One of my favorite characters mirrors my experiences, failing to meet self-expectations, and losing the joy of childhood as maturity, the darkness of the world creeping into my mind until I slowly learn to accept myself. The music narrates the flashing pictures of the character's journey, dragging me into the story, making me truly feel the pain, the fear, and at last, the relief. Faith Marie's Toxic Thoughts reflect on the thoughts and feelings of being an overachiever. The song talks about how we keep trying to put pressure on ourselves, questioning if we will ever be good enough, but in the end, it makes us hit greater lows because our expectations are so high. It also discusses the constant desire for approval from others and not wanting to be a burden on others while also not wanting to be deserted and alone. At the end of the song, the singer talks about finally finding the courage to face her fears and understand that she needed to treat herself and realize she was good enough, that she deserved to be happy even if she was not perfect. This song's message is the most important to me because it reminds me of how far I have come mentally, learning to stop hating myself all the time, opening myself to help because I finally thought that I deserved it. At my lowest, it also encourages me to open up to others and get back on track. The song beautifully portrays the war raging on in the heads of overachievers like me and how we can learn and grow because our mistakes are what makes us human, it doesn't mean we aren't worthy of love or acceptance, just that we need to make the effort to better ourselves.

Brown bright eyes flash on my screen. Her hair is long and dark, her complexion pale, and her body adorns an unapologetically unisex outfit. Her work makes a difference. She uses one device, a keyboard, and a screen like mine. I don't know her, yet I know that is who I want to be. For as long as I can remember, I have been interested in modern technology, not just its uses, but how it worked. Computers are rapidly becoming integral to our world and the digital space spans the globe. Understanding technology is imperative in today's world and will become even more necessary as we improve upon our technology and rely on digital tools in our everyday lives. I want to pursue computer science because I believe the field can genuinely help people, as it already has, connecting the world through social media and various communication technology, as well as providing an expansive database on which to learn. Some of the greatest comforts I have are on digital platforms, like Youtube, Instagram, Discord, AO3, Procreate, and Spotify. It is where I satisfy and grow my thirst for knowledge, find a place in communities, connect and reconnect with friends, find inspiration, and pursue my creative passions. This education will enable me to advance in the workspace and have a stable income while contributing to my community. Many women like Josephine Cheng and Tracy Chao were important to me because it was what gave me and still gives me, hope that I can make it in the world doing something that I believed in. The most famous or wealthy individuals are ones who look nothing like me, much fewer ones in the field of technology. Asian women are typically seen as nurses, and for the longest time, it felt like I couldn't be anything else because people like me, dark-eyed, raven-haired, ivory-skinned women, couldn't possibly have success in a male-dominated workplace. It wasn't until recently that I started to see the rise in Asian women programmers and suddenly it felt that maybe I could be more than my stereotype; I had options, I couldn't let being a minority stop me, because all of these women, all these role models were just like me. They didn't want to endure what they did, the discrimination and prejudice of being the "other", but they pushed through; not for recognition, but to chase their dreams no matter what the majority around them said. Representation to me means hope. Hope that blossoms into purpose, motivation, inspiration, and the truth that we can make our goals a reality no matter who we are. I will pursue my career because I know that it's a possibility within my reach. I will work hard and I will join my fellow women, my fellow Asians, who started the path for every child, every teen, and every person just like us who wanted to see that they could reach for the stars.

Brown bright eyes flash on my screen. Her hair is long and dark, her complexion pale, and her body adorns an unapologetically unisex outfit. Her work makes a difference. She uses one device, a keyboard, and a screen like mine. I don't know her, yet I know that is who I want to be. For as long as I can remember, I have been interested in modern technology, not just its uses, but how it worked. Computers are rapidly becoming integral to our world and the digital space spans the globe. Understanding technology is imperative in today's world and will become even more necessary as we improve upon our technology and rely on digital tools in our everyday lives. The degree I want to pursue is computer science because I believe the field can genuinely help people, it already has, connecting the world through social media and various communication technology, as well as providing an expansive database on which to learn. This education will enable me to advance in the workspace and have a stable income while contributing to my community. Diversity in the workplace is important to me because it was what gave me, and still gives, hope that I can make it in the world. The most famous or wealthy individuals are ones who look nothing like me, much less ones in the field of technology. Asian women are typically seen as nurses, and for the longest time it felt like I couldn't be anything else because people like me, dark eyed, raven haired, ivory skinned, women, couldn't possibly have success in a male dominated workplace. It wasn't until recently that I started to see the rise in Asian women programmers and suddenly it felt that maybe I could be more than my stereotype; I had options, I couldn't let being a minority stop me, because all of these women, all these role models were just like me. They didn't want to endure what they did, the discrimination and prejudice of being the "other", but they pushed through; not for recognition, but to chase their dreams no matter what the majority around them said. Representation to me means hope. Hope that blossoms into purpose, motivation, inspiration, and the truth that we can make our goals a reality no matter who we are. I will pursue my career because I know that its a possibility in my reach. I will work hard and I will join my fellow women, my fellow Asians, who started the path for every child, every teen, every person just like us who wanted to see that they could reach for the stars.

