The pandemic was many things. It was fire, rage, and civil unrest. It was flooding, disease, and global warming. It was even murder hornets; remember those? Despite this, it was also a reflection. The past year has been a rude awakening into the realms of responsibility that I have never imagined. I had always allowed life to simply happen, as the world wouldn't stop spinning, so even if I stayed still, I'd still be moving. Then the world did stop spinning. Then it spun too fast. Then it spun out of control. All of this, and while I was a freshman in college, too. My life was in shambles. I felt myself slipping, and I knew that I was suffering on many levels, but I also realized what I needed to become. I know now what I need to be. I can't simply let life happen, because I can't rely on it to happen for me, or to happen at all. I understand now the responsibility that I and I alone bear, and that is to live my best life. No one will hold my hand, so I'll put them in my pockets, and I'll stride, and I will live.

My favorite artist is Leonardo da Vinci, and he was obviously more than just an artist. He was an artist, a scientist, an inventor, an architect, and a theorist. He was one of the most brilliant minds the world had ever known, so brilliant that it would take centuries for any others like him to be born. He serves as an inspiration for greatness in all that I do, as I know that it is possible for all that I do to be great.

To put it simply, my goal is to be well off. That was the simple version, so allow me to elaborate further. I don't aspire to accrue a vast amount of wealth or influence, nor do I aspire to dominate any spheres. I don't wish to be the next Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, or Elon Musk. My dream is beyond money, power, or influence. While it would be wonderful to achieve these grand luxuries and pleasures, none of them are essential and none of them would bring me happiness. As I have said my goal is to be well off. My goal is to be able to pay off my student loans without the worry of never being able to do so and being trapped in a cycle of debt, and thus to avoid a burden that most Americans know far too well; a burden that many will never be released from. It is to know that I worked hard and studied hard and that it all paid off in the end, despite the hours of sleepless nights, the days of turmoil, and the weeks of anxiety. It is to know that I will have stability in the most unstable of times, as when I walk on that stage to receive my degree in accounting, I will know that I earned it. My goal is to be able to enjoy my life. My goal is to not have to run away from the mistakes I've made years ago, as I'd have already tackled them head-on. It is to have a nice home, a well-respected career that suits me, and to make my family proud. It is to be able to get past my current struggles so that I don't have to struggle in the long run. It is to serve as a positive example to my niece and to show her that it is possible to get it right the first time, no matter how hard it is or what mistakes she makes. My goal is to be the first in my family to go to college and to get it right the first time, not the second. My goal is to graduate in the year 2024, and not a second later. My goal is to make something of myself, and whether that means being a business analyst, an accountant, a financial advisor, or being an entrepreneur, the common denominator between all of them is that I must graduate; I must see college through, no matter the obstacle. This scholarship will help me see this through. I will not fail, not because failure isn't possible, but because success is never impossible, and with this scholarship, I will be prepared to succeed.

Towards my life I have the greatest of expectations as well as the mightiest of concerns, ever-clashing at every period in time. I desire fame, fortune, and freedom, yet I brace for hardship, betrayal, and miscalculation. Within this paradox dubbed "my life", I find myself at odds with my own being, always theorizing about what it is my life will be, what it can be, and what it is becoming. I sit and I ponder, and then I act. I adopted into my daily life an intense practice of saving. Only the most absolutely essential of necessities do I purchase, with minimal exception. I practice for fluency of the cryptocurrency and stock markets, increasing my financial know-how while also building portfolios of my own. While my current position is less than desirable, I actively search for positions towards my future and make the most of where I am now. Even with all of my preparation, learning, both in-class towards a Bachelor's in Accounting and out-of-class towards a career that would use the degree, and diligence, I find myself faltering through pressure and fear. Uncertainty is a constant plague in my general thinking and hardship is no stranger. In these times I do seek divine intervention, hoping for a blessing of my life to take form and surely enough, I conveniently realize that the blessing has already been afforded, and that what I must do now is act upon it. I am iron clad with imperfections, yet I clash against them daily, knowing that I am not defined by my humanity, but by what I do with it. I strive to become a better person overall; to be more open, more confident, more organized, healthier, wealthier, and better off in every considerable way. I take on these challenges, knowing that these are in fact challenges, not miracles, and day-by-day I progress into the person that I want to be. I feel myself becoming a stronger, happier, and better person than I was before every day, and it excites me, inching ever closer to my goal of what I perceive is true happiness, which is: 1. To be financially stable; I don't aspire for Musk or Bezos' wealth, rather I reach for a place where I never worry about debts or bills swallowing me, and being able to donate more than the one dollar in my wallet to church tithes. 2. To be healthy; I know that I am in good condition now, but twenty years from now I want to be able to walk without sweating, lift without breaking, and stand without aching. This also reaches towards my mental health, as I never want to be in a predicament where I find life dull and gray. 3. To be free; I value freedom over all else. This freedom isn't infinite, however it is essential to what true happiness is to me. To worry for me and myself alone, to trust my own judgement for any and all decisions, to stand on my own feet in the face of any adversary, shortcoming, or blow against me; this is freedom. Without freedom, I will never experience true happiness. These three ideals are not just the core to what I believe of happiness, but what I believe of my own life. These ideals have, are, and will, now and forever, define who and what I am to myself, and to the world. These are the principles that I set myself towards everytime I make a decision, everytime I freeze, and everytime I thaw myself back out, for these guidelines aren't merely rules for elation. They are rules for being. My life is predestined for both dread and death, and neither are escapable, however, both are surmountable. Within the most dreadful periods of my life I aspire to will myself towards a glorious return to bliss. When my mortality forces me to yield, it will be my works, my loved ones, and the proof of my existence that will make me immortal. What I yearn for in life is to become the best and perfect version of myself, and every day I make a step closer to my inspiration. I'll make it there, one day. One day, I swear it.

