"Even in your brightest moments you still need a light" was a quote I told myself although my family constantly reminded me that they were there I still craved something they couldn't give me. Ive experienced mental health issues and all the precautions set in place to ensure I wouldn't "walk off the edge of the earth" and even then all the medication, therapy, and unlimited amounts of squishy balls didn't work.My 17th year was the hardest i had so many setbacks that felt like instead of going forward I was stuck exactly where I started and that's when I knew I wanted to help those who struggled with the same or similar problems I'd been dealing with. Currently, I am trying to get my business notarized and funded, a community center based on children using their unique abilities to help the community while also providing the resources needed to help them succeed such as coping skills, therapy groups, drug treatment and GED classes. Children who come will not be made to pay fees and we will host fundraisers all around the community exhibiting their work such as art, culinary, construction, makeup etc. Overall the community center is just a start but at least those who may feel un-appreciated or un-welcomed will know they have a place in the world. I completely understand what it is like to wait in a waiting room for hours upon hours and still, when the time comes for you to meet the therapist, doctor or physician it's completely unnerving because they use all these huge words trying to characterize you and put you in a small box and they don't care that you don't fit into the category they are so eagerly trying to fit you into. Children need to know they are 1 of a kind that they DO matter that even though you may have setbacks those setbacks lead to a major comeback. The world will not give you leeway and will sometimes try its hardest to push you down which proves you just need to push harder. Mental health has been a problem for a very long time sometimes people choose to ignore it others choose to try and "catch the bull by its horns ".Mental health is a problem and a problem that needs to be treated as a worldwide issue but not all the same techniques work on everyone the same way they do for others. Poetic pain is my business name because the pain that we endure as humans is so mesmerizing and unlike any other emotional sensation which makes it almost poetic.

My life has been none short of challenges, for as long as I can remember I felt as though the world was against me as if I couldn't get a break. At 7 my mom was diagnosed with 3 different lethal illnesses it was beyond terrifying, not knowing what would happen to her or when she would get out. My father took on the responsibility of raising me shortly after proving she was no longer capable. My father had a new wife and 2 children in a shiny white house while I was left to feel unwanted. My stepmother and father were constantly trying to get me to lose faith in my mother by educating me on my mother's past and the multiple criminal charges she accumulated until they finally told me she had died. It was life-changing I felt all alone I was in a world that hated me for the color of my skin but 2 people who placed me on this earth were either unresponsive or out of reach. From then on I dove into my studies hoping to gain recognition from my new"mom" and my father, hoping that if they saw I was not like my mother maybe they would love me more. As I got older I realized I wasn't the problem my stepmom did not like me simply because I was not her child. Eventually, she told me she didn't want to see my face, and told me not to come out of "my" room".At age 11 I ran away, I was so deep into depression I no longer desired to be alive my father was never home and when he was he was beating me for eating something or because my stepmom said I did something. Later in the month, my aunt came to get me because of the amber alert she had seen, she told me the reason no one had tried to come get me sooner was because they thought I'd been taken to Pakistan by my dad. Living with my aunt was much better although there were plenty of challenges I realized people who gave birth to me were never going to treat me as they treat their kids. Learned to adapt and how to cope because although I was allowed to eat and come out of my room, now I had to deal with problems I never had to with my dad. My aunt was so dismissive and argumentative that I felt I was always under attack. My sophomore year in high school was when things escalated and I knew I had to get out of the house, I knew I had at least until I was 18 to make my life as I wanted and to be successful and no need for anyone else. This scholarship would help me focus more academically instead of constantly worrying about the financial aspect. I understand tuition and other fees are expensive but it takes a village.

