieces of their seemingly shattered lives and gain the confidence they need to keep going. The experience and knowledge I gain from my education and my own struggles will help me to understand how people are feeling. I can offer solutions and coping skills to help them get through life, one day at a time. I want to help as many people as possible.

When I was very young, my goal was always to become a mother and raise my children. At age ten, I began caring for my newborn niece while my brother worked. Her mother was not around, so I stepped into that role because I knew I could do it. It might sound odd to put it that way because she is my brother's daughter, but that is how it felt. I was changing diapers, feeding and bathing her every day after school. At the time, I did not understand, but it was a rewarding experience. She was with me until she was three. Then, she and my brother moved out. I missed caring for her. It gave me purpose. A short time later, I became a mother. I was only fifteen years old. Going to school while raising a child was the most difficult experience I had ever been through. Between homework and nap time, I was feeding, changing and teaching my daughter new things. It was exhausting! Despite the challenges I faced, I graduated high school with honors. Two years after graduation, I became pregnant with my second daughter. Now I had two children to take care of while working full time and getting no support from my boyfriend at the time. I continued to work hard to provide for my girls. I met my husband when my second daughter was four months old, and we immediately fell in love. Long story short, he and I had two more children. Four children and a full time job was significantly challenging, but my husband stayed home with them while I worked. The love for my children kept me on the right track. Things were going well for a long time, but then my mother got sick. She was in the hospital for almost a month. I feared the worst any time her doctor called me. When she got home, she could not do anything by herself. I would bring her meals, give her meds and assist her with toileting and showering. The most difficult thing was dressing her wounds from surgery. I had no experience in wound care, so I always had to ask her nurse if I was doing it correctly. When my mother became more independent, I still helped her. Anything she needed, I was there. I learned to be more comfortable with caring for her incisions, and the nurse eventually discharged her because she said I was doing great. A couple of years later, my mother got sick again. This time she came down with bi-lateral bacterial pneumonia. She came home from the hospital with a line for IV meds. I learned how to administer them and became confident in my abilities. When she got better, I realized that I wanted to help more people than just my family members. I now work as a Direct Support Professional for adults with disabilities. My career is the most rewarding and fulfilling I've ever experienced. Every day presents new challenges and learning experiences. I love the work I do. Making a difference in other's lives is my true calling. I'm also pursuing a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology with a Concentration in Child and Adolescent Development. My passion is assisting in improving the lives of others, and I could not think of a better way to live my life. The rewards are endless, and the smiles of my residents are a priceless gift I will cherish my whole life.

When I was younger, and someone asked me what I wanted to accomplish in life, I never had a clear answer. They would tell me I still had plenty of time to think. Soon after, my high school graduation was just around the corner, and I still had not figured it out! I felt like I was under significant pressure from my teachers and friends about attending college or a trade school. After graduating, I did give beauty school a try. That only lasted for three months. I continually thought, "Is this really what I want to do?" The answer was simply a no. The technical school category was not for me. Fortunately, I pulled out relatively quickly after realizing I had made a mistake. As a result, the question of what to achieve in life crept back into my mind. I immediately went to work in the retail industry. For nine long years, I fell victim to the daily criticisms and rude comments made by customers. Those with experience in retail can support that it is not an easy career. I was overworked, scheduled long hours, and had four children at home. It proved challenging to balance work and family time. One day, I sat and pondered my life decisions. Why should I keep working in an unrewarding career with no hopes of advancement? As I analyzed my life, I realized I wanted to make more of a difference. People everywhere need assistance in their lives. That number grows daily. I wanted to immerse myself in helping people in more ways than just bagging their groceries. I left the retail industry and began searching for employment in the caregiving field. After conducting extensive research and gaining an inside perspective from those employed in nursing homes, I narrowed my search. I examined the job description of a Direct Support Professional for a company that assists disabled adults with daily tasks. Some of their disabilities include physical, mental, and developmental. It was my opportunity! I provided my resume and waited for them to contact me. When I received the call to interview, I felt encouraged. I knew this was only the first step. It was the first job interview I had undergone in over five years, and I was nervous. I had no experience in the field, and it was frightening. Immediately upon arriving, I was greeted with smiles and kind words. I was seated in a waiting area, practicing for possible interview questions. The interview was excellent. The company hired me on the spot! All of my nerves dissolved, and I was proud of myself. I shook the interviewer's hand and thanked her for the opportunity. Later on, I still wanted to make even more of an impact on society, and I decided to begin researching colleges that offered online Psychology courses. Again, with no experience, I reached out to universities and received advice from various sources. I decided to enroll in courses with Psychology as my major, with a concentration in Child and Adolescent Development. Southern New Hampshire University is the school I enrolled in. Their student resources and academic advisors were outstanding in assisting me with the application process. Within two days, I registered for classes. If I am awarded this scholarship, I will use the skills I learn to help improve the lives of others. I will offer the necessary coping skills to assist them every day. As I teach them, I will learn from them as well. I will gain the knowledge of what makes them who they are and implement those traits into forming a treatment plan or set of goals to reach that will assist them in becoming more confident in themselves. My goal currently and in the future is to help as many people as possible. When I discovered my dreams, every choice I made was easy. Now is the time to make those dreams a reality.

