I grew up living in a toxic household with a parent who has borderline personality disorder where abuse was a daily occurrence, 21 years of traumatic life has shaped my life in many ways, and yet overcoming that abuse and finding the strength to leave that toxic environment has been my greatest achievement to date. The journey was not easy, and it required immense courage and resilience, but it ultimately taught me valuable lessons about myself and my capabilities.
BPD was something I discovered recently from my therapist after working with him for some time. Individuals with BPD often exhibit unpredictable behavior, intense mood swings, and difficulties in maintaining stable relationships. This creates a tumultuous and volatile environment at home, making it hard for children to feel safe, secure, and loved.
I was raised with an older sister by a single Mom, our biological father had ditched us when she was pregnant with me. I was not allowed to make friends at school, I was required to get home within 15 minutes after the school bell rang, I was to take my mother to the grocery, to the doctor, translate for her (she speaks no English), make every phone call, etc. I was very much the parent of the house ever since middle school. My sister was older, but she struggled with another undiagnosed personality disorder, a mixture of autism and histrionic from my point of view.
After getting into my dream college, I found myself surrounded by creatives I admire, my people. I became greatly inspired by my peers and began to make friends for the first time in my life, which evoked a sense of danger within my mother, out of fear of abandonment she began to do crazy things. I could talk about a million of those things, just know that the abuse escalated, snowballed, and became much, much worse. Police were called, social workers were involved, my school stepped in, I lived in my car for some time, then was to be relocated to a shelter... My mother made every vicious attempt to isolate me so I could stay dependent. Meanwhile, I was going through the worst breakup of my life, someone had broken my heart by leaving me after many lies and promises and false commitments, and most importantly, right after taking my virginity against my will, knowing what he did would destroy me as he knew how much I value that experience. Surely, after knowing what I was going through, my mother weaponized my feelings against me, spreading rumors to break up my friendships, and calling me a "prostitute" every time she took the money I made from three part-time jobs while attending school. My body was barely handling it. I fainted, multiple times at work, from exhaustion and stress. And yet I held on, I pulled myself out of bed every morning no matter how heartbroken, how depressed, how despaired. I knew deep down that staying in that environment was not an option if I wanted to live a fulfilling and happy life, I had to get up and work, and get out.
Leaving was a daunting decision to make, as it meant walking away from the only life I had known and venturing into the unknown. There is still much healing ahead of me but through this experience, I discovered my inner strength, the power within me to overcome challenges and adversity, no matter how insurmountable they may seem. I learned the importance of self-love, self-respect, the power of setting boundaries, and having faith in my ability to create a better future for myself. I understand I am capable of achieving great things, I wouldn't have it happen any other way, otherwise, I wouldn't have become this version of myself. I love myself, I know I deserve every ounce of that love.
Looking toward the future, I have set my sights on creating a life that is filled with love, joy, and fulfillment. I hope to continue on the path of self-discovery and personal growth, and to build a strong support system of friends and loved ones who uplift and empower me. I aspire to use my experience to inspire and empower others who may be going through similar challenges. I want to be a voice of hope and encouragement for those who feel trapped in abusive situations and to help them see that they have the strength and resilience to break free and create a better life for themselves.