On August 9th 2019 my daughter Lennon Murphy Burghardt was still born. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child and that it was a girl I was thrilled! I remember thinking two and through... My oldest son Cohen, five at the time was stoked to be getting a little sister. "I'm gonna beat up all the boys that mess with my sissy" he'd tell me. I had a incredibly hard pregnancy nothing compared to my first it's like this baby was sucking the life right out of me. Most days I didn't want to get out of bed, and every single day the entire pregnancy I was throwing up. But I told myself in due time it be worth it. It was the beginning of August and I remember one night being so uncomfortable and my back hurt so badly, then I thought I was just big fat and pregnant , knowing that the last month or two, is very uncomfortable and agonizing. But now I can't help but wonder if it was back labor and I just didn't realize it because I didn't have back labor with my first. But her dad came home from work the next morning and when she heard his voice I was no longer in pain and she was happy jumping around in my belly. The rest of that day was fine, but I woke up in the middle of the night that night in pain again. I had decided to take a bath hoping it would ease some of my pain. I knew something wasn't right but not exactly sure what or why. I had an overwhelming feeling of depression or sadness, and was so ready to not be pregnant anymore. Eventually, I called a family member and asked them what they thought and they suggested that I should probably go get checked out. Just to be sure, then she came and picked me up and went to the hospital. I wasn't excited on the way to the hospital I didn't feel anything like I did with my first and I couldn't understand why. It wasn't about 5 minutes after arriving that they put the monitor on my belly, then the nurse said I'll be right back. I looked at my sister In law knowing something was off a few moments later my doctor entered, ran the monitor over my belly, and then hit his knees and told me, "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat." Those words will forever haunt me. Having to tell my 5 year-old that we went to have a baby, but we got an angel instead, and watching him hold his little sister will always be the hardest thing i've ever had to do. There's so much more to the story.We never found out why, we chose not to do an autopsy because they would have taken her an hour after I had her. Not doing it gave us three days with her, fitting in as much as we could before having to say goodbye. I lost myself after having to bury my child. I went down a dark path numbing myself with whatever I could find. It's taking me years but I'm finally climbing out of the abyss and fixing my life.That's why this scholarship will help me, to continue to push myself in the right direction. My daughter would want me to make something of myself. I went on to have another child after her my rainbow baby Leif, she sent him to me.I just want to make them all proud.