On March 11, 2020, I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant. I was unsure about the relationship with her father, and I was not fully prepared and downright terrified. But I always wanted to be a mom so, deep down, I was thrilled. Two days later the local school district announced closure for the unforeseeable future due to the COVID-19 outbreak. 75% of my work hours were in a school so this coupled with the pregnancy news was a stress to bear. We had already moved half our belongings to our new house in Colorado and two months later, the grand haul and final move was made. I continued working as an ABA therapist in a clinic in Colorado until I tore the meniscus in my left knee, putting me on crutches while I was pregnant. I was only able to work intermittently so saving money before going on unpaid maternity leave was impossible. My daughter’s birth was smooth and the happiest day of my life, but I felt very alone with an emotionally unavailable partner. A Postpartum Depression/Anxiety diagnosis came two months later when I had to return to work to be the main source of income for my family. Over the course of 2 years married, my mental health was in jeopardy. I worked hard to overcome my struggles, starting and tinkering with a medication regimen and attending psychotherapy to help with the pervasive symptoms. It was all futile without a partner to support and love me through it all. By the time I decided to move back to my hometown and, by extension, leave my ex-husband, I had done everything I could to support my spouse .He lives with a severe brain injury, so I gave extra grace, but I had become his main target for bullying, gaslighting, scapegoating and infidelity. I stayed because we had a daughter, and I was hopeful for a life where she sees both parents every day, but I made the painful decision to leave the relationship and begin coparenting. The current challenge I face daily is protecting mine and my daughter’s peace while her father refuses to seek his own therapy to find a more agreeable existence. For now, his anger is toxic. Furthering my education and becoming a Special Education teacher will start the journey toward the independence she and I need and deserve. My salary would increase significantly and the prospect of moving out of my parents’ home is now a possibility. I currently manage my roles as a mother and a full-time employee working with students with behavioral needs. I have plenty of experience compartmentalizing work issues from my parenting stressors as these used to be exacerbated by a toxic relationship. This last year of my life has challenged me to rise to be the best version of myself as a mom and an employee while managing the heartbreak and tension of the divorce process. As I re-enter schooling, my work schedule will be reduced slightly to allow me to manage my course work. I am forever grateful for the endless support from my parents to help balance caring for my daughter while working full time. A teacher’s schedule would also allow me to be available for my daughter over the next pivotal years of her adolescence.

In high school I offered to babysit for my neighbors and their 2 middle school aged boys, 12 and 14, both living with autism. I was told that it could be challenging but I knew the parents were grateful to have some support to allow them time to themselves and trust that their children were in good hands. At the time I was wildly unprepared and had no experience to ready myself for behavior problems including aggression and self harm. We maintained a years-long relationship and I babysat often when they were receiving services in the home. Despite the challenging behaviors, I found unmatched joy in the pretend play sessions and in assisting with their growth. I developed a strong desire to further engage with children with special needs, a sort of calling as some might say that was reconfirmed repeatedly throughout my life. As I entered my undergraduate program I knew I wanted to be more involved with children with special needs and I thought that passion would be met through a clinical approach which led me to pursue a psychology degree. I then used this degree to establish myself as a respected behavior therapist in my community. I have honed these skills and have sat on the decision to pursue higher education in the behavioral field for almost a decade, with the goal of earning my Board Certified Behavior Analyst credential. However, my experience in and exposure to dozens of special education settings and professionals has created a strong desire to manage my own classroom. Specifically, the teacher in the classroom I provided services in last year. Miss Higham was a first year Special Education teacher at a public Middle School I had been assigned to. I had previously met Miss Higham when she was a high school Junior and watched her choose her career path only to be reunited with her years later in her first year teaching. She simultaneously earned her Master’s degree and ended her first year of teaching hitting standards and guiding her students like a seasoned veteran. She and I worked closely together to meet a students’ needs throughout the school year and helping her navigate her first year of teaching was the preview I needed to convince myself I was ready for this credential. Earning a teaching credential and acting as a case manager would give me more input in a student’s success rather than being restricted to the scope of behavioral intervention. I deeply value the education I have received in my field as a behavior therapist but find myself unfulfilled and restrained when I wish to contribute to a student’s whole success. Further, by nature, behavior therapists are given a caseload that only allows for 4-5 clients at a time and are restricted to supporting 1-2 students in a school setting and I have a strong desire to reach more students and positively impact more families’ lives. Rather than investing in 4-5 students across a school year, and often longer than that, I now have the ability to support over 20 students every year. That increase in impact is paramount.

