I have always been an anxious person. Not in the way of "oh no! what if I left the stove on" and more like "what if somehow people find out how we live and I never see my siblings again" kind of way. Growing up the way I did was a severely traumatic experience that left me with a panic disorder diagnosis way back in 2016 - even though my sister and I knew long before that. I was afraid of everything. I couldn't talk to people I didn't know, especially of the opposite gender. I think it was because I was raised in a religious household, that "don't talk to boys" was taken way too literally and I thought I would get in trouble. I preferred to stay inside reading my books and living in those fantasy worlds than anything else. In kindergarten, we had our first Christmas choir concert. I didn't even make it onstage before my stomach was whirling so hard I threw up. The idea of public speaking still to this day makes my stomach clench and makes me feel like I am going to pee myself, though faking my way through it has gotten easier. I was definitely a teachers pet, but that's because I was terrified of the consequences if I didn't follow the rules. The most rebellious I got was staying up too late reading. My dad recently told me that I was just better than my siblings at not getting caught, and he didn't believe me when I said "no, I'm just that boring." Majoring in theatre is something that has gotten me better at working through my anxiety than I ever thought possible. That is part of the reason I am getting my masters. I started to let my anxiety take over and tell myself that I wasn't good enough as a theatre technician, because of the last couple contracts I had. Coming back to school was the best decision I could have made. Yes, I still get anxious about making phone calls (I have two that I am currently avoiding) or going new places alone or trying something new, but I am getting better at it. Getting my masters will give me the confidence and connections I need to put myself out there. Rejection is a part of theatre, and while it will always send my stomach into whirls, the more I learn, the more I adapt. The more I adapt, the more ways I find at working with my anxiety instead of running away from it. (Although if someone could make these doctor's appointments for me I would not say no.)

Much like with the Victorians, mental illness was not discussed in my family. There was nothing wrong with us. We were totally healthy humans in a function household that absolutely did not need to be scrutinized. My mother never worked, and if she did, she didn't last long. We all lived with my grandparents, minus my youngest sibling and step-brother - who lived with my dad. She constantly got into screaming matched with my grandma and oldest sister. If she wasn't working, she'd be laying in bed drinking NyQuil and on plenty of fish on her blackberry phone. For me, I always felt off. I always followed the rules because I didn't want to be the next victim of a screaming match. I was too empathetic. I didn't understand. I preferred to stay in another room reading. I used to get severed stomach pains when the yelling got bad, and couldn't handle thunderstorms. I was always the weird kid, the teachers pet. CPS got called multiple times, and I ended up in therapy in fifth grade because of my stomach issues. It was the first time I was honest with anyone outside of my family and it backfired. The therapist believed my mother over me - After I had talked to the therapist about my mother constantly playing the victim - and said my mother wasn't to blame. My second oldest sister has been in therapy for years. She's struggled with her mental health since her teens and has overcome so much, while I haven't gone to therapy since, even though I know it would help, I can't get past it. Freshman year of college, my mother let me get taken to get an anxiety diagnosis. This is something my sister and I knew I had, but only got me the formal diagnosis to get out of living in the dorms with a stranger my freshman year and instead live with my sister who attended the same undergrad. When I went to the doctor, they asked how I knew I was having panic attacks, and after I described what would happen, they immediately diagnosed me with a panic disorder. After my first year of college, I had to move out for the summer. I went to school 2 hours away from home, and my mother brought both her drunk boyfriend and my younger sister to get me and all of my things in a tiny car. For the last trip, my mother was going to have my sister who only had a permit drive all of us illegally home because of my anxiety surrounding driving on the interstate. This sent my anxiety over the edge, so instead, I drove us the long way home, taking the country roads with my sister in the front seat, my mother and her boyfriend in the back. He got angry that I wouldn't honk my horn, and started throwing my things out the car window. He kept screaming and throwing until I had to pull over and have a panic attack at a random rock pile. I refused to get back in the car with him. She chose him over us every time. My mother runs away from her mental health issues, but my siblings and I acknowledge and adapt to ours. I have less panic attacks now that I am no contact with her. I research and do what I can to work on my anxiety and have come so far from where I started. While I wish my older family was more supportful, I am thankful for my friends who are.

