At age 12 a psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety. For 16 years I’ve battled a war with myself every single day. Despite multiple medications and therapists, my rollercoaster of emotions seems to be never-ending. That is why I have developed, and continue to develop, healthy habits to prioritize my survival. As a teenager, I felt so alone. I grew up in a single parent, only child, household and my mom had to work to support our family. I felt that I had no friends, that I was ugly, and worthless to society. When I would feel the sad thoughts creeping in I would turn to a mantra I learned and start naming five things I liked about myself. I would listen to my favorite songs as I did this so that when I heard these songs, I would associate them with happy thoughts. A few years passed and I decided that my medication was keeping my mouth and nose above water, but I craved to touch the land. With the support of my mom, I made the leap to begin new medications. Without my mom’s support, her willingness to pick up slack around the house, and her comfort in the times when I wanted to die, I wouldn’t have made it. In October of 2022, I began to feel somewhat level. I began, out of curiosity to learn, reading the Bible and I found happiness in that. Around that time, I decided, after finally finding a passion to pursue, to enroll in college full-time. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. Going to school full-time, working full-time, becoming my mother’s caretaker full-time, and coping with the fact that my best friend/best mom around was given a death sentence, was the most overwhelming experience of my life. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take its last breath against my chest. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her. I strive to continue because others may need my strength to get out of their own heads and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me. Someone once told me “you can’t save others without saving yourself” and despite this shot-gun wound to my chest, I fight to carry on for the ones who don't think that they can.

At age 12 a psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety. For 16 years I’ve battled a war with myself every single day. Despite multiple medications and therapists, my rollercoaster of emotions seems to be never-ending. That is why I have developed, and continue to develop, healthy habits to prioritize my survival. As a teenager, I felt so alone. I grew up in a single parent, only child, household and my mom had to work to support our family. I felt that I had no friends, that I was ugly, and worthless to society. When I would feel the sad thoughts creeping in I would turn to a mantra I learned and start naming five things I liked about myself. I would listen to my favorite songs as I did this so that when I heard these songs, I would associate them with happy thoughts. After getting out of an abusive relationship, in my young adult years, I decided to start walking. Throwing in headphones, feeling the sunshine hugging you in warmth, and inhaling the sweet and savory tones of nature truly brought me peace. But I would fall into a deep depression despite my attempts at clawing my way out of the hole. As winter came the worse off I felt. Dragging myself out of bed to go to work was excruciating. As springtime danced its way in, I felt a heaviness lift from my chest. A few years passed and I decided that my medication was keeping my mouth and nose above water, but I craved to touch the land. With the support of my mom, I made the leap to begin new medications. Without my mom’s support, her willingness to pick up slack around the house, and her comfort in the times when I wanted to die, I wouldn’t have made it. In October of 2022, I began to feel somewhat level. I began, out of curiosity to learn, reading the Bible and I found happiness in that. Around that time, I decided, after finally finding a passion to pursue, to enroll in college full-time. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. Her passing absolutely devastated my sister and myself. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. Going to school full-time, working full-time, becoming my mother’s caretaker full-time, and coping with the fact that my best friend/best mom around was given a death sentence, was the most overwhelming experience of my life. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take its last breath against my chest. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her. I strive to continue because others may need my strength to get out of their own heads and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me. Someone once told me “you can’t save others without saving yourself” and despite this shot-gun wound to my chest, I fight to carry on. I am going to therapy weekly; I check in with my psychiatrist monthly; I speak with friends and family; I make sure to plan a schedule. My schedule consists of how much time I allot to schooling so that way I am able to set aside time for healing, friends, and family.

I was 8 when my dad moved to Florida and left me behind. For 20 years it’s been me and my mom. My older sister was given up for adoption because my mom was young and couldn't care for a baby. My uncle and aunt took my sister in and raised her as their own. We knew the situation our whole lives and grew up as distant sisters but became very close when she had her 3 children. My mom, my sister, and I were the terrific trio, and we would do everything together in my teenage, and adult, years. My sister, like my mom, was a single parent and I grew so close to my nieces that they began calling me dad. My mom was the fun grandma, and the kids absolutely cherished her. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. Her passing absolutely devastated my sister and myself. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. The terrific trio rallied together to do what we needed to do for mom’s survival. We laughed together, cried together, and talked more than we ever had. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take it’s last breath against my chest. My sister held our mom’s hand to guide her into her next life. I drove myself back to the empty home my mom and I shared accompanied by the new friend, that everyone who has lost a loved one has come to know as, emptiness. The next day as I cleaned the house I looked around at all of her medications and thought, “what would happen if I took all of these?”. Candidly, I considered this for months. But, I watched my sister crumble after losing the two women who meant the most to her and I knew I couldn’t, not only crush her to pieces, but abandon her in this desperate time. My sister, and her beautiful daughters, needed strength. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. The dead parents club has changed the way I look at the world. I’ve thought people were selfish and self-centered but, they’re not all bad. This club has given me a new perspective, a sense of belonging, and the motivation to help others like me. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her. I strive to continue because others, like my sister and nieces, may need my strength to get out of their own heads and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me. If anyone reading this is in the club- from the bottom of my broken heart, thank you for keeping me alive.

