My family possessed a secret song. It had been passed down from generation to generation. The song was a thunderous drumbeat on repeat. It would throb in my ears and make my heart race. My parents danced to it, my grandparents too. My family always moved to the same rhythm. Until one day, I took hold of that old drum and created a new song, one with words. I broke that cycle. Currently, I am earning my master’s in mental health counseling and expressive arts therapy. I have learned from my studies that psychologists call this repeating family pattern intergenerational trauma. Unfortunately, my family has a long history of trauma and mental illness. A lot of families do. Although, many of us do not like to open up about it. We feel shame and stigma because we idealize society’s notion of “one big happy family". Thus, we continue to march to the beat of that same old drum. However, by speaking up about these experiences we can stop harmful, family cycles. We can begin to heal. For this reason, I am going to share my story with you. Life can get better. To begin with, my great-grandfather was an impoverished coal miner and an extremely violent alcoholic. His daughter, my grandmother married my grandfather who had post-traumatic stress disorder from serving in WWII. He was a minesweeper in the war. Sadly, my grandfather was an abusive alcoholic too. Their daughter, my mother learned growing up to keep her feelings and needs to herself. When I was a kid, I learned the same thing. You see, my mom would yell at me. She called me terrible things. They were the same words I would hear my grandfather call my grandmother. That old family song kept rumbling on. Consequently, I suffered from undiagnosed social anxiety and depression as a child. I had a lot of shame surrounding those uncomfortable feelings. Why couldn’t I be happy like the other kids? Life was difficult and confusing to navigate. After all, I was a child from a low-income family. I didn’t have the autonomy or the access to mental health resources. Subsequently, when I was eight, I decided to change my name to Jaryn after a girl in my class who was happy and thriving. I wanted to feel how she felt. My teacher was not pleased with me after finding this out. It was a short-lived, unhealthy coping mechanism. The first of many I would try. Later on, I became the first person in my family to enroll in a bachelor’s degree program. Sadly, as an undergraduate student, my mental health struggles persisted. I developed an eating disorder. I was also suicidal. I remember I would daydream about jumping out of my dorm window several stories up. Life felt unbearable. Desperate, I opened up to my mom about my thoughts of suicide but she just tuned me out. She would pretend not to hear my words. She was still dancing to that same cursed rhythm but I had had enough. Something deep inside me decided to choose a different fate, that something was my own voice. I finally spoke out. I called the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. The stranger on the other end of the line listened to my feelings, needs, and hardships. At that moment, that’s all I needed, just to speak and be heard. She helped me make a plan to seek therapy at my college. That night was the start of my creating a new, healing song. Currently, in my thirties, I am mentally healthy and thriving. Even on your darkest day, remember things can get better. My experience with mental health has made me see that there is a deep need in the world for more communication, empathy, and understanding. I try to treat each person like that stranger on the phone treated me that night, with a kind listening ear, compassion, and respect. Through speaking up about my mental health and going to therapy, I’ve gotten to learn what healthy relationships are supposed to be like. Today, I am in a loving, peaceful marriage with my partner of 14 years. Moreover, I have a healthy relationship with myself. Aside from being a graduate student, I enjoy making art, volunteering in my community, and playing with my two, rescue pups. My goal is to one day have a private practice. Inspired in part by my own childhood experience, I strive to make mental health counseling and art therapy readily accessible for children, teens, and young adults. Life is beautiful and can get better. When we speak up and listen deeply to each other, we begin to destigmatize mental health together. It’s time for a new melody.

I once was a child from a difficult upbringing, so I knew I wanted to make a difference in the lives of children in my career. This led me to earn my bachelor’s in elementary and special education. Over the last decade as a teacher, my goal was to make each child feel loved and safe in my classroom. I wanted to be that person that could have a positive impact on their lives. However, through the years, I felt frustrated working within the system. There was not enough funding for the schools I worked at. We did not have a single school counselor or psychologist. Furthermore, departments meant to deal with abused and neglected children were understaffed, underfunded, and underperforming. As hard as I would try to advocate through this system, kids were slipping through the cracks. It was so heartbreaking and infuriating, so I decided to make a change. Currently, I am earning my master’s in mental health counseling and expressive arts therapy. My goal is to develop new ways of looking at how we support and advocate for children and to develop a nonprofit practice that can one day be used as a successful model, which other organizations can adopt. Counseling and therapy need to be accessible to all children, teens, and young adults. Expressive arts therapy is unique in that it incorporates drama/play, visual arts, music, movement/dancing, writing, and meditation into its therapeutic healing practice. This is so beneficial for children who may not yet have the words to name or express trauma, difficult thoughts, feelings, or ideas verbally. This is in stark contrast to the traditional talk therapy models that are often used with minors. Utilizing expressive arts therapy paired with mental health counseling methodologies, I will be able to bring an innovative approach to the field. Also, taking my experiences as a teacher and applying this to the role of counselor will bring new perspectives as to how we can better incorporate dynamic therapeutic practices in schools. To conclude, as a society the well-being and safety of children should be at the forefront of our decision-making. Our current systems are failing. We need to get creative and develop new ways of approaching how we take care of and advocate for our youth. My graduate program emphasizes bringing new research to the field of therapy and counseling. I know from this I will be able to go out into the world and make positive change in our communities and for kids who need it most.