When I was really young, I wanted to be a mom. With the world how it is now, I am unsure if I want to bring a child into it. I used to (if I am being honest, I still do) watch the animated barbie movies. When watching 'Rapunzel,' I wanted to be a painter, and went as her for Halloween in my yarn wig my grandmother made me. 'The Twelve Dancing Princesses' and 'The Nutcracker' had me wanting to be a ballerina. Other shows made me want to be other things. For instance, 'NCIS' had me wanting to be a forensic analyst like Abbey. But from the moment I could hold something, I wanted to create. I would draw or come up with silly songs. I have a vivid memory of using the trash I found in the hoarders house I grew up in to make a playground for the cockroaches. When picking a college, I knew I wanted to do something where I got to create. I chose art as my major - graphic design, specifically. Shortly into it, I realized I hated being stuck at a computer all day. By the second semester of my freshman year, I changed my major to theatre. I fell in love with it. Not so much the acting, though the acting classes I had to take pushed me out of my comfort zone and make be become who I am now, but more so the creativity that is behind the spectacle of theatre. I started in costumes, because I loved sewing. The next semester, I ended up getting switched to the scenic shop - where they physically build all of the sets. I loved getting to move around. I loved getting to take something from a 2D drawing to a 3D realized piece. Here, I discovered the world of props. The props department in theatre handles pretty much anything the actor interacts with that isn't a set piece or a costume (though occasionally they can be depending on the production). I got to be organized in keeping track of the props closet. I got to sew many many pillows, curtains, etc. I got to paint and research. I Discovered a whole career where you are able to sporadically change what you were working on based on the needs of the show. I may not have known from birth what exactly I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to learn and create new things that other people can appreciate. I can use the knowledge I gained, to create realistic worlds that forensic analysts or ballerinas or artists would live in through scenic and prop design. So while it may not have had a name at the beginning, it does now, and I am still on that path to pursue it.

Theatre has always been demanding, and I am but one person. I realized quickly that if I wanted to continue in my chosen field, that I have to prioritize myself first. I worked a two jobs back to back in 2022 - 2023, that almost made me quit theatre entirely. The first one I was doing the job of at least 5 people, got paid the least, and had 14 hour days. The second, I began to put myself first, and had to leave the company so as to not end up in the same place as the first put me. I had daily panic attacks and couldn't eat from the anxiety, that when the second job put too much on my plate and I brought it up and was ignored, it finally gave me the courage to put myself first. I finished the show we were currently working on and I stepped away. Being a theatre major, however, is just as hard. Not only do we have our assignments, but we also have a s pacified amount of hours we have to work in the scenic shop building the shows. At WIU we do 6 shows a semester, so minimum, I have 2-4 weeks where we are in tech from 6-11pm for a week straight, and 6 strikes a semester. By getting this scholarship, I would be able to support my mental health by not having to work a second job to afford my school fees. This would let me keep my focus on my studies, while not sending me into burnout. When I get burnout, I shut down. I am only able to do the bare minimum and it takes me forever to recover. By putting plans into place - for instance doing prep work for the days I have off from the scenic shop for those working - I am able to take those days off. I know I am a people pleaser, so making sure I stick to my guns and not bend my boundaries, helps support mental health which in turn gives me the energy and brain space to be able to have my personal life and enjoy time with my friends playing Mario party jamboree and still have the energy to do my own hobbies. My first semester, my professors told me not to strive for perfection, because it is unobtainable, that sometimes done is good. I personally strive to to better than the bare minimum. Getting this scholarship will help with that.

