In order to treat others with empathy, you must know yourself well. To truly feel someone else's emotions, you must be in tune with your own emotions and the experiences that trigger them. When I encounter someone who is in need emotionally, I will offer a touch. For me, a touch is a comfort. I have noticed that I instinctively will hug, pat, or touch someone who is in distress. There is research supporting the multiple benefits of a long hug, a touch, or holding hands, and I have felt these benefits when those actions have been offered to me. I also ask them a lot of questions, trying to dig deeper and understand their situation fully. If I can understand more about what they are going through, then I am better able to identify with my own experiences, feelings, and attitudes about how I would feel in their situation and might be able to help them find solutions to their problem; or at the very least, help them think differently. When engaging with someone and feeling and/or showing empathy, I do not try to solve their problem for them--rather, I help them think. I try to feel with them and share with them in their experience. I have had others in my life who did that for me and it was extremely meaningful. Knowing that someone is walking with you during a difficult time can be more help than that person trying to fix the problem(s). Once they arrive at a possible solution for the problem they are facing, if I can help them, I will. Again, knowing someone is there to care and help can make all of the difference in a situation.

When I need a break from the busyness of my world, I love to read. In my work as a teacher and head volleyball coach, I pour so much of myself into my job. My emotions, mental and physical energy, and my heart can sometimes feel empty if I go too long without a break. I have found that reading fills my cup faster and fuller than taking a nap, shopping, or getting a massage. A good book can give me energy and empower my thinking as I go through each day. Reading also provides an added benefit for me. I enjoy personal growth books as well as books about coaching. As I read I am challenging my mind and learning new things that will help me as I work. The same things I need a break from become easier to handle as I gain knowledge and a better understanding of coaching, time management, and personal growth. I have found that my mental health is improved and maintained by reading more. This is not always something I have done in an effort to manage stress. When I was younger, I always tried to "push through," thinking that if I just checked more things off of my list I would feel less stress. However, I have learned that taking time to refresh my mind with different and/or better thinking has been the best medicine for my mental health and relaxation.

When I was 26, I was married and pregnant with my fourth child. My husband at the time had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and his illness escalated to the point of being in a mental hospital on several occasions. As a result of his illness, and his behavior when he was well, we divorced. Needless to say, being a single mother of four children and my youngest still in my womb was an incredibly difficult situation. However, six months after my baby was born I went back to school to finish my degree in Mathematics. Two and a half years later, I not only finished, but I also graduated with honors--summa cum laude--with a B.A. in Mathematics and a minor in Secondary Education. I did not do it alone. My parents and friends helped me raise my children in the absence of a two-parent family and income. Those two and a half years involved many sleepless nights and the hardest work of my life. Not only was I dealing with the wave of emotions that come with divorce, but I was also raising my small children and working to raise them into fine adults. Fast forward 19 years later, and I have a career as a teacher and a head volleyball coach; which was always my dream job when I was younger. I am thankful for the hard work and perseverance endured to get to where I am today. I am thankful for those that helped me in my journey to overcome my life's biggest obstacle.

My favorite way to help others is to offer encouraging words. Our words create our world is a saying that is often meant to encourage people to speak dreams into existence, but that saying is also true for the words you put out to others. As a teacher and a coach, I have seen the immediate and long-term benefits of telling a student, "You are so smart," or an athlete, "You are so talented." Those words plant seeds in their mind that help them gain confidence, motivation, and self-reliance. As a teacher during a pandemic, words with my co-workers have never been more important. Sharing an encouraging word in an environment with so much negativity can have a tremendous impact on our teaching environment and our classrooms; which in turn reflects in our classroom results and our students. I have worked hard to tell my co-workers that I appreciate them and that they are doing good work that matters. In our current circumstances, those things can be easy to forget, and a kind reminder with a smile and a hug can make a difference for them and for others.

Twenty years ago, I was married to a man with clinically diagnosed bipolar disorder. Living with someone every day that experiences such extreme changes in behavior while knowing they have an illness that determines their daily mood, accomplishments, and relationships with people has shaped my understanding of mental health. At the time, I was a stay-at-home wife and mother of four. Because of my husband's inability to consistently earn an income due to long bouts of deep depression, followed by surges of mania that drained our bank account and incurred incredulous amounts of debt, I began to seek ways to improve my skill set to be able to provide for our family. It was because of this life shift that I entered the teaching profession and found my true calling as a teacher and coach. Little did I know how much those prior experiences would bring to the table in our current classroom circumstances. A large percentage of our student population is now dealing with mental health and mood disorders. Because of those earlier times in my life, I have a deeper understanding and a high level of empathy for students who are struggling mentally. I realize that through training and having a compassionate heart, there are many in the teaching field that have been able to reach students with mental health issues, but I also know that having those real-life experiences have helped me to see the person rather than just their behavior. At times I have been able to talk students through emotions or scenarios to help them make better situational and life choices. My youngest daughter has also battled severe depression. As her mother, I was able to help her navigate a couple of dark years during her critical high school journey. While I certainly would not wish that on anyone, the experience gave me an insight into depression through a high school girl's eyes. Fortunately, we were able to get her the help she needed through medication and counseling and she is thriving in her freshman year at college. Having been through the trauma of being married to someone with bipolar disorder, I did not go unscathed. Following our separation which led to divorce, I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression as a result of the ongoing radical changes in the relationship. Through years of counseling and medication, and now being much more self-aware, I can facilitate calmness in chaotic situations. Again, those experiences were traumatic, but they have brought me to where I am today and I can use those experiences to help others in similar situations. Because of having such intimate relationships with people experiencing mental illness, I have an innate desire to help them. I have done extensive reading and personal research to help them (and myself). This added knowledge has made me a better teacher and coach. I have been better prepared in the classroom, on the volleyball court, in the locker room, and on the bus rides home to communicate openly with students and athletes regarding their emotions and mental health. In addition to the impact my experiences have had in the workplace, they have also impacted other relationships. I now have a habit of stepping back and seeing the bigger picture of where people are coming from--parents of students, parents of athletes, coworkers, friends, and family members who may be struggling with something mentally or emotionally; caused by inheritance or by trauma. I can understand that many times a person's action or reaction is a summation of their prior experiences, learned reactions, and/or coping mechanisms. I am better equipped to ask, "How can I help this person?" rather than thinking that their behavior is strange or inappropriate. I am currently working toward my master's degree in coaching and athletic administration. I know that there are many lives to impact and sometimes the most dynamic people can have the darkest feelings inside. I want to be a light for those people. I appreciate the opportunity to apply for the Ethel Hayes Destigmatization of Mental Health Scholarship. I'm sorry you lost your mother to suicide. I am grateful you have turned that tragedy into something meaningful for future generations.