My mom is black and my dad was an immigrant from Pakistan neither of whom went to college let alone finished high school. This year is my senior year of high school I'd been incarcerated 4 times since my sophomore year when suddenly I was tired of feeling in control of my life. Last year around black history month when I was about to be released I realized I wanted to be more than a statistic and that I wanted more for myself than my mom or my dad ever had I wanted to prevail. So I started applying for scholarships and writing essays about all the obnoxious things I'd gone through in hopes of maybe getting one. I want to be a psychology major, from personal experience, I've learned most problems are rooted in mental health not only that but most problems are rooted in your childhood. I want to learn and possibly help others because the adults of tomorrow are the kids of yesterday so if I were to start in the system where most people who suffer from mental illnesses go then maybe I'll find a pattern where then I can learn how to fix it. But with all these big dreams comes reality who would give a" 4-time criminal " a chance? it doesn't matter that I wasn't doing anything illegal it just matters that I went to jail little do they know I took the fall for my 18-year-old cousin because she would have gone to jail and I was 15 at the time. I often feel the world is against me but I still try because who am I to give up on a dream I could impact others with, most kids just want to be listened to. most kids should have been listened to. Most problems could have been prevented if someone just listened to these people. My mother has been sick since I was 7 years old here I am 17 my dad walked out on me because "I was too much like my mom" I want my mother to be proud of me not because it is another day and I'm still alive, not because today was a day I didn't get in trouble but because i did something with my life she didn't get the chance to. Pain is international, some kids have gone through more than I have and haven't had the resources I've had so many kids enter the juvenile system and get placed with therapists who have no idea what it's like to spend your nights in a cell. My name is Kamauriea and I'm 17 this is my senior year in high school I want to be a psychology major because someone needs to be able to listen to those who want to be listened to, someone needs to show the children of yesterday that tomorrow they will have someone on their side to at the least just listen.

My mother was diagnosed with various illnesses when I was 7 years old, that's when I learned I wasn't like the other kids I was no longer NORMAL. I first exhibited mental health issues by obsessing over ways I could have prevented her from getting as sick as she was, I blamed myself I thought that her having me made her sickness worse. When I was 11 I started to feel alone even when I was surrounded by others I craved the motherly love I'd seen so many other kids get from their parents and I thought "What did I do not to get a mother like that".I began to self-harm and t I was admitted to a mental health facility where I learned my situation could have been worse, I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and skitzaphrenia and there I began my treatment. As life progressed and other issues came to light I was discouraged I felt as though I had ridden into battle unprepared my family didn't feel like my family anymore and I felt as though I was fighting the most dangerous war and my only enemy was me. I tried repeatedly to encourage myself and to express my feelings healthily to do anything I could to preserve my lifespan because no matter what my mind was telling me I knew I wanted to live i just didn't know how anymore. I lost so many friends and my family was an unreliable source of stability so I joined volleyball and focused all the pain and anger on hitting a ball it helped and in the long run, I felt a sense of connection. my volleyball team was my family we supported each other when there was a weakness in the team we all worked hard to strengthen it when one of us failed we worked together to conquer and somehow during that time whenever I hit the ball my breathing increased I felt a sense of sereness of relief. I loved how nothing else mattered as long as I supported my team and my team supported me. There is always an end to every great story and when volleyball season ended I was forced to deal with life again I started therapy and learned new skills but the therapy sessions didn't help me as much as everyone thought I wanted to convince myself I was ok because in all reality I didn't know why I was not ok. Doctors put me on so much medication I could hardly stay awake my feelings intensified and I was angry, angry because the world hated me, angry because I didn't have a mom, angry because when do I get a break? Who said I could handle all of this, I was angry at myself because why could I not just be ok? Life has not ceased to make me feel this way I still sometimes feel like I'm in an impossible situation everyone expects me to walk out unscathed I learned I couldn't expect all those people with PhDs and happy families to understand what I was going through because they didnt want to. Those people do not want to imagine a life going through what I did. I decided to make the most out of life because circumstances don't make you you make the most out of the circumstances. I now devote my studies to psychology I want to try and prevent unnecessary pain if I can I want to listen because I can imagine what it's like to not have anything.

