The worst part of high school was attendance. When I tell people this, they often look at me like I’m crazy. I mean, I took two years of AP Calculus and attendance was the worst part? It was, because no matter how much I emailed my teachers before the first day of school, on the first day, they would call out my deadname. Throughout the three years of high school that I was openly out, there was one teacher who never deadnamed me. It’s understandable why these things happened. After all, people are human and make mistakes. But each instance felt like they twisted a knife that was constantly in my chest. Calculus I could study for and learn, this was out of my control. My deadname is in a lot of places when it comes to completing my education. Especially in my high school, getting anything to change was a process entailing multiple emails and being told that they “just didn’t have the structure for preferred names.” Getting faculty to use my preferred pronouns was a whole other battle. Most of them immediately let me know that this was their first time encountering they/them pronouns, and that they were going to mess up. Another knife in my chest. A lot of cisgender people might take a look at this and find it dramatic and overstated, but being consistently misgendered and misnamed truly makes you feel like less of a person. I constantly have to keep telling people who I am, and a lot of the time, it genuinely feels like anyone who is in a position of authority tends to brush that off. I mentored for a camp of high school students in which the goal was to expose them to the STEM field and explore different paths. During which, we went on a field trip to a clean hydrogen energy plant, and I saw the first trans scientist that I have ever heard of. I almost cried. My main goal in college is to learn as much as I can. I am majoring in Plant Sciences, and my goal is to be able to be involved in the creation and stewardship of a more sustainable world. For me, this looks like research, lab work, and discovery. I’m especially interested in alternatives to a lot of practices used in industrial farming (such as monocropping, high pesticide use, and high chemical fertilizer use) as well as reinstating a sense of food and land sovereignty. There are not a lot of queer or transgender people in a lot of STEM fields, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these fields and institutions don’t have the “structure” to support openly out transgender and nonbinary people. I would love to be one of the people who influences these institutions to change and make structures in order to be welcoming and to have space for trangender people, if only by being there. I strive to become a scientist, because if little me, or even high school me, could see that someone like me was able to do that, it would fill my heart with so much hope.

Starbucks has always been a special treat for me. After a hard test, an energy boost in the middle of a long study session, or an end of the week speciality, whichever case it was, its something that I don't take for granted. One that I always loved and crave, no matter how "basic" my sister says it is, is a Pumpkin Spice Latte. It's a drink that can be enjoyed either cold or hot, which is always appreciated while in California, where the "winter" is sometimes not shown in the weather. I usually perfer it cold, since I like to drink it over time, and in my opinon a lukewarm cold drink is a lot better than a lukewarm hot drink, but I digress. I usually get to enjoy a Pumpkin Spice Latte maybe 5 or 6 times a year, and every time I feel like the main character in my own story. Say what you will on how basic this drink is, having it in a hand as I go about my work always makes said work slightly more enjoyable. Along with giving some energy, it improves my mood. The warmth of the spices and the soothing effect of the steamed milk create a sense of comfort and contentment. This is super helpful, especially when studying, as it gives me a better mindset when approaching my work, helping me stay motivated and engaged. Furthermore, an essential part of my studying ritual is taking breaks and changing locations. What better way to do this than to journey over to the nearest starbucks with friends and get a treat? This is a routine during midterms and finals week, as the nearest starbucks is but a short bus drive away. While waiting for the next bus, we sit in the relaxing atmosphere of Starbucks. The soft hum of conversation, the clinking of cups, and the mellow background music create a soothing atmosphere that instantly puts me at ease. This happy change of scenery is always helpful when trying to memorize and understand difficult concepts. In conclusion, this "basic" starbucks drink truly means so much more to me. No matter how basic, I don't know if I would have been able to maintain as high of a gpa as I have without it. I look forward to the next time I have a sip of this wonderful limited edition pumpkin spice drink.

The first thing that I remember is all about my mom. I was trying to look at the outside thermometer through the kitchen window to see the temperature outside to see if it was cool enough for my little sister and me to play outside. The only problem with that plan is that I couldn't read. After about two minutes of squinting at it, I proclaimed that it was 83 degrees outside and that we could play outside. My mom, who was cooking, took a second to go look. It was 110 degrees outside, and if it was over 100 we had to play inside. My mom explained this to me for probably the millionth time that summer, and I begged her to change the temperature. I was genuinely upset when she said that she couldn't. In my mind, she could do anything and was deliberately not changing the temperature to make us play inside. While even to this day she hasn't learned to change the temperature outside, I still see my mom as someone who can do practically anything. My mom does everything that she can for me and my two siblings. She has sacrificed so much of her time and energy, making sure that all three of us were able to do the immense amount of activities we wanted, becoming a “taxi driver” practically every night. For a while I took this for granted – all of my other friends were also able to do extracurriculars, often even more than I was able to do. It wasn’t till I started trying to schedule myself in high school that I realized how insane it was that she was able to do all of these things and still be able to just live and exist as her own person. The only explanation we got, and probably that we’ll ever get is “Alvarado (my mother's maiden name) women are strong women.” It was both as simple and as complicated as that. I was only ten years old when my parents got divorced. The day we found out, I had to be the calm one. My mother and sister were crying and my brother was angry. I reasoned that we all couldn’t be freaking out. This mindset is something that I carried with me for all of my childhood, and something I am trying to reframe. I’ve been letting myself feel my feelings more, and honestly, it's been difficult. Alvarado women are strong women, and even though I don’t identify as a woman, that statement still applies to me. I thought being strong was being the composed one, pushing my feelings down, and fixing the problem. Sometimes being strong is being able to feel your own emotions and doing things anyway. As I continue to realize this, I understand my mom a lot more. Those days that I caught her crying, those days where she continuously warned and reminded me about things that I already knew – that was her being strong, and feeling her feelings. With any other mother, my life would have been a lot different, and likely, a lot worse. Instead, I’m on track to anything I’ve ever dreamed. I’m going to a four-year university, and I’m learning how to change the world in new ways. And one day, I will, because I am strong, and will continue to be.

In a comfortable house with the people I love, future me excells at taking care of themself, they live in a world that is moving toward sustainability, and they are able to create and connnect with the earth.