In high school I offered to babysit for my neighbors and their 2 middle school aged boys, 12 and 14, both living with autism. I was told that it could be challenging but I knew the parents were grateful to have some support to allow them time to themselves and trust that their children were in good hands. At the time I was wildly unprepared and had no experience to ready myself for behavior problems including aggression and self harm. We maintained a years-long relationship and I babysat often when they were receiving services in the home. Despite the challenging behaviors, I found unmatched joy in the pretend play sessions and in assisting with their growth. I developed a strong desire to further engage with children with special needs, a sort of calling as some might say that was reconfirmed repeatedly throughout my life. As I entered my undergraduate program I knew I wanted to be more involved with children with special needs and I thought that passion would be met through a clinical approach which led me to pursue a psychology degree. I then used this degree to establish myself as a respected behavior therapist in my community. I have honed these skills and have sat on the decision to pursue higher education in the behavioral field for almost a decade, with the goal of earning my Board Certified Behavior Analyst credential. However, my experience in and exposure to dozens of special education settings has created a strong desire to manage my own classroom. Earning a teaching credential and acting as a case manager would give me more input in a student’s success rather than being restricted to the scope of behavioral intervention. I deeply value the education I have received in my field as a behavior therapist but find myself unfulfilled and restrained when I wish to contribute to a student’s whole success. Further, by nature, behavior therapists are given a caseload that only allows for 4-5 clients at a time and are restricted to supporting 1-2 students in a school setting and I have a strong desire to reach more students and positively impact more families’ lives. Rather than investing in 4-5 students across a school year, and often longer than that, I now have the ability to support over 20 students every year. That increase in impact is paramount. With a decade of experience in behavior management in school, home, clinic and community settings, my approach to special education will be one of preserving peace and safety while promising access to education, whatever that may require. The importance of systems will be apparent and on display in my classroom including a calm space, visual aides, positive guidance and cleanliness. Proactive strategies will be in place to guide students toward what actions they CAN do, rather than what they can’t. I will ensure the adult staff in my program are sufficiently trained and feel supported to provide care and support to all our students, including consistent teaching strategies to maximize a student’s potential. The parents will be kept informed on their students achievements and areas of concern and they will all be addressed as a team unit with all advocates heard. And lastly, my students will always feel welcome, validated and supported to discover who they truly are. The red tape of IEP meetings, conflict with stake holders and insurance/state funding are a part of the position that I am ready and willing to take on. It is the connection to the students, their families and the honor of helping them in their educational journey that will make it all worth it.

