The game of life can sometimes feel unfair and impossible to win. I’ve often felt stuck in life due to numerous obstacles. Due to tuition payments, I feel stuck right now and on the verge of transferring schools. During these tough times, I’ve found myself looking into the past and finding strength through the obstacles I’ve already endured. I was adopted as a baby and although I remember very little about my actual adoption, it left long-lasting effects on me. I grew up with a sense of abandonment and loneliness, feeling disconnected from my adoptive family because we didn’t share blood. Trying to find and understand myself while growing up in a white family was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. My curly hair, darker skin, bigger lips, and ethnic features made me often feel out of place, but I got through it. I realized I am me and that the people around me are not going to change that. As an African-American woman, I’m going to often feel out of place due to my physical characteristics, but I can’t let that bother me anymore. Realizing that was insanely difficult to do. That realization made me so resilient against what other people thought though, I began to not let anyone else’s opinions bother me. It wasn’t until I began the college search that I reached my next obstacle in life. Being a first-generation college student, I struggled with applying to colleges. Being from a lower-middle-class family in California, I received no financial aid from the FASFA and had to work so hard to receive scholarships and grants. Even after I cut my tuition by 80 percent, I'm still struggling. It feels like no matter how hard I try to navigate and understand the college system, the more I get lost. My goal is to remain resilient and remember I've already been through a lot and I can handle these hard times as well. I’m taking the step into college and shedding the label of first-generation off of my family, so my kids, nieces, nephews, etc will never have to go through the struggles I’m going through. In these difficult times, I often look back at the people that have helped me get to this important phase in my life, whether it be my teachers, adoptive family, birth family, or friends, I wouldn’t be in this position without them. That’s why I’m choosing to major in a degree I believe will help those massively underrepresented. I’m majoring in criminal justice with a specialization in forensic psychology. I believe that the justice system is one of the biggest failures of American history when it comes to helping those with mental illnesses. Every individual can comprehend their actions differently, and not everyone will be able to understand the concept of actions and consequences the same way, so why should everyone be punished equally? It’s unfair for those that already suffer in life due to something completely out of their control to receive the same sentence as someone fully aware of the crime they were committing. I believe mental illness is still heavily underrepresented in society today and starting to acknowledge that it’s a problem in the courtroom is one step closer to acknowledging it’s a problem everywhere.

My main goal in life is to be content with what I choose to do. I hope to be happy and not live a job I dread going to. My main goal is to open up my own clinic as a forensic psychologist, as I want to help as many other people as possible. I grew up very involved in my community, regularly volunteering at the local daycares and youth sports teams. I was a junior coach for the 8 and younger local cheer team for two years and would volunteer at the snack bar for our local youth sports games. I also loved volunteering for my local chamber of commerce, firefighter department, and veterans hall, through spaghetti feeds, Halloween parties, and more. I strived to be a part of my community. Giving back to my community and helping others became a very passionate part of my life. I realized that very small, simple acts can make a huge difference in someone’s life, and that realization excited me. I believe that acts of kindness change the world, and it’s amazing how being understanding of one’s situation and showing humanity can change someone’s day. Kindness excites me most about the world; I love that we can all influence each other positively through our social interactions. Thus I want to continue positively influencing others in my future career. I believe by becoming a forensic psychologist I’ll be able to help those who may feel wronged by the justice system, and protect the ones who may not have a clear sense of what is happening. Mental illness is a big issue in America that is often overlooked, and those who are suffering from a mental illness are not in a clear state of mind; they can’t always process the consequences of their actions. Because they don’t have the same state of understanding as someone who is not mentally ill, they shouldn’t be charged the same. Not only that but many people who are mentally ill are neglected by society and don’t receive the acts of kindness that positively affect lives. I want to help those people, and anyone else who may be feeling wronged, in getting on a better path in life and showing them that someone does care, and they deserve kindness just as much as anyone else.

