Chained A silver cord of grief confines him, polished and shining, under the tender care of a man consumed by wrath. Bloody vengeance, for innocence consumed. Desolation and rage run through the veins of his hands, bloodstained and bruised wrapped around their throats. Nothing more than scarlet eyes, sinking into darkness. The harbinger of death, drowning.

One book that heavily influenced me was More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera. It's mostly realistic fiction, with some sci-fi elements, and tells the story of Aaron, a teenage boy, that undergoes a medical procedure in order to erase his memories so that he can forget that he is gay. Aaron has a variety of issues going on around him as well, from his father's suicide to an unhealthy on-and-off relationship with another boy at his school. Prior to reading this book, I had read some books with LGBTQ themes, although there weren't as many popular ones (at the time) and many of them were very different in tone and content, mainly focusing on happy stories of acceptance. More Happy Than Not, however, gave me a story about a boy who was struggling with much more than just his identity, who found himself crushed and overwhelmed up to his breaking point, where he attempted to erase a part of himself in desperation. But it's revealed that he had already had the procedure done once before, before the beginning of the book, and had simply been unable to escape the undeniable fact of his life, and his identity, that he was, and always would be gay. The story tells a lot about the sort of stories about queer people that aren't popular, the ones who suffer, who can't even accept themselves, and who are unable to find that happy, sanitized ending. It's hard to put into words exactly how I have transformed in the years after reading More Happy Than Not, as my life is so different from Aaron's, yet similar in quite a few places, too. Part of the message I was left with upon completion was to further consider the idea of acceptance, not just acceptance among my peers and family, but within myself. And it has been hard to accept myself, in the past, in the present, and it no doubt will continue in the future. And reading this story told me about how acceptance isn't as easy as the happy ones often imply. That everyone's journey is different, everyone has unique circumstances, and there is no one way to find yourself, and embrace your identity. But you cannot give up on searching for that path to acceptance, and you cannot reject yourself. You only have one life, one body and brain to live in. You cannot find happiness while rejecting the very core of who you are.

One of the most important things in my life is actually my cat, Dipper. I've had Dipper for almost 5 years now, and out of all the pets I've owned before, he's one of the sweetest and most loving creatures I've ever seen. It's easy to forget that I matter at all in this world, with how big and insane everything is, especially at a time in my life when everything is shifting and I'm preparing to move out and start a whole new phase of life, all while grappling with mental illness. But Dipper grounds me, and reminds me that, if anything, I matter to this cat. I'm his whole world. Even when the world seems like it doesn't need me, he does. Similarly, my friends fuel me constantly, with their love and loyalty, and determination to support me in whatever I choose to do with my life. I hold no doubt in my mind that they will be there for me, that they will pull me up when I fall down. And so I too am determined to do the same for them, as long as they want me around. I cannot stop now, because I cannot leave them when they might need me, and I will fuel them as much as they endlessly fuel me.

As someone struggling with mental health, much of my life has seen me putting the needs of others before myself. And even now as I am fighting to correct my behavior and take care of myself, I still do what I can to be selfless and help others whenever I possibly can, even as a low-income disabled student. Most of the time, the most I can do is support others with words of encouragement or advice, or even just providing an ear to listen, if that's what they need. Everyone is different, and the things that help them vary from person to person, so I dedicate time to asking what I can do to help, and then I stick to it. If my friend just needs my company, even at 2 in the morning, I'm there for them as long as they need. If they need encouragement or advice to deal with a stressful, bad situation, I'm there to offer whatever I can, however much they need or want from me. I can't always give people what they need, I'm beginning to realize, but no matter what, I am determined to do the most that I can.

I want to be able to represent myself, and people within my community, who rarely get a chance to shine positively in the global picture. As a trans, queer, Jewish, and disabled individual, I rarely get the chance to see people like me really succeed, at least not people similar to me in more ways than one. I never see people who are trans, Jewish, and disabled in a big, positive spotlight. Sometimes I see queer Jewish people, or disabled people, but it always seems to stop there. I want to be able to present myself to the world with pride, and provide support for people like me, and people different from me. People of color, trans women, and other targeted religions especially. I want to succeed in showing my pride to the world not just for me, but for my community, and the communities like mine that have been fighting for years, decades, to be allowed to stand in the spotlight with something to be proud of. Specifically, I want to draw and paint people and experiences that resonate with my community, and might even communicate with those outside my community, to be able to share our experiences in a way that words fail to do so.