As human beings we set out early on a lifelong pursuit of defining who we are and how we fit into the world around us. By the middle of our childhood, we start to identify and feel our place, understand how things work in the world and the potential of our presence in it. I think of my sister, who knew from the age of 6 that she wanted to be a veterinarian, asked for multiple pets, cared for them with unmatched natural ability and told anyone who would listen that she was going to be an animal doctor when she grew up. All she wanted came to fruition because she had an unwavering support system and a clear understanding of her place in this world. Then I think of parents who envisioned the same, if not more for their child and instead, find themselves navigating life as a parent of a student with special needs asking, “who is my child?” and “what does their path look like?” Amidst the many adults involved in these children’s lives, it is the role of their teacher to alleviate the natural fear that comes with these questions. Like my sister, special education students often have the support systems embedded naturally in the family unit but differ in that they have yet to uncover what their path looks like, or that they even have a path waiting for them. As a teacher I’d be opening the door to a classroom led by a trusted adult that pursues that with them and ensures every student has the right to an educational space, a sense of belonging and the inner peace and safety to learn that they have a place in this world. At its bear bones, a classroom simply holds students and congregates them to learn. A student’s space has heavy impact on their mental and physical well being and as a behavioral professional I have a running mental catalog of the campuses I have been on and the classrooms that fostered the most growth and joy. It would be an honor to use this experience to develop my own classroom that my students, their adult staff and myself can all work together to access education and provide a sense of belonging. For a child with no verbal language, diminished vision, a need for a walk trainer or is fully wheelchair bound, navigating school is inevitably going to present challenges that are novel to the student and the parent. Accessibility on campuses and the birth of the No Child Left Behind Act, and subsequently the Every Student Succeeds Act have empowered teachers to focus on these students and make sure they are on a trajectory that sets them up for overall academic success. These are historical and should be celebrated but they are mere groundwork for a teacher’s overall responsibility to their students. When a student enters a school campus there is an expectation that the student finds a sense of belonging, despite any behavior issues or gaps in development that might hinder those positive interactions with peers. The teacher, therefore, is the model by which his/her students learn that they have worth exactly as they are. This can be achieved by creating an environment that honors differences and unites by commonalities. When a teacher establishes a student’s understanding of their worth as a person they create a relationship that promotes inner peace and safety. Peace and safety at school are typically innate and expected when a parent drops their child off for the day. Years of behavioral intervention with special needs students have taught me that no child can learn, grow and be their best selves if they are fighting to maintain inner peace and, unfortunately the student may seek to remedy this in unsafe ways. Prioritizing the child’s safety and, by extension, their peace, is the base function of the special education teacher and will guide the structure of my classroom and mission to facilitate a peaceful journey to discovering their potential. Throughout a decade of hands on experience in special education classrooms I now subscribe to the belief that a teacher is the bridge between a child with special needs and the structure and education necessary to commingle with their same aged peers and progress toward independence. While this reads well in a document or textbook, in practice, it requires creating an environment where students enjoy coming to school, feel supported and encouraged and extends compassion and permission for them to be fully and unapologetically themselves. While the adults in the classroom adjust our teaching methods to meet their progress,  my students would be able to achieve academic standards as a secondary priority to meeting and learning themselves. FAIRYTALE Once upon a time, Miss Jules found herself ready to start a new adventure. She’d spent so much time trying so many different jobs she was ready to quit! She tried working at a camp, it was fun, but super hot out in the sun all the time. Her inner candle was burning bright! But she got a little too old for that job. So she tried working in a bank! Wow did she feel smart while she was doing that but her inner candle was burning out because it just wasn’t the right spot. So she went back to what she knew best, helping little kids learn in schools! Sometimes they would have bad days and make bad choices, like hitting teachers or not doing their work at school! But Miss Jules kept working hard so they would have the BEST time ever at school. She met a lot of wonderful teachers and realized SHE would be really great at teaching the kids that need extra help! She was scared. She had started over so many times but her friend reminded her that this is what she’s meant to do and that she’d be SO good at helping even MORE kids than she is now. So she did the big scary thing and chose a school that she believed would teach her best how to teach kids best. It was a mighty challenge to get through the papers, make sure she has enough money and is ready to work even HARDER than she was already working. Two years later she’s handed the keys to a classroom, given a list of students that she gets to help and puts on her super hero cape ready to take on the day, her students come in and get big high fives, she says “Hi! I’m Miss Jules! Let’s rock and roll!” Throughout the day she shows the students how she knows all the tricks for stuff like squeezes, tickles, blowing bubbles, drawing and singing. Lots of singing! She proudly shows them where all the stuff is organized and is ready to help! She also gets to show off all the cool ways she knows how to teach things! Between meetings, dancing, grading work, and teaching standards, Miss Jules takes a big deep breath and relaxes saying “This is my favorite place to be.”