“Alright class, pass up last night's homework.” You grab your bag and rifle through your folders… Come on come on you chant under your breath as you begin searching in earnest. Then it hits you, on your desk. You left it on your desk! Suddenly it is getting hard to breathe. It can’t be late. That will cut the points you can get in half! Your chest is tightening. You still can’t breathe, and now the world is starting to spin. Now let's pause right there. That for me is how I experience a panic attack. I’ve had them since I was little, but it has only been in the last few years that we have realized that it is anxiety. My parents and I realized it was anxiety in seventh grade. At the beginning of the year in student success/ history we were given a fake disclosure document that basically said that our whole grade depended on four huge projects that were due two weeks after one another, and if even one was late the highest grade we could get was a C. I started to silently cry and hyperventilate. It got so bad that my teacher had to take me into the hall to explain that it wasn’t real and the administration just wanted to see how we would react. Even after being told that it wasn’t real I felt sick to my stomach the rest of the day. Turns out the administration did that so they could try to get kids into a stress management course that would happen during Flex once a week. My parents signed me up and the class helped me so much. I was able to see what was outside of my control and decide not to worry about it. After these classes I was able to manage my anxiety much better. In the last year or so I’ve started to become interested in stress and different ways to combat it, especially how the science of stress works. I not only want to know more about stress for myself, but for the people I love, and even strangers around me. A lot of my friends struggle with anxiety, depression, and the day to day difficulties that come with being a teenager. I firmly believe that if it wasn’t for the connections between my parents, friends, and teachers I would not have been able to make it through all of the challenges I have faced. I’m fairly certain that my friends would say the same. People should have a safe place where they know that people will be willing to listen and not judge them, a place to decompress. This thought process a huge thing that has helped to guide me to decide to go to college to become a biology teacher. As I see how much good is done by my teachers every single day I want to be able to make a difference like that. If it wasn’t for good teachers in this world so many kids would never learn important lessons. Things like hard work and dedication, how to treat others, it’s ok not to be perfect, and most importantly it is ok not to be ok. Even though it has been hard to figure out life with anxiety, I’m honestly glad I have had to go through it. If it wasn’t for my anxiety then I would know how to keep going during hard times, treat myself with kindness, or how to positively manage my emotions. It also gives me the chance to know what other people are going through and do my best to help show them the same life lessons I’m learning myself.

It has happened to all of us. We were in school working on an assignment, but just couldn’t understand it. You might have raised your hand to ask for your teacher's help. Now what would have happened if your teacher came over and started yelling at you. “Are you serious? I’ve explained this three different times already! Everyone else understands you should too!” Hopefully, you have never had an experience like this before. But if you have, it could have been avoided with just a little patience from your teacher. If teachers were to talk to students like this then students would never ask for help from teachers. This is why patience is so important to me. Not only do I never want to have this happen to me but I don’t want to be the kind of person who would do this to others. If I ever become a mother I want to have patience, but at the moment patience is important for me because I want to become a teacher. I have had so many outstanding teachers throughout my life, who have encouraged me to ask questions and never give up. My fourth grade teacher is a major example of this for me. I had never been told that it was OK to ask questions, and was suffering silently with things I didn’t understand. My teacher told me that I shouldn’t struggle alone when in reality I am surrounded by people who want to help me achieve my full potential. This has done so much for me in life, and I still hold this lesson close to my heart. I want to be able to have the patience to be able to help kids like how my fourth grade teacher helped me.

