There’s only one place where anxiety gets left on the front steps and doest have a voice. That place, the police world. During my three years of police explorers I noticed a difference in “explorers me” and “civilian me”. When I was at explorers or on ride alongs it was like anxiety was finally shoved in to a box and stashed away unable to touch me. In this headspace I could be on a ride along in situations that would normally put me on edge and anxiety wasn't even aware that I was in that environment. But take away that headspace then suddenly anxiety is in the drivers seat, driving 100 miles an hour on the wrong side of the road. Then theres the other times where anxiety drives; sending emails, submitting assignments, anxiety often causes me to spiral out when I face these things, especially when it comes to catching up on missed school work. Rationally I can make a plan to get things done but the moment I try to make that a reality anxiety likes to slip its way into my head and physically shake me away from doing work. Often times I have to wait till the right moment to get work done, a moment where I can catch my own anxiety of guard. But then again when im in a police headspace even if its prepping for my future as a cop anxiety is no where to be seen. I like that feeling; I want it to stay. I don't know what it is about my brain that has the ability to just shut anxiety off like that and I wish I could figure it out. Regardless I know I have to find a way to work with my anxiety as apposed to against it. So far we’ve made it through three years of college together and so its reasonable to believe that we can make it through the last year of school together. I know getting a college degree is important because it makes you stand out. Anyone with a highschool diploma or GED can apply to the police department, but having a college degree sets you apart. It shows willingness to learn and maturity, and letting your self explore different field of study lets you have a unique viewpoint on life that may just be what a team needs. From anxiety to college, I've learned that not all anxiety is bad. Some anxiety is what drives my passion for law enforcement. Some anxiety shows areas where I might be over think and can relax a bit on or it could be in areas where I need self improvement. Regardless of the challenges anxiety produces, when well managed it doesn't have to be a negative thing. It can be what that shows you parts of the world you may not have noticed before, both the good and the bad. For me its becoming something I control, not something that controls me.

In 2020, I struggled with my mental health. In August, for the first time, I spent a week in the Pediatric Behavioral Mental Health unit (PBMU) at Seattle Children's. Over several months, I had 2 more admissions, with the last 2 being less than 48 hours apart. In the gap time between my first two admissions, I bounced between a friend's house and a group home for teens struggling with situations ranging from mental health to homelessness. These few months, I learned firsthand how messed up our mental health system is. In 2020, I started to suspect I was autistic. Spoiler alert: I was right. During one of my stays at the PBMU, I was telling the psychologist about this and that my mom and I would like an outpatient referral to the children's autism clinic. She responded by saying, “I don't think you're autistic, I mean you're having a conversation with me and you're making eye contact, but I’ll still send the referral if you want.” Hearing these words come out of a psychologist's mouth fueled me with fury. I had to think of every possible way I could respond that didn't result in security getting called on me. I took a breath and explained to her that ever since I was a kid, I struggled with those things, and I can only do them now because my mom patiently worked on those skills with me from a young age. There were also times when I would see patients being ignored in their needs. Like many hospitals, we only saw a therapist every day for about 10-20 minutes and a physiatrist every couple of days. Other than that, being in the psych ward mostly consisted of sitting and staring at a wall and coloring. Some kids would get overwhelmed or need to talk to someone, and when they were finally brave enough to ask for more support, they would be told to wait. My stays at the hospital made me uncomfortably aware of the holes in our system and the way we treat patients, especially children, as I saw kids as young as 4 in the PBMU. Through the next year, I would work carefully on myself, always looking to my cat for support, whom I adopted in the summer of 2020, and it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I came out as trans in 2021 and began hormone therapy a year later, which boosted my mental health and self-esteem more than ever before. I joined a police explorers program where I found people to support my passion in law enforcement, and ended up meeting my best friend. Together, she and I have shared our experiences of mental health, both past and present, and every time it brings us closer and closer in our friendship. We always talk about how, as future police officers, we will be able to connect with those in crisis on a deeper level because we truly understand them. Our experiences gave us first-hand insight into the mental health system, and now we can move forward having this perspective that not every cop will have. It makes us more conscientious about how we will go about helping those in crisis. I now move forward into the world with aspirations to use my experiences and identities to make the world a better place.

