In modern mainstream religion science, specifically Christianity, has always been debated. It has been portrayed that, in order for a god to exist, science must not be true. These conversations frustrated me since I was a kid while listening to adults arguing about the big bang of all things. ‘God’s plan’ also confused me. Conforming to the idea that everything you do was already planned, accepting this universe without further thought or scientific logic, didn’t make sense. Why would a God create such a magnificent universe but not want humans to explore it? I’m no longer a Christian to say the least. I couldn’t reconcile my belief in science with the doctrine of the church and the purposeful ignorance of its members. It’s not like us humans are just sitting on a floating rock in space by some act of a spiritual being. The natural world and space surrounding it is explained by science and math. While i’m no longer a christian I am still spiritual. Paganism, witchcraft, and folk magic are some of the names my spiritual practice has been known as. However not all pagans are the same. You might also recognise this group of spiritualists also use magic to explain away natural phenomena. Quantum physics and chaos theory is often misconstrued to justify the reality of magic. Again this is isolated to mainstream ‘popular’ witchcraft. Myth and magick are taken as explanations of the supernatural when the reality is actually much simpler. Science and magick are often the same thing. They give me the chance to explore the world around me and ask it questions. Magick as it’s called is simply the ability to observe patterns in nature and the world around us. It’s observation in its simplest form. Magick is putting your feet in cool wet dirt, its feeling a breeze on your face, it's the wind and anticipation before a thunderstorm. My practice grounds me in the present and allows me to contemplate my own mortality along with my place in the world. Mathematics, like science, also allows us to know the world around us. Of course we are made of some combination of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen (and other trace elements) but we are also made of energy and matter. The patterns observed in the natural world through science can be explained by mathematics. The universe is ordered by mathematical laws. But then where does that leave spirituality? If everything is run through mathematical formulas does that mean spirituality is just an illusion of control? All that currently exists has always existed; we just don’t have the capability to see all of it yet. While science and mathematics have advanced greatly there is still so much unknown to us. I think it would be irresponsible to claim that something was the act of a mystical being. It’s simply preternatural, yet to be explained. In my practice I believe purposeful actions can influence the universe. It is entirely possible that humans could have the ability to interact with the universe just as it interacts with us. Sort of like the butterfly effect but in an intentional way. However we don’t have the capabilities to see that yet. In this way I use my spirituality as a way of introspective thinking on our place in the universe. Of course all things not yet explained by science will eventually be understood and my practice will evolve with it.

I was diagnosed with borderline severe Adolescent Idiopathic Scoliosis at 13 years old. To avoid spinal fusion I was put into a Boston brace; a hard plastic body cast designed to prevent scoliosis from progressing. For this therapy to work I needed to spend, at minimum, 23 hours a day in it. It never got easier to wear and it was painful at times. I spent 2 years in the Boston brace and my scoliosis didn’t get worse. But it also resulted in severe muscle weakness in my back and my core. Losing the support of the brace made me feel like I was made of jello. Halfway through my freshman year of high school, I began experiencing severe migraines, vertigo, and numbness. The most pressing of these were my migraines. I always suspected my scoliosis was the cause though. I've been to chiropractors, hypnotists, and everything in between to help with the pain. I found a pt who helped me in troubleshooting my triggers and exploring my limits. It had taken 4 years but I finally felt normal. Then I had to leave for college. College was a huge risk to my physical and mental health. During my freshman year finding a new pt was so difficult that I went 6 months with no help. I can’t manage my disability on my own. I rely heavily on physical therapy, massage therapy, medication, medical devices, Botulinum Toxin injections, and accommodations to be able to live life independent from a full-time caretaker. I essentially have to make my physical conditions worse to attend classes because of things like attendance policies. It really affected my grades, social life, and mental health. I was in a really dark place that semester. Although I do my best to manage my pain, it has sent me to urgent care and the ER many times and will continue to do so in the future. A constant fear of mine is that I will go into debt for medical care I can’t live without. I can't afford that on top of student loan debt. I would never be able to pay it off. My mental health was also greatly affected by being in pain. I began talking with a mental health professional and was quickly diagnosed with clinical depression. Over the next few months I experienced some of the lowest places I've ever been. Moving through molasses would have been easier than it was to get out of bed. If I didn’t get on medication I don’t believe I would be here now. Actually finding the right medication was a whole different battle. It is really easy to be consumed by the daunting fact that you will be dealing with pain every day of your life till you die. It took a long time to mourn the loss of a fully functioning body. I remember what it felt like to be without a disability. I've since accepted that I have to do things a little differently. Mitigating the effects of my disability has been trial and error over the course of the last 6 years. You have to get creative when the 'traditional' routes of pain management aren't enough. Even now my pain management techniques aren’t set in stone. Being able to recognize something isn’t working anymore, and when it needs to be changed, is a skill I'll take with me for the rest of my life.