Growing up in a hoarders house in rural Illinois in the middld of a cornfield, theatre wasn't prevalent. It was barely on my radar. I knew I loved watching the VHS and DVD Musicals we had. I am pretty sure I wore out our copy of phantom of the opera. In high school, I ended up working spotlights for '7 Brides for 7 Brothers' and I hated it. I had to co-work the spotlight, and the gal I worked with constantly got us in trouble. The next year, I was in choir so I had to be a part of 'Beauty and the Beast.' All of the larger girls were cast as plates, and we had to wear plywood plates that were coated in glitter and had straps made of that decorative ribbon that has the wire in it. Our dresses were basically shapeless, sleeveless rectangles, and I wasn't allowed to wear my glasses (I definitely fell down the stairs because I couldn't see). At this point, I HATED theatre. I transferred high schools my sophomore year, and ended up doing their production of 'Cinderella.' I ended up in the ER with an infection on final dress. The next day, I could barely walk it hurt so much. In the show, I had to run onstage and break up a fight. I remember running onstage and then as soon as I got off, doubling over in pain every night. My senior year, I ended up doing the musical again, which was 'Hello Dolly.' I played a drunken chef, and I enjoyed working with my friends and feeling like a part of the cast, which up to this point I never felt that. I remember we lined the halls after the performances so the audience could walk through as they left the theatre. When I went to college, I originally went for art. During my first semester, my family got into my head and told me I should pick a different thing to get a degree in, and that I could just do art in my free time. I was told "You can't make that a career, why not get a business degree." I thought back to what my college offered, and what I enjoyed doing, which was creating things. My second semester of undergrad, I transferred over to becoming a theatre major. From there, I really found a love of the backstage. I have worked in almost every department, getting to create art that is used, and ephemeral. I get to constantly work on something new, and try new skills. My family might not have pushed and supported me, but my Fiancé definitely does. He is the one who pushed me to get my Masters in Scenic Design. We met in undergrad, but we didn't realize we had also met before then. We met a couple times, once at a funeral, a few times at scholastic bowl events, and once as he was leaving with his class as he was exiting our production of 'Hello Dolly.' His mom recently found the playbill from when he saw it saved in his playbill binder, 6 years later. I would not still be pursing theatre at all if it wasn't for his love and support.

2013 was the worst year of my life. I was 15 years old, having my learners permit. In May, My grandfather had his first heart attack. While he was recovering, I stayed with my grandmother as she was unable to drive while my Grandfather stayed at my mother's apartment to recover and so his heart monitor could connect to internet and report back about his heart. A week later, I get picked up from school by my family and we are rushing to Springfield to the hospital. He had a second heart attack and was rushed to that ER. When we arrive, we were put into that small room where you know no good news comes out of. He had passed away in transit. The Doctor asked if any of us wanted to say goodbye, and my oldest sister was the only one who wanted to but I didn't eat her to go alone, so I went with. The image of my grandfather lying there on the gurney in the center of what felt like a large overwhelming room is still burned into my mind. From here, I became my grandmother's caretaker. At 15, I begin making grocery runs and making sure bills got paid. I asked my mother for help, specifically for money for food, and she refused as "he couldn't afford to feed another family." I then take the money I saved up from working at a youth camp - a mere $75-100 a week, to take care of the two of us. I take my grandmother to plan my grandfathers funeral, the only one of my siblings that was there. I take us to his funeral. We relied on members of the church I attended to make sure we had things to eat, as we didn't have a working stove, and only had a mini fridge and a microwave for food, and no running water to bathe. A few months later the pressure finally pushed me to break, and I went back to living with my mother under the promise my grandmother would be checked on daily by her brother who lived next door. A few days later, she ended up in the hospital because she had fallen and there was no one there to help her up for two days. No one told me. She ended up being placed into hospice care and I felt so guilty I could barely visit her. A couple weeks later in November, I get the call that she had passed away. I remember sitting on the couch in the living room of my mother's apartment. I had to go through it all again. I became an adult when my granddfather had his first heart attack. It solidified when I left my grandmother on her own. From that point on, if someone needs help and I am able to do it, I do. I will always be able to provide for that other family my mother wouldn't. I have friends who ask me what is something I regret, and I always have just the one answer. I regret not being strong enough to stay with my grandmother at the very end, and I regret being the only one of my siblings who wasn't with my grandfather in the last week of his life.

