How do I even go about this? I know I'm supposed to write some big thing about how being raised by a single mother has changed my life for the better and has made me stronger as a person, but I think we all know everyone comes from different experiences and most mothers don't choose to raise kids all by themselves. Parent's are their own people. I wish more kids could realize that. My mother didn't ask to be abandoned over and over again. Neither did my brother and I. She didn't ask for the father of her children to just run away before she could even have them. Neither did my brother and I. The biggest thing that she could never have asked for was to never get to actually grow old outside of her body. Now what do we do about that? Being a child of a single mother made me grow up too fast. I just wanted to be a fairy playing around in the backyard with bubbles and candy. Instead I was a child dressed up in wings, pretending to play as my grandfather yelled at my mother for being "a whore". Maybe all she wanted was love. I can't imagine being single for all of the 20 years of raising your children all on your own. Trying to find something to fill that hole. But I always thought that was why she wanted children. Unconditional love for many years to come. It makes me feel guilty that I get mad at her for trying to constantly fill that void in her heart her parents took from her. But being raised by a single mother meant that I was going to get hurt. Because she got hurt. A lot. Being raised by a single mother means sacrifice. She had to raise herself while raising two kids on her own. She had to be a kid, a mother, a father and a lover all at the same time. She just wanted love. It hurts to know it, no matter how many times I say it, she just wanted love. So did I. So did my brother. I didn't want her yelling at me because she was really wanting to yell at her dad. My brother didn't want her hurting him because she really meant to be hurting herself. You have to talk to her like a child because she is hurt like a child. No one is there to pick her back up when she falls down. When she makes a mistake, even when it's with you, YOU have to be the one to pick everything up. Being raised by a single mother means you're going to get hurt because she gets hurt. I didn't want to move away at 17, have no money because she has none. I didn't want to have to even be writing this essay for a scholarship that I know I won't be able to earn. But my poor, poor mother. She worked so hard to find love. I know that meant she tried to be a parent, but all she really wanted was love. Now look at me, I took that away from her too. Being raised by a single mother has turned me into someone who wants to do better. I want to be okay. I want to be loved. I want to not hurt anyone. Being raised by a single mother means she's going to get hurt. You just don't think it's going to be by you. And I'm sorry.

I can't believe the miracle of finding this scholarship. Recently I have been diagnosed as an empath. I thought that was a fake thing but no, it's real (I guess). I have tied it into my passions, because I feel like I feel too many things and I feel like with music it creates the biggest explosion of passion in me. I find expressing things through music helps me see things so clearly in ways I could never truly be able to express with anything else. Art and music is the most beautiful thing society could ever have. How wonderful it is to have passions in this life. I suffer with my passions. I have hidden my passions. My music is my passion. My art is my passion. What could I do without it? Nothing! I seriously couldn't live without music and art in this lifetime. Music is the string to our hearts, it completely guides us through each generation through what people want to say, how people want to feel. This is life. I can't tell you how much music has changed my life, and has guided me through my heart and soul. A symphony leads me through life. I tell you, I can't express how much music is in my heart. I will try and tone it down but I have hidden my passions for too long. Please know that music can truly change you, it can change the world. So when I say I am an empath, I know that music changes my feelings very very strongly, but I know that music guides everyone through life in their hearts and through their souls. Why don't we feel things in our souls anymore? Please, listen to music. Find your passion. Find your tune. Find your symphony. Music guides my life, and I can't express that more. I am a writer, a painter and a musician. These things have gotten me through life. I seriously would not be alive without these things, most importantly music. This is why I am finally going to apply to my dream school. All my life I held my passions down but I am someone with so much passion I can't contain it anymore! I may have no money but I have a heart and this heart needs to finally be free. I need to be free. I need to be able to do music in this lifetime. When I hold that microphone at church and at wineries and restaurants and wherever I go: I feel. I feel. I want to feel. I want to be free. I want to be able to go and do music. When I listen to music, my heart soars. Does your heart ever soar for something? Do you ever have something fill you with that much hope? That much desire? Please, I want to break free. I want to be passionate again. I want to finally show that music is in my soul, the deepest part of me. Just like those lonesome musicians who ached for all these generations, I am aching. I know this was all over the place, but I wanted to write it exactly how I felt. I didn't want to sit here and think deeply and change what I write. I just wanted to feel. So maybe I won't get this scholarship, or any scholarship at all. But I've held myself back for too long. Music is my passion- art is my passion. I just want to pursue it. (it wont let me upload videos so follow @kadykeech on instagram please!)

All I ever wanted was to pursue music. God definitely gave me many passions in life; film, art, writing and most importantly music. I'm a story teller, always have and I know I always will be. Unfortunately, that's a pretty hard thing to be when you come from a low-income family. I grew up my whole life hearing from my mother that I'm not smart. "She's gonna have to marry rich" is the constant ringing in my head from any conversation she would have with someone about me. I didn't even realize how much it caused me to lower my potential each year I would be in school. I would discourage myself and make sure I knew I wouldn't make it in this world. It's sad, isn't it? If you don't have money you have to make sure your kids believe that they won't make it in the world. I'm currently a third year at my community college and I finally did some reflecting. Why on earth would I have such a strong passion and desire to make music and be an artist if I was meant to believe I was stupid and had no chance all because I'm poor. Now I don't even live with my mom. I'm all alone in money but you know what? I can't limit myself anymore. I didn't apply to my dream school because I believed that it would be impossible. I can't take it anymore, feeling like I can't do anything just because of money. Well I have something called passion, and that's got to get me somewhere. I want to do music. It's in my heart, it's in my soul. I need to tell my stories. I need to create! I can't believe I believed that I was stupid my whole life and that I wasn't ever going to be able to do anything with my passions and talent. I want to push myself, I want to believe in something good for a change. So I applied for my dream school. I know I can't really afford it, but I realized something: Don't let money stop you from being who you are meant to be. Look at all the successful artists who were just like me with people telling them they can't do it. They made it. They pursued. They discovered. So who knows, maybe I won't get in. Maybe I won't get scholarships. Maybe I won't get anything. But I can't be the girl who gives up anymore. I was made to create. So this time I can say, "at least I tried."