My life consisted of difficult decisions for many years. I always relied on others to make those decisions for me. When faced with a problem, I often placed it upon my mother to find the solution. I was never willing or confident enough to make significant decisions when presented. If no one would choose for me, I did not attempt anything and faced the consequences. Problems arose that had damaging repercussions because I let someone else decide for me. Relationships failed when I listened to solutions that my mother provided. She figured if she did not like them, I should not either. I burned bridges that I could not repair with loved ones. My life became a burden because I regretted the choices that others made for me. It did not make me feel better. I took advice immediately because I struggled with forming solutions on my own. I asked others what to do because I wanted to please everyone. Now that I am older and more experienced, I know it is impossible to make everyone happy. Finally, enough was enough, and I took matters into my own hands. The first significant decision I made, regardless of the opinions of others, was to get married. My mother and brother tried to convince me to call off my wedding. That was one thing I was not going to let anyone influence. I also decided not to let them make me feel guilty for not listening. My life is mine. It is not for people to walk on. Recently, I faced some problems with my marriage. My mother started with the "I told you so." I vented to my brother, who told me to leave my husband. Because it was easy, I told my husband I wanted him to go. I did not want to save our marriage because I feared what my mother and brother would say. My life almost fell apart because I asked them what to do. When I realized what I had done, I regretted it. I begged my husband to forgive me for the words I said in anger. It was difficult for him. He felt betrayed, and it was my fault. After listening to what I had to say, he forgave me. He helped open my eyes to the manipulation I did not realize was happening. My proudest achievement was learning to find my voice. I decided that no one else would make my mind up for me. That was my responsibility. By doing so, I became more confident. I was not going to try to please anyone anymore. All it did was complicate things further. My life has significantly improved since I began to follow my heart. Fortunately, my mother and brother chose to support my decision, even though it made them unhappy. My experience taught me that I should not rely on people to show me the way if it makes me uncomfortable. I learned to consider all sides of the problem before creating solutions. I hope to maintain my independence in the future and encourage others to find their voice. Never settle for what is easy. The right solutions require hard work and dedication. I want to teach people choosing for themselves is not selfish but empowering. By applying my achievements to my professional career, I hope to enlighten others about the possibilities when they take charge of their own lives.