I have always known I would pursue a career in the arts in some form. I get joy from creating, no matter what that is. Originally, I had been pursuing a career in graphic design, but I didn't want to spend my life behind a computer day in and day out, as well as my family pushed me to get a degree in something I couldn't do in my free time. So I switched to Theatre. In undergrad, I realized that I could create things with a purpose, even if it gets dismantled and rearranged for a new show just a few weeks after finishing it. I decided to go back to school and get my masters in Scenic Design, so I could design the things I create, instead of just building them. Theatre gets you talking. For those who see it, it broadens your horizon with stories that you may not have thought, as well as connect you with everyone else in the audience who are the only other people in the world who will see the same show as you, becasue what happened in that night's performance may not happen tomorrow. In just my three weeks in pursuing my masters, I have already pushed myself so much. Shakespeare is not my favorite playwright, but I designed a world with Comedy of Errors that I would not have done without getting my degree. Just today, I went to an arts fair where someone was talking about seeing a production that also has a film version who talked to another customer about what they thought of seeing it live and how the costumes did and did not work for them and how they would have done it. Other vendors were selling the things they themselves made by hand, and were sharing ideas and methods and getting inspiration. This is what I want to be able to do. I want to make designs that get people talking and insired to make thier own things. It doesn't have to be theatre, either. If someone saw a set I designed and ended up getting inspired to make an art piece or jewelry or a sculpture out of metal I would be honored. That is why I am passionate about all fine art. There is a sense of community. Inspiration is anywhere as long as you are looking for it. I think thats beautiful.

I want to build a better future for myself. Growing up, things were tough, and that has still affected me to this day. I constantly worry about how I am going to afford things, and I feel guilty spending any money. By pursuing a masters degree in scenic design, I will quite literally be building a better future for myself. I will be creating universes that help tell stories that some people may need to hear. Theatre is transformative and at its core affects everyone who sees it. I want to be able to get a degree, so I can get a job that I love in order to afford things for myself, my family, and be able to give back. Growing up, we had to rely on the community to afford the basics, and I never thought I would be able to ammount to anything because of it. If I am able to afford my education, I hope to earn enough that I can give back. One thing I plan to do once I earn enough is to do the angel tree program wherever I end up. As a kid, sometimes that was the only kind of gifts we got in the holiday season, and I want to provide that for other people. I want to help the kid who never recieves anything they want or like something that will make them feel cared for. By recieveing this scholarship, I'll be one step closer to being able to pay back my community, and become a role model for those who were raised in similar households. When I was younger, I worked at a youth camp that I had attended as a camper, and it made me realize just how many campers were like me. They were hiding how things were at home and pretending to be 'normal.' I want to show them that they can make something for themselves.

Sitting in my sophmore english class, my teacher said words in which the meaning of them I have never forgotten. "I know none of you can truely relate to the context of this book, because none of you have home lives like this." While they may not be the exact words, I remember staring down at my desk feeling the metaphorical eyes of all of my classmates - who were in actuality not even paying me any attention - bearing down on me, seeing through to my core. That book was "The Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls. For those of you who have not read her book, it details her childhood. You should definitely read it if you have not. As someone who was raised in the middle of the country, in a horder house that would have been a star episode one Extreme Hoarders, I have had to overcome a lot just to get to the point I am at now. Growing up, we were not allowed to talk about our home life, threated with CPS taking us all away and never seeing any of my 5 siblings ever again. Instead, I threw myself into books, escaping the only way I knew how. It is no wonder my favorite books growing up were the Harry Potter series. I excelled in my classes. I had an hour bus ride - first on in the morning, last off at night - in which I was able to get all of my homework done before I even got home. I was too scared of getting things wrong, that I consistantly got straight A's, and was pretty much the teacher's pet in every grade, especially when I was younger. When I was 14, almost 15, my grandpa Sarge - who most of us lived with - was diagnosed with cancer. He ended up with an open wound which needed sealed by a nurse every day, which led to CPS getting called on us again, and my mother lying her way into us moving with short notice and just the essentials into an apartment over a computer repair shop. My grandpa would occasionally drive into town and drive us to school, as we were just under the line for the busses. After I got my permit, it was one such day when my grandpa picked me up, but looked as grey as cement. After much convincing, he drove us to the ER despite me begging him to let me drive him. He was having a heart attack. He picked his room (he used to be a nurse there before he retired) as I waited for the rest of the family to arrive. The doctors connected him to a heart monitor that required internet to send updates to the doctors, so while grandpa moved into the apartment, I moved back into his house to take care of my grandmother, who was unable to drive and had a tendency to fall and not be able to get up. No one else in my family was willing to do it. A week or so later, we get pulled out of school. He had another. He didn't make it. While everyone else was spending time with him in his last week, I was becoming an adult at 15. I had to drive my grandmother to make funeral arrangements, and use my small paychecks from working at a youth camp to provide food for us because my mother refused to help. "I can't provide for another household" she said, even though it was just me and Grandma. Six months after my grandfather, my grandmother also passed. I transfered highschools, moved in with my dad, and tried to not be a burden. In undergrad, I found a love of theatre. It is constantly creating for the moment. I have worked in almost every area of technical theatre, and I love being a part of something bigger than myself. I hope to accomplish anything I set my mind to after graduating. I want to be able to provide a stable life for myself and my family, and to help others when I can. I want to love what I do for a living, and pass it along to other individuals. I want to create designs for theatre - both scenically and prop-wise - that get people moved and inspired. Ones that make people feel the uncomfortable realities some people still face today, even to people they may know. I love working on new works, because there is no preconcieved notion of what the last designer did. I am willing to do what it takes, even if it means working two jobs while in grad school just to make it happen. I want to become someone my younger self would be proud to be, in a life my younger self could only have ever dreamed about or read in a book. I want to create that magic for myself and for others. I want to be me.