when I was a child I always knew that I wanted to help either animals or people I wanted to help animals because humans have someone to advocate for them, humans can also advocate for themselves but animals cant so for a while that's what I wanted to do in life. then later on around the time i was 15 realized that kids in the system are strongly avoided none thinks about how "can we prevent kids from even getting into the system" so by the time i was 16 i decided that while i was incarcerated i would make a petion against some of the bias rules and unjust staff i got other staff and kids to sign it and i got a metting with the super intendent and i told him a bout how the showers would cutt off after 3 or so miniutes and how after the 2 or 3rd shower the water would be completely cold he fixed it the next da and i felt asthough i had made a difference although there were people who felt like what i was doing wouldnt make a difference at all and yes i did get discouraged but i decided not to give up i will not be trated like anything less than a human just because i made a mistake i then decided that i would start paying more attention to those in the sytem i meet and there stories i gave them a listening ear something some havent had in a while i motivated those around me not to just sit back and take the unjust treatment to speak up about it what you did does not define you its how you deal with it although i havent helped as many people as i wanted and i may not have gotten the importance of the situation world wide i made a change i influenced those aroud me and im proud of that ive been a helping hand i prevented some people who were having doubts to give life a second chance that sometimes life deserves us we are the blessings and thats how i have helped those around me thats how i choose to help those who arent able help themselves. I hope in the future I can make a more influential change like physically doing something but right now I'm doing the best I can with what i have.

I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, mood disorder, and skitzat the age of 10 my mom had just been diagnosed with cancer, sick cell, and aids. I had to move with my dad constantly, fearing for my life, scared I would be injured, and scared to say or do anything remotely wrong. My mother was the constant motivation for me to keep trying until eventually, I gave up, what was the point of living why had a god given me such a hard life to live? what had I done? I decided I wanted to go to college and pursue a career. Being able to know exactly what motivates others and what makes their minds turn on the emergency thinking they are in distress or at what point in life are kids influenced? even if the richest most confident man in the world what is it that made him want to do the things he does? I haven't always wanted to be in the psychology field but I always knew I wanted to help. Problems start with people who were once children if the world does not start taking mental health seriously then we are just going to continue to keep going downhill. So many kids go through things and don't have anyone to talk to about I was sexually harassed by a family member and I just remembered thinking no one would believe me and that no one would take me seriously I didn't realize until later that it had affected me although "it could have been worst "is what my aunt said she said he "didn't sexually molest me so it wasn't as big of a deal" kids go through those kinds of things and feel like they can handle them when its silently holding them down in the back of there mind kids do things and give into urges when they feel as though they don't have a choice and that's when the most crimes are committed. Most kids in the system have been through something whether it's family friends or just the situation they were forced to live and go along with. Instead of offering kids, adults, or just anyone the proper outlet to release all the negative thoughts to give them the feeling that someone somewhere is on their side because it gets hard when you look around you and you are surrounded by so many people and yet you can't name a single person you trust to even almost not blame you for something you feel was your fault and it is bothering you to the point it is keeping you up at night your not eating anymore and then one day you decide you just can't do it anymore when it could have been prevented by a single person when you could have been given another chance that one person can influence so many future decisions trust and positivity and understanding can help someone so much that's why I want to be a psychologist I won't be able to help everyone but having made a difference will influence me and those around me.

Do you know how it feels to feel the whole world collapse on your shoulders The feeling of the clouds turning to boulders the feeling of the blood in your veins thickening what it's like for someone to pull out a folder and have your whole life in it to look back on life and doubt the strength you once had to only have been labeled by a number, diagnosed with words too long to pronounce when they are just calling you mad does it not matter that I'm just a child? my creator left me in a box with little tools She left me stranded and labeled anyone who loved me as a fool all they need to know is I'm smart enough to crawl, smart enough to beg smart enough to admit to a wrong I didn't commit,smart enough to know it doesn't matter how many tears I shed i learned real young about them "crocodile tears" I mean how many more tears can I cry, I've been crying since birth I've been shackled and forced to relinquish my rights what happened to the freedom to live my life is there something that I'm just not doing right I mean what's the point? was I born to die? am I more than just my mind? when will I get the chance to rise, to shine when will my name just be mine? But in the end, I'm still 304731 KT.