The idea of "paying it forward" to me means being able to share the kindness I receive with those I care about, and even those I don't know that might need a little bit more kindness in their lives. One of the things I hate most is when I find myself unable to repay a kindness dealt to me by someone, especially my close friends and family. But, on the other hand, I really enjoy being able to pay kindness to others without expecting anything in return. So, when I find myself the recipient of an act of kindness, it feels only natural to turn right around and pass it along to others whenever I can. Though I don't really have any sort of goal in mind when I do pay kindness forward, I do hope that the people I am kind to, continue to pay it forward, intentionally or not, to others as they move onward. Sometimes, in times when I have found myself really struggling with something, whether that be a physical or emotional problem, I also find that anyone, even a stranger, offering their kindness, can lift me from my heaviest emotions, at least to some extent. Even something as small as a compliment on my outfit or holding a door open when I don't have any hands free to do so myself. And I don't believe I'm alone in this either, which is why I always try to spread kindness when I can. The most times I find myself on the receiving end of other people paying it forward, at least recently, has been at my job, where I work in a cafe and often talk to customers at the register. While I run into my fair share of nasty people that take their anger out on me and my coworkers, similarly, I run into just as many kind people that make up for the rude ones. Sometimes, when a customer behind a rude person in line steps up after I've dealt with a stressful situation, they make an effort to be extra kind, often leaving an extra tip or some sort of kind comment that washes away the stress much more quickly. Or, if not customers, then it is my coworkers who pay forward kindness, often subconsciously, when my older, more experienced coworkers step up to deal with an angry customer so that I don't have to stress out, or when my friend picks up the phone order because they know I struggle with speaking with people over the phone. Although none of these by themselves have particularly impacted my life, as time goes on and the little things add up, I've found that they have impacted me in the long run, and have offered me comfort even when everything surrounding me has become incredibly stressful.

I have been a part of the LGBTQ+ community since I was around 12 years old. I live in Seattle, WA, and my family has always been openly supportive of queer people, so I was never afraid of exploring my identity. In fact, my aunt is actually LGBTQ herself, and her and her wife have been a source of inspiration in my life. My queer journey has been a rather long and difficult one, but I remain proud of who I am. As it stands now, I identify as aromantic and bisexual, and I am transmasculine. Due to my complex relationship with gender, I have had a similarly complex relationship with my sexuality, and spent several of my teenage years scrambling to find myself. Within the LGBTQ+ community, I have had a wide variety of experiences. Some good, some bad, some a mix of both. Some of my past relationships with other queer people have taught me about the sort of people that make me unhappy and work against my ideas and identity, while other relationships have inspired me and I have nurtured them, leading to a strong bond that I maintain to this day. I have also been inspired by LGBTQ people of color that I have spoken to in my life, who shared how their identity as a queer person is also heavily influenced by their identity as a person of color. Many times, their racial identity impacts both sexuality and gender, as the societal expectations regarding LGBTQ people of color are VERY different from those surrounding white LGBTQ people. As I continue through life and go into college, I hope to connect with more LGBTQ people, especially those of color, and help to boost their voices and their stories, so that more people (white people like myself) can understand and provide support as a community ought to do. As it stands now, I don't know exactly what I want to do as a career. I am an artist, and I would like to go into something creative in which I can express myself and my ideas freely. However, I am also interested in careers that provide support for mental health, such as therapy, as I know that there are many therapists out there that are unsupportive of queer people, and I want to be able to make the amount of truly decent ones continue to climb higher. Whatever I decide on, I am determined to be a source of support for others. Whether that is through my career, or through volunteering or something else, I will provide what I wish I had more of in my childhood.

Although it is difficult to truly have an impact on the climate as a single person, I do my best. I try to advocate for protection of our planet as often as I am able, and learn as much as I can about what really impacts our environment. Often, in news or on social media, I see big corporations talking about the environment, as though it is all the fault of individual consumers that our Earth is suffering. It isn't. Rather, an individual using or not using plastic straws will have ultimately no effect on climate change, but the oil companies that spend day after day after day spewing garbage all across our planet are killing us, all while acting as though it is us as individuals who are to blame. That's not to say that I don't recycle and compost and reduce my impact on the environment as much as I can--I am conscious of everything I do--but I find myself angry at these companies that will even go so far as to claim that people with asthma are killing the environment by needing an inhaler to breathe properly and not be in pain. One day, I hope that my anger is actually heard, and I hope that the focus will shift to the people truly to blame for our declining climate.