Growing up hearing the words “you can’t do that” felt like it became a daily occurrence. Like any child, I expressed my career desires. Mine, to be a police officer, but hardly anyone believed that I could do it. It wasn't until spring of 2021, I was in a breakout room for a career fair where a police officer, Officer Smith, was talking about the career field and the local police explorers program that he was the advisor of. I decided to ask the question I had always wanted to ask a police officer: What are the possibilities of someone with a disability becoming a police officer? He told me that as long as they can pass the physical fitness test, then that's it. Of course, you still have to get hired, but the physical was a huge part of making that happen. When Officer Smith told me it was possible, it changed my world. I knew I would have to work harder than my peers and harder than I've ever worked before to make my dreams happen. But I was determined to do whatever it would take. The first step was to join the Explorers program. Several months later, I joined the program and finally had a chance to tell Officer Smith what his words months earlier did for me. In the program, I continued to meet many officers who were so supportive of my dreams and aspirations to become one of them. I eventually worked my way to a corporal rank. As a Corporal, also known as a senior explorer, it was my job to model the expected behavior of the post and assist the command in welcoming new explorers and guests as they joined the post. I also helped them answer questions when needed and partnered with them during practice scenes. As 2024 came to an end, I aged out of the program, but in many ways, I am still able to be a mentor to these younger explorers. In the spring of 2024, I was in a car accident that resulted in a concussion and necessitated several months of physical therapy. Because of my disability, there had always been a fear of paralysis. I started imagining the worst, knowing that if that happened, being a cop would never be possible. I became depressed and I ended up having a phone call with Officer Smith where he talked to me about how even if the worst case did happen there would still be something in public safety for me. This was the second time that Officer Smith's words of encouragement helped keep me going. When overcoming challenges set by my disability, I first remember the conversations I’ve had with Officer Smith, but I also remember the story of The Little Engine That Could. The story represents the power of self-belief and perseverance to overcome what once seemed impossible. I started living by the motto that if I believed I could do something, then the effort I put in would be more valuable than trying to achieve something I didn't think was possible. Now I am less than a year away from graduating from college and starting applications to police departments in the fall. I'm simultaneously excited and nervous. The closer those dates get, the more real it becomes, and sometimes I start to doubt myself, but when that happens, I always think back to the conversations I’ve had with Officer Smith. I can't wait to one day become the person that Officer. Smith was and is for me, for anyone who needs someone to believe in them.

Being a part of the Police Explorers was one of the most impactful things I have done. I was a part of my city's police Explorer post from late 2021 through the end of 2024, where I aged out at 21, having obtained the rank of corporal after a year on the post. As a corporal, I helped new explorers acclimate to the environment and made sure they knew I was there for any questions they had. Even though I'm no longer part of the post, I still get the occasional text from a current explorer asking a question or for my advice. When those texts come in, it warms my heart that I am still able to be a mentor to these younger explorers. In the spring of 2021, I attended a virtual career fair where the advisor, Officer Smith, of the city’s Explorers program, was hosting a breakout session to talk about careers in policing and the Explorers program. Because I am disabled and interested in a career in law enforcement, I asked him about the possibility of a disabled person becoming a police officer. I will never forget what he said to me; he said that as long as one could pass the physical, then “that's it, you’re in.” Hearing that ignited something in me, a fire of hope and a fire of motivation to work harder than ever before. I knew I would still have to get hired like any other job, but passing the physical would be a key aspect towards making that happen. Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted to be a police officer and nothing else. But most people around me told me that it could never happen because “disabled people can't be cops.” But that isn't completely true. Yes, there will be limitations, but it all depends on the person and what they as an individual are capable of. Being disabled doesn't mean they or I are any less capable than our peers in pursuing our dreams. We just need someone to believe in us, and Officer Smith was and is that person for me. It is now my mission to be the person that little kids can see performing the tasks of law enforcement, see my disability, and know that they, too, can be whatever they want. I want to create a world where no kid is told they can’t follow their dreams.

