My name is Jossalynn, and my biggest life passion is to help people, especially the underrepresented people in my community. I intend to use this money to help with my tuition to pursue a graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health. I grew up and a small farm town just east of Salem in Oregon. And while Oregon has a general representation of acceptance, not every community is like that. I grew up with in a very close minded, predominantly white, Christian community. Many of the jokes that were made by my classmates were racist, homophobic, and xenophobic. In fact, I still hear many of these same jokes made by family members and other members of the community while I am out and about. It has never really made sense to me how or why people would judge anyone based on how they identified or who they loved. I am a bisexual woman, but have always dated men long term. I think this partially stems from shame and fear of being judged by the community if I were to fully come-out. My partner is aware of my sexual orientation and has been very supportive of me. We have had open conversations about what each of our type of woman is, and he has never once made me feel weird about it. I am proud of my sister, who came out as a lesbian her senior year in high school, but was disgusted by how she was treated afterwards. Many of the people who loved her and cared for her while she was growing up became hateful and disowned her. I saw how this crushed her, so I guess I made a subconscious decision to be careful about who I came out to. She was ridiculed and assaulted throughout her college years, but has made a name for herself in the LGBTQIA+ community online, and I am amazed with her ability to cope with the hate she received and be authentic to herself. I want to cater to the LGBTQIA+ community that is like me, those who live in fear, shame, guilt, and who might not be comfortable living in their own skin. Suicide rates in this community are most concerning because they are avoidable. Living in a small town with such limited mental health resources, I can't imagine how many other young adults aren't living life to it's fullest because they are worried about backlash and hate. These unsettling feelings continued to be bottled up until they have no where to turn to and eventually see ending their life as the only escape. Everyone deserves a place that feels safe. That place isn't always at home or at school. So, if I can get licensed and open up a clinic or wellness center where teens and young adults that are part of the community can come and feel loved and accepted for who they are, then I feel that I would be able to contribute to my town and the LGBTQIA+ community as a whole. People are people. People have needs. Needs should be met, including love and acceptance. And if nowhere else in my community is willing to provide it, then I won't be afraid to be the first.

I am pursuing a Masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Eastern Oregon University. I am choosing to go into mental-health because I feel that it is directly correlated to one's overall health. It is extremely difficult to manage other diseases and disorders without a strong psyche. As someone who has a plethora of my own health conditions including epilepsy and PCOS, the ability to manage my symptoms became increasingly easier with the help of a mental health therapist. The biopsychosocial model of health also supports this. In order for someone to be healthy, all aspects of their physical, mental, and emotional health must be addressed, and not many people have the resources they need to address the latter two aspects. While mental health also treats psychological disorders, the connection between the body and mind can be powerful in overcoming physical illnesses. Many of those diagnosed with chronic illness also suffer from depression and/or anxiety disorders. This is because of the toll symptoms have on one's quality of life. I have seen this personally in my own father, who was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma in 2017. I watched as he became depressed because he had to give up his job in order to attend radiation and chemotherapy appointments weekly. He was experiencing horrible nausea, fatigue, and pain throughout his treatment. At one point he became so hopeless, he expressed to me that he would rather die than to have to go through it again. It broke my heart seeing a man that was so strong, both mentally and physically, give up. I want to use my degree to work with people, both physically healthy and with chronic illness. Life can be stressful enough as it is for someone who is in good physical health, but the exhaustion that stems from symptoms, appointments, and treatments can have a heavier impact on those battling cancer, diabetes, or fertility issues. Everyone deserves to have the skills to be able to manage these stressors, and by becoming a professional counselor I will be able to provide that to my community and surround areas. Resources are scarce in my small farm-town in Oregon. Many people have to travel at least thirty minutes into the nearest city to receive mental health services. After I receive my license, I would like to open a clinic to help provide services for those that are not able to make it there.