To me, sucess is living a life you enjoy with the people you care about. Growing up, my family lived below the poverty line, so every day I have micro-successes. I have running water. I have a pest free home. I have a working stove. These are all things I grew up without. I grew up as one of 6 kids, in the middle of nowhere in the countryside of Illinois. We didn't have much, and we couldn't afford much on the salary of an E.R. nurse. I was raised by my grandparents with 3 of my sisters. My mother occasionally lived with us, but could almost never keep a job, choosing instead to lie in bed drinking NyQuil when she was allowed back. She also is what lead in part to us growing up in a house that would have been featured on Extreme Hoarders. My step-brother and youngest sister lived with my Dad and Step-mom, and had a very different life than we did. Visiting my dad every other weekend was always something of a shock. You didn't step on things just entering the house. They had working electronics and heating in the winter and no bugs. My biggest success will be if I am able to make a life for myself in which I never have to be in a situation like that again, and that I will be able to help those in a sinilar situation in any way I can. To do that, I am going back to get my Masters. For most people, especially in my line of work as a theatrical designer, sucess would be to end up on Broadway. I am perfectly content to not work in times square, but if I end up there I would probably cry because that is something I never thought I would do. All I want to have a successful life is to be creative, live comforably and within my means, and to share what I learn with others, no matter how that is. This opportunity to get my masters with the help of this scholarship will help me achieve those dreams. I graduated from undergrad with a degree in theatre straight into the Covid-19 lockdown. No one in my profession could even consider working because of how collaborative my chosen field is. I could not find work, and when I did, it had nothing to do with my degree. I have also experienced what I believe is an inordinate amount of sexism in regards to working in theatre. Because my focus previously was in Technical Direction - that is, the actual construction of sets - as a young, female presenting and identifying individual, I had to fight three times as hard to be taken seriously by my older male peers. They would praise my coworkers for the work I did because they didn't believe I had the knowledge or skillset to solve those problems. By getting this scholarship, I will be able to afford the materials I need to succeed in getting my masters, which I believe will help me show that I know what I am doing in regards to my chosen career. It will at the very least, give me back the confidence I lost working those jobs. I dream that one day I will work at a theatre in which it doesn't matter what someone looks like or what their background is, the person who is the best at the job will be doing the job. If I got my masters with the help of this scholarship, I believe that is possible.

Chappell Roan came from a smaller town in the midwest just like I did. She grew up in a christian household and went to a christian youth camp just like I did. She even had to move back home from a job that she thought was going to be her big break just like I did. And she never gave up. I wanted to give up on any career in theatre due to my experiences in the field, but then I watched a tiktok by a user I can't remember, who went through how Chappell Roan is a prime example of how sometimes it takes years to be an overnight sensation. I had already heard her music, but having this knowledge really made things start to hit home for me. If she can do it, I can too. Now, I may never have the same level of confidence she has, but I at least now know that for some people, it IS possible to have everything in your life go left until something finally goes right. I support her career, because much like Pink Pony Pawpaw and Baby Chappel Roan, it doesn't matter what age people are, she has given them a space where they feel comfortable coming together and just being themselves.