Being an artist is a state of being for me. I am an artist, as I was always intended to be. I draw, I write, I play; I create art because it is who I am. It's really simple when you think about it. The same way that every breath pushes me forward towards living, every stroke of my pencil, every letter from my pen, and every note on my instrument pushes me all the same. I can't help but be driven by it. The arts isn't even what I am majoring for, but I can't help but try to satiate my craving for expression, the urge to create something of my own. Whether it is to explain a part of myself to myself or to others, to challenge a way of thinking or build upon it, or to merely entertain myself and others with my devices, art is the expression, or rather the extension, of my own being that I dwell within. Art is my home, my retreat. Even when I leave, I will inevitably return. My art doesn't serve a grand purpose, and it isn't intended to. My art is merely to interpret something about me or a facet of my life. I do not intend to wage war intellectually with my literary, visual, or musical works, however I do intend for these works of mine to linger in the minds of those who absorb them. My dream isn't to be remembered, as I am one person in a grand scheme; I'm not so egotistical. My dream is for people to remember what I have done, for people to recognize my artistry, my works, and my passions in all of their glory. I care little for the credit, rather, all I need is the satisfaction of inspiration. To know that my art touched someone, not out of politics, social constructs, or other biases, but out of a pure appreciation for my works, would be a blessing. All I can plan now, though, is learning. Learning better shading techniques, learning better clarinet technique, learning more interesting dialogue, perhaps even learning a different language altogether (I'm thinking French); it is towards learning that I dedicate all my art towards, in the efforts that one day I can perfect my craft in the way that I can see and truly know perfection before meeting it when I pass from this world.

I don't like being the best at something, nor do I like perfection. I don't like when everything sits perfectly, because all I want to do is improve. I am a very artsy person by nature, but even with these hobbies of mine, I sought to enhance them; to better them. I wasn't satisfied with being a saxophonist, so I picked up flute, clarinet, and harmonica. I'm still working on the last one, but I still play. I wasn't satisfied with the way I drew before, so I added in elements of realism; wrinkles, shading, a proper skeleton, etc. That said, I was truly never satisfied with my love for English. I had a good grasp on it for the majority of my life, but all it meant was that I felt stagnant. It was when English became more difficult that I truly fell in love with it, and the others. Now, I'm practicing French and Italian while I write for fun. To be clear, I'm no da Vinci, but for where I am now, I think I'm doing pretty well. My dissatisfaction extends over to my professional activities as well. I was never satisfied with being penniless. At first, it was just about having money, my money, that I could do with what I want. Before, I would scrounge for coins on the floor, and I never thought much about it until some saw me. It was my first year in high school, and they asked me, "Why were you on the floor?" From then on, it was about more than just the money, but also being able to respect myself for how I got it. So, I got an idea. I noticed people were selling candy bars at school, and I thought to myself, "I could do that." Then I remembered my knack for baking, whipped up something in the kitchen that night, and voilà, I started my brownie business. With some help from my friends, I was able to have my own source of income for five years. The secret, you ask? I was the only one on the market with regular brownies. They were big, gooey, and above all, legal. Coming to the University of Akron, there is a strict "No Cooking on Campus" protocol that I must obey, killing off the chance of any brownie business relocation. I looked for and received employment swiftly, as being jobless is not an option. That said, working at my part-time job, I grew annoyed at my money, at how long it took to make more, on how little it took to have less; at how little I had. I would stare at my low bank account, trying to will it to gain another paycheck, only to realize that this wouldn't suddenly make me richer. With this logic, I sulked onward until I heard about stocks and cryptocurrency. As soon as I realized that I wasn't too young (or too broke) to use these to my advantage, I invested in stocks via Acorns and invested in cryptocurrency with PayPal. Now, I am a proud owner of Bitcoin, Litecoin, and The Graph cryptocurrency with some stocks as well, and when I gaze onto my phone screen, I feel like a wizard, conjuring income from thin air. Sadly, it's still not enough to be my career. While I am grateful to be employed, one could imagine that being a fry cook wouldn't be my dream job. My very being in the University of Akron is a sign of dissatisfaction. I'm not satisfied with the skills that I've acquired over working in a kitchen or behind a register. I don't want a job, but a career. I want to be an equal contributor in the workforce with a career that values my work and gives me the financial and social freedom for my life. As you can probably tell by now, dissatisfaction is a running trend in my life, so much so that one may think I have OCD. Compulsion disorders aside, I just don't want to be stagnant. My biggest fear is being stuck, having no options, and having to beg for help just to get by. While I am not above asking for help (something that my parents often remind me), I want to be able to accomplish things on my own and help other people. Now, while I have come to understand this to be a double standard, I do enjoy helping people. Being able to assist others in any capacity makes my day, because it makes me feel needed. Being needed, being wanted, and being knowledgeable; that is my goal. I know I won't be satisfied until I feel I can be a voice of reason for whatever subject, conversation, dilemma, or office joke that comes my way, and that's the thrill of it. Before me lies a never-ending road of dissatisfaction and, to counter it, lifetimes of knowledge, skills, and understanding that I didn't know of before. My goal isn't perfection, not by any means. Perfection is just way too... boring. My goal is to become better everyday, to move forward everyday, and if I don't have that luxury, simply to move everyday. My goal is to keep advancing through my life and accomplish many things, professionally and personally. Maybe I may not reach it, and to that, oh well. It'll be fun trying.