Can you pinpoint the moment you stopped singing or dancing? Maybe for you, there was a time you stopped drawing pictures or writing stories. Many of us have a memory of the moment we stopped creating. Perhaps it was a teacher, parent, or friend who told us our artwork was lousy, our movements offbeat, our voice not on key. After that, we hid away that juicy, creative part of ourselves because it was not accepted in a culture that favors perfection over self-exploration. However, dance, the visual arts, song, and storytelling are considered the “universal healing salves” and utilized by indigenous cultures all over the globe. My tip for mental health that is often overlooked in the United States is tapping into these healing art forms that have been around since ancient times (Rogers 46-48). Psychologists have found that by exploring these playful, creative forms you can clear your mind, and become deeply in tune with your sense of self. Creative expression healthily releases your emotions too (Tamlin 181-189). I have learned this in graduate school. I am earning my master’s in mental health counseling and expressive arts therapy. Unfortunately, many of us find mental roadblocks when we first attempt to explore our creativity. This comes in part from our society focusing on product over process (Rogers 18-19). However, the creative expressions of dance, the visual arts, song, and storytelling are what make us uniquely human and are an essential part of our healing. So, here is your love letter from the universe inviting you to create again. You might be thinking how do I start being creative again? Affirmations can help. Remind yourself there is no right or wrong way to make art and that you are just experimenting and exploring. It might feel odd to delve back into a creative form. Acknowledge that your inner critic might make judgments and that’s okay. You can choose to let go of the inner critic for now and try to be open. Remember, all people have an innate ability to be creative. Come to creative expression with a sense of play and not seriousness. Focus on the process of making, and not the end product (Rogers 20-28). Does the thought of being creative seem too daunting or scary? Then start slow. Tonight put on music and dance as you make dinner. Sing a song in the shower. Perhaps this weekend, gather your closest friends and tell stories around a campfire. Make a doodle in the margins of your notebook as you listen to a lecture. Notice how these small creative endeavors make you feel over time. You will discover it can be so healing to express yourself this way. As time progresses and you feel more comfortable you can try expressive art therapy exercises. I suggest looking into the writings of psychotherapist and expressive arts therapist, Natalie Rogers. I will conclude with a quote from her, “The creative process puts us in touch with our soul, our spirit, our inner wisdom. Self-expression through the creative arts – movement, art, music, and writing – is a sacred and often mystical experience, transforming pain, anger, fear, and grief into forms that nourish the soul.” Works Cited Conner, Tamlin, et al. “Everyday Creative Activity as a Path to Flourishing.” The Journal of Positive Psychology, vol. 13, no. 2, 2016, pp 181-189. Rogers, Natalie. The Creative Connection: Expressive Arts as Healing. Science and Behavioral Books, Inc, 1993.

I am an educator for kids. I spend many personal hours creating engaging lessons, having meetings with families, and volunteering for clubs. People tell me, “You’re very generous with your time.” That never “sat right” with me. The truth is I am not generous. Nor, do I like the word generous. The term does not encompass all that it should. The word generosity emphasizes only a willingness to give. Instead, I say one is “practicing mutual reciprocity”. You see, when I would offer my time to my students, there was something in it for me. My students will grow up and give back to the world in a multitude of positive ways because of the lessons and experiences learned in my classroom. Mutual reciprocity highlights the benefit of community exchange, which embodies the heart of what generosity truly is. To emphasize, the scholarship donors on Bold are generous. However, it is more than that. They are giving to us so that we can accomplish our goals, and make a heartening difference in our global community. For example, winning this scholarship would contribute to my becoming a mental health counselor and art therapist for kids, teens, and young adults. Thus, continuing to pay it forward. When we lead our lives practicing this type of deep giving, we all flourish.