My favorite book to movie adaptation has got to be the Harry Potter franchise. I was always advanced in reading, especially when I was younger. I remember waiting on the last two Harry potter books to come out (which upon writing this, I realised I must have begun reading these books when I was around 6 years old). I absolutely sobbed when the last book came out and Dumbledoor was killed. I was OBSESSED. Harry came from a neglected childhood much like I did, and he used school as an escape. I used used to wish that an owl would come out of the woods behind our house with my Hogwarts acceptance letter. I remember I left straight from a softball game to go go wait in line for the books to be released at midnight, still in my uniform. When I watched the movies, I fell in love all over again. I remember our hometown theatre always did midnight releases of the movies (and a few breakfast releases as well) and we would stay awake just to be the first to see them. My mother took me to go see the midnight release of Prisoner of Azkaban, and she told me "if you fall asleep, I'll never bring you to another midnight premiere again." Imagine my suprise when I look over about a half hour into the movie to her completely out, snoring away. It was this book-turned-movie series that really made me have a love-hate relationship with book adaptations. because I was so young, my brain convinced myself that these were the perfect adaptations ever to exist. I didn't realize until we got internet years later that people were upset because of such a minute detail as Harry having the wrong eye color. To me, I had an entire world of escape when reading wasn't an option anymore. I still think it is the better of the adapations of books I have loved to go on to the silver screen. Other series like 'The Spiderwick Chronicles' and 'The City of Bones' Greatly pale in comparison. If you compared the Harry Potter movie to the City of Bones movie, it just shows how well the Harry Potter movies did at appealing to non-readers. You didn't have to read the books to understand what was happening on screen, and you could love it just the same. The City of Bones movie, however, assumed the audience already knew what a stele was, and it seemed to never explain important plotpoints as well as change major aspects.

Mental health is important because if you neglect your mental health, your physical health can suffer just as bad. For example, a couple of years ago, I was working at a theatre in which I was treated horribly. We lived on a cabin on the property, and at a certain point it was just myself and two other workers who were there. For our last show of the season, we did a production called "Forever Plaid: Plaid Tidings" about a quartet of singers who had died on the way to their first concert, who were given a second chance to perform the show they didn't get to perform when they were alive, but this time with a touch of christmas flair. The Executive Director of this theatre, however, had shown up to this point how little he thought of me and my work. He constantly belittled me, ignored my experiences as a theatrical carpenter, and anytime I did something praised my other coworker for the work 'he' did. Now this last show almost didn't happen. There was no money for any department, and we didn't have enough people (total crew was about 6-7 people, 4 of whom only worked on their own section (sound, costume, and stage management). I truely believe the Executive Director believed that this show would flop, so he partway through wiped his hands of the whole situation. The director provided her own items for props, and we had to make what we could out of the things we had access too. For this show, I ended up being Props Master, Scenic Designer and Technical Director, Projections Designer, Scenic Artist, Deck Crew, among others as well as scenic, props, and costume maintenence through the run of the show. I worked many 14 hour days in our cabin, as the scene shop and prop shop had no working heat and it was the middle of winter. I missed social events, so I could get everything done before the show opened. I worked myself to the point I was having anxiety attacks daily by the end of it. And I was told I wasn't doing enough. Out of those 6-7 people, only 2 of us were called for work calls during the runds of the show, myself and the lighting designer. By the final week, I broke down in front of the Production Manager and told him I was doing all that I could to just make it to the end of my contract. From that point on, I just ran the shows and did the maintenece. As soon as that show endedc and the set was struck, my now fiance - who was the lighting designer - and I finished packing our van and began a 4 hour drive home at midnight because I could not handle another night there, especially because the Executive Director tried to give us tasks we had to do in the morning, the day after our contract ended, and was shocked when we said we were leaving. I still have lingering affects from that production. No one should go through what I did there. I maintain my mental wellness now by making sure I never get even halfway near the point I was there. I check in with myself regularly, and I say no when I can't add anything else onto my plate. I make sure to make time for activities and hobbies. I allow myself to talk through my experiences instead of bottling up the emotions, and seek help when I can't do things alone.

