School is one of the most extended experiences in one’s life. To some extent, it might come to an individual to determine whether it will be one of their best positive experiences or the hardest ones. My time at school so far has had its ups and downs. One of my downs is the struggle I went through with shyness.
From a very young age, I had anxiety speaking to new people, talking in front of a large audience, or even asking for something from a stranger. At my birthday parties, I would be nervous about giving a speech of gratitude; I always had to get someone else to do it for me. The shyness did not impede me from excelling academically until group presentations became assessed for our grades in different subjects. It also kept me from making new friends besides my old ones. In one of my many moments alone, watching my friends have fun outside, I realized that what was holding me back and holding me back from reaching my full potential was my timidity. And this time around, I agreed with myself that I would never allow it to limit me again. I knew it would not overturn in just one night, so I started taking baby steps and slowly leaving my comfort zone. I started joining clubs and activities that required me to interact with people and speak in public. I made it my intention to learn from my peers who were more advanced in social interactions through seeking guidance from them and also mirroring their best practices. Among those clubs, I joined the Isaro foundation club at school, a book club, and, in our workshops, one had to talk about the books they read and get asked questions about the book that they would have to answer accordingly. This exposed me to having dialogues with all kinds of new people and interacting with them. I learned to engage in conversations with people I knew so little about and feel comfortable with it. A quote helped me in my journey to overcome shyness that stated,” Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform is important to other people.” The quote helped me understand that shyness is a form of egoism where a shy person does not express his/her ideas. With this in mind, I could carry on my life not caring about what other people may think of me, which is hard in Rwandan culture, where giving and receiving unsolicited advice from strangers is not only acceptable, but expected. After my mindset shift, I could reach out to people, make new friends, and join more clubs that would allow me to share my experiences in overcoming my challenge. I could then talk to many people, give my speeches, and talk to strangers with ease.
Although these tasks were an easy step for some, it was a tough challenge for me, and I wish others struggling with shyness would learn from and be able to overcome it as well.
As I pursue my computer science major, I realize that shyness no longer owns me. I communicate with engineers to share my thought process, network with recruiters, and pitch my hackathon projects to win. I have grown into a confident and capable woman in tech, and I look forward to being an example for others, which I work towards by volunteering in an English-intensive bootcamp in Rwanda called Isomo Academy, changing the lives of students who were once like me.