Losing the presence of my mother was the hardest thing I had ever gone through maybe if things were different my life would have turned out differently but it took me time and I went through the stages of grief and anger but now here I am applying for colleges and scholarships and trying to be a better person because regardless of if she will always be proud of me I want to exceed the expectations on what she expected from me. I'm trying to fight for the right to be a normal child have normal experiences and happy memories and accomplish things my mother didn't get to. I'm fighting for the right to get away from my past learn from it and move on to the greatest parts of my life to be able to prove that I can have a record and you can still exceed the expectations of what people have. What matters most to me now is my future and what I can do the possibilities I can accomplish and the things that I can obtain by going to college what I could learn and how I can benefit from it. My mother getting sick showed me some different things i never thought i would be able to understand .

This year has been the hardest of my entire life I spent more than half a year in the juvenile criminal system which gave me time to reflect and think during this time I learned more about myself and the meaning of the quote"you have to lose your mind just to have peace of mind" while in a cell with nothing but cement floors and cement slab to sleep on it gave me a different perspective on life. My mother has been sick since I was 7 years old I had never had a permanent adult figure in my life who offered me love and kindness without trying to change the parts of me that made me me.I yearned for a regular childhood where I could go outside and play with other kids without worrying about how long ill be able to stay outside without getting darker. My personal outlook on life has changed the way that I view myself and other people I've learned that it's not how you talk to others it's how you listen to them. Through this time there were rough times defiantly a lot of those there were times when I felt as though I was going insane just listening to the yells and screams of the people who were underneath my cell. Once you see so many people come and go cry and laugh it gets to you when you know your next court date will be nothing but old news, you won't be getting related anytime soon that is the real phony I had. I learned patience how to accept criticism how to prepare myself for the best how to hope for the worst how to make my heart slow down to stay calm I've learned so much in such an uncommon way. Most people who were incarcerated only speak about how horrible and nasty it was and how they couldn't wait to go home being incarcerated does teach you certain things that the real world may not be able to teach you it allows you to rely on yourself and no-one else you meet so many people that make an impact on you and people who are so different from you people from different states people who speak completely different from you it teaches you to accept change. Through every trial and tribulation from the 1st day to the time I felt the free world of air, I learned to love myself to accept that I am human and that I make mistakes but the difference is i will choose to learn from my mistakes.

If I could change one negative thing in my community, in the world or my environment I would change the minds of adults I would educate them on the importance of validation and love. I would ensure that they go to therapy regularly and that the workforce makes time for the mental state of humans in our society. I would change this one thing because so many problems could be solved or avoided by starting with the parent's children are influenced by adults and before they are old enough to see how much impact adults could have on them they are already 6 or 7 doing the small things they'd seen growing up. Kids look at adults as their heroes who they want to be like in the future but what if the parent is abusive or constantly yelling and throwing things that child could grow up with PTSD or they could grow up abusing their spouse or other things. Everyone claims the change starts with young people but it doesn't the change starts with those who are capable of making children those who call themselves parents. Parents should teach their children that it's ok not to be okay to accept the things you can't change and to give them the wisdom to know what they cant change. If we as a society choose to put our minds before "getting money" if our mind is already healthy and stable we will be more capable of "getting money".Society ignores mental health and puts other things above when really if you pay attention to mental health misunderstandings could be cleared people with unknown diagnoses could be diagnosed and prevented. Parents feel as though they have all the answers but have left at least one thing out of all adults and children are educated on DBT and mindfulness they would be able to notice the warning signs of depression they would be able to know coping skills they could use to calm down the breath and heart movement for children who have asthma. Lives. biggest problems could be solved by something as simple as listening and educating ourselves on what we can do to make sure we as a society are doing all we can to prevent past problems from happening again meaning we should put aside personal vendettas we should put aside extra activities and put our mental health first.We could prevent so many problems just by paying attention and listening.