As a graduate student going into Clinical Mental Health, I plan on taking direct action in my small-farm town in rural Oregon. Many of the beliefs and values in the community I grew up in are very close-minded and stem from sexist, racist, and xenophobic origins. My sister and I are both part of the LGBTQ+ community and have both been advocates for other youths who are struggling with their personal identities and family relationships. We were both lucky enough to have a supportive family who didn't care about who we loved and who we were, but realized not everyone was that lucky. Now as a 30-something year old adult, it concerns me seeing the suicide-rate and mental health crisis skyrocket in teens and young adults, especially after the global COVID pandemic. These kids were directly impacted and had many of their social support taken away from them unexpectedly. Many of my friends who are teachers talk with me about how even basic coping skills and stress management is difficult for this group. Salem, the nearest metropolitan area, has limited resources for its schools. Those in low socioeconomic areas have even less. The surrounding communities I live in have less than two mental health clinics in town, so many of them have to go into Salem to get services. After I graduate, I would like to start up a private teen wellness center where I am able to work directly with teens and their families to help them navigate through this time in their life. This is a formative time that can be extremely stressful, even without struggling with personal identity. I remember being that age, having the world at my fingertips and watching it slip away as I battled my mental-health disorders. I came from a poor family that couldn't afford to drive into the city for the help that I needed, so I wasn't able to receive it until my mid-20s. Being able to provide a safe space for rural kids to figure out who they are, what they want to do, and how they are going to get there would fulfill my purpose in this world: helping people. I can't think of a more deserving population than the people who make up the future of our community. Families who came in would receive knowledge, skills, and techniques to help support their teen and the rest of their family. Teens would be able to set goals and create plans in space that would be supportive. I would make this resource known by visiting the local high schools and junior colleges and accepting state-based insurance programs like the Oregon Health Plan. Mental health care is not a luxury and should not be exclusively available to only those who can afford it. I cannot imagine who or where I would be if I would have had access to a wellness center when I was a young adult. I spent much of my 20s battling my own mental health disorders, and now feel that I am capable of reaching my full-potential and purpose. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life doing anything else besides paying it forward to future generations.

After nearly 30 years of coping with my own mental health, I am finally taking steps to start helping others do the same. I was 19 years old when I got my first diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder. It got to a point where I could barely get out of bed to get to class; if I did manage it, I was lethargic and sad for most of the day. College was supposed to be fulfilling and a time of adventure, and I was spending it barely existing. When my psychiatrist put me on antidepressants, I began to feel like myself again. I was enjoying my courses, excelling in extracurricular activities and managed to work a part time job. Unfortunately, it was short-lived. My prescriber left town unexpectedly and I no longer had access to the medications that were keeping me stable. This lead to self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. My boyfriend was several years older than I was and was hanging with a pretty shady crowd. I had never used substances before, and I found myself enjoying the escape from the prison my mind had put me in. After about five years of this vicious cycle and a couple different attempts to end my own life, I finally made my way into therapy because the drugs and alcohol weren't cutting it anymore. I realized that I needed help on a much deeper level. My new counselor completed my intake and began the next appointment by diagnosing me with several types of anxiety: Generalized Anxiety, Persistent Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Post Traumatic Stress, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders. I felt seen for the first time in my life. I knew I had struggled with an overwhelming sense of worry my entire life. From my early school years through high school I was striving to be the best at everything. I needed to be a straight-A student, on the varsity sports teams, national honor society, yearbook and volunteer clubs. I felt as though doing any less than those things would make me a failure at life. I recall asking to retake a Pre-Calculus Exam after receiving a "B" on it because I was still recovering from a major concussion I had suffered a couple weeks prior. I insisted on it despite my teacher telling me it wouldn't impact my grade that much. In my mind, it was the end of the world and anything less than perfection was unacceptable. I also was seeing how my anxiety was effecting the quality of my day-to-day life at that time. I was a nervous wreck going to any social event that wasn't with my immediate family. I missed out on dozens of friends weddings, baby showers, birthday parties because moments before I was supposed to leave an immense flood of dread would come over me, send me into a panic attack, and I would have to spend the rest of the day calming myself down. I would wake up each morning scared about what the future held. I worried about money, living situations, relationships, work, time, death. It was anything and everything all at once and it was proving too much burden to carry on my own. So after my diagnosis, I asked "What do we do now?". Her answer was kind and simple. She wanted to work with me help retrain my brain on how to be present. We would work on mindfulness techniques and completed a serious of cognitive behavioral therapies and EMDR. Through these practices, I was able to take my brain to a safe space in my past. I place that I felt powerful, in control, and at peace. It took awhile to learn to start applying it to my life, but I felt like it was helping a lot. However, it did not completely erase the use of drugs and alcohol in my life, and I continued using. It was an additional five years of substance abuse before I realized that I had yet another mental health disorder: addiction. It wasn't until I had left my abusive relationship and started dating again to realize that the way I drank and used drugs was not as normal as I thought it was. I would use so heavily that I would black out and put myself or others into dangerous situations. I didn't think it could happen to me because I grew up with parents who were addicts and I had made a vow to myself that I would not end up like they did. So after some intense self-reflection, I decided to get help. On October 7th, 2021 I had my last drink of alcohol and used my last drug. I woke up the next day choosing to actively abstain. A week later I attended my first 12-step meeting. I met people I related to, heard stories that resonated with me, and learned that there was more to being an addict than just not having will-power. I attended every meeting I could for the first year; I got a sponsor who worked me through my steps, and gave me the best skills for managing my emotions so that I would never feel the need to drink again. I have used these insights and shared my journey publicly with friends and family online. I have helped a few of them begin their own sobriety journeys. They share milestones with me and call me when they are struggling, and I love being able to do that for them. It has made me recently realize that I want to be able to do for them as others have done for me. So after nearly a decade after graduating from college, I have enrolled in a graduate program to become a Clinical Mental Health Professional. With the skills I gain in this program and my own personal life experiences, I hope to help others who were once like me and show them that they are capable of doing everything they want to and more.

