The time is 8:00 pm and it’s “lights out”, no one is allowed outside the room. In the room, the windows are sealed with bars as if it were a jail. This was my typical experience with foster homes. Entering foster care at age four and then being adopted into an affluent family at eight years of age I have seen both sides of the American family - those who live in poverty and those who are more fortunate. I was placed in forty-nine homes in four years, some I only stayed a week. When I walked into my current home I told my new mom that I was only going to be there for a couple of months and that turned into ten years. My early childhood was defined by disappointment, fear, and abandonment. Slowly, very slowly over the last ten years, I have learned to trust, love, and be loved. Years of therapy and Godly role models are the reason I am here. Abandonment, a constant fear in the back of my mind that I wasn’t good enough, continually forced to make new friends only to lose them, and questioning if anyone loved me, led to my mental health decline. One of the physical manifestations of this decline was stuttering. I was lost in my head, no thoughts were my own, everything was chaotic, and I was teased constantly. Now in a new home with a mother who is patient, supportive, and steadfast, I began the process of healing. With my mother's support, I made the switch to a new school and received mental help for my anxiety and stuttering. With only two months in a new environment, my stuttering stopped and I was able to trust the thoughts in my head. I soon became aware that many of my peers suffered from similar struggles. As I began to feel more safe and confident in myself I started to share my story. I also listened to their stories. Different stories but our sadness was the same. Learning to accept that my feelings of loss and abandonment are valid, and trusting that I can express my feelings without fear of losing those I love has taken a long time. Some days are harder than others and I am still learning that, it’s ok not to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. Foster care was my biggest weakness but I chose to change that experience into my biggest strength. I used to think everyone was watching, judging, and pitying me, that foster care kid. Now, I feel confident and recognize that most of what I was feeling was due to my insecurities. Once I thought that my life would forever be defined by a series of disappointments. Now I understand that I have the choice to design my life. Today, I choose to define my life with thanks and gratitude. I am thankful for the love and security of my family, and community and I will be forever grateful to God for leading me in my journey.

The time is 8:00 pm and it’s “lights out”, no one is allowed outside the room. In the room, the windows are sealed with bars as if it were a jail. This was my typical experience with foster homes. Entering foster care at age four and then being adopted into an affluent family at eight years of age I have seen both sides of the American family - those who live in poverty and those who are more fortunate. I was placed in forty-nine homes in four years, some I only stayed a week. When I walked into my current home I told my new mom that I was only going to be there for a couple of months and that turned into ten years. My early childhood was defined by disappointment, fear, and abandonment. Slowly, very slowly over the last ten years, I have learned to trust, love, and be loved. Years of therapy and Godly role models are the reason I am here. Abandonment, a constant fear in the back of my mind that I wasn’t good enough, continually forced to make new friends only to lose them, and questioning if anyone loved me, led to my mental health decline. One of the physical manifestations of this decline was stuttering. I was lost in my head, no thoughts were my own, everything was chaotic, and I was teased constantly. Now in a new home with a mother who is patient, supportive, and steadfast, I began the process of healing. With my mother's support, I made the switch to a new school and received mental help for my anxiety and stuttering. With only two months in a new environment, my stuttering stopped and I was able to trust the thoughts in my head. I soon became aware that many of my peers suffered from similar struggles. As I began to feel more safe and confident in myself I started to share my story. I also listened to their stories. Different stories but our sadness was the same. Learning to accept that my feelings of loss and abandonment are valid, and trusting that I can express my feelings without fear of losing those I love has taken a long time. Some days are harder than others and I am still learning that, it’s ok not to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. Foster care was my biggest weakness but I chose to change that experience into my biggest strength. I used to think everyone was watching, judging, and pitying me, that foster care kid. Now, I feel confident and recognize that most of what I was feeling was due to my insecurities. Once I thought that my life would forever be defined by a series of disappointments. Now I understand that I have the choice to design my life. Today, I choose to define my life with thanks and gratitude. I am thankful for the love and security of my family, and community and I will be forever grateful to God for leading me in my journey.

The time is 8:00 pm and it’s “lights out”, no one is allowed outside the room. In the room, the windows are sealed with bars as if it were a jail. This was my typical experience with foster homes. Entering foster care at age four and then being adopted into an affluent family at eight years of age I have seen both sides of the American family - those who live in poverty and those who are more fortunate. I was placed in forty-nine homes in four years, some I only stayed a week. When I walked into my current home I told my new mom that I was only going to be there for a couple of months and that turned into ten years. My early childhood was defined by disappointment, fear, and abandonment. Slowly, very slowly over the last ten years, I have learned to trust, love, and be loved. Years of therapy and Godly role models are the reason I am here. Abandonment, a constant fear in the back of my mind that I wasn’t good enough, continually forced to make new friends only to lose them, and questioning if anyone loved me, led to my mental health decline. One of the physical manifestations of this decline was stuttering. I was lost in my head, no thoughts were my own, everything was chaotic, and I was teased constantly. Now in a new home with a mother who is patient, supportive, and steadfast, I began the process of healing. With my mother's support, I made the switch to a new school and received mental help for my anxiety and stuttering. With only two months in a new environment, my stuttering stopped and I was able to trust the thoughts in my head. I soon became aware that many of my peers suffered from similar struggles. As I began to feel more safe and confident in myself I started to share my story. I also listened to their stories. Different stories but our sadness was the same. Learning to accept that my feelings of loss and abandonment are valid, and trusting that I can express my feelings without fear of losing those I love has taken a long time. Some days are harder than others and I am still learning that, it’s ok not to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day. Foster care was my biggest weakness but I chose to change that experience into my biggest strength. I used to think everyone was watching, judging, and pitying me, that foster care kid. Now, I feel confident and recognize that most of what I was feeling was due to my insecurities. Once I thought that my life would forever be defined by a series of disappointments. Now I understand that I have the choice to design my life. Today, I choose to define my life with thanks and gratitude. I am thankful for the love and security of my family, and community and I will be forever grateful to God for leading me in my journey.