One of my favorite co-op nintendo games has to be Smash Bros. When my sisters and I were younger, we would play on my dad's gamecube anytime we'd be over at his house. I always loved collecting the items to see how they would affect my character. One story my dad always loves sharing, is that when I was young - too young to know how to actually play the game - my older two sisters were playing and I wanted a turn. They must have tried the old unplugged-controller "oh see? You're playing" trick too many times, because I kept pushing and they kept refusing. Finally, I got up and stuck both of my arms straight out to my sides and rand full force, clotheslining them both in one swoop. When my Dad asked where I had learned to do that I responded with folded arms, "I learned that from watching wrastlin' with Uncle Joel!" Nowadays, I still play Smash Bros with much less violence. We got it for our Nintendo Switch back in 2020, and it took me a while to remember how I used to play, and I discovered I was absolutely a Rob main - until Sora was released a few years later.

There's always time to have a personality, as long as you don't break any laws or become the scranton strangler (I'm looking at you, Creed.) I would say the characters I most resonate with (or at least could comare myself to) are Pam and Andy. Like Pam, I was an awkard person. I didn't have a lot of confidence, and I didnt want to showcase my creative side. As the show progressed, she became more confident and sure of herself. She even pursued art classes, culminating in her finally showing her work, and while a lot of her coworkers weren't impressed, Michael fell in love with one of the paintings and it really shows that you should make things even if only one person understands it. As for Nard-Dog, I too pursued theatre and am still pursuing theatre. I make a fool of myself and burst out into song at any given point. I would absolutely end up in a Sweeney Todd flash mob, or at the very least help everyone with their costumes. Out of the two, Pam is probably who I would consider I most resonate with. The show has shaped my humor in many ways, first off when something rediculous happens at work, I do the Jim halpert look-into-the-camera stare, because sometimes I can't believe something is really happening. If you have a good crew you work with, you know there are times when you can be almost as rediculous as Michael, or even as pranky as Jim and Dwight.

You know what they say, the children yearn for the mines. In all seriousness, however, my favorite aspect of the game is that I can play long distance with my significant other. Having the capability to build a base with my fiance over voice chat gives us something to do to stay connected as he is working a contract out of state, a sixteen hour drive one way. We are a great team, as I love digging the tunnels and looking for materials, where he will run around outside and slay Endermen and spiders when they appear. He gets to share his knowledge of the game with me (he has played a lot longer than I have) and I get to make our bases feel like a home, even though we physically are states apart. When I am not playing with him, one of my favorite things to do is use the generated landscape to try and see what kinds of bases I can build. I love making glass blocks so I can see the outdoors as I mine deep into caves. While I am not as good as some people, I also love watching videos of what people manage to create in minecraft, building elaborate structures that I hope to one day be half as good at building.

Tobey Maguire will always have the softest part of my heart when it comes to Spider-Man. I saw the first movie when I was somewhere around 4 years old. I LOVED the Spider-Man movie. I was the only pre-k girl who had a Spider-Man backpack and fought off anyone who tried to tell me that Spider-Man is for boys. I saw all three of the original movies in theatres. My mother tried to block me from seeing the scene where Doctor Octavious' wife died and the explosion sent glass hurling at her face. I also loved the old Spider-Man animated series and would watch it anytime I could. I ended up with a spiderman blow up tent which I demanded to sleep in until the matress part popped, and I got web shooter silly string and used it up almost immediately, but kept going around pretend web shooting for hours. I think I really related to him, and I feel like I still relate to him now. He was a poor guy who couldn't afford anything and was raised by his aunt and uncle, and I was a poor girl who couldn't afford anything and was raised by my grandparents. I always wished I was bit by a radioactive spider and gained his powers because I too just wanted to help people. Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man was also an extremely awkward man, and I too am an extremely awkward person, My oldest sister married someone with the last name Parker. When she told us she was expecting, I absolutely wanted her to name her kid Peter if it was a boy, but she told me "I'm not going to give birth to Spider-Man!" She ended up having a girl, but that girl is just obsessed with Spider-Man as I am. When the most current Tom Holland movie came out, having all three of the live action movie Spider-Mans together in one film made me cry, because it was all generations of fans coming out to see this movie, and having them all help each other out was the most I have enjoyed a film in years. This being said, Andrew Garfield, Tom Holland, and Shameik Moore (and all the other alternate universe Spider People) each portrayed Spider-Man in their own way, but at its core this hero is always going to be your friendly neighbor.

