Life and death. Heaven and hell. Fear and peace. These are realities that every single person in the world faces whether they will admit it or not. I was blessed to grow up with my dad as an assistant pastor for most of my life. However, my story began as a young child when I was almost four. Because I was so young, I don't remember the experience but my mom wrote about it in her journal. Evidently during our family devotions my dad read the story of Cain and Abel. My dad explained how Cain was God’s enemy because he didn’t obey God. My dad told me that I was God’s enemy too and I was surprised. He said that God’s enemies go to hell, a place of fire. The fire on the page from Abel’s sacrifice scared me. He asked if I knew what sin was, and as I had learned from church, I said it was anything you think, say, or do that doesn’t please God. My dad turned to the page of Jesus’ death and explained that Jesus died for my sins but that he didn’t stay dead, He rose again. I prayed and told Jesus that I was sorry for my sin and thanked Him for coming alive again. After, I was excitedly asking my parents about different people who would be in heaven. However, my journey had just begun and soon I would face testing. When I was about 10-years-old I started really struggling with doubting my salvation. I would call my parents in often because I was afraid to die and go to hell. This may have been because I was not obeying God’s next step in being baptized as I was afraid to talk to the pastor. I finally obeyed and got baptized in 2016. I remember after that, when I would share my testimony at camp, explaining how I got saved close to 4, but stopped doubting after my baptism. My baptism did not save me, but it was the next step. I am not sure how long I was free and able to experience this time of peace, but once again during my teenage years, the same struggle with doubting my salvation arose again. This time I did not feel as though I could talk to my parents about it and so I kept it to myself. I felt that this was something I had already overcome and shouldn't be struggling with again. I was embarrassed that a pastor's kid would struggle with such a foundational truth. I doubted the Bible, Jesus as God, and Jesus' death in different instances. I would ask deep questions to my parents but it was truly the Lord in these dark times that opened my heart every time to the truth. Entering my freshman year of college the fear of my salvation would rise and fall. By this time I had told my parents and others. However, after fearfully consenting, I got a hold of a dear lady at my Christian college. She encouraged me to re-confirm one last time so I knew for sure that I was a Christian and then stop doubting. I prayed that night as I had done many times and doubted after I prayed. Looking back it didn't seem sincere except one moment where I realized that Jesus paid it all and it was like I had a reminder it wasn't me. A strange thing happened after that night. I struggled for the next couple of weeks but slowly the battles lessened. Now, entering my junior year, I still occasionally struggle with this fear and it may always be a battle I have to fight in some form, but it is so much better. I believe that Jesus died for me. It is Christ’s death makes me righteous, nothing else. Jesus is alive, proving He is God. I am thankful for His faithfulness in my life and how He never gives up on me. I attend Faith Baptist Bible College and am pursuing a degree in elementary education, a Biblical counseling certificate, and taking Bible classes. I am not certain where God will lead me in the future but I want to serve Him no matter where He places me whether in a Christian school, public school, pastors wife, missionary, mom, or something else. As a speaker at my college chapel said, we are to be mirrors reflecting the glory to God. This is my goal.

Take a moment to sit in a rock bed and observe all the intricate details of these marvelous pieces of stone. Some are immediately shinny, others have amazing detail and color woven throughout. One rock I looked at had a creamy white contrasted with a butterscotch orange. A small gray rock I picked up may have been tossed to the side as one that has nothing unique to its frame. However, upon looking closely, sparkles caught my eye that may have been missed if just carelessly thrown away. Children are a lot like rocks. Some are immediately flashy in their personalities, others portray great detail, yet sometimes the "gray rock" category of children can be pushed away and the hidden treasure with it. My name is Julia Hess and I am pursuing a degree in Elementary Education. While I am not specifically going for a degree in special education, it is still important to be aware and know how to care for those with special needs who may be in my classroom. I took a class last fall on exceptional learners and was able to visit a special education school. My aunt works with special education children in the school district. I believe that these rocks can teach us the importance that every child brings to the world. Some, like the rocks, may be easier to figure out from the beginning, while others, like the gray rock, may take more time. However, I believe that all children and all people regardless of who they are have a "sparkle" underneath that needs to be discovered. Those children with special needs may experience life a lot like the gray rock does. Tossed to the side, not cared for as they should be, or neglected. This is not the way that it should be. They need people in their lives who will take the time to discover the strong qualities in their life and pour into. As a teacher who may have some special education students in my classroom, it is important that I get to know my special education students and search for this treasure. It takes all different kinds of rocks to make a beautiful rock bed and by not taking the time to sit and examine, we will miss the intricacies and beautiful details. As a teacher, I must explore each one of my children and get to know what makes them unique. I must be intentional to not throw out the gray rocks but dig for the beautiful treasure within.

