One of my closest friends in the world has been going through a very tough time recently. Only a few months after getting his bachelor's degree in Psychology, his father passed away, and only a couple months after that, his boyfriend of 3 years broke up with him. He has been deeply suffering and at a crossroads in his life, unsure whether to go into a master's program, get a job, or commit suicide. I realize I say that with what might be perceived as flippancy, but it is simply the naked truth. The process of this journey was not over the course of one conversation, but midnight talks over the course of months, coupled with hours of simply trying to distract him from what he is feeling. That is the most important part of providing guidance in a situation like that, I believe; simply to be there. To make it known to the other person that they have support, and that, no matter what, there is someone at their side.
The second most important part is to find what it is that the person actually wants. Deep down, when someone seems so stuck on a decision like this, one of the options is the one that they really want, or that they know is going to be best for them. Or, if that isn't the case, sometimes if someone seems stuck between a rock and a hard place, they just need another person to show them that there is another way that they might have been too wrapped up in their troubles to realize. Either way, providing guidance to me is less telling someone what to do and more helping them decide what their own personal best path in life would be. That is how together, over many months of grieving the loss of his father and his relationship, my friend and I came to the decision that he would start with focusing on his mental health. He is taking the time to get himself into therapy, and using the rest to find things that he enjoys, things that make him feel like his life is worth living. It will not be until he is in a more stable headspace that he will make a decision on education or work, or both. It is important to me to make sure my friends understand that what is important is what works best for them in their lives, rather than what looks the best on paper, or to society, or to their parents. I consider this a total success, because my friend is still alive, and very slowly, I can see him getting a little happier every day.
I have had two main challenges that I have faced in STEM that tie into each other, and unfortunately my recommendations for these challenges are opposite. The first is a classic; money. As a reentry student, I missed out on a lot of scholarship and grant opportunities I could have taken advantage of if I had gone into schooling straight out of high school. In addition, overall cost of living and college education would have been lower had I gone back before the pandemic, and I might have been able to save money by living with my mother. That is, unfortunately, no longer an option. My advice on navigating this would be to go into college right out of high school, and to cut costs where you can, whether by getting food from our college food bank or continue to live with parents.
That leads me into my second challenge, which was making the decision to become a STEM major in the first place. The reason I did not go straight to college out of high school was because I, frankly, did not want to. I had no direction I wanted to take, no idea of what I would do with a degree or what I would study, and it seemed pointless to spend four years and thousands of dollars on something I didn’t even want to do. Instead, I went into the work force, and spent the last five years learning who I am, what I want to do, and falling in love with the science of plant biology. I don’t regret for a moment taking the time that I did, even though it has put a much more major hurdle in my path in the form of money. I believe even more strongly now than I did as a high school graduate that there is no point in going to college if you don’t want to. College requires a self discipline and a commitment that normal schooling does not, especially when the factor of money comes into play. I never would have gotten as far as I have now had I gone into college straight from high school, and it would have made me never want to come back. My advice for someone struggling with commitment and direction would be to take the time to learn the real world, to discover who you are when you aren’t being forced into a certain path, and to fall in love with your education.
So yeah, my advice is opposite from each other, but there is no one right way to live, or go to college, or study STEM. Everyone in every situation is going to need different advice, and I am perfectly happy with the choices and the path I have taken.