For most, it is not an easy task to think about the future, let alone talk (or in this case, write) about it. The future is mysterious, full of uncertainty and the uncontrollable. It's hard to say that I have high confidence for my future goals without feeling like I am jinxing myself. Despite my superstition, I do have many goals for my future. My number one goal is to make myself proud. What I mean by making myself proud has mostly to do with my mental health. For months, I have been working on the kind of person that I am, as well as what kind of friend I am. I haven't been satisfied with some of my internal qualities, whether that be my anxiety, my boundaries, my thoughts, all of them. I want to be braver. I have been continuously working on how to be assertive but kind, to not mix my anxiety with anger, and to build healthier boundaries as to connect with the people around me in a healthier and happier way. Another goal that I have is to attend school to study Genetics and to hopefully get accepted into a Genetic Counseling Undergraduate program. I know that this goal, like the previous, will take a lot of hard work and determination. It's scary to think about, but I will try my hardest to accomplish this, no matter what may happen. It's hard to keep a positive mindset all the time, but I hope that in the future I will keep my determination, and stray away from procrastination and pessimism. (to the best of my ability) :)

Around September of 2020, I started online therapy. I was almost 19 years old, and I had never attended therapy before. As I write this, I try to think of a specific time where I had to persevere. The thing at the top of my mind is my journey with my own mental health. Growing up, therapy and/or mental health was not discussed often. I remembering feeling almost ashamed when asking my mother if I could begin seeing a therapist, even though she did not disagree with me or see any issue, which I was afraid of. I was so nervous that I texted her in the middle of the night, standing in our kitchen while she was sleeping right above me. When I began therapy, I didn’t tell anyone, not even my best friend who had lived with my family and I. That best friend had also attended therapy, and spoke openly about her struggles with her mental health. She was not ashamed. It took me a few weeks to tell her, and from there on, I began telling others as well. She is one of the reasons that I no longer find shame in openly talking about mental health. Since beginning therapy to now, I have learned how to express my anxieties, open up about my mental health with my family and friends, something that I had rarely done before, and encourage others to do the same if they were able to.

Growing up, my young mind had many ideas for my older self’s job. Perhaps I’d be a veterinarian, maybe a therapist, a nurse like my mother and older sister, the list goes on. I cannot express how many times my mind had changed on this matter. For a majority of my life I was unsure of what it was that I was going to do after High School. It wasn’t until my senior year that I had a moment of genuine realization. I was in my Biology class, and the subject was Genetics. My teacher had been telling us a personal story that related to the lesson. She and her husband were pregnant, and she was to find out her child’s blood type. Being a Biology teacher for many years, she had immediately recognized a mistake that her doctor had made in their determination. I remember this story still, almost three years later. It is to the credit of my Biology teacher that I owe my education goals. She talked about Genetic Counselors and immediately my head was stuck, unmoving. Finally, an idea that I could involve all of myself with, without hesitation. Since then, I have attending my local community college to then pursue a later education at a four year school containing the major of my dreams: Genetics. With this education, I can pursue a graduate program in Genetic counseling. I can finally accomplish my dreams of helping people, specifically giving support to those who are in uncontrollable situations. Genetic counseling combines both my interest in counseling/ helping people and Genetics. I wish to be able to bring comfort to those struggling, information to the confused, and an outlet for every emotion a person may feel in the specific situations where seeing a Genetic Counselor is necessary.

Some describe feeling loved as the best feeling in the world. As the quote reads, “Love can cure people.” Love can be found anywhere: in a text message, a note, a call, a look, a smile, a hold, affection, and more. My mom isn’t very affectionate. Growing up, her mom wasn’t, and some would say I’m not affectionate either. Maybe it’s due to my upbringing. Despite this, I insist on giving my mother a hug when she arrives home from work. She will shoo me away from her, because “she’s dirty!,” but I will persist. When I leave the house, I will make sure to tell her that I love her. As the years have passed and I have shown my love to her in more ways, she has learned to show it back. It’s the best feeling in the world. As I stated before, I didn’t grow up an affectionate person. While I did express my love for my friends online, it was a much harder task in person. As I grew older, I met people who introduced love to me with the words that left their mouths, in their hands holding mine, in their hugs, and more. I am different from my younger self now. I need to let the people around me know that I care for them. I need to make sure that they know I am in their corner when they need me, that I love them. I will make sure to tell my roommate that I love her before heading to bed. I will remind her that she is a hard worker and a good person. When she’s feeling low, I will do my best to lift her up. I have learned how to reciprocate the love that my friends have given to me.