My life almost ended at 12, a daughter, friend, niece, student would have been lost. To this day I think about my attempt and am filled with sadness. I had spent my life living in a house filled with trauama, being bullied and never once feeling understood by a teacher. To me life coud never be good, and even if it was not good enough to endure that pain. My middle school teacher doesnt realize this but she saved me. The pain of surviving an attempt and coming back to “normal” life was worse than the pain of before. Her simplicity of checking in on me everyday after that, showing me there was a life to live, and listening to me, saved me. She never mentioned what happened, I know that she knew but she made sure I knew she was there. Even more, she exposed me to a life that could matter. Life didnt have to be about making myself “enough” for my family, or fulfilling their American dream. Life could be about doing something that mattered, doing something that changes people. After this lesson from her I switched goals many times. I knew I wanted to make a difference but I didnt know how. I decided to try teaching so that I could be like her of course, and landed myself in a categorical Autisim(ASD) classroom. To be honest this was the last thing I wanted. My exact words to my education teacher were “ You can put me in any classroom except a special ed one.” Of course her reaction was to put me in one, which I will forever be grateful for. After my first day with the students I could tell something felt different, it was a joy I had never experienced before. By the end of the semester I knew what God’s plan was for me, to become an ASD teacher. During the semester I grew a close bond with my students, and mentor teachers. I learned so much, and realized how fulfilling and hard special education can be. My favorite moment,and the one that made my decision final was when I got a student to speak. Being able to communicate easily is something many of us take for granted, and it's something many of my students don't have the privilege of. One of my students, Jack, struggled with communication and getting him to say anything was a battle. After about 3 months of working with him, I did something I never thought I could do. In 30 minutes of sitting with him, using snacks as motivation and modeling sound, I got him to say the entirety of the alphabet. This was the moment I knew, nothing could ever make life more beautiful than this. Through my life experiences, and my time with students I know that this is what I want in my life. The most important thing in life is to help make someone elses better, to change our world. Through special education I can do that. Although as someone who has struggled with mental health I see how hard education is and how teachers need more supprt. Teachers are struggling with burnout every day, which is not only leading to a shortage but it's also leading to poor mental health in educators. We need to do more to support educators, so they can continue to make a difference.

My middle school teacher Mrs.Garcia, helped save my life. She was one of the first people to believe in me and my future. She was the first person who actually got me to believe in life after high school. She taught me that life had value, love, and advocacy. In any situation, she taught all of us to let our voices be heard. This lesson helped me get the help that I needed and led me to service and advocacy taking up my days. Due to Mrs. Garcia's lessons, over the high school, I have gathered over 300 volunteer hours, began a committee for young women of color, joined multiple organizations that work toward local change, and best of all spent time at my district's elementary schools. In my sophomore year, I took an exploratory course on education where I discovered my love for teaching, specifically Autism education. After the semester finished and my placement was over I found every opportunity I could to spend more time with my students. Then I found an opportunity to start college early, in a special education program. Throughout my junior year I have taken college classes for both general education requirements and education classes. I also spent time in 3 classrooms and an after-school program (Aqui Jugamos). The time I've spent with these students, has shown me what I am called to do in life. I've decided to go to school to become a lead teacher in an ASD classroom and an after school/ summer program instructor for a non-profit. Truly I can't explain why I want to work two jobs (both being hard work for little pay) without talking about the children who have changed my life. My first group of student who I've been able to see as 1st graders and 2nd graders in the ASD program. I've gotten to see students be able to go to general education classes for the first time. I've seen them interact with peers and be accepted by them. I've watched them learn how to communicate in ways they never could before. One of them learning to say “I love you” and saying it to me was a highlight. My 4th graders who made me see that older grades are where my heart lies. From the students growing up in unloving homes, being built up to feel loved. To the students struggling in math finally being able to understand a concept due to differentiation. To the students already struggling with mental health, being able to feel understood. To the students getting bullied, having a shoulder to cry on. My Aqui Jugamos kids, showing me that this impact can appear even outside of a classroom. Being able to remind each of them how loved they are. Even after they yell, or hit, or scream or throw, they are still loved. I will still meet them with a hug, play tag, laugh, and swing with them. Being able to give them a space where they know that no matter what they are loved. Even when they don't have that at home, they can have that from me. All of my students have shown me that by pursuing a future in education and non-profit I can make an impact. They reminded me of how Mrs.Garcia changed me and how I can do the same for them. I can create spaces of love, understanding and education to make a lasting impact on the future generations to come.

I used to hate my life, every piece of it. No matter how hard I tried I could never quite find a reason to live. I was probably 8 or 9 when this feeling became real. I was 9 the first time I self harmed and 10 when I first attempted suicide. I attempted many times, and I continued to self-harm , almost daily. Even if someone had noticed, I wouldn't have accepted their help, I didn't want help. I couldn't find happiness in anything, I didn't see a future for myself. I felt I had nothing left to live for, this was far from the truth. Everything was already bad, but things got worse when my grandma passed. The year after was filled with more attempts and self harm than ever before. Until exactly a year after, December 30th. I had attempted about 8 times in the past year, all of them failing. I gave myself a last attempt to end it all. That night I tried to overdose , I failed yet again. I had really thought my “final attempt” would end it all for me, but I had already decided that was the last time. Just because I stopped self-harming/ attempting didn't mean that my feelings had gone away. I still couldn't find a single reason to be alive. The past 3 ½ years were hard to get through, but I've done it. I have found millions of reasons to live, from friends to sunsets to hugs to Taylor Swift. In all honesty Taylor Swift's music got me through, in her music I could find myself. I've done this with many songs but none like Clean. The song gained a special place in my heart when I became clean. While the song may be about a breakup to me it's about my journey, my feelings and who I am today. The lyrics became something I could find my experience in. Lyrics like, "Rain came pouring down. When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe. And by morning. Gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean", describing the feeling of the pain I experienced at the beginning of my journey. I felt like I was dying but it was the first time in forever I wasn't actively trying to. While hard, it was a breath of fresh air, finally trying to live. Eventually I was truly clean, and genuinely wanted to be alive. I could relate to other lyrics like "Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it", describing how badly I wanted to give in. Yes I was clean but I didn't want to be. All I wanted was to relapse and take away my pain. The lyric that gets me the most is "Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it". It took me a long time to really relate to this lyric. I'm clean now, not only physically but also mentally. I love the life I have and the future I ahead of me. I never want to do anything that would risk all of that. I'm clean from hurting myself, and even better I'm clean from wanting to be out of this world. Clean hadn't always been my favorite song on 1989, but now it is. I want ny firet tatoo to be my favoritelyric from the song, "Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it". To represent my growth, not only physically but mentally. I choose now to live my life to the fullest and to never again risk the life I have.