I'm supposed to be happy. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I just got accepted into my dream college, And I get to cheer there too, But for some reason I'm still crying myself to sleep. I feel bad, Because I'm supposed to be excited, But everytime I think about the future I cry. I don't know why I do that, Maybe it's because she's gone. She'll never see me graduate high school, She'll never be at a college game to watch me cheer, She'll never be at another thanksgiving, Or Christmas, Or Halloween, Or Easter, Or Family dinner. She's gone. I'm supposed to be living my life. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me. I turn eighteen tomorrow, Yay the golden year as most would say, But all I feel is dread. I don't know how to live without her, I don't know how to move on. This is the time in my life, Where I'm supposed to grow up, Move out, And forget my life at home. But without her here, It's even harder to leave. I'm supposed to be excited. Things are going so great for you, Everyone says. But I'm exhausted. I'm trying so hard to keep up, While my mental health is dragging me down. I want to speak, And tell someone I'm lost, But mom doesn't even know how to cope, Neither does dad. Who do I go to? What should I do? I'm so broken inside, And I feel so alone. I'm supposed to cry. That's a part of the grieving process, But everyone else seems to have moved on. It's only been three months, But it's felt like a lifetime without her. My heart is breaking, And I don't know if I'll be able to put it back together this time.

Mental health is very important for others to be aware of. It helps others know what is going on, why you act a certain way, and how to handle a breakdown, seizure, meltdown, blowup, etc. I have a lot of mental health disorders that run in my family, such as, depression, anxiety disorders, ADD/ADHD, PTSD, Epilepsy, Autism, and Bipolar Disorder. I have been diagnosed with ADD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Depression. These things effect my daily routine and maintaining them can be a struggle. I use writing, drawing, reading, singing, walking, cheerleading, painting, and poetry as ways to help keep my mental health under control. I also take prescription medications, and do therapy. I do believe that mental health doesn't always have to be solved by medications, however some can be that severe, that it is needed. When I think of mental health, I think of what it is caused by, and how it can affect people. Most disorders are apart of a gene pool that runs in one's family line, however some can be caused by traumatic situations and actions. My mental health is important, and I let others know that as well. Everyone needs to know that having a mental disorder or being mentally unstable can't stop you from achieving things. I have achieved many great things in my life, from becoming a section leader for the flutes in my highschool marching band, to lettering in cheerleading my freshman year of highschool. I set out to let others know that mental health is important and you should never discriminate just because someone may have a disorder. Anytime I hear someone talk bad about others that struggle with such things I always make a point to defend those people, and make sure that person knows it's not okay to make fun of those people just because they are different than you.

Writing helps me cope. I've had a lot of loss in the past few years, what with COVID deaths and other personal things. I write everyday to let out emotions. I write poetry, which I love sharing with others. I feel that it is a great way to connect with people, and let others know they aren't alone. Writing poetry also helps me feel better as well. I use it as a way to talk to others and communicate. I write stories as well. I write about loss, war, stuff like that. It has a deeper meaning that shows what I feel inside each day of my life and what I fear to come. I usually write in a First Person perspective, to give the reader more understanding of what is happening in the story. Though I am not at all opposed to writing in second or third person perspectives. I also journal. Journaling has been a hobby of mine since I was five. I write about things at school, sports, politics, social issues, bullying, friendships, family, relationships, fashion norms, all sorts of stuff. I write about anything that comes to mind and put it down on paper. I've always wanted to be a writer. I started out writing songs in fourth grade, which of course wasn't the greatest because I had no experience what so ever. But as I continued, I realized poetry was my calling. I've made others cry, laugh, angry, sad, you name it. The first time I read a poem to my mother she cried, because it was about my father figure leaving me behind, and me feeling alone and sad. That then became my way to communicate my emotions in a healthy way instead of cutting, or acting out at school, etc. I value my writing almost as much as I do my own life. I have 400+ poems written and 10+ almost finished books. I've just never really had the guts to publish them, but I really really want to.