Someone to talk things out with, have fun with, choose, stand by, joke with, and support you through everything. That is what a friend is. People say that you emulate those who you associate with. This is one hundred percent true. One of my closest friends is Myla. She is the kindest person I know. But if you dare hurt one of her friends she will fight to protect them. We met in first grade. At first I only wanted to be friends with her because she had broken her leg and was in a wheelchair. So therefore she was able to choose someone to ride the elevator with her. She never chose me, but despite that we have stayed friends through the years. One of our biggest running jokes that we have started when we were in second grade. We were at my house and she had gone up stairs to get a drink of water. She asked my mom where the cups were and my mom in the most serious of tones said, “we don’t do water in this house.” So being a little kid who doesn’t understand sarcasm she responds ok and walks away. My mom called her back and gave her some water. She still feels bad about it to this day. I know that without the support and advice of my friends over the years I would not be the person I’m today. I got my first job because Myla convinced me to come work with her. I’ve passed classes because my friends were willing to help me with the work. Friends are the most precious gift you can have in all the world. Once you find a good one you should never let go, because friends are the family that you get to choose.

You are walking down the street. With headphones in your ear, looking at the ground just trying to get to where you’re going as quickly as possible. Suddenly you bump into someone and look up to apologize. The woman in front of you looks exhausted, she has bags under her eyes and looks like she has been crying. So not only do you apologize, but you compliment her on her hair then continue on your way. Little did you know that woman had just gotten news that her father is in the hospital after a heart attack, and on top of that is now late for a job interview. Your small compliment gave her the confidence she needed for that interview. The ability to help people with little acts of kindness is my “why” in life. We never know what is happening behind the curtain, in someone's life. They could be having an awful day and because you reached out in a simple way, you were able to lift them up. Maybe they were able to keep going even when they thought that they couldn’t. Often all we need to get through a rough patch is a little bit of kindness. I’ve had an experience with this recently. I had been having a really difficult week, multiple panic attacks, lots of grade changing projects were due, and my dog died. It was a struggle to keep going to school and to have even more added to my plate. I trudged into my AP biology class. I really enjoy biology and the different concepts that we were learning, so I was flying through the assignment. I overheard a pair of girls behind me struggling to understand the concept and finish the assignment. I didn’t want to insert myself into their conversation so I continued with my work. One of them glanced up and asked if I could help. I turned around and was able to explain it in a way that they understood. Afterwards they thanked me for helping them and complimented me on how well I was able to phrase it for them. That turned my day around, the simple fact that they thanked me helped me get through the rest of the day. This experience showed me that even the simplest and most ingrained kindness can help lift someone up. Because of my “why” I want to be a teacher when I finish with college so that I can be there for kids who need a helping hand as they go through high school. I believe that with the tiniest bit of kindness is how we can change the world for the better.

My #Back2SchoolBold moment really started with the school's senior sunrise. It was the first time that I got to see a lot of friends after the summer break. It really hit me that this is my senior year and that I would be graduating and heading to college in a year. It was so fun to be at the school early before anyone else was there, get to eat nutella pancakes with friends, and get to catch up with their lives. I hadn’t been able to talk with many of the people there for years because our lives have just taken such a different turn. The senior sunrise was the moment where I got really excited to go back to school.

Hopefully, we have all had that one teacher who we love. They helped us not only to grow in the subject that they were teaching us, but they also helped us to grow as a person. That is my goal in life. I want to be a teacher that kids are willing to come to for help and the kind of teacher that helps kids see their own potential. I’ve helped tutor kids in math and when they finally are able to grasp the idea that has been eluding them, it is amazing. To be able to be this kind of teacher I am planning on going to college and also student teach. I love biology, especially the animal side of it. So I am thinking about getting my major in teaching biology and then minor in wildlife management. When I finish my education I hope to be able to help high school students understand biology and how it impacts the world around them. I also want to be able to help them with any struggles they are facing, big or small, just like how so many of my teachers have helped me. I can’t wait to be able to go out into the schooling system and help to not only impact the lives of students but to also impact the future.