I am almost 22 years old, studying Law, Economics, and Public Policy (LEPP). LEPP is a major that encompasses a variety of topics, including global politics, political science, pre-law, and policy analysis. Because the major has a lot of flexibility, I have been able to focus on classes that will support me in my upcoming career as a law enforcement officer who has a heart for helping people and influencing policy reform. I think it is very important to take these classes that not only focus on current policies and events but also on past ones as well. In the words of George Santayana, “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it". So it is of the utmost importance that those who wish to make change in government or any system take the time to learn the history and note the failures and mistakes made by the people who came before them. This not only makes it so they can think critically about what policy reform should look like but also makes it so that they are not doing so blindly, because if they are, then it’s not reform. If you don't know what you're changing or why, then you won't get very far. I am someone who believes one of the most effective ways to make policy change is to change it from within the system itself. This is not to say you can't do effective work from the outside, but you also need a team of people on the inside. I want to be that person. I want to be the person who holds fellow officers accountable for their actions. I want to work my way up the ranks to take my education on policy change and law, and utilize it to help change policies and procedures for things like police officer accountability. Another way I believe I can utilize my education in government and policy is by one day becoming the police explorer advisor. A program for young kids to learn about how police officers carry out the tasks the job requires and learn about the law. But it all comes down to who the advisor is, for they are the ones who decide what to teach and how. I am grateful that my past explorer advisor was and is an amazing person and police officer. Even though practice scenes were “fake,” he treated them like they were real; if you acted out of line, you would know. That's the kind of advisor I want to be, because I think it is the first step to prepare kids before they go into the police department. It's a way to teach them how to be what a police officer should be, kind, compassionate, and someone who has integrity, and how to be uplifting members of society.

I am almost 22 years old studying in my second to last year in college. I am on track to graduate with a BA in Law, Econ, and Public Policy (LEPP) by the end of 2025 I will be starting department applications and prepping for my final quarter of college. From ages 18-21.5 I was a police explorer with my local department. For my last two years of the post I held the rank of corporal. There I gained a vast amount of meaningful experience and wealth of knowledge as well as met many officers who have been so supportive of my dreams, and have believed in me. There is nothing I want more in the world than to be a police officer. But I don't just want to a police officer. I want to be the officer that connects with their community on a first name basis. I want to be the officer that supports kids in their desires to enter similar fields. You see when I was young all I could ever see my self doing was law enforcement. But there was a caveat, I am disabled. Growing up people would always tell me that being disabled meant that I would never be a first responder, and then in the same breath they would try to console me by saying it was Gods plan to make me disabled so I can inspire people. It wasn't until my senior year of highschool that I met my police explorer advisor who told me that as long as I was able to pass the physical then the career was mine. I can not put into words what hear that from a police officer none the less did for me. It was at that moment that I decided I wasn't going to hold myself back and I was going to start working my ass off to prove myself capable of doing the job. Now Im less that a year away from graduating college and starting my police department applications. I am eager to become a police officer that encourages kids bassed off what they want to do and not shame them because of their limitations. I want to be the officer that my advisor was and is for me. Not only do I want to support and inspire kids but I also want to work towards policy reform in policing, bringing a better light towards the career and building better relationships with local communities. It is also my dream to hopefully one day become the explorers advisor to help have a direct impact on kids confidence and help shape them into wonderful members of society and future first responders. I think being the living example that anything is possible and that you are able to do anything you believe you can will help lots of kids to believe its true when someone tells them that; They Can Do It!