In 2013, I lost both of the people who raised me within six months of each other. I was raised by my grandparents along with three of my 5 siblings. Our mother occasionally also lived with us, but she always made things worse. When I was 13 or 14, my grandpa was diagnosed with skin cancer on his head, for which he had surgery, and a nurse had to come to our house to repack the wound ever other day or so. One day, she was there right as my younger sister and I got home from school. The next day, there was a CPS worker at our doorstep because we lived in a horders house, and upon seeing children, she had to report it. I don't blame her, but I also wish she never said a word. My mother convinced the worker to let her take his camera in the house and take the pictures, as my grandpa couldn't be around people with his wound. She went in and took pictures of the cleanest areas that she had us quickly help stage. She then lied and said we were in the process of moving, and thats why the place was a mess. To this day I don't know how she got away with it. A couple days later, my younger sister and I were forced to move into an apartment above a computer repair shop with just my mother and nothing of what we owned other than a few necessary items as the rest of our stuff was infested with cockroaches. When I turned 15, I was pulled out of classes to go get my permit on my birthday. As I am pulled out of school, my mother was sitting in the passenger seat of the minivan my grandfather was driving and giving us a live play by play of the events of the Sandy Hook shooting as news outlets were updating on the event. A few months later, my grandfather had his first heart attack. He had just picked me up from school, and refused to let me drive him. He drove himself with me in the passenger seat to the hospital. At this time, he needed to be connected to wifi for his heart monitor to update, and he didn't have internet at his house. Someone had to stay with my gradmother while my grandpa was gone, but no one in my family wanted to. So I did. My Grandmother couldn't drive, so I drove her where she needed to be. While the rest of my family was with my grandfather, I was with my grandma. A week later my grandfather had a second heart attack and passed away. I then had to use my small checks from working summers at a youth camp to provide food for myself and my grandma. My mother refused to help us. I broke down after a few months from the stress of being 15 and becoming the adult, that I had had to step away. Shortly after this, my grandma fell and wasnt found for a day becasue no one was there. she was then moved into hospice. A few months later, my grandma passed. I felt horrible. I missed the last week of my grandfather's life and I left my grandmother to lie on the floor because I couldn't handle the pressure. I learned that I wanted to be there for those I cared about, because you never know when the last time you'll see them is, and you never know just how much just being there for them can help. It makes me want to fight for a family that supports each other when you need it, and a career that I love that provides enough money to survive. I want to achieve being someone that my grandparents would be proud of.

I grew up in a horders household as one of 6 siblings. I believe this lead to me being a non-traditional college student. We struggled to make ends meet, but we got creative on how to accomplish what we wanted. By growing up in the country near Coffeen, IL, we were the first kids on the bus and last kids off. this gave us around an hour and a half before and after school, which I used to do my homework so by the time I got home, I could do other things. We didn't have a lot of things that most people did at this point, like running water or a working stove, but we made it work. Growing up with no Tv, I spent most of my time reading. I remember finishing the last Harry Potter book in a few hours. This definitely helped me in school, because I was able to quickly read and understand anything the teachers threw my way. However, growing up this way also had it's drawbacks. Still today, I feel like I missed out on the 'normal' childhood experiences, and instead traded them for a mother who didn't work and chugged NyQuil, and penchant for getting myself lost in the books I read. I think it also lead to me having a rough time getting on my feet after graduating from undergrad with a theatre degree right into the covid lockdown of 2020. I feel like I missed experiences because we simply could not afford them, and was embarrassed when people asked why I couldn't get even $5 for something from the book fair. It impacted my future because my finances determined what schools I could go to after highschool, as I chose the one that gave me the greatest amount of financial aid. I think it impacts my future because I am always worried that I wont be able to afford to continue my education, or to move to a place where theatre jobs are. Growing up in the middle of nowhere Illinois, I didn't know about theatre until highschool, and there aren't a lot of opportunities in illinois unless you move to Chicago, but even then you have to be able to afford an apartment. Overall, I feel like it has both positively and negatively impacted my educational experience. It made me a great student who is eager to learn, but it also showed me how hard it is for people in situations like mine to even get on level ground where most people start at.