A life is like a stained glass window. We aren't our own images, we're just a thousand fractured pieces coming together to form something that almost looks like a picture when the light hits it right. Everyone is made up of parts of others that have rubbed off on them at one point or another. I think that if I were to make a window to reflect myself, the biggest, most brightly colored piece at the center of everything would be my mom. Every part of me, from how I walk and talk to how I see the world, is because of her. She basically singlehandedly raised my brother and I, while working and keeping our house from looking like a warzone. She taught me that I can do and be anything, and that I have the power to change the world, if I want to. She's never had it easy. She grew up poor and so did I, but I want to be the one to change that. Right now, she has to borrow money from me just to pay bills, but someday I want to make it so she doesn't have to borrow. She gave me the whole world, and I figure the least I can do in return is to make her life as easy as I can in return. That's why I'm going to college. I want to make sure that her dream comes true and I get better than she did. I want to be able to take care of everyone I love, and paying for college is just the first step toward that.

Everyone says I live a charmed life. They say I seem to just float above all the problems around me, and I can't really disagree. There are so, so many times when I've gotten lucky. I recognize that and I'm thankful for all the opportunities I've been given. And yet, I'm not some mythic figure or chosen one. There are very few things in my life that I haven't had to work for. For example, I was lucky enough to spend a few months in England. It was an incredible experience. I moved from city to city, meeting people from all over the world there. But it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. I was, for all intents and purposes, stranded there if I needed anything. I showed up with no friends, no experience living on my own, and less money than any sane person would try to live on. I walked most everywhere because I couldn't afford Uber, and, I'm not proud to admit, there were times I ate food off the ground just to save money. One night, I couldn't find any place nearby that I could afford to sleep, so I slept in a park (after I had cleaned up the old hypodermic needles on the ground, that is). I was scared, cold, and absolutely alone in that moment. It was a tight spot, but it could have been much worse. I still had some money, I still had a bag of belongings, and I had a phone (although it was dead). Through that, I caught just a glimpse of what millions of people have to live with daily, and I don't think it's something I'll ever forget. I gained a lot that night--humility, perspective, a weird little seashell, and above all, compassion. Every time I see a homeless person, I remember that night. I remember the looks I got from people who just saw a guy with long, messy hair carrying a duffel bag and assumed. Since then, I've had a passion to help people whenever I can. I understand the impact that something as small as a smile and a hot meal can do for a person. I'm still not exactly sure what I want to do after college, but I know for sure that I want to find something that puts my boots on the ground, giving people a hand up when they need it, and building a world where I won't have to.

One thing I really don't like about being young is that everyone always asks about my goals. I don't blame people for asking or anything, I just never know what to say. I never really dreamed of being rich. Being famous would be fun, I suppose. but it's not something I aspire to. I just want to find something I enjoy doing, live comfortably, and help as many people as I can. It's vague and unimpressive, but it's the best I've got. I'm very interested in psychology and sociology, so I'm going to college to study them, but I don't know what comes after that. I think that one of the reasons I can't seem to find a concrete goal is that there are so many paths laid out before me. I love to travel, I love to perform, I love to help others, I love to learn. With the grace of God and just a little luck, I'm hoping to find something that will let me realize all of those things. A lot of things in this world excite me. Every time we reach further into space or deeper into the ocean, each time we learn something about the fabric of our universe, I'm pumped. When I hear about people helping each other out, it makes my heart smile a little more. When I can make people smile? There's absolutely nothing better. I know I'm probably not the kind of candidate you're looking for, but I figured it was worth a shot. If it earns me any brownie points, in high school I was an active member of my youth group and the local chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, and I love to sing in the car (even though I'm told I'm not very good at it). I don't know exactly what my path is right now, but when I find it, I'll follow it with everything I've got.

I was never all that interested in working out. I was in sports in high school, but mostly just because my friends were. I never went out of my way to stay in shape, and never thought twice about it. Then I took a gap year, went drinking and partying, and generally had fun. Naturally, working out was the last thing on my mind. It wasn't until I got an active job that I realized how much my inactive lifestyle had worn me down. Aside from the obvious things like lack of stamina and flexibility, it had made me less energetic, worsened my depressive swings, and just generally made me feel icky. Most days, I forced myself to crawl out of bed just to watch TV or play video games. I rarely went out, and felt half asleep a lot of the time. Since I got a job at a sawmill, that's kept me very active and, although I hated it at first, it's one of the best things to happen to me. Keeping my body active helps me stay focused, gives me more energy, and honestly just makes me feel better. I still don't exactly look forward to working every morning, but it wakes me up and makes me feel less like a zombie in the morning. When I go to college this fall, I'm looking forward to all of the fitness opportunities my school provides, including wilderness excursions, intramural sports, and everything the rec center has to offer.

