Mental health was never a topic of conversation in my family. Every hardship that my cousins, friends, and family went through was followed by "they are so strong" and "look at how well they overcame their obstacles". Nobody ever asked how being perpetually strong and brave weighed on their mind, or how it was even possible to handle. We were a family of strong, independent women, capable of anything. When it was time for me to overcome my first obstacle, it was harder to be fearless than it sounded.
My dad was always my best friend and partner in crime. So when he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, it felt as though a part of my body was chopped off, leaving me paralyzed in fear. Freshly ten years old, I had no idea how to deal with this. An amorphous villain crept into my life and implanted itself, leaving deep roots that I could not dig out. A chronic control freak, I had no idea how to handle this major life change that I had no say over. So I dived into what I could control, my school. Despite only being in 5th grade, I dedicated everything to studying and schoolwork, since I could be a different person within my middle school than I was at home.
Trying to balance two lives on a silver platter was not sustainable. I pushed away family and friends and did not talk to anyone. I started to have debilitating anxiety as I could not keep up my facade much longer. I was so scared to be known as the girl with the sick dad that I would flinch anytime family was brought up in class. My English teacher, Ms. Thurston, knew what I was going through and talked to me. She hugged me when I cried and was there for me. She gave me a journal, which I still keep to this day, to help me get my thoughts out and stop bottling up my emotions. I knew that I had to trust people close to me to feel better, and she was one.
She was there at his funeral and held me when I cried. I am forever grateful to her for showing me how vulnerability is a strength. I am no longer scared for people to know about my dad, instead I want them to know. His life was full of joy, laughs, and love, and that is something to be shared, not kept secret. I still have anxiety, but I use journaling, along with taking walks, doing puzzles, and reading to help me manage it. The stress of school is still strong, but I now love dedicating time to studying and do not look at it as an escape. My life does not hang in whether I get a 100 or not. I am now an officer in my school's Morgan's Message club, helping to break the stigma of mental health in athletes, and love showing people how mental health is important and should be shared.
Everyone has things they are scared of, but letting others in makes fighting battles in your mind less daunting. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and I want everyone to know they are not alone, a message I will continue to spread in college.