I grew up attending a Catholic church and was taught about God. I felt like I knew Him, I knew the children's bible stories, I was taught how to pray, but I didn't really know how to ask Him for help. But in the end, or my new beginning, God helped me when I needed it the most. I got the phone call after many months of looking for answers, but it was the answer I dreaded the most. "Your biopsy came back positive of cancer." At 33 years old, after being told for months that I was fine, there was nothing there, I was too young to have cancer, I got the answer I knew deep down all along. Even though I did all the right things it still took so long to get this diagnosis and the tumors (later I found out it was only 1 very large tumor) were very large. I was terrified that it had spread, I knew it was in at least one lymph node in my arm, I felt the cancer there months ago when no one would listen. If it spread any further it would be considered stage 4 cancer, maybe uncurable. I was told I would need a full body CT and a bone scan to see if the cancer had spread anywhere else. I couldn't stop thinking about it, I was so afraid to die, to leave my kids, my family, there was so much I still wanted to do in my life! I was in the shower feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was crying, shaking, I had never been so scared in my entire life. "Why God? Why do I have to go through this? How am I supposed to carry this fear? How am I supposed to believe in you when I can't see you? You made me who I am didn't you? You made me this way! Please prove to me you real! Tell me. Tell me your listening and how to ask for help!" This was my prayer in the shower. My cry for help. When I got out of the shower and I grabbed my cell phone like I always do, I had a text message from God. Well, it was actually from my aunt, but I could not believe what I was reading. "Hi Kailianna, I just want you to know I have been praying every day for you. I know you're scared of what these additional test result might be, but I know God hos his hand in this and he is with you all the time. I have a prayer I want to share with you that you can pray I ask for your favor and blessing upon these results, which may be positive and bring good news. Please calm any anxiety or fear within me and help me to rest in the assurance that you are in control. Whatever the outcome, Lord, I trust in your wisdom and Your love for me. Amen." Everything I asked for was right here in this text. I felt that weight lift off my shoulders, and I knew no matter the outcome, God was going to be there to help me through.

Becoming a mother has been one of the most rewarding experiences that has ever happened to me. I have the most amazing three boys who never cease to amaze me. Even though motherhood has been more than I could ever imagine, it has definitely had its hardships also, especially when it comes to my education. I first became a mother my junior year of high school at just sixteen years old. It wasn't what I had planned but I decided to embrace it with my entire being. I got a job at the local Subway and graduated high school with the help of my family. I decided that I could wait a couple years then go to college when my little guy started school himself. After attending one semester of college when my oldest was in preschool I knew it just wasn't the right time. Traveling to the town 30 miles away having to pay for daycare when he wasn't in school, and all the other expenses as an adult stood in my way. Five years after my first son was born, I had my second son. At this point I didn't have college on my horizon; I was just trying to work and take care of my two boys who kept me very busy. It wasn't until my middle son was nine that I started getting that college itch again. My union had a contract with a community college for its members to get a associates degree for free and I decided to jump on that opportunity. After one year of college, I found out that I was pregnant with my third son. I was so excited but also very surprised! This was not what I was expecting with my two boys at the ages of nine and 15. As usual though I embraced it and continued going to school and had my baby during the summer. Then I received unfortunate news, the government was shutting down the school that I was attending, and the scholarship that I was receiving from my union was being discontinued. So, I decided to take a break from school again and get my real estate license. The day I obtained my license I found a lump in my breast, and six months later was diagnosed with breast cancer. Cancer shook my world like I never expected, but my three boys were my rock. Now six months after active treatment I have decided that I want to help people by becoming a counselor. I am getting ready to start my psychology degree to help others the way I was when I was going through the scariest part of my life. Even though having an 18- year-old, twelve-year-old, and a three-year-old will make going back to school a little difficult, I want to show my boys that you can do whatever you put your mind to, even if you hit some roadblocks along the way.