After three years in recovery, I have a completely different understanding of what it means. When I was initially getting sober, it was simply to stop drinking so that I stopped embarassing myself and putting myself in dangerous situations. I also thought it would improve my physical health and appearance. Now recovery means getting to live every day as the best version of myself. I have a better understanding of what makes me angry, how to deal with that anger and how to avoid resentments rooted in that anger. I am able to be present and mindful which allows me to embrace the moments each day. Recovery has brought me closer to my friends and family and allowed me to guide them through their own recovery journey. It gives me pride to have changed so much that they aspire to have what I have, a life free of shame, guilt, anger, and embarrassment. I find myself having more clarity than ever before. This clarity has brought to light my true passion and purpose to pursue a career in mental health and teach others the skills I've learned to gain the freedom I have today. Recovery means living.

My mental health has impacted my academic and personal life both positively and negatively while I am in school. I had vastly different experiences between my high school, undergraduate, and trade school studies. However, there was an underlying theme: my mental health was a direct reflection of my academic performance. During my high school years, I worked hard to over-achieve. I took on a rigorous academic schedule full of Advanced Placement classes and electives while competing in varsity level sports year round. My goal was to be the best, well-rounded student-athlete I could be in order to put myself in a position to go to college. I made a strict schedule dedicated to studying, training, and socializing. I made sure that I was taking care of injuries, watching my nutrition, and had fun with family events. By creating this balance, it helped me manage my anxiety in a productive way. I was able to excel. I achieved my goals and was admitted to Willamette University right out of high school. When I entered my undergraduate studies, I began to let myself go. I felt that I had already met the goal I had in my mind, and did not do anything to keep my anxiety in check. I did not prioritize my school or my training the way I did in high school. In fact, I only had one thing on my mind... boys. I allowed how successful or unsuccessful my dating life was control my self worth and mental health. I skipped workouts, ate whatever I wanted to, missed classes, procrastinated assignments, and just compounded the amount of stress that college life already presented. By my junior year of school, I crashed hard. I met an older man on the internet who was involved with drugs and partying. I followed suit, isolated myself from friends and family, and barely graduated. It took me a few years of struggling with my mental health and self-medicating with drugs and alcohol before I realized I needed to find a career that allowed me to work for more than minimum wage. I did this with the help of a therapist. She helped me narrow down what I enjoyed doing and what jobs I could pursue in that field. That is when I attended beauty school at 26 years old. At that point, I felt like myself again. I was passionate about what I was doing and had a plan for what I was going to do after graduation, so I was diligent with my studies and practice in order to be successful after licensure. I rarely missed a class, and used any extra time I had during my practical hours to improve my craft. I was balancing time in school and reconnected with my family, attending my younger sisters sporting events and family functions. I was celebrating my body and became an avid yogi, practicing daily. Now that I am getting ready to attend graduate school this winner, I plan on using these experiences to prioritize my mental health through the entirety of the program. I have began therapy, an exercise regimen, and scheduled family events to help me achieve a good work-school-life balance. I have learned that I best work on a schedule. By creating this schedule ahead of beginning my classes, I am ensuring that I will have the mental strength and endurance to fulfill of my responsibilities in the classroom and at home. I will put myself first by limiting stress created by having too many commitments and prioritizing what will benefit my future the most.

I currently help others with their mental health as a recovering addict. I attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings where I share my experience with new-comers. I also talk openly about what my life was like before I pursued recovery and what steps I have gone through to become who I am today. I also act as an advocate online displaying transparency about my own mental health struggles including my anxiety and depression. I share the feelings that I have and what I am doing to get through it in that moment. Outside of my recovery program, I have a partner and family members who all suffer from various mental health disorders and I offer them support through listening and/or action to help ease some of their symptoms. I may suggest they seek a professional to get on medication or learn some skills with a therapist. I have clients that I listen to about frustrations in their life and offer suggestions to based upon what they are needing. This may be how I would approach the situation, or it may be a referral if I feel the situation is beyond my knowledge. I find myself doing this naturally, as I know what it is like to go through it alone and suffer in silence. I plan to use my education by obtaining my Masters Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and obtaining my license after graduation. Upon licensure, I intend on working for non-profit or government positions in order to work with clients who might not typically have access to resources because of their socioeconomic status. I live in a rural community and would like to normalize the process of seeking mental health help. I would be happy to show up at community events and festivals to encourage others to seek out the assistance they made need.