I was 7 years old when my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. As a result of her diagnosis, the lifestyle she worked hard and created was uprooted. I was packed up and moved to Virginia with my grandmother with little to no understanding of the circumstances. As I began to witness my mother's health descend, I realized that my life will never be the same. My mother wasn't just battling cancer alone, she was also diagnosed with sickle cell and aids, which caused her to lose weight. My dad is Pakistani we never really had much of a relationship due to him and my mother never actually being in a relationship. One day my dad showed up at my school with police and papers saying he had custody of me all I could remember was the terrifying feeling I felt seeing him which automatically made me remember the time he slapped and drug me to the car because I was crying. I lived with him and his new wife and her kids until I was 11 when I faced the worst part of my life i still haven't healed from. my dad abused me constantly and my stepmother and her kids made me feel like an outsider my dad made sure to remind me that he" never wanted me" and that "I was an accident" which played a huge part in the depression I was soon to get. I wasn't allowed to talk to my mother or the rest of my family which later led me to run away. This part of my life taught me to be independent and that you can't always depend on people to take care of you it taught me not to judge anyone because you never fully know what they go through. It also taught me that it's every man for themselves you can't expect to get where you want to go without preparing yourself for what it takes to get there. My mother's sister ended up seeing the amber alert a month later she came to get me. I moved with my aunt at first it was good I could eat anytime I wanted but along with the freedom i had an aphiany I would never allow anyone to make me feel less than I would allow myself to be happy and I would get through life I would rise. But as things progressed I started having problems in school fighting and getting into altercations due to the idea I had in my head that I would stand up to any and everyone who made me feel the slightest bit of guilt or sadness. My aunt and her family didn't make it any easier for me to adjust I still faced depression and I just felt as though I couldn't get anything right I was constantly doubting myself and my ability to do things correctly. My aunt separated me from her children and made it clear that I wasn't her child and that what her kids got I didn't have to have. Currently, I am 16 and in placement, I've been incarcerated 3 times and all I've learned is that the world isn't fair and that if I want things to happen if I want my mother to look at me and be proud I would have to make something of myself so here I m trying. Learning to face things in life has taught me to accept my reality accept the things I can change and have the wisdom to know what it is that I can't change.

My personal pain life is what drives me, my mother, was diagnosed with cancer, sickle cell, and aids when I was 7 I'd come home needing help with my homework and notice all her hair was gone later I ended up trying to cut my hair and when she asked me why I said: "because I want to be like you". I was incarcerated at a young age I was first arrested when I was 14 I've been in the system ever since and my last time in the juvenile system I talked to my mom and told her" I didn't want her to be disappointed in me" so I decided I'm going to change my life for her. Predictable right? I haven't seen my mother in person since I was 7 years old she lives in Virginia she dropped out of high school and her only expectation of me was to be better than she was so here I am applying for scholarships and trying to be a better person than I was yesterday and the day before to prove I'm more than a juvenile, more than a statistic, more than a minority. My mom getting sick was the villain in my story it led me to live with family members and bouncing around with them gave me a feeling of instability which later led me to be involved in the system so even though it was my greatest downfall it was what also taught me not to give up it is what taught me that the world is not always kind. So while there are lows to this story there are also highs because of all the things I've been through such as family dying, being homeless, being abused, being depressed, and being molested I always knew I wanted to do better for her. That I had to be better for her to let her see while she was fighting for her life here I am trying to be better trying to be more than a name more than a label. She is who drives me she is who makes me want to be more than even her wildest dreams didn't even cover so somehow I will rise above my mistakes and do even more than she expected of me because if there is one thing I will do it is make her proud that even though she hasn't always been here for me shes been the biggest influence to me.