My playlist is based on HyunA's new song "I'm Not Cool," a song she wrote as a response to those judging her for her appearance and decision to bring her relationship to the public eye. I made this playlist based on other men and women who broke the norm with their music, and stayed true to themselves despite retaliation from others. From embracing their sexuality, down to little things, such as covering themselves in art and tattoo's despite being taboo, these artists have not only expressed themselves in their music, but continue to do so in their daily lives.

When you've spent years of your life withering away into nothing, you learn to take advantage of every moment you have breathing. I grew up taking for granted everything in my life. I knew I was fortunate, but I never really understood what that meant, and in my teen angst, I didn't seem to care. All I cared about was how I looked, and it consumed me. When I reached high school, it finally began taking its toll. I started dieting, working out, and allowing the hatred I had for myself to take over every moment of my life. I was already in sports, but the moment I got home from practice was the start of another workout-- not spending time with the family I barely saw as it was. Every lunch break at school was time for running, not making friends. There was no more dinner with friends or family either, I despised the idea of people seeing me eat; it was embarrassing. The idea of someone watching me consume food, calories, was disgusting. Then a doctor's visit changed it all. I watched my father, the one person in my life I'd never seen back down from a fight, look defeated, and listened as he choked back tears. It was that moment I knew-- I couldn't do it anymore. It was that day I began my journey of self-love--one I'm still working towards today, 4 years later. The most significant change wasn't my appearance, but the quality of relationships I had. I became incredibly close to my family, and even though I currently live alone across the continent, I've never felt so loved and supported. My family is the reason I made it through the hell that was the anorexia recovery process, and the reason I became motivated to be successful, the reason I got into UC Davis. Endless hospital visits and doctor appointments are what sparked my love for STEM, and have ultimately led to my love for genetics. During biology I find myself entranced and love learning more. I appreciate every second of my time at UCD and take full advantage of my classes here. Though anorexia was a dark, difficult time in my life, I can say I wouldn't be where I am now without it. I definitely wouldn't be powerlifting, which has become a staple part of my life. I spend every day pushing myself, trying to be the best version of myself I can be. I've become much more outgoing, and invest more time into my relationships. I see a future for myself and know there's so much more to my life than my looks. I've learned to appreciate my body for what it can do, and my mind for how much it can learn. I hope as I continue in my self-love journey, I can continue helping and inspiring others to do the same because we are so much more than our looks.

Nothing can snap you back to reality quicker than a 6'4, tattooed, built man crying at the edge of your bed because he's afraid of losing his daughter--afraid of losing you. Even now I can only recall my father crying twice during my lifetime; once when our family dog of 10 years passed, and at 16 years old on the night of my diagnoses. I'd been struggling with depression and anxiety long before that, and while having recently moved did impact me greatly, it was nothing new. My newly developed eating habits however, quickly became an issue. I had struggled with my body image, as most teenage girls do, and upon finding out I had gained weight (something I now know was perfectly normal), I began working out and watching my diet. While at first I was heavily encouraged, it soon led down a dark, isolated path that I didn't know if I'd ever be able to escape. My life became consumed at the idea of loosing weight; any moment I was sitting was a moment I was gaining weight. My eating disorder progressed like a dark shadow looming over me, taking over my mind and my body one day at a time, until I was just a bystander in my own body, watching this monster control my life. While the physical aspect of anorexia is awful-- you become a walking skeleton, constantly exhausted, hungry, cramping, and weak, the emotional aspect is what took the greatest toll. Not just on me, but on those I loved. I was struggling with anorexia for 2 years before I was officially diagnosed and began treatment, and deep down I knew what I was doing was wrong the entire time. I knew my mindset wasn't healthy, but by the time I acknowledged it, it was too late, and the shadow had taken control. Even that day at the doctor, when they were discussing treatment with my parents I refused to believe it was that bad. The shadow was all I had, and I didn't know who I'd be without it. When we got home all I remember is feeling angry. Angry at the doctor, angry at my parents for making me eat something with substance, angry at everyone, because no one could possibly understand. I went to my room as soon as I could, and cried in the dark for what felt like hours. Until my dad came in. Originally prepared to get scolded for behaving so irrationally, I put on my stone face, refusing to budge. But then I heard the defeated sigh, and the six words choking back tears that changed my life-- "I can't lose my little girl." It was that second that the shadow melted away, and I returned to my body. I walked out of my room, and sat down to eat dinner, having no clue how many calories were in my meal. It wasn't an automatic switch, I don't think anything ever is. I still had a lot of bad days, panic attacks, restriction, and so forth, but every time I started to feel the shadow start taking over, I remembered my dad. It took about 2 years of recovery and managing my eating/thoughts to get to a physically healthy point, where I was able to discuss other issues with my therapist. I allowed myself to begin antidepressants, and for the first time I actually felt good. I was able to enjoy being around those I cared about, began socializing at my new school, and began opening up to other people. During this time, I was also an editor in my high school newspaper. I started writing articles on eating disorders and mental illness' to inform people of the topic and how to get help. Even now I'm a heavy advocate for body positivity, and bringing awareness to mental illness. If it weren't for my dad talking to me that day, I would be nowhere near where I am now. I wouldn't have recovered enough to focus on and enjoy school, let alone get in to UC Davis and begin studying genetics. I've stopped using social media as often as I used to, and have learned to love and appreciate my life in the moment. I go on hikes and enjoy my time in nature, and I never let a day pass where I don't talk to friends and family, or learn something new. I focus more on enjoying my life and what I'm learning, rather than being perfect at everything I do, because the reality is, I'm never going to be perfect, and I'm okay with that.

I admire scientist Rosalind Franklin for her determination and contribution to the world of DNA and genetics. A woman of many trades, Franklin educated in both physics and chemistry, went on to become well known in her field of X-ray crystallography. As a woman studying genetics, I am well aware that despite the lack of credit Franklin received during her lifetime, her findings were crucial to our understanding of DNA's structure today. Our knowledge of the double stranded DNA's helix shape has allowed us as scientists to better understand DNA replication, and has given us a more detailed description of both transcription and translation. Unfortunately, Franklin never received credit for her work, as Maurice Wilkins and Francis Crick never gave her credit for her discovery. The two went on to receive the Nobel Prize, and Franklin passed away before the two would speak out, making her ineligible for the prize herself. Without Franklin's work, I would not be able to study genetics in relation to crime scene's today. Franklin's discovery has helped fuel the Human Genome Project, and allowed us to advance tremendously in the world of genetics. It was this project that allowed out current practices of DNA profiling to advance in 1986, and for my future field to develop. I hope to graduate from UC Davis in 2023, and go on to get my PhD as I begin working as a DNA analyst. During this time, I would also love to continue my research, and contribute studies on DNA's relation to predisposed mental illness, so that we may have a better understanding of how to detect and aid those having difficulties. After doing so, I'd also love to return to University to teach and inspire others in the world of genetics. Being a woman doesn't limit my abilities or my potential for the future, and I'm determined to become successful because of women like Rosalind Franklin.