At age 12 a psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety. For 16 years I’ve battled a war with myself every single day. Despite multiple medications and therapists, my rollercoaster of emotions seems to be never-ending. That is why I have developed, and continue to develop, healthy habits to prioritize my survival. As a teenager, I felt so alone. I grew up in a single parent, only child, household and my mom had to work to support our family. I felt that I had no friends, that I was ugly, and worthless to society. When I would feel the sad thoughts creeping in I would turn to a mantra I learned and start naming five things I liked about myself. I would listen to my favorite songs as I did this so that when I heard these songs, I would associate them with happy thoughts. After getting out of an abusive relationship, in my young adult years, I decided to start walking. Throwing in headphones, feeling the sunshine hugging you in warmth, and inhaling the sweet and savory tones of nature truly brought me peace. But I would fall into a deep depression despite my attempts at clawing my way out of the hole. As winter came the worse off I felt. Dragging myself out of bed to go to work was excruciating. As springtime danced its way in, I felt a heaviness lift from my chest. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. Her passing absolutely devastated my sister and myself. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. Going to school full-time, working full-time, becoming my mother’s caretaker full-time, and coping with the fact that my best friend/best mom around was given a death sentence, was the most overwhelming experience of my life. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take its last breath against my chest. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her. I strive to continue because others may need my strength to get out of their own heads and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me. Someone once told me “you can’t save others without saving yourself” and despite this shot-gun wound to my chest, I fight to carry on. I am going to therapy weekly; I check in with my psychiatrist monthly; I speak with friends and family; I make sure to plan a schedule. My schedule consists of how much time I allot to schooling so that way I am able to set aside time for healing, friends, and family.

At age 12 a psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety. For 16 years I’ve battled a war with myself every single day. Despite multiple medications and therapists, my rollercoaster of emotions seems to be never-ending. That is why I have developed, and continue to develop, healthy habits to prioritize my survival. As a teenager, I felt so alone. I grew up in a single parent, only child, household and my mom had to work to support our family. I felt that I had no friends, that I was ugly, and worthless to society. When I would feel the sad thoughts creeping in I would turn to a mantra I learned and start naming five things I liked about myself. I would listen to my favorite songs as I did this so that when I heard these songs, I would associate them with happy thoughts. After getting out of an abusive relationship, in my young adult years, I decided to start walking. Throwing in headphones, feeling the sunshine hugging you in warmth, and inhaling the sweet and savory tones of nature truly brought me peace. But I would fall into a deep depression despite my attempts at clawing my way out of the hole. As winter came the worse off I felt. Dragging myself out of bed to go to work was excruciating. As springtime danced its way in, I felt a heaviness lift from my chest. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. Her passing absolutely devastated my sister and myself. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. Going to school full-time, working full-time, becoming my mother’s caretaker full-time, and coping with the fact that my best friend/best mom around was given a death sentence, was the most overwhelming experience of my life. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take its last breath against my chest. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her. I strive to continue because others may need my strength to get out of their own heads and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me. Someone once told me “you can’t save others without saving yourself” and despite this shot-gun wound to my chest, I fight to carry on. I am going to therapy weekly; I check in with my psychiatrist monthly; I speak with friends and family; I make sure to plan a schedule. My schedule consists of how much time I allot to schooling so that way I am able to set aside time for healing, friends, and family.