We are living in a world of lost connections. There is a deep sadness in us that has grown out of estrangement from one another and Mother Nature. A solution to our isolation and the majority of our world’s problems is, ironically, thinking deeply. When we meditate profoundly on our choices we are giving the world the respect and empathy it deserves, thus creating wonderful, long-lasting outcomes. For example, there is a beautiful lake in my community called Lake Quannapowitt. No one has swam in its waters for over sixty years. Long ago, community leaders put arsenic in the lake in an attempt to keep weeds at bay. This has robbed generations of humans and fauna of a symbiotic, intuitive relationship with its waters. However, if just one of those leaders had gone to the lake and listened to the children playing on the beach, watched the ducklings follow their mother lovingly, and decided to wade in the cool waters, the decision to poison the lake would have been avoided. Grandparents, parents, and children have been robbed of summer days on its waters with fish swimming nearby and birds singing praises. Those memories do not exist, nor will they ever because of one, rash, uninformed decision. To summarize, When we apply the method of profound thoughtfulness and reflection to solve our current issues, this allows us to pause, and develop a deep respect for each other and Mother Earth. Thus, we consider the deep-rooted consequences of our actions, instead of only the immediate benefit. So, as I go about my day-to-day, I stop to take a moment and think deeply about my and my community leaders’ choices, big or small. This is how we start to feel connected to our world again. This is how we make positive, long-lasting changes.

Mental health has influenced every aspect of my life. How could it not? Whether it be a mother, cousin, child, friend, or ourselves, we have all felt the devastating results of a lack of mental health resources. The mental health crisis is an epidemic that has impacted each American deeply and personally. Every single one of us knows someone who has lost their life to it. The lack of access needs to change. Suffering from undiagnosed depression and anxiety as a child from a poor family, I never had an opportunity to seek mental health services. Furthermore, my family has a long history of mental illnesses including alcoholism, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Subsequently, not only did I have my own mental health challenges, but as a kid, I also witnessed adults in my family struggling with their mental states too. Sometimes life felt unbearable and it only escalated as I got older. When I was a freshman in college, I developed suicidal thoughts and an eating disorder. Fortunately, free counseling was offered through my university. Finally, I had access to treatment for the first time. However, it should not take a person almost twenty years before they can get access to mental health services. I spent so many needless years isolated and suffering. We need to do better. Moreover, it was extremely challenging to find a therapist after college. There was a limited amount of counselors in my area, it was expensive, and my insurance did not cover it. This is still an issue today for so many. As time progressed, I became the first person in my family to earn a bachelor’s degree. This is something I am very proud of. Soon after, I became an educator for children. My goal was to make each child feel loved and safe in my classroom. I wanted to be that person that could have a positive impact on their lives. However, through the years, I felt frustrated working within the system. There was not enough funding for the schools I worked at. We never even had a single school counselor or psychologist. Departments meant to deal with abused and neglected children were understaffed, underfunded, and underperforming. As hard as I would try, kids were slipping through the cracks, so I decided to make a change. Currently, I am earning my master’s in mental health counseling and expressive arts therapy. I strive to work outside the system by one day having a private practice. I want to make mental health counseling and art therapy accessible to children, teens, and young adults from all walks of life. To conclude, we cannot solve our nation's mental health crisis through our broken, current systems. Each year it fails so many people as suicide rates are continuing to increase in the United States. When each citizen contributes in both small and big ways that's when we will begin to see shifts in how we as a country treat and understand mental illness.

“Pay attention!” my high school statistics teacher barked to the class. We were learning the normal distribution theorem. If you do the math correctly your graph will show a perfectly symmetrical curve in the shape of a beautiful bell. Most of the students completed the assignment with relative ease. However, my curve wasn’t a perfect bell at all. Something was askew, I could feel it. You see by this point, I had been suffering from undiagnosed depression and anxiety since I was a small child. I had a hard time concentrating on the problem at hand. I felt like a failure. It was so difficult to navigate a world designed for the normal distribution. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I was in college and my depression developed into suicidal thinking that I finally sought mental health resources. After almost two decades of suffering from mental illness, I was finally diagnosed and began treatment. Currently, I am thriving and earning my master’s in mental health counseling and expressive arts therapy. However, I’ve always wondered why did it take so long before I got the help I needed? Moreover, so many young adults, teenagers, and kids have lost their lives battling mental illness, and the numbers are sadly increasing. Why aren’t we paying more attention to this? A practical solution for helping more people who struggle with mental health is early education in schools on the topic. Offering classes on mental health at the elementary, middle, and high school levels will give students a chance to identify and advocate for their own mental health needs. Classes can offer them resources, wellness strategies, and guidance. It’s a simple solution that would save lives and improve the quality of life for so many. Let's pay better attention to the mental health of our youth.