It was not easy for me to learn the necessary skills to clear my mind. I have let my emotions get the best of me. Things always seemed too complicated to handle, so I often sought help from those around me. I was always willing to allow someone else to shoulder my burden. The less I had to deal with, the better I felt. That was not fair of me. In time, I realized I was taking advantage of my loved ones. I did not want that to become a habit. I took the time to focus on myself one day. Something had to change. Finding ways to cope with my stress became a priority. I explored possible ways to decompress and relax. The skills I discovered were helpful, but I needed to make them more personal. I decided to apply my creativity to relieve stress. When I draw, I focus on putting all my negative emotions into my art. The result often portrays a feeling that I cannot express with words. Looking at my work on paper helps me understand why I feel stressed. My drawings usually follow a pattern. In the beginning, the lines are sharp and forced. Toward the end, they become softer and more natural. It is encouraging that my art changes from negative to positive in a few hours. When finished, I close my sketchbook and take a few deep breaths. The stress is gone, and I am free. Writing is another way I clear my mind. When I have a problem, I journal. As I write, the feelings turn into memories. The emotion pours out of me onto the paper, and I let it take its direction. I then read what I have written and consider my feelings. The relief I feel after writing is almost tangible, like the weight on my shoulders physically subsides. My heart does not feel as heavy, and my mind is at ease. Often, I take my writing further and compose unique stories that interpret my feelings. For example, my daughter had a list of spelling words she was supposed to use to write a paragraph about exploring an Egyptian tomb. I asked if I could read her word list and decided to write my version. The words turned into pages, and soon I had composed a short story full of drama and emotion. I had truly surprised myself. Other ways I clear my mind include fishing, gardening, and reading. When fishing, I feel at peace. Nature and I become one. All that fills my mind is catching fish and enjoying the weather. I prefer to go alone. Someone being with me interferes with relaxation. They are always talking or cursing when they miss a bite, which is frustrating. It is not about catching fish. Leaving my routine and taking the time to appreciate what nature offers reminds me of a less complicated time. After enjoying the fresh air and alone time, I am ready to face the day. The garden allows me to focus on my flowers. I meet their needs and forget about stress for a short time. Watching my hard work become a beautiful masterpiece is reassuring. It gives me purpose. Reading transports me to different places and times, and I often forget about my surroundings for a while. I never get bored of reading the same books over and over again. Finding ways to eliminate stress is essential to me. I cannot properly focus when my mind is full of negativity. These activities make it possible for me to live my best life.

Raising pets is very similar to raising children but with less back-talk. I cannot remember a time that I did not have a pet. Animals are special. They love you and care about you more than some people. Pets provide comfort simply by being near you. When you come home from work, they greet you enthusiastically. They give purpose to those without children. Having a pet removes loneliness and provides new challenges. Cats test your patience every day. They run through the house at night, knock things over and scratch your furniture. Life is never dull when you have a pet. I have two cats named Winston and Kita. Winston likes to cuddle, but he is skittish most of the time. You have to wait for him to approach you. He uses his voice for attention as well. Kita likes to be left alone most of the time unless you have food! She is sassier regarding people interaction, so you must know how to approach her. Both are unique in their temperament. Kita has taught me to be patient and take things slow. Respect boundaries. Winton has taught me to open my heart to love from everyone. He has also taught me to pay attention to those around me. When I am playing on my phone, Winston jumps on my lap. If I do not immediately acknowledge him, he bites the corner of my phone. He knows it will cause me to put my phone down and give him love. I am grateful to both of my cats for teaching me listening skills. They may not communicate the traditional way, but they make themselves known. All I have to do is listen. I have also learned to read body language from them. Kita is bothered if her tail swishes and her ears lower. Her pupils also dilate. These actions tell me not to touch her. Winston is about to pounce when he stops and stares at something for a few seconds. He likes to annoy Kita, so he stares at her often. This body language warns me to act before a fight ensues. Sometimes, they can sleep beside each other, but that is rare. They can only do this when both of them are exhausted from fighting. As I said, raising pets is much like raising children. Each has a separate personality and boundaries. You must be willing to learn these qualities to ensure harmony. My pets love me unconditionally, and the feeling is mutual. Being both a pet mom and a human mom is very rewarding.