At age 12 a psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety. For 16 years I’ve battled a war with myself every single day. Despite multiple medications and therapists, my rollercoaster of emotions seems to be never-ending. That is why I have developed, and continue to develop, healthy habits to prioritize my survival. As a teenager, I felt so alone. I grew up in a single parent, only child, household and my mom had to work to support our family. I felt that I had no friends, that I was ugly, and worthless to society. When I would feel the sad thoughts creeping in I would turn to a mantra I learned and start naming five things I liked about myself. I would listen to my favorite songs as I did this so that when I heard these songs, I would associate them with happy thoughts. A few years passed and I decided that my medication was keeping my mouth and nose above water, but I craved to touch the land. With the support of my mom, I made the leap to begin new medications. Without my mom’s support, her willingness to pick up slack around the house, and her comfort in the times when I wanted to die, I wouldn’t have made it. In October of 2022, I began to feel somewhat level. I began, out of curiosity to learn, reading the Bible and I found happiness in that. Around that time, I decided, after finally finding a passion to pursue, to enroll in college full-time. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. In December of 2023, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. Going to school full-time, working full-time, becoming my mother’s caretaker full-time, and coping with the fact that my best friend/best mom around was given a death sentence, was the most overwhelming experience of my life. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take its last breath against my chest. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her. I strive to continue because others may need my strength to get out of their own heads and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me. Someone once told me “you can’t save others without saving yourself” and despite this shot-gun wound to my chest, I fight to carry on. I am going to therapy weekly; I check in with my psychiatrist monthly; I speak with friends and family; I make sure to plan a schedule. My schedule consists of how much time I allot to schooling so that way I am able to set aside time for healing, friends, and family.

I was always the person who was told I could get straight A's if I just applied myself to my studies. I never cared to because I never found something I was passionate about. I got out of high school and attended my local community college and dropped out to go work. In 2021, I fell in love with accounting. Customer service was my specialty and I was hired on, at my company, to be their new representative. The current accountant was very overwhelmed and assigned tasks to me to help. There was a large account that had owed over $100k in past due invoices and I was enlisted to recover the debt. Within nine months, and about 100 excel sheets later, the remaining balance was $3,000. My predecessor saw how passionate I was about it and trained me in collections. As I navigated, and mastered, our aging reports, I was then tasked with finding discrepancies in payments. Finding the whys, what’s, and how’s, within the discrepancies was so much fun for me and in December 2021, when my predecessor gave her two-weeks notice, my employer took a chance on me and allowed me to explore accounting. I could perform all of the necessary functions for accounts receivable, but I did not know the inner workings of why I was doing it. I knew nothing about accounting but I was more than ready to learn. My employer took training slow but I was not willing to wait and master one task before moving on to the other. I kept hearing the words “forensic accounting” associated with my daily functions and researched what it meant. Eager to absorb more information, and feigning because I was being held back, I looked for colleges that offered degrees in forensic accounting. Within 2 weeks I had not only found a school that offered it, but I had enrolled. After 10 years of schooling freedom not only was I going back but I was, and am, dedicated to graduate with the highest of Latin honors, Summa Cum Laude. Amongst all of this excitement tragedy struck when my grandmother passed away in October of 2022. It was devastating, especially because she truly valued her grandchildren pursuing education, so much so that the kids who went to college would get a Christmas present and the ones who worked, even though I was her favorite, didn’t (no I’m not bitter). Whether my grandmother knew it or not, I was ready to make her proud. School was set to begin in January of 2023 and if my grandmother’s passing wasn’t enough, life was ready to throw me into a whirlwind. My mom was told she had stage 4 lung cancer metastasized to her brain. Going to school full-time, working full-time, becoming my mother’s caretaker full-time, and coping with the fact that my best friend/best mom around was given a death sentence, was the most overwhelming experience of my life. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms as I felt her chest take its last breath against my chest. Before I left her hospital room, I promised her I would work my absolute hardest to continue my streak of a 4.0 GPA. After 3 deaths, a job change, and a financial and emotional shift, I’ve kept my promise. I ended this semester with a 4.0 GPA and I know my mom and grandmother couldn’t be prouder. I can’t wait to begin my career and, hopefully, take down the Madoff’s of the world, with my 2 guardian angels cheering me on every step of the way.

I was always the person who was told I could get straight A's if I just applied myself to my studies. I never cared to because I never found something I was passionate about. I got out of high school and attended my local community college and dropped out to go work. Then, in October of 2022, at 27 years old, I found my passion, enrolled in college, and dedicated myself to graduate Summa Cum Laude. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. Her passing absolutely devastated my sister and myself. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. Going to school full-time, working full-time, becoming my mother’s caretaker full-time, and coping with the fact that my best friend/best mom around was given a death sentence, was the most overwhelming experience of my life. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take its last breath against my chest. Before I left her hospital room, I promised her I would work my absolute hardest to continue my streak of a 4.0 GPA. After 3 deaths, a job change, and a financial and emotional shift, I’ve kept my promise. I ended this semester with a 4.0 GPA and I know my mom couldn’t be prouder. I learned, in this wild ride, how much stronger than I thought I was. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. The dead parents club has changed the way I look at the world. I’ve thought people were selfish and self-centered but, they’re not all bad. This club has given me a new perspective, a sense of belonging, and the motivation to help others like me. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her in death. I strive to continue because others who are joining the club may need my strength to carry on and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me.