It’s hard to connect with adults as a child. I often never had good relationships with my teachers because I felt our age difference was too vast for them to understand me. I preferred sitting in the corner of the room unnoticed, praying to never be called upon. That is until I met my fifth grade teacher Mrs.McDaniel. Mrs.McDaniel was unlike any teacher I had ever had, she understood me. We shared the same love for reading and I often spent my lunch times talking to her about the books I had read. Fifth grade was a very difficult time for me as I was constantly bullied and had very little friends, but Mrs.McDaniel was always there when I needed her the most. She believed in me and thought I was capable of doing anything. Whenever I would be down on myself she helped me find my value, academically and personally. Mrs.McDaniel was my shoulder to cry on and the person to go to when I needed help, and that didn’t change after I left fifth grade. To my surprise Mrs.McDaniel followed me to middle school, where she had gotten a promotion, and once again became my main support system. Any worries I had about my grades or a project I was working on would be resolved as soon as I talked to her. She always reminded me that I was capable of anything as long as I put my mind to it. She was able to really engrave this positive mindset into me, and I’m so glad she did because it’s this mindset that got me to where I am today. As a first generation college student, the college application process was very daunting and stressful. I often felt like confused and anxious but Mrs.McDaniel helped guide me through all the applications and financial aid. She gave me very useful advice and helped me decide which universities had the programs I was looking for and which did not. Now as I’m preparing to move away for college Mrs.McDaniel is once again helping my prepare for my future steps in life. Whether that be helping me with my financial aid or picking out decor for my dorm room, she’s right with me for this next phase of my life. I know she’ll always be there to support me no matter how hard college gets and I’m so glad to have her in my life.

One quote that has helped me through one of the most confusing times in my life is, "it is so hard to leave - until you leave. And then it is the easiest thing in the world." I'm not sure who wrote this quote, in fact, I first read it in the comments on a TikTok video, but it has made such an impact on my life. I'm currently about to leave for college and although I'm excited to move away and start my own journey in life, I often feel crushed by my feelings of anxiety and fear. Moving ten hours away from everything I know was a thought that used to feel me with joy. I couldn't wait to live in a big city and meet new people. Recently though, I've been having doubts about my decision. The reality of the situation is that I'm going to be alone in Seattle, a huge city, with no support systems around me. The closest family members I have will be six hours away. It's going to be tough and I keep thinking, "well what if I don't go", but whenever I start second-guessing my choices and become overwhelmed with this anxiety I just think about this quote. I won't know what it's like living in Seattle until I leave. RIght now there's a battle inside of me, but I have faith my courage will beat my fear and that once I leave, I will love my life. So for now I won't succumb to my doubts and am going to go through with moving. Because "it is so hard to leave - until you leave. And then it is the easiest thing in the world."

“Are you a wolf, or a dog”, Bill Ressler. I always thought I was a wolf in life, driven by motivation and competition, willing to take down anything in my way. I wanted to believe I was the best, but all the actions I took only affected me on the surface level. In reality, I was as scared as a dog, afraid of what my life was going to be like, afraid to take any chances and try something new, because what if I wasn’t the best? Why would I want to try something new if I wasn’t going to be good at it? This was the negative mentality I’ve been carrying since middle school. When Covid-19 hit though, this mentality worsened. In the lockdown, my want to succeed lessened and lessened until I was barely doing my classwork on time. I realized I was only trying to be successful in front of others, and now that I was just alone with my computer I lacked any real motivation for my academics. The “heart” I was supposed to have for my future didn’t exist, my actions were fueled by the wants of my family and friends, nothing I was doing was reflecting the real me. This made my college search process extremely difficult since I didn’t know what I was looking for in a college. I ended up applying to California State Universities and Universities of California but wasn’t in love with any of the colleges. That was when I received an informational letter from Seattle University. One look at the campus, and I knew it was where I was going to attend college. I finally had found a goal that I wanted, and I was going to do anything to get it. I began pushing myself to limits I didn’t even know were possible. I’d stay up all night after a day of work and school just to make sure my application to Seattle University was perfect. The feeling of wanting something so bad just for my own sake made me so happy, it helped me realize something. To achieve my “heart” in academics, I needed to pursue what interested me, and not let anyone or anything hold me back. I knew that I was going to be alone on this journey to do what I love in life, but I was fine with that. As long as I was happy, I was content. So I started working over thirty-hour workweeks in school whilst applying myself to all my classes so I could receive Seattle’s academic scholarship. The never-ending nights, falling asleep in class, and feeling as if I could never achieve my goals stopped when I received my acceptance letter. I felt as if I had been stuck in a small dark room for my entire high school career, and the door had just opened to show light on the other side. My choice to attend Seattle University and major in my interests has helped me learn that nothing is out of reach. As long as I am accepting every opportunity possible and never doing less than my best effort, the outcomes will be in my favor. Life is very uncontrollable, but my “heart” to enjoy life and do what makes me happy, helps me get through those moments of adversity. Every action I take will create a reaction, and those reactions will make my future, so I always think about my future goal of happiness, and let my “heart” drive the way I react to the world.