Lessons that I learned from my parents make me who I am. They taught me to be compassionate, hard-working, and selfless. My mother always puts the needs of others before her own. Before passing away, my dad always worked hard in his life. I apply these lessons to every feature of my life. As a mother of four, I work hard to meet their needs. Compassion is evident when I consider what others face and help them reach their goals. When I see someone struggling, I offer what is within my means before caring for myself. I would rather see others succeed than focus on myself. Johnstown is where I call home. It is a city located in Pennsylvania. I am the first in my family to attend any form of post-secondary education. I have relied on the government to meet my family's needs for years. Without food stamps, my children would not be able to eat. Government health insurance assists in protecting their health. We have never had to pay for oil to heat our home. It is hard to admit. I have been insulted because others think I'm lazy. They do not realize that I have worked since graduating high school. I still could not meet my family's needs while working full-time. I know that I am intelligent. Writing and reading are my favorite ways to relax. College was an unimportant subject growing up. I never thought about it until recently. My current career was giving me no satisfaction. What was my purpose? I began researching careers in another field. I needed to do something impactful. After reading job descriptions, making phone calls, and emailing employers, I decided on my career path. I applied and interviewed for a position in a support profession that focuses on adults with disabilities. Then, I was inspired to research colleges that offered psychology programs. After reading about numerous courses, I decided that a Bachelor's degree in psychology would be the most fulfilling. I learned the necessary steps to apply for college, completed my financial aid application, and registered for my classes. My mother said she was proud but was unconvincing. She focused on the financial burden rather than the outcome of my education. I felt discouraged but chose to proceed. My degree will ensure that I have the proper skills needed to improve the lives of others. With a concentration in child and adolescent development, I can teach young people ways to reach their goals. I believe that having a head start will encourage them to go beyond the minimum and excel in their endeavors. By doing so, their lives will be more rewarding. If enough people work together, the improvement will be substantial. Just one person can start a movement. We need to come together and apply the effort to make a difference. All we have to do is take the first step.

Mental health has been a central subject for most of my life. I've struggled for many years. My days would consist of waking up, eating, talking with family for five minutes, and returning to bed. Sleeping was a way for me to escape the sadness and anxiety. Being awake was too hard to handle. I never wanted to face the real problems I was having. My relationships became failures in a short time. My family did not know how to help me, so they left me alone. They could not see that I was screaming on the inside. My mother tried to get me help by getting me into therapy, but that did not work. The therapist assigned to me was rude and made me feel worthless. For years, I was in and out of mental institutions because of desires and attempts to end my life. I often prayed that God would either fix me or take me home. My negativity threatened to take over many times, and I had to fight my inner demons daily. I spent years trying to find the right therapist. About four years ago, I met one therapist with whom I connected immediately. She did not speak to me like I was inferior to her or just another case. I was an equal. I attended weekly sessions, and I began to improve. I spoke to a doctor as well. He prescribed medication that finally worked. My mind stopped trying to pull me down. I was not spending my days in bed anymore. The most significant impact was the relief I saw in my mother. She has supported me more than anyone. For two years, my life continued improving. Then, my therapist informed me that she was changing jobs. I began to panic. What was I supposed to do without someone to listen? I needed someone besides my family that was unbiased. Life seemed to go downhill rapidly. Once again, I felt the anxiety and depression take over. I allowed it to remain that way for another year. My mother was becoming worried again. I could not disappoint her. I began seeking a new therapist. The process was simple, but I had to make sure that a new connection was possible. If I found someone that could not be objective, I would not improve. Unfortunately, the world was facing COVID, so I could not meet my new therapist in person. All of our appointments were over the phone. It seemed impossible to confide in someone I had never seen before, but I tried my best. After a few months, I met her for an in-person session, which made things easier. We formed that connection, and she complimented me on my accomplishments. Her affirmation relieved me because I needed someone to tell me I was doing a good job. Eventually, she was confident to discharge me from therapy. She said I had learned the correct coping skills and applied them appropriately. For the first time, I felt empowered. Today, I still utilize those skills when faced with stress and anxiety. For example, when I have negative thoughts, I journal. I have something concrete to analyze. After learning the problem, I think of the most efficient solutions. One significant thing I learned was that it is okay to need help. Others offer solutions that I have not considered. I accept their advice and apply it to my ideas. The most difficult challenge was for me to accept myself, including the flaws. My coping skills help me see beyond the negativity while remaining optimistic. Only I can choose to rise above the obstacles. No one else is responsible for that. I believe that everyone deserves to have the necessary resources to improve their mental health. They include therapists, doctors, and medications. It has become my goal to assist others in improving their lives. With my psychology degree, I will gain an in-depth understanding of how the mind works. By learning this, I will offer the best resources to struggling individuals. My degree has a concentration in child and adolescent development. I believe that grasping mental health while individuals are young will create a better chance to succeed when they grow up. It is essential for finding and maintaining careers and relationships. When considering mental health, confidence is crucial. We need to work together to ensure that everyone has the proper resources to improve their lives and the lives of those around them.