I was 8 when my dad moved to Florida and left me behind. For 20 years it’s been me and my mom. My older sister was given up for adoption because my mom was young and couldn't care for a baby. My uncle and aunt took my sister in and raised her as their own. We knew the situation our whole lives and grew up as distant sisters but became very close when she had her 3 children. My mom, my sister, and I were the terrific trio, and we would do everything together in my teenage, and adult, years. My sister, like my mom, was a single parent and I grew so close to my nieces that they began calling me dad. My mom was the fun grandma, and the kids absolutely cherished her. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. Her passing absolutely devastated my sister and myself. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. The terrific trio rallied together to do what we needed to do for mom’s survival. We laughed together, cried together, and talked more than we ever had. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take it’s last breath against my chest. My sister held our mom’s hand to guide her into her next life. I drove myself back to the empty home my mom and I shared accompanied by the new friend, that everyone who has lost a loved one has come to know as, emptiness. The next day as I cleaned the house I looked around at all of her medications and thought, “what would happen if I took all of these?”. Candidly, I considered this for months. But, I watched my sister crumble after losing the two women who meant the most to her and I knew I couldn’t, not only crush her to pieces, but abandon her in this desperate time. My sister, and her beautiful daughters, needed strength. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. The dead parents club has changed the way I look at the world. I’ve thought people were selfish and self-centered but, they’re not all bad. This club has given me a new perspective, a sense of belonging, and the motivation to help others like me. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her. I strive to continue because others, like my sister and nieces, may need my strength to get out of their own heads and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me.

I was always the person who was told I could get straight A's if I just applied myself to my studies. I never cared to because I never found something I was passionate about. I got out of high school and attended my local community college and dropped out to go work. Then, in October of 2022, at 27 years old, I found my passion, enrolled in college, and dedicated myself to graduate Summa Cum Laude. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. Her passing absolutely devastated my sister and myself. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. Going to school full-time, working full-time, becoming my mother’s caretaker full-time, and coping with the fact that my best friend/best mom around was given a death sentence, was the most overwhelming experience of my life. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take its last breath against my chest. Before I left her hospital room, I promised her I would work my absolute hardest to continue my streak of a 4.0 GPA. After 3 deaths, a job change, and a financial and emotional shift, I’ve kept my promise. I ended this semester with a 4.0 GPA and I know my mom couldn’t be prouder. I learned, in this wild ride, how much stronger than I thought I was. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. The dead parents club has changed the way I look at the world. I’ve thought people were selfish and self-centered but, they’re not all bad. This club has given me a new perspective, a sense of belonging, and the motivation to help others like me. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her in death. I strive to continue because others who are joining the club may need my strength to carry on and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me.

I was 8 when my dad moved to Florida and left me behind. For 20 years it’s been me and my mom. My older sister was given up for adoption because my mom was young and couldn't care for a baby. My uncle and aunt took my sister in and raised her as their own. We knew the situation our whole lives and grew up as distant sisters but became very close when she had her 3 children. My mom, my sister, and I were the terrific trio, and we would do everything together in my teenage, and adult, years. My sister, like my mom, was a single parent and I grew so close to my nieces that they began calling me dad. My mom was the fun grandma, and the kids absolutely cherished her. Fast forward to October 23rd, 2022, I sat with my grandmother as she took her last breath. Her passing absolutely devastated my sister and myself. As I began the healing journey, from what I would call a massive loss, my beloved cat became ill in December and passed on the 7th. A mere 5 days later, around 7:30 am, I held my mom as she sobbed in my arms after learning she had stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain. In February 2023, we learned that she would have 12-18 months to live. The terrific trio rallied together to do what we needed to do for mom’s survival. We laughed together, cried together, and talked more than we ever had. On June 25th, 2023, I held my mom in my arms telling her how amazing she was, how much fun she was, how she was my life, as I felt her chest take it’s last breath against my chest. My sister held our mom’s hand to guide her into her next life. I drove myself back to the empty home my mom and I shared accompanied by the new friend, that everyone who has lost a loved one has come to know as, emptiness. The next day as I cleaned the house I looked around at all of her medications and thought, “what would happen if I took all of these?”. Candidly, I considered this for months. But, I watched my sister crumble after losing the two women who meant the most to her and I knew I couldn’t, not only crush her to pieces, but abandon her in this desperate time. My sister, and her beautiful daughters, needed strength. Every single moment of every single day I’m in the most emotional pain I have ever felt. I often wonder how other people have made it out on the other side. Those people became my inspiration to trudge through. I can never, ever, repay the community of strangers who have all, unknowingly, talked me off of the ledge. The dead parents club has changed the way I look at the world. I’ve thought people were selfish and self-centered but, they’re not all bad. This club has given me a new perspective, a sense of belonging, and the motivation to help others like me. I strive to continue because I know my mom wouldn’t want me to follow her. I strive to continue because others, like my sister and nieces, may need my strength to get out of their own heads and in doing so, I can become the inspiration that so many others have been to me. If anyone reading this is in the club- from the bottom of my broken heart, thank you for keeping me alive.