“I kept learning, and learning, and talking to doctors. And everytime they said something couldn’t be done, I figured out a way around it.” - Martine Rothblatt After her daughter was diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension, Rothblatt decided to move to a career in biotech. Her aim was to manufacture organs like hearts, lungs, and kidneys for transplant into patients from their own cells. At the time such a concept was unthinkable and frowned upon. Using organs from animals like pigs was outright insane. Now using animal organs is not unheard of and is even occasionally used. Rothblatt has always been a forward thinker because she hasn’t let past conventions restrict her view of what's possible in the future. Just because something seems impossible doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Maybe it just needs to be approached in a different way. I remember thinking ‘the sky’s the limit’ was cheesy but thinking of Rothblatt's accomplishments it became less so. She truly doesn’t impose limits on herself but allows her mind to run wild and explore. I want to become that sort of scientist; one that explores for exploration's sake. When you only look at what’s right in front of your feet all you’ll see is what's right before you. If you only look behind you’ll run into something. In everything I do I take in the whole picture. I’m not anywhere near Rothblatt’s level of forethought but I have time to practice. I’ll catch up eventually.

I chose a Microbiology major in high school after an AP Biology class where I presented a project on Rabies virus. After learning about how the virus functions I remember thinking how smart the pathway of infection and reproduction was. I was curious and needed to know more about infectious diseases. Through my senior year I listened to podcasts about infectious diseases like "This Podcast Will Kill You" to keep learning as much as possible. I enrolled in Colorado State University with the goal of graduating with a Microbiology degree. Then the pandemic hit and I saw 2 of my friends die suddenly from their infections. At the same time my immunocompromised friends were at extremely high risk of also suddenly passing away. The only thing I could do was keep them updated on how to protect themselves and new developments on Covid-19. My first friend, a high school best friend who spent every day of freshman and sophomore year with me, passed in September. I'll never forget the moment I found out, Thursday September 10th at 10:58 AM. I couldn't tell you what the weather was like or what I was doing before I received the news but I remember the feelings. Disbelief, doubt, panic, hysteria, then numbness came over me as I tried to process the thought of a close friend not being alive and well just 10 minutes away. I had to inform out mutual best friend who also spent every day with us. That was a dark day for us. This loss took a serious toll on my mental health also affecting my performance in school. I wasn't able to fully grieve until the semester was over at which point I broke down. I didn't recover from my depressive episode till July of 2021 when I was put on medication. My second friend, a classmate from my senior year AP Chemistry class, passed in February 2021. He was an intelligent person who helped anyone that needed it. He worked with me and other lab mates every week in the lab and brightened the atmosphere even when we were under a lot of stress. His passing was just as sudden and just as devastating. I again had to put off properly mourning his passing to get through the school year. Summer of 2021 wasn't the month of freedom from quarantine for me. I grieved for my friends. I never want to be on the sidelines while a pandemic is occurring again. I want to do something to make a difference in these pandemics. I want to make an impact, no matter how small. Novel infectious diseases capable of causing pandemics will become increasingly more common as deforestation and global warming progress. I have had friends pass due to Covid-19 infections while others can't leave their houses due to being immunocompromised. I want to make the world as safe as possible for them. I plan on continuing to earn a masters and doctorate in Medical Virology to achieve this. Novel viruses, vaccines, and RNA genomes all interest me in particular and will be central to my academic studies. I want to know how viruses work, how they cause illness, what they're made of. As viruses adapt to our vaccines we must also adapt to match them. This Biological arms race, if you will, continues to become more of a problem as microbes develop resistances. I want to take an active role in the research that keeps us safe. The pandemic strengthened my resolve in my chosen field of study. It has given me the determination to succeed. Failure is not an option. I'm going to make my two departed friends proud and make a difference in the field of medicine.