Any time in my life that I was faced with a problem, whether big or small, my first thought was, "I have to tell mom." She has been there through every milestone in my life. Her selflessness and giving heart always got me through the darker parts. My mother has always been my number-one supporter. Life became complicated when I became a mother at the age of fifteen. If not for her, I wouldn't have made it through high school. She took care of my daughter while I attended school, so I would not fall behind. On the day of graduation, I walked proudly across the stage. I graduated with honors, in the top twenty-five of my class, and overcame numerous challenges along the way. My mother was extremely delighted to say that her daughter was now a high school graduate! Over the next several years, I worked in retail. Anyone with experience in the industry can tell you how unfulfilling it is. It was much of the same in each store I worked at. No matter how much you pushed yourself, management always wanted more out of you. They never cared if you were overworked or if you had other obligations. My mother stood by me when I made the decision to leave those jobs. A few years ago, my mother was admitted to the hospital when she became severely ill. It was difficult to watch her go through that and not be able to fix it. I guess I learned how she felt when she didn't know how to help me. While in the hospital, she called me, and we talked for a little bit. I started to cry and my voice came out funny. She asked what was wrong, and I told her I had a cold. I didn't want her to know how hard it was for me to be away from her. She then told me to go to the doctor and get checked out and to make sure it was just a cold. She made sure I was taking care of myself, even while she may have been dying in the hospital. There are no words to describe how this made me feel. A few short months later, my dad died suddenly. It was unexpected. The first thing my mother did was call me and give me the news. She made sure I was alright before calling our family. Again, she had put my needs before her own. The amount of respect I have for my mother just keeps growing with every selfless thing she does. Recently, I decided to figure out what I truly wanted out of life. I was working at Walmart, still miserable. My life just felt like it was missing something. I told my mom that I needed something different. I began searching for jobs, focusing on those that involved improving the lives of others. It was time for another heart-to-heart chat with mom. I also decided to go beyond that and take the necessary steps to continue my education, in hopes of obtaining my degree in Psychology. I want to help people, as my mom has helped me throughout my life. My mom told me that no matter where life takes me, she will always support me. She hopes that after I finish my education, I will find a career that I love. I know that any challenges I face will be easier to overcome with her by my side. I love you, Momma! Let's do this!

Being a mother of four, I always have to think of creative ways to teach lessons and get my kids off the screen for awhile. It is not always an easy task. Sometimes, I tell them to draw me pictures of what makes them happy. When my kids refuse to clean up the messes they've made, I often try to turn it into a game or contest, such as, whoever gets done first gets the first pick of the freeze pops, or toss the toys into the toy box. Every toy landed is a point! Mothering is not the only way I use my creativity. When I am feeling down, I use those feelings to write a short story. At the beginning, the negativity takes over, but it always turns into a happy, uplifting ending. I always feel better when I write. Plus, it is a healthy way to dissolve stress when I am feeling overwhelmed. My mother always said I should have pursued a career in writing. Other times, I use my creativity on physical items. I can make dream catchers, and I can crochet just about anything I can find a pattern for. Sometimes, I draw to decompress. I put a lot of feeling into the things I create, and I'm always happy with the outcomes. It is safe to say that I count on creativity to deal with the every day stressors of my life. I enjoy taking all of my emotions and throwing them into a work of art. Sometimes, I don't even know what I am capable of. My creativity always takes me on an uplifting journey, and I learn something about myself every single time.