To be honest, I'm having a hard time writing this essay because it's hard for me to put my finger on any single role model in my life. There are just too many important people to me, too many people I've shaped myself after. My high school Spanish teacher's wanderlust, my wrestling coach's zest for life, my grandma's strength... the list goes on and on. But if I'm being honest with myself, there's one person that stands head and shoulders over the rest. In terms of someone that I modeled myself after, no one can compare to my mom. In so many ways, she's everything I could ever hope to be. She's smart, funny, likeable, and above all else, she's so kind. If I wrote a novel, I probably still couldn't cover all of the things she's taught me. From reading and math to making enchiladas and driving, she's taught me so many skills, but that's not the important part. The most important things she taught me are a little harder to quantify. With her example, I learned how to put a smile on anyone's face. I learned how to treat someone with respect and love, even if I disagree with them over everything. I learned that working hard for an hour beats three hours of doing the bare minimum. I learned that there's a solution to every problem, even if I can't see it right away. More importantly, I learned that when I can't see those solutions, I need to reach out. It's impossible for me to put my finger on exactly where and when I use these lessons, because I use them everywhere I go. When I pack a bag to go somewhere, it's the way she taught me. When I learn from anyone else, it's because she taught me how to listen and understand. I carry some vestige of her in everything I do. I know there's no way I can every repay everything she's given me, not really. All I can hope for is that I get a little better and a little stronger every day, and that I can pass on a little of what I've learned every day. If I'm even a fraction of the person that she is, if I can pass on those lessons to others and become an extension of her through that, I think that's a legacy she'd enjoy.

Last year, I took a trip to England. Call it a gap year, call it finding myself, call it finding adventure, or all of the above. It was a blast, and it cost every penny I had. On the way home, I spent too long saying goodbye to my friends, I was rushing through packing, and I arrived at the bus station--just in time to watch the bus I was supposed to be on departing. That was...disheartening to say the least. The ticket for the bus to the airport was twenty dollars, and my bank account had five. It was 3 AM at home, so I couldn't get ahold of anyone at home for advice. I was shaking and pacing in the bus station, searching my pockets for spare change...no luck. I was stranded. I guess the guy at the desk must have been watching me, because he came over and asked where I was headed. I told him what my situation was, and he nodded, looking at me with ice blue eyes and tight lips. He went back to his desk and I checked my phone for the thousandth time, hoping I'd read something wrong, hoping that someone at home had woken up and had a solution for me. I knew they wouldn't. I remember closing my eyes, feeling tears push at the edges of my eyelids, and leaning my head back in my chair, a thousand half formed thoughts in my mind that I didn't have the energy or heart to follow to their conclusions. That's when I heard a voice over my shoulder say, "Here, mate." He handed me a bus ticket on behalf of the company. For the reason given, the box simply said "goodwill". I froze up, the whirlwind in my mind suddenly still. I couldn't find the words to express what it meant to me; I still can't. All I could manage was to look him in the eyes and say, "Thank you." Luckily, I think he understood exactly what that look meant, because he gave me an equally meaningful look and a small smile when he said, "No problem" and went back to his desk. I don't know anything about this man. I don't know his name, where he comes from, or what he's up to now. All I know is that he showed me kindness at a moment when I desperately needed it, and he stood to gain absolutely nothing from it. In old stories, there are always fairies or angels that are around to help travelers on their journey. If those stories are true, I think he must be one of those. If they're not, I hope that someday, someone helps him like he helped me. In the meantime, I'll try to keep him in mind and remember that even though a small gesture might be no problem for me, it could make a world of difference to a stranger.

When I graduated high school, I'd never been out of the country. However, that didn't stop me from applying to, and later committing to, a school in London. Yes, the real London, not the one in Ohio. Unfortunately, that ended up not being exactly what I had in mind, I declined to go there, and I went to London with my plane ticket, a bag, and a handful of cash. I partied it up, I travelled all over the country, and three months later I came back with two dollars to my name and a lifetime worth of stories.

Time for an unpopular opinion; 2020 was good for me. I know that it wasn't for a lot of people, but I got lucky. Let me explain. At the beginning of the year, I was running off to college halfway across the country for the worst, and most predictable, possible reason: I was pining for a girl. Not that I thought it was a good decision or that it would turn out well, but I knew it was something I had to do for my own sake. I got there and signed up for classes at the last possible minute, applying for no scholarships or grants, and unable to sign up for any clubs, teams, or activities. Because I showed up in the spring semester, after everyone else had already found their clique, and because I spent most of my time in my dorm feeling sorry for myself, my social life was all but nonexistent. I spent my time in the dining hall, in class, or in my dorm watching romcoms by myself, contemplating my own loneliness. Then along came the pandemic. I'll admit, I thought it was just a bit of hysteria that would blow over in a week or two. Then one day, while I sat in my psychology lecture, they told us that all classes would be going online and that students were encouraged to move out of the dorms if they were able. I thought about it for a few days, and decided that I may as well go home, since my lot wasn't going to improve any by going in the same rut I had been. I said an awkward last goodbye to the girl, packed up and went back home. Once I got there, my grades plummeted. As it turns out, skipping a month of classes and fudging your way through 5 finals papers in a day brings your grades from straight A's to straight C's. Finding myself in the same place I had been the year before, except now with tens of thousands in student debt, I decided to get a job. In a stroke of sheer luck, the week I started applying for jobs, my friend asked if I wanted a job with him at a sawmill for the summer. I did, I came in and met with the bosses, and started three days later. I decided to stick with the job until I decided what my next move was. By the end of 2020, I had paid off my debts, decided I should go back to college so I didn't have to work in a sawmill, and I'd started my investment portfolio. 2020 taught me a lot of things. It taught me the importance of planning ahead and not rushing headlong into things. It taught me the value of going out and having fun. In a number of ways, it taught me the value of human connection. I learned about the value of family, of friends, and I learned to appreciate just how lucky I had been, to be able to go out to parties, concerts, or even just to go out on dates. It taught me that the world can be a cold, sucky place. But it sucks less when you're not in it alone.