Substance abuse has influenced my beliefs, relationships, and career aspirations in many ways. I have worked in the mental health field for over 12 years and specifically in chemical dependency for the last five. Working as a technician taking care of people who are battling addictions at Montana Chemical Dependency Center has really opened my eyes to how easily addiction can happen to anyone at any time. Sadly, though, addiction has a very negative stigma, which makes getting help and recovering so much harder for the people fighting these demons. Whether someone's drug of choice is alcohol, street drugs, prescription drugs, inhalants, or anything else, they are battling a sickness and should have no more shame getting help with it than someone who has cancer, the flu, or a serious infection. When someone carries shame, they often continue to use substances because they don't want to ask for help and risk being judged. They don't want people to think that they are weak and can't kick the habit on their own; they don't want to feel like a failure. This is a very slippery slope for a person to be stuck on. I have built many meaningful relationships with people who are struggling with addiction, both at work and in my personal life. Almost everyone knows someone who is battling addiction, whether they are aware of it or not. I feel very privileged when people in my personal life feel comfortable enough to talk openly about their struggles with substances, knowing that I am going to be excited for their accomplishments and understanding of their hardships. I always feel overjoyed when a past patient of mine comes up to me out in the community and tells me how well they are doing staying sober, and what they have accomplished. On the other side of the spectrum, I am very grateful when a patient comes back to treatment because of a relapse instead of continuing on their path of destruction. My goal for my career is to become a licensed addiction counselor after attaining my bachelor's degree in psychology, and to have a safe place for anyone to feel comfortable working through their mental health and towards their recovery. Even though I do not struggle with substance abuse myself, I use my cancer journey to connect with the feelings of having a sickness that is out of my control. I feel that this comparison has helped people that I have worked with look at their addiction as something that isn't their fault and give themselves some grace. Substance abuse has become a very large problem in the world; we need less harshness and more compassion around this topic. I really hope that I can help others understand addiction more, make a safe space for addicts to work their recovery, and help my community become a better place.

I am wanting to build something very important, a safe and comfortable place for people to work through what is causing them to use drugs and or alcohol. No judgment, no fear, just a place to take off the mask that people have hidden behind during their time of substance abuse. This will help make a positive impact on my community by helping people have better mental health, less crimes, less overdoses, and a more positive community overall. I am wanting to go to college to get a degree in psychology then work on becoming a licensed addiction counselor. The abuse of drugs and alcohol are at an all-time high and seem to just be continuing to get worse. So many people start using drugs because they are trying to numb their feelings. They may have anxiety, depression, be grieving, or worse and when they are using substances it makes those hard feelings go away. Sadly, when those feelings come back, they are even stronger so the person will usually go right back to what made it feel easier. Why wouldn't you? Our brains are trying to protect us, and even though the obvious answer is drugs are bad, the addiction is telling us that we have control of what we are doing and this makes us feel better. When people get into this cycle, they become ashamed and don't want to get help until they have no other choice. Maybe family gets involved, maybe the law, maybe they can no longer hold a job and are starting to steal to survive. Finding help can feel scary but I want to help by making it feel more comfortable. I want people to feel safe working though those problems that they are having and not have to feel like they will be judged or though badly about. Everyone has hard times in their lives, everyone makes mistakes, no one wants to do the hard work when something horrible happens. Opening up confidently can make a huge difference in getting clean and staying clean. Having a place to go to if you're having thoughts that are hard to talk about and feeling better afterwords can help you want to come back. I am excited to build my future around helping people get clean and sober. Building a safe place for people to come and work though their hard feelings can really make my community much stronger in so many ways.

Mental health is a huge part of the world we live in. I have worked in the mental health field for 12 years between seven years at a psych hospital and currently 5 years at a chemical dependency treatment facility. I have also dealt with many of my own mental health struggles from anxiety for most of my life to medical trauma from fighting breast cancer last year at 33 years old. All of these events have had a huge impact on my goals in life and my career that I never expected. My mental health experiences have shaped my goals by inspiring me to help others through difficult times, they have made my relationships so much stronger, and I understand the world in a whole new way. Though my cancer journey I met so many caring people in the scariest place that I have ever had to spend time in, the cancer center. I have a lot of anxiety around doctors and needles, and this was honestly the worst place that I could have had to spend my time. Instead of dreading each appointment I started looking forward to seeing my nurses. They were so caring, understanding and supportive of me and made me feel safe. I realized that this is how I wanted to help people feel during a hard time in their lives also. Working in a chemical treatment facility already helping them feel safe in a scary place made me wonder how I could help in a bigger way. That when I decided that I wanted to go for a psychology degree and work towards being a licensed addiction counselor. After active treatment was over, I had a lot of mental health struggles about my cancer coming back. Every ache and pain, every forgetful moment, every time I had to go back to my oncologist I worried about all my hard work going down the drain. As I was working, I realized that my relationships with my patients had really strengthened. No, I was not battling addiction, but my cancer journey ran parallel to many struggles they dealt with. We were all sick in our own but similar ways, and we were all working on making our brains and bodies healthy. We were all worried about reoccurrence and focusing on steps that would help that not happen. Meds, healthy diet, healthy minds, good company were all things that we use to help our minds not focus on that bad things that could happen now that we are doing better. If someone became hard on themselves, I would bring up my story and help them realize they are sick it's not their fault just like cancer wasn't my fault, and that would really bring the reality into perspective. Mental health has now completely changed my way of understanding the world. We are all struggling in ways that others can't see. We are all fighting our own battles. Being kind, understanding and helpful can actually save someone's life. Can make them see that they are worth it no matter what is going on. The hard parts of life will not go on forever. A phone call, a smile, a coffee date, or a card can really bring a light into someone's world when its feeling so dark that they wonder if there is a way out. I also have learned how simple things can really help your own mental health. A walk in the park, the sunshine, a thunderstorm, a hot bath, these are all things to help your nervous system slow down. Even though the last year has been so hard with my mental health I am so grateful for all it has taught me. I am so excited to help others work through their struggles while being kind, patient, compassionate and nonjudgmental while being a counselor.