In my life, I have always tried to "fix" people. With most of my new relationships came baggage from my significant others that I thought I could carry. Every day, I would offer advice or think of ways to take the burden from them. Most of the time it was pointless, the relationships ended, and I was left with nothing left to offer. For years, I repeated this pattern. Always trying to help and getting nowhere. Most people weren't even grateful. They just figured I was nagging them, that I was the problem, and their behavior was acceptable. I think I distracted myself from my own problems by trying to fix other people. When they left, my problems were still there, but then I had to face them alone. This scared me. Because of this, I did not look for meaningful relationships. I let boyfriends and friends walk all over me because I thought I was being a good person, when in reality, I was only hurting myself. In time, I began to learn that this was not the way to live. I wanted to get help for myself, but I did not know where to start. Calling people and seeking resources was not something I had familiarized myself with. I was used to just shouldering all the weight of my problems on my own. My mother tried to help me as much as she could, but I didn't always listen to her advice. Within a few weeks, I was back to the same routine, trying to help someone that didn't want to be helped. As each of my relationships failed, I could tell my mother was disappointed, but she never told me so. She was only concerned about how I was going to recover. Sometimes, it was easy. Most of the time it was difficult to see the impact that these relationships had on me. One time in particular acted as a wake-up call. I began a relationship with a man who was much older, which was the new normal for me (my current husband is 45, I am 28). From the first day we met, I should have known what I was getting myself into. He showed up to my house drunk, and he was driving. My instincts told me not to get in the vehicle, but I did anyway. Thankfully, nothing serious happened that night. This man was a terrible alcoholic. From the time he woke up, to the time I went to bed (he often stayed up for days on end), he was drinking beer. It got worse when he broke into the whiskey. He would become mean and violent. Every night, he would interrupt my sleep, all because he couldn't sleep. I started becoming unhealthy. My appetite was gone, my sleep schedule was trash, and my mental health was plummeting. One day, we got into another fight over alcohol, as he was once again, drunk by midday. The fight turned physical. He shoved me and pinned me down on the bed by my throat, then we struggled for a minute, and he punched me in the face. The instant his fist connected with my face, a switch flipped in my brain. Never again would a man lay a hand on me. I pressed charges, and he went to prison. I vowed to never subject myself to relationships like that again. I began to respect myself more, seeking help, and using coping skills. I learned that it's alright to not have all the answers and it's never okay for someone to treat you like a doormat.

I've struggled with mental health issues as long as I can remember. The depression and anxiety were enough to drag me down for most of my life. I never felt happy. I never felt like I was good enough. After the birth of my second daughter, my life seemed to go down hill at an alarming rate. First, the post-partum depression kicked in. Then the bi-polar started. I felt like everything was out of my control. I spent a lot of time in and out of mental health institutions. It seemed like no one really wanted to help me. Friends were not a luxury that I allowed myself to have because I felt like I didn't deserve it. The boyfriend I had at the time always pushed me off on other people because he didn't want to deal with me. I was lonely, heartbroken, and left to fall through the cracks. When I met my husband, he saw the potential in me, and was willing to help me work toward a new, better version of myself. His support over the years made me realize that a lot of my mental health problems were caused by not having a good support system. The environments that I allowed myself to be in certainly didn't do me any favors either. I started going to therapy, taking medication, and learning to evaluate my emotions so I could help myself. It was very difficult to make any personal goals due to the lack of support I had previously, so it took a long time to get to where I am now. I have been working on my life for years now, and I feel like I'm finally on the right track. I have learned to surround myself with people who love me and want the best for me. Anyone who judged me before or made me feel like I was useless is no longer a part of my life. I realized I want to help people who are struggling with mental health, particularly children. I believe that if you begin helping someone while they're young, they can use their skills to succeed in their adult life. That is what inspired me to go to college. I know how it feels to be tossed aside, and I don't want others to feel that way. I will use what I've learned to encourage others to reach their goals. Whether big or small, an accomplishment is still important. Even if it's just getting up and getting ready for the day, people deserve to be proud of themselves. Through my mental health journey, I have learned that there are not many people who take the matter as seriously as they should. You have to find someone who is passionate about wanting to help others and understand what it's like in their shoes. That is what I hope to accomplish when I complete my education. The lack of support used to define me, but now I am ready to be there for other people. I want to be there when they achieve their goals, whether short or long term. I also want to be there when they fall, so I can help them pick up the pieces. By offering the skills and attitude I've gained from my own experience, I hope to make this world a better place, one person at a time.