"I grope in the dark; anxious, confused, afraid. The tears threaten to invade. The sun streams through the window, lighting up the world, but I am numb to its existence. It's as though a dark cloud continuously hangs over my head. Nobody understands. I've told many people, people I trust. My words must float across as a passing dream than clanging fire bells. I'm desperate with no one to hear. Confused with no one to respond. So I run. Away from my thoughts. Trying to be busy. Never a still moment for the fear of thinking. To think is to be tormented. Oh people try to help, but it does no good. It's as though they think what I am going through can be turned off as simply as a light switch when in reality it is a wild fire threatening to consume me. It roars as it steels my joy, my peace, my friends, my family, my dreams...I hear voices screaming, telling me to come. To leave. But I am stubborn. Paralyzed. Afraid." Mental health and suicide prevention are important topics today that must be addressed. The above excerpt is one that I myself wrote last year during a difficult day. There have been many days where I am fighting mental battles. It is exhausting and trying. How many people are out there silently suffering? How many are putting on a facade? How many are consumed to the point of suicide and we do not know until it is too late? It is important that topics like these be raised among our young adults with guidance and support as the norm. I believe that Jesus Christ can give young adults freedom that the world lacks. My name is Julia Hess and I am a student at Faith Baptist Bible College pursuing a degree in elementary education, Bible, and a biblical counseling certificate. Through my own journey I have seen the mighty hand of God set me free and come to help me every single time. I am also blessed by people around me who care. I am pursuing a biblical counseling certificate so that I can help myself and others in life whether these by my future students, or others. Everyone needs to be cared for and it is important that we reach them through the power of God. I want to end with a following entry that I wrote to show the power of Jesus who is the true Light (John 8:12). "Light. A thin sliver pierces through the monotonous dark, reaching it's hand towards me. The darkness threatens to overshadow, to engulf this daring opposer. As long as I gaze upon the glowing stream a sense of peace and rest fills my aching bones. It's as though I have been rescued from the foreboding darkness... The light never changes, never leaves, never stops pursuing. It's all a mater of where my eyes turn. Each time I know where to find the light. Sometimes I take wrong turns, looking for it in the wrong places. But always, always, it shows up. I fall back into it's loving embrace. The longer I gaze, the brighter the night becomes, the fog loosens and the shadows flee. The longer I gaze, the freer I become. And sometimes, when I chose to surrender to the light and let it carry me, I am whisked to a land streaming with sunshine, dancing with streams, glittering with tulips, daisies and roses. Freedom. Peace. Surreal joy. Warmth. And the darkness fades to a speck." I want others to find this same hope in Jesus.

“Mom!” I exclaimed. “There are girls who want to make sure they are going to heaven. I need help!” This was a conversation that took place at Kamp Kidzone this past summer. It was a warm summer evening after chapel and God was at work in these young girls' hearts. I have grown up for the majority of my life as a pastor's kid in Quincy, Illinois. I am thankful for this privilege of being involved in Christian ministry with children and have loved it. My dad started a Christian camp back when I was in fourth grade and I have been blessed not only to attend as a camper, but also to give back to the next generation as a camp counselor. I have loved the discipleship with relationships I am able to build and continue investing in. I have not missed a single year. Ever since I was young, I jumped at every chance to be involved in helping with Sunday School. My problem was that I was too young to be in a classroom by myself. Finally, when I entered high school, I was given the opportunity to teach the 2's and 3's class at my church and I adored it. Whenever I come home on break from college I love to be plugged back in again. My church trains our youth to run a Vacation Bible School which I was involved in throughout high school. I was able to explore more teaching and leading, with the grand finale in Jamaica where I was the student director, co-Bible lesson teacher, and a drama member. My senior year I assisted through the preparation process, helping train others. These are examples from my childhood and the impact that Christian ministry has played in my life. God has used this to help shape who I am today. Because of these experiences, I grew to realize my love for children. I am currently attending Faith Baptist Bible College with a double major in Elementary Education and Bible along with a Biblical Counseling Certificate. I am actively serving the children's ministry at the church I have chosen at college. My plan is to use my degree in education to further Christian ministry. Whether God calls me to a Christian school where I can disciple my students openly through God's Word, or to a public school where I would be a bright light to further the gospel, or to use my degree in the local church, Christian ministry will always be important to me. God has so richly blessed me in growing up in Christian ministry and experience it first hand. God has given me hope and a new life; the least I can do is to reach out to others sharing God's love. The night that I ran up to my mom for help at Kamp Kidzone was just the beginning. That week I was blessed to see the abundant fruit of God at work in hearts through the field of Christian Ministry as girls chose to follow Jesus. This is what my heart yearns for, lives changed through the power of God in the vehicle of Christian ministry.