“Alright class, pass up last night's homework.” You grab your bag and rifle through your folders… Come on come on you chant under your breath as you begin searching in earnest. Then it hits you, on your desk. You left it on your desk! Suddenly it is getting hard to breathe. It can’t be late. That will cut the points you can get in half! Your chest is tightening. You still can’t breathe, and now the world is starting to spin. Now let's pause right there. That for me is how I experience a panic attack. I’ve had them since I was little, but it has only been in the last few years that we have realized that it is anxiety. Over the years I have learned different coping mechanisms that help, but every once in a while one is able to slip through the cracks. They don’t always just happen at school. For me they often happen at church, at night, and if I think too long about the future. I’ve started to become interested in stress and different ways to combat it. I not only want to know more about stress for myself, but for the people I love, and even strangers around me. I want to be able to know different ways to make a place feel safe so that when I become a teacher my room will be an area where kids are less likely to panic, will feel comfortable, and ideally be a place of refuge. Even though it might seem like anxiety can’t be beat and will control our lives, we can find ways to manage anxiety so that we are the ones in control.

Have you ever panicked realizing that you forgot to print out something for one of your classes? I have, and so have many other students at my school. Thankfully we were able to go to the library and email our librarian Ms. Price. Ms. Price is amazing! She is always so willing to help anyone who comes in. She helps kids find books for English projects, proofreads our essays for us, and helps us learn to use the library’s 3D printer, and glowforge laser etcher. Don’t know what kind of book you want to read next? Not only can you go and ask her for a personal recommendation, but she also does book talks on Instagram. Walking into the library to meet up with friends? You could be greeted by Ms. Price dressed up as anything from the Mad Hatter to Captain Marvel. All because it is Wonderland or Superheroes week. Love books and crafts? Join the book club, eat food and chat. Or join the maker club and learn how to make a scarf. If you have an interest in something, Ms. Price will find a book about it for you. But most of all, Ms. Price will make you feel cared about and welcomed. Over the years, watching Ms. Price help students with whatever they needed, I realized that I wanted to do the same thing. I went and told Ms. Price that I wanted to go to college and try to become a school librarian. We talked about all of the different things that I would have to do to be a librarian. She let me do an internship with her so I could see first hand the responsibilities it would entail, and then she helped me to find colleges that had the right programs. Not only did Ms. Price inspire me to go to college for something that I will love doing, she also helped to literally put me on a path that would help me succeed.

Perfection is a direction not a destination - Ronald Smalls. Have you ever messed up. Big or small? Of course you have! No one is perfect. I love this quote because it helps to remind me of this. Today in the culture that social media has made, it often seems like we are not allowed to make mistakes and if we do then we need to try and cover it up. The whole point of life though is to learn and have new experiences. Life would be really smooth without failure, pain, or making mistakes, but at the same time how would we be able to see all life has to offer if we didn’t mess up. We would not be able to fully empathize with others without missing that mark of perfection. I’ve really struggled with not being able to perfect. I definitely have perfectionistic tendencies and am a people pleaser. These aren’t necessarily bad characteristics but they can be taken too far. I have taken them too far and have ended up in a pretty dark place because I’m not perfect. This quote really does help with that though, just being able to remember that as long as I’m facing the right direction that is good enough.

She was chased away by her friends and family and even after losing her first husband she became a successful first lady. A person that I admire from history is Dolly Madison, James Madison's wife and the fourth first lady of the US. One reason why I admire her is even though she was disowned by her community for marrying outside of her faith, she kept pressing forward and did everything she could to make others feel welcomed. She went and visited the home of the new senator when they arrived in Washington. I hope that as I move on through my life that I'll be able to be so welcoming to others. Dolly was also very smart and down to earth. When Washington was captured in the war of 1812 she organized the removal of many artifacts before the White House was stormed. I’m sure that many people were terrified as they realized they were under attack. Dolly was able to not only to get others to safety but also had the presence of mind to help lead others to save many heirlooms. It would be amazing to have the bearing that people would be willing to follow and trust me during a time of uncertainty. Dolly Madison was also willing to take on the responsibility of others. She often helped Thomas Jefferson in the role of hostess after his wife died. It would have been easy for her to ignore the issue but instead she took initiative to help. I’m sure that her doing this was a huge relief for Jefferson as he was then better able to focus on the duties of the presidency. Overall Dolly Madison was an amazing woman who was a leader, kind, and is still today a fantastic role model.