My faith plays a huge role in my life. Last April I was told some of the hardest words that I have ever heard "You have breast cancer." I was 33 years old, a mom to three beautiful boys who were one years old, 11 years old, and 16 years old. I have never been more scared in my life. Until I turned to my faith in God. I have always grown up in a religious family, but I had walked away from my faith. I believed in God, but I didn't really know what that meant. One evening I was in the shower crying, terrified of what the next day was going to bring. Full body scans were going to let me know if the cancer that kept getting ignored by doctors had spread. I did all the right things, I kept going back to the doctors, but no one would listen because I was so young, nothing was showing up in imaging, and I seemed heathy besides these huge lumps in my breast. Now was the moment of truth and I thought I was going to be crushed by the weight of the anxiety that I felt. "God I am so scared, how do I ask for your help? I don't know how to do this! I know I can't carry this alone it's so hard. But how am I supposed to believe in you when I can't see you or hear you. You made me, you know how I am, you made me this way right? Please tell me, give me a sign something. I don't know how to do this" These were my prayers, thoughts, pleas to God in the shower. The moment I got out of the shower I grabbed my phone and seen a text from my aunt that said, "I just want to let you know I have been praying every day for you. I know you're scared about what these additional test results might be but I know God has his hand in this and he is with you all the time. I have a prayer I want to share with you that you can pray: I ask for your favor and blessing upon these results, which may be positive and bring good news. Please calm any anxiety or fear within me and help me to rest in the assurance that You are in control. Whatever the outcome Lord, I trust in Your wisdom and Your love for me. Amen." WOW I thought. This is exactly what I asked God for just moments before. From that moment I have let God take the wheel. Whenever I am overwhelmed or anxiety takes over I stop and ask God to help or thank him for the blessing he has given me. I am six months out from active treatment, the cancer never spread. I did need surgery, chemo and radiation and I currently have to take medication for many years to help it stay away, but I am so thankful that God has given me the chance to have these meds and to live my life. Now I want to use what I have learned to get my psychology degree at Easten University and help people work through their struggles as a therapist. God helped me get though cancer for a reason and now I want to help others get though the hard things they are trying to get though. facebook.com/kailiannamcculloch

Mental health has always been a big part of my adult life. I worked seven years at Montana State Hospital taking care of patients who had extreme mental health issues. In 2021 I decided to transfer to Montana Chemical Dependency Center where I help drug addicts during their detox and then help teach skills that will help them in their recovery. Then one day everything changed, and at 33 years old I was told that I was going to have to fight for my life because I had breast cancer. It felt like my world was crashing down. How to tell my three boys, I didn't want to lose my hair, I didn't want surgery after surgery, I need to work to keep my health insurance. There were so many things that went through my mind when I heard the word cancer. I knew I had to take it one day at a time, a thing I teach my patients every day. Life isn't going to be easy all the time, and I needed to find what was going to help me work though this diagnosis. Keeping my mental health in check was a huge part of my battle, but that didn't mean everything was butterflies and rainbows. Some days I cried, some days I laughed, some days felt like they went on forever. I learned that having good mental health didn't mean that I was always great, it meant that I would work though my hard feelings, feel them, speak them out loud and then try to find something that would help me feel better again. Then I had someone that I knew of reach out to me and tell me that she just had been diagnosed with breast cancer also. A couple years older than me, a couple months after my diagnosis but here we were in the same scary situation. That's how I learned how important community was for your mental health. We asked each other questions, we gave each other advice, we cried to each other, we helped each other in ways the other would never imagine. Now I am six months past active treatment. I see a therapist to work through my medical trauma that I now have, I still talk to my friend with breast cancer, I have others who reach out to me with their story of cancer diagnosis. I am still working with drug addicts and use my story about my sickness to relate with their sickness because they are more parallel than people realize. Helping people is my passion and I decided that I want to gain more skills and professionally help people by becoming a therapist. My goal is to help people work through cancer trauma, but I also really like the idea of becoming a licensed addiction counselor because that is needed so much with the addiction numbers skyrocketing.