Anxiety has formed me into the person I am. I was initially diagnosed with four anxiety disorders after I graduated from my undergraduate program, but once she explained what it was I realized I had been battling it my entire life. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Persistent Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder at the age of 24. However, I remember experiencing my social anxiety disorder the most while I was growing up. First days of school were always difficult. Even though I attended the same school district with the same kids my entire life, I was always anxious to enter a new class. Social activities like sporting events or dances caused me to go into a panic almost every single time. I was worried about who would be there, what people would think of me, what we would talk about, etc. I found that it was difficult to make or maintain friendships or relationships because of this. Rejection upset me, so I was too nervous to put myself out there. These symptoms became increasingly more difficult to manage when I went off to my first four years of college. I was going to a place where I didn't know a single person. During a time what was supposed to be exciting, I was a wreck. I did not attend any of the new-student activities, and chose to live at home so that I didn't have to worry about too much interpersonal interaction. This continued through my four years, where the only people I talked to were the few girls I was on the track team with. The most vivid memory I have of my social anxiety in college occurred on my graduation day. I had spent four hours customizing my graduation cap. However, upon arrival to the school, I did not see anyone else with a decorated cap. This mortified me; I tore off all of the decorations and threw them into the nearest trash can. I had a panic attack in the bathroom for 30 minutes before going to the ceremony. Two years later, after my diagnosis, I began to learn techniques to cope with these feelings of discomfort. I still have to deal with them. I stress out when I am in a crowded grocery store. I have missed weddings and parties that I have RSVP'd to because the idea of attending was too much to bear. But on a daily basis, I find that I am able to do more than I have in the past, and I would like to help others do the same. That is why I want to pursue a career in Clinical Mental Health and get my Masters Degree and license. I want to be able to help others with social anxiety and other anxiety disorders realize that they can do anything they want to do with their lives and they are not constrained by their disorder. If I did not have someone teach me this, then I wouldn't have been able to enjoy my life the way that I have in the last seven years. Paying it forward would be the ultimate reward.

Mental health is the single most important thing to me as a student. As someone who has multiple diagnosed anxiety disorders and is a recovering alcoholic and drug user, I have used the last three years of my life really focusing on my own mental health. I have used public resources like Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and private resources like trauma focused talk therapists to gain the skills to be able to best cope with daily stressors that have caused problems in my past. During the depths of my substance abuse and depression, I was a really bad person. I made choices that hurt myself and those around me. Going through the proper channels to improve the deep-seeded issues I had, has allowed me to be accountable and make amends with those people and with myself. I did not realize that I had mental health problems until I was in college. I knew that growing up, being as perfect as I could be would a personality quirk, not a debilitating anxiety disorder. In order to cope with the stress I was experiencing in college, I turned to drugs and alcohol in order to feel more "normal". This lead to me pushing away friends and family members and isolating myself in to an abusive relationship. To cope with the abuse, I further turned to drugs and alcohol and created a downwards spiral that left me jobless, homeless, and alone. When I left the relationship, drugs and alcohol were all I had to lean on. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom, that I decided that this was not how I wanted the rest of my life to look and I had so much more to offer this world. I attended my first AA meeting a week later. I attended new-comer meetings regularly in my first two years of sobriety. I wanted to give hope to the people that were scared and embarrassed to be there. I wanted to share how attending the meeting and following the program changed who I was at a deeper level. I now use my experience, strength, and hope to openly discuss my rehabilitation journey with others in person and on social media. While working as a nail artist, I have open discussions about how AA works, and answer questions my friends/clients have about what it took to get where I am. I have had a few of them reach out and ask if I would be willing to sponsor them and guide them through the beginning of their sobriety. I also share my trials and tribulations with them as to be transparent about how getting clean is not all rainbows and butterflies. I am also doing my best to normalize recovery and contribute to the Sober is Cool movement online. I post videos periodically about things I wish I would have known about getting sober and the major differences I am experiencing now that I am. I learned while doing these small gestures, my true passion was helping others. I want to pursue this passion by gaining the credentials and skills to be able to help others as a Licensed Clinical Mental Health professional so I can continue to to advocate for mental health to a broader demographic. I want to have an impact on as much of the community as I can.