My mom was the biggest inspiration to me. As I got older I was able to see her for the strong woman she was before her passing this past June. My mom worked a 40 hour job, put food on the table, and was able to buy me a car, a phone, clothes and more. She supported me in every path I took and always made sure she never missed a game. In 2006 she got a benign brain tumor and still maintained our household. She never cried in front of me nor did she let me see her vulnerable side. I’ve always thought I would never compare to her as a parent because of how emotionally strong she was. She struggled to give me the best life she could and she successfully did so. When she found out she was dying she still put her feelings aside to comfort me and ensure I was okay. My mom was an absolute rock. Because I had watched her struggle financially growing up I had always wanted to repay her for her hard work and let her know how much I appreciated her. I’ve always loved puzzles and accounting can be a giant puzzle. In October 2022, I decided to enroll at Southern New Hampshire University in forensic accounting. In December 2022 my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. In January I began my journey with school and with learning how to take care of my mom, the way she did for me when I was young. In hospital rooms, sitting next to her bed, I would be doing my homework. We would often joke about how I was going to work for the FBI and have her arrested for tax fraud. When we were home I would be listening to books while trying to make her dinner, clean our home, or help her bathe. Come June 2023, just 13 days after her 56th birthday, I watched my hero succumb to her disease. As I looked upon her one last time I promised her I would stay in school and I would be the successful person she knew I could be. I miss her every day but I know she is watching me, proudly, fulfill my goals of being a forensic accountant. She would be beaming knowing I have a 4.0 gpa, for the first time in my life and she is going to watch me take down some big corporations with my skills (or learn how to commit fraud and get dirty rich…just kidding!).

Accounts cannot be trusted. A statement that diminishes the attraction of the profession entirely. Coupled with prejudice, the requirements of obtaining a Certified Public Accounting degree, and licensure, have astronomical financial costs. Entering into the accounting field has become unattractive despite its rewarding benefits. Becoming a CPA, and maintaining a CPA license, has extensive requirements including 150 credit hours, up to $1,000 or more in exam fees, continued education, reissue of a license (including payment for the recertification), a minimum of 2 years work experience, membership fees, and more. The average cost of an undergraduate degree, excluding room and board, and books, is a minimum of $40,000. The average CPA is paid $70,000 per year in the United States. People do not want to pay the money that it takes to become a CPA thus, a shortage is becoming prevalent in the profession. Because most companies choose to hire a CPA, they have to put their trust in that CPA to follow the state and federal guidelines. In addition to a CPA, when companies hire an accountant they must also put the trust in the accountants ability to handle their finances with truthfulness and competence. Due to people such as Bernie Madoff, Bernie Ebbers, and Andrew Fastow, giving the accounting field a bad name, accountants are looked at as if they operate with malicious intent. What the world doesn’t realize is that having an accountant, or being in the accounting profession, is essential to businesses. Accountants, of all kinds, aid in the daily operations of a business by forecasting, budgeting, ensuring compliance, aiding in taxes and tax breaks, risk mitigation, conduct audits to improve the efficiencies of a business, and much more. I want to be a forensic accountant to make a difference in the world which is one of the many benefits being in the profession has. Puzzles have always intrigued me and I’ve found that accounting is a giant puzzle. My favorite part of accounting is finding a discrepancy and having to investigate this beast of a puzzle and when the discrepancy is found I feel like I’ve accomplished the largest feat in the world such as, drawing blood from a stone. I want to change the bias in the accounting world and operate under the Accounting Code of Ethics in everything I do. Every time someone asks me what a forensic accountant does, I want them to feel the passion I do, and explain my goals, with an ear to ear smile on my face, and an excitement in my voice.