My dream in life is to make change and help people who might be having the worst day of their life. My aspirations are to become a police officer to help those in need, to influence policy change, and to be the representation that had I had as a kid, would have been given confidence so much sooner in life. I grew up in a religious environment till the age of 11, and until the age of 18 I was still battling the internal narratives I had been taught at a young age. As a kid others would tell me that God had made me disabled to inspire others, along with other anti queer narratives. When I reached 11th grade I started to question my gender identity and sexual attraction, and began unraveling all of the religious trauma and narratives that were stored away deep inside me. When 12th grade rolled around I was in the processes of starting testosterone and becoming more comfortable with myself. At the same time I met an officer who was the advisor of the local police explorers program who told me that as long as I could pass the physical test for the police department then I was set. There is not a single combination of words that can describe the profound impact of having someone, a police officer none the less, believe in me did for my self confidence. But there was still internal confliction, I was now a trans gay teenager, who wanted to be a police officer, and who was still spiritual but healing from childhood religious trauma. I had 3 identities that did not really fit into each other, and often one would conflict the others. But they did, they co-existed inside me and I was the only person who could decide if those identities co-existed inside me or not. After meeting friends that were supportive of my stance on police reform while being queer and religious, I was able to focus on what mattered. My dreams. My dream is to be a police officer, to help kids when they call for help. I want be queer representation on the force, bringing in a unique perspective and to help connect to the communities ill serve in meaningful ways. Im passionate about fulfilling my dreams not because I have something prove, but because upcoming generations need representation, support, and someone to believe in them, someone to guide them to become educated and empowered members of society.

At age 4 I was diagnosed with NF1, which later resulted in a Scoliosis diagnosis. My whole life I struggled with academics, making school a difficult task to bear. At ages 11-13 I was finally assessed and diagnosed with dyslexia, dysgraphia, and ADHD. As I grew older and started learning about my learning disabilities, things started to make sense. It was such a relief to know that there was an explanation for my struggles and made it so it didn't feel like a “me” problem. Since then I've learned how to work with my disabilities and what kind of learning environments work best for me, and at 18 I was diagnosed with autism which brought even more clarity to my life. In 10th grade, I was already thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up. At the time I dreamed of working in tech, but that wasn't what I truly wanted to do. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a police officer; but many people around me told me that it would never happen and that “disabled people couldn't be police officers”. From then on my career aspirations were constantly changing but they all had one thing in common: When I saw something I thought was wrong, I wanted to grow up and do that job so I could fix it and make it better. Fast forward to COVID, my school district was hosting a virtual career fair, where I asked a police officer about the possibility of a disabled person being a police officer. His answer changed my world. He told me that as long as you (me) can pass the physical test, then you're all set. This simple answer changed my life. I was suddenly back on course to fulfill my dreams of becoming a police officer. A few months later, I joined the police explorers program taught by the same officer who answered my questions. There I received the support I needed to set myself up for success and was able to meet officers who believed in me, which was and is the best feeling in the world. I knew I would still have to work hard to prove myself, and one of those ways is through having a college education and a unique degree nonetheless. As I prepared for college applications, I had to choose an area of study that most aligned with my career goals. I wanted to choose a degree that would give me the education I needed to excel in public service. The Universities I applied to didn't offer a criminal justice degree, so I landed on a degree field from the Bothell campus for the University of Washington; Law, Economics, and Public Policy, or LEPP for short. It was the perfect degree that was not only unique but offered a range of flexibility allowing me to choose classes that would most align with public service and law enforcement. Considering the LEPP major is specific to my school, it motivates me so much more to successfully complete my degree, so I can stand apart from the other applicants, and prove myself capable of the job. Proving to everyone in my life that your disabilities don't get to define what you are or aren't capable of. I aspire to be an inspiration to younger kids with disabilities, proving to them that your physical limitations don't define your capabilities.