Twenty years ago, I was married to a man with clinically diagnosed bipolar disorder. Living with someone every day that experiences such extreme changes in behavior while knowing they have an illness that determines their daily mood, accomplishments, and relationships with people has shaped my understanding of mental health. At the time, I was a stay-at-home wife and mother of four. Because of my husband's inability to consistently earn an income due to long bouts of deep depression, followed by surges of mania that drained our bank account and incurred incredulous amounts of debt, I began to seek ways to improve my skill set to be able to provide for our family.
It was because of this life shift that I entered the teaching profession and found my true calling as a teacher and coach. Little did I know how much those prior experiences would bring to the table in our current classroom circumstances. A large percentage of our student population is now dealing with mental health and mood disorders. Because of those earlier times in my life, I have a deeper understanding and a high level of empathy for students who are struggling mentally. I realize that through training and having a compassionate heart, there are many in the teaching field that have been able to reach students with mental health issues, but I also know that having those real-life experiences have helped me to see the person rather than just their behavior. At times I have been able to talk students through emotions or scenarios to help them make better situational and life choices.
My youngest daughter has also battled severe depression. As her mother, I was able to help her navigate a couple of dark years during her critical high school journey. While I certainly would not wish that on anyone, the experience gave me an insight into depression through a high school girl's eyes. Fortunately, we were able to get her the help she needed through medication and counseling and she is thriving in her freshman year at college.
Having been through the trauma of being married to someone with bipolar disorder, I did not go unscathed. Following our separation which led to divorce, I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression as a result of the ongoing radical changes in the relationship. Through years of counseling and medication, and now being much more self-aware, I can facilitate calmness in chaotic situations. Again, those experiences were traumatic, but they have brought me to where I am today and I can use those experiences to help others in similar situations.
Because of having such intimate relationships with people experiencing mental illness, I have an innate desire to help them. I have done extensive reading and personal research to help them (and myself). This added knowledge has made me a better teacher and coach. I have been better prepared in the classroom, on the volleyball court, in the locker room, and on the bus rides home to communicate openly with students and athletes regarding their emotions and mental health.
In addition to the impact my experiences have had in the workplace, they have also impacted other relationships. I now have a habit of stepping back and seeing the bigger picture of where people are coming from--parents of students, parents of athletes, coworkers, friends, and family members who may be struggling with something mentally or emotionally; caused by inheritance or by trauma. I can understand that many times a person's action or reaction is a summation of their prior experiences, learned reactions, and/or coping mechanisms. I am better equipped to ask, "How can I help this person?" rather than thinking that their behavior is strange or inappropriate.
I am currently working toward my master's degree in coaching and athletic administration. I know that there are many lives to impact and sometimes the most dynamic people can have the darkest feelings inside. I want to be a light for those people.
I appreciate the opportunity to apply for the Ethel Hayes Destigmatization of Mental Health Scholarship. I'm sorry you lost your mother to suicide. I am grateful you have turned that tragedy into something meaningful for future generations.