Love is something that everyone deserves, no matter what obstacles they face. Whether they are sick, long distance, or afraid to be with anyone. My favorite book is The Fault in Our Stars because it tells the story of two people that fell in love, despite not knowing how much time they had left. They both had cancer. Hazel referred to herself as a grenade, meaning that something could go wrong at any moment. Augustus had faith though. Throughout the book, they fall deeper in love and go on a journey to Amsterdam so Hazel can meet her favorite author. Augustus used his Wish from Make a Wish to make sure her dream became a reality. The selflessness of Augustus is one of my favorite aspects of the book. He used his one opportunity to get his wish to make someone else happy. They both could have been miserable for the rest of their lives because of their cancer, but they chose to lift each other up. Making their final days together the happiest they'd ever been. Then one day, Augustus becomes more ill, and he knows he doesn't have much time left. He had Hazel and his friend each write a eulogy so he could hear them before he died. The amount of love and compassion that these two have for each other is what really hit home for me. It kind of reminds me of the relationship that my husband and I have. We lift each other up, we care for one another and we would both do whatever makes the other happy. We may not have cancer, but we battle our own demons every day. The Fault in Our Stars has definitely inspired me to reach my dreams, no matter what.

Making a decision has never been an easy thing for me. For most of my life, I relied on others to tell me what to do. I was always afraid of making others mad and making them look down on me. I spent a lot of time being unhappy. As long as my family was happy, that was all that mattered to me. Then I met my husband. He was everything I ever wanted. That was something I never had before. Right off the bat, my mother told me that being with him was a bad idea. For most of our relationship, I let my mother tell me what to do. This made me feel uncomfortable, but I listened to her anyway. Eventually, I decided that I wanted to marry this man, and no one was going to change my mind. She tried to do so by telling me she would not come to my wedding. This upset me, but this time I did not give in. I married him. Until my brother moved back to our state, I had no problems with my marriage. We were happy, never fought, always worked as a team, etc. My brother decided he didn't like my husband, and started filling my head with negativity. I almost left my husband as a result. Then one day, I felt like I finally woke up. I learned to stop letting people make my decisions for me. Now, I live my life the way I want, and I am so much happier. I decided to improve my life. Once I figured out what I wanted, everything fell into place. I left my thankless job, I applied for new jobs, and I applied for college. It feels great to finally take control of my own life.

Becoming a mother during my freshman year of high school was not an easy thing to do. Every morning when I woke up, I would change my daughter's diaper, feed her, put her in the playpen, make sure she was okay, and then I would proceed to get my own day started. I would get dressed for school, check on her one last time, then be out the door to catch the bus. Thankfully, I had a wonderful mother to take care of her while I went to school. When I got home my routine was much the same. As soon as I got in the door, I would change her diaper. Then I would give her a bottle and rock her for a little while. I would make sure she was content. Then I would start on my homework for the evening. Every single weekday I would do the same thing, all the way through high school. As the years went by, she grew and her needs changed. Soon, things weren't so simple as giving her a bottle and changing diapers. In the evenings after school, I was now potty training and cooking full meals to meet her needs. Only when those things were taken care of, would I start on my homework. I thought about dropping out of school so many times, but I needed to set a good example for her. I studied hard and looked at her to keep me going. I ended up graduating with honors. All the time I thought I was teaching her, but in reality, she was teaching me.

My goals for the future are to obtain a career that I love and to set a good example for my children. I would like to work in a field that helps to improve the lives of others. By doing so, I will also improve my own life. My compassion for others is a quality that I would love to apply to anyone's situation that crosses my path. I want my children to be proud of me for accomplishing my goals. Before I decided to go back to school, I spent almost ten years in the retail industry. I would love to never have to fall back on that kind of work. For me, retail has always been thankless and unfulfilling. I would do the same boring job every day, and feel like I accomplished nothing. Being able to pursue a career I love would significantly reduce the stress in my life. Being a mother to four children while going to college will certainly be a challenge, but I feel in the long run, it will all be worth it. I want my children to learn that they can accomplish anything in life, as long as they put in the effort and keep a positive attitude. I want to be able to look back and say that I went against the odds to make my dreams come true. I've never had a lot of money. My clothes were normally hand-me-downs. I've been on government assistance since I graduated high school. Even while working all the time, I still never made enough money to make ends meet. In the future, it would be a blessing to not have to rely on the government to live.