My friend, Tom, is my role model because I do not know where I would be in life without him. Somehow he has the ability to make others happy even when they feel very negatively towards themselves. I have learned that his key is to just be kind. There are not very many people left in this world that are genuinely kind and being kind does wonders for the human soul. It is because of my experience with Tom that I want to become more like him. I cannot say exactly when it started happening, but I was about 10 when I had gradually started to fall into depression. Life had no meaning, there was no worth. I started having meltdowns when doing homework because why do it, if there is no purpose. I tested my babysitter’s patience, which I now regret. I had one thing left going for me and that was the one dance class I attended per week. During this time I was very tempted to take my only social event out of my life. Though I see now that if I had done that I would have hit rock bottom and possibly the point of no return. On the positive side, I never struggled with suicidal thoughts because I knew the Lord had a plan for me. I believed in God, but he was not tangible to me at the time and the pain was agonizing. I would cry myself to sleep every night. Somehow that was easier than keeping silent. It was the one way to direct and ease the pain. There were times when I had thought about running away, but fear kept me from doing that. Looking back, I think what caused the pain was the thought and lie that I was not loved, that the church kids got all the love and attention. There was no self worth. The best way to explain it is that life had just become gray and repetitive. There was no worth in living, but thank God I would not take my own life! One day, I ran into my friend Tom. At the time he was a complete stranger, but he took notice of me and just simply said hi. I had absolutely no idea why he would pay attention to me of all people as I was of no worth. Tom was so happy and I was curious as to how one could be so genuinely happy. It took some time, but I learned that I could trust him and that I did. Slowly but surely we became friends. His happiness and kindness to me is what started to pull me up from the depths of depression. During those next couple of months, Tom talked to me about many things, one being God. Gradually God became real to me and I committed my life to Him. With that my heart changed towards the kids in the youth group. I now felt compassion for them and wanted to be of their assistance. Tom has always been like a brother to me from the beginning because he always has advice to give, he includes me in things, and he has never pushed me away. Tom had no idea what I was going through when I met him. God used him to get to me which just blows my mind every time I think about it. My experience with Tom is what has made me want to become a Psychologist. I want to help others, specifically kids, that are going through trials. I can relate to what they are going through and how they feel because of my experience. I want to be their Tom.

When I was younger my mom would have to go to work and therefore, my brother and I would be stuck with our babysitter, Riley, for the day. My brother and I were homeschooled so we got to stay home most of the time. Riley did several things for our family, she would clean, teach us our schoolwork, take us to the park, and my personal favorite, she would always play with us (if we had our homework done). Long story short, we practically got constant attention from her. Once a week I would get to go to school and those were never really good experiences. Periodically, I would get picked on because I was not considered a “cool” kid. I was by myself most of the time, granted I was shy, but none of my fellow students would include me in their groups. Every now and then someone would become my friend and I would come to trust them, but then they would leave me in a heartbeat for someone else. Through this experience, I learned to not trust anyone and that it is better to just be alone. This method would prove to save me from a lot of pain. My father, at the time, was a youth pastor for a local church. I remember they used to always meet on Wednesday nights. The program consisted of several high schoolers that came from broken homes and several of them did not even have a notion of who the Lord is. These teenagers were in desperate need of a savior. This means that they got a lot of attention and love from my mom and dad which of course they needed. My parents would take these kids on trips and minister to them. Looking back, some people would have classified my state as jealousy, but it was pure longing to belong and be loved. I remember getting so upset because our family would never spend any time together. I see now that my parents were really busy, but I cannot tell you how much I would have given to just play one board game. Even though Riley gave us a lot of attention, it still was not the same as my parents’ attention. I know they tried, but it never seemed like enough. I cannot say exactly when it started happening, but I was about 10 when I had gradually started to fall into depression. Life had no meaning, there was no worth. I started having meltdowns when doing homework because why do it, if there is no purpose. I tested my babysitter’s patience, which I now regret. I had one thing left going for me and that was the one dance class I attended per week. During this time I was very tempted to take my only social event out of my life. Though I see now that if I had done that I would have hit rock bottom and possibly the point of no return. On the positive side, I never struggled with suicidal thoughts because I knew the Lord had a plan for me. I believed in God, but he was not tangible to me at the time and the pain was agonizing. I would cry myself to sleep every night. Somehow that was easier than keeping silent. It was the one way to direct and ease the pain. There were times when I had thought about running away, but fear kept me from doing that. Looking back, I think what caused the pain was the thought and lie that I was not loved, that the church kids got all the love and attention. There was no self worth. The best way to explain it is that life had just become gray and repetitive. There was no worth in living, but thank God I would not take my own life! One day, I ran into my friend Tom. At the time he was a complete stranger, but he took notice of me and just simply said hi. I had absolutely no idea why he would pay attention to me of all people as I was of no worth. Tom was so happy and I was curious as to how one could be so genuinely happy. It took some time, but I learned that I could trust him and that I did. Slowly but surely we became friends. His happiness and kindness to me is what started to pull me up from the depths of depression. During those next couple of months, Tom talked to me about many things, one being God. Gradually God became real to me and I committed my life to Him. With that my heart changed towards the kids in the youth group. I now felt compassion for them and wanted to be of their assistance. Tom has always been like a brother to me from the beginning because he always has advice to give, he includes me in things, and he has never pushed me away. Tom had no idea what I was going through when I met him. God used him to get to me which just blows my mind every time I think about it. My experience with Tom is what has made me want to become a Psychologist. I want to help others, specifically kids, that are going through trials. I can relate to what those kids are going through and how they feel because of my experience. I want to be their Tom.