Empty. My stomach a gaping hole that reminds me of how broken I am. The only thing more desolate, my heart. Don't tell anyone. Don't be a burden. Stop being worthless. You will die alone. No one will remember you. You don't matter. My brain felt like it was exploding, dark thoughts flooding my mind until I was the sunken city of Atlantis, devoid of light, forgotten, and barren. I went through the motions of life like a zombie, no soul, no purpose. During the Corona Virus induced quarantine, my world view was flipped upside down as old trauma came flooding back into my mind and I went through my first battle with anorexia episodes. As the threat of the pandemic closed in on the world, schools closed in the blink of an eye and suddenly I was stranded at home, away from my friends, my teachers, and in a way, myself. I sought solace through social media and made friends based on shared interest. For as long as I could remember, I needed to have people to talk to, needed to have people who cared. I was bullied and abandoned by fake friends during my earliest days of school. Around this time I also began to learn about existentialism and how I was worthless in the long run. Having people around meant that I wouldn't be forgotten, that I was good enough, that I was worth it. While having online friends was incredible, parts of the community soon grew toxic and many left, leaving me alone once more, only my thoughts as company, if you could call an internal bully "company". My appetite all but ceased, gone like the friends I had made, gone like my sense of safety, gone with my belief of being "good enough". I laid awake at night for weeks feeling empty, physically and emotionally, until one day I stepped on the scale and realized how bad my weight had gotten, how I had gotten. I looked in the mirror, body thin from months of my brain keeping my stomach prisoner in a self-induced punishment of reaching for food with no enjoyment, midnight hues below my eyes, and worst of all, the eyes themselves, void of the light that once shone brighter than stars. I took a deep breath and told myself this was enough. I didn't deserve this. No one did. I began to fix myself. I needed to be better. Not for anyone else, but for me. I pushed myself to connect with school friends more, not for self worth, but because I missed them as people. If I had friends, I wanted them for the right reasons, for companionship, they deserved that from me. I began to share my feelings with my friends and they had their own demons, but now, we decided we would fight them together. There was a new sense of trust among us, a kind of honesty, the truth that we would always be there through thick and thin, no matter how dark the inner monsters we hid behind false smiles at school. We built each other up, showing each other the ways in which we were great in our own ways I started writing down positive things about myself, learning to be okay with the fact that I did not need someone else to be enough. My companions were people who complimented me, not people I had to rely on to keep me steady, especially not for my mental health. They helped me, but I had to take initiative to get my life back on track. I used to believe that personal time was wasteful given how few hours there were in the day. I thought I was being lazy for taking time away from homework to make sure that I was okay. Now I realize that my past logic was incredibly flawed because everyone deals with their own struggles. We are humans who make mistakes. We are imperfect. The world always seems like its against us. Taking time to recover, to be happy, to be okay, is one of the greatest things that you can do. What is life? What is it worth, if there is no hope for things to get better, to find happiness during our short stay on this earth. Hope. One word, four letters, meaning that stretches further than the edges of our cosmos. A simple truth that got the most tortured souls to pick themselves up and endure hardship for the chance of a future. Something I used to think was foolish, but came to realize held more power than anything else. For the first time in a long time, I felt sure in myself, that I could be okay. I had hope. Throughout my road of recovery, I began to see people online who battled their own mental demons. I wanted to help them in any way that I could, support like my friends did for me. I am still an incredibly busy student with multiple AP classes and responsibilities, but I found small ways to help my own community. I joined the mental health club in my campus which centered on finding ways to encourage other students and remind them that it is okay to have support and take care of themselves. For my AVID service learning project, I am teaming up with my closest friends to create an Instagram that regularly posts messages to uplift others. Even though I want to go into a career with computer science, I want to try to help others in my free time, and perhaps even use my knowledge in computer science to help make others' lives easier in my own way. My journey with my mental health is a struggle that will always be a part of me, but that doesn't mean that it can control me. It taught me to be a more honest friend, the power of hope, and that I have the capability to help others.

The clock ticks second after second until it finally strikes 8. My phone screen lights up with messages to start a group call and suddenly I am face to face with friends, some old, some current, finally able to see their faces after months. During the quarantine of Covid-19, I was suffering from crippling isolation because I was a social butterfly who thrived off of human interaction. It was thanks to Instagram that I was able to connect with my best friends from school and even reconnect with a friend who moved away 4 years before the pandemic even started. Not to mention how Youtube allowed for me to join and become an avid member of wholesome, supportive communities. The technology of social media inspires me because I find it fascinating how technology can connect people from across the globe in real time. It also allows me to talk to different walks of life, like different races, age groups, etc, all openly sharing thoughts, opinions, etc. In addition, social media can be used as a useful teaching device and entertainment device. While on a distance learning curriculum, I often used Youtube for extra guidance on topics discussed in class and furthering my own personal education on subjects I am passionate about, like mental health, the lgbtq+ community, and much more. Instagram, Youtube, and other social media helped me stay entertained and content for much of my life, especially when I was stressed and needed to unwind. I would often find myself putting on TED talks, music videos, and book reviews whenever I had a break or wanted to feel peace. Social media is an amazing piece of technology that can bring people together, educate millions, and provides enjoyable entertainment. It inspires me that technology can achieve so many feats that would have been unimaginable a few centuries ago. It makes me excited about how far we can take technology and how much more we can use it to help the human race.