I am Jessica Blair, and a strong word I would describe myself is resilient. I have went through a rough childhood with the mindset of what I didn't want to be, and who I didn’t want to become like. I was physically and emotionally abused by my father for years. No one helped or even tried to help when I cried. I still stuck through it and only imagining myself in a better life once I could leave his care. Then in October of 2018, he had kicked me out and used the excuse I was too much like my mother. He kicked me out but kept caring and loving on my older sister, Zoey. Her hand was held, and mine was set free. I gained independence, and gained responsibility. I learned, not stubbled. In 2018 when I moved in with my mother full time, she lived in a run down trailer. When I say run down, I mean it. Patched floors, sunk in bath tub, and mold on my floor. Run down. That was a motivation to get an education and get a paying job where I will no longer be known as “trailer park feet” or “trailer trash.” In 2020 my granny bought a house for all of us to live in! I prayed thanking God. Crying that we had a home, and not a trailer. It was blessing I never knew could make me so grateful. We still live their today. Although, my granny is missing. She passed on January 30, 2022. That shattered my whole year. I was graduating that year and didn’t even want to. I was turning 18 and felt so alone and ashamed that Im still here and she wasn’t. My grandma was my biggest inspiration and supporter. For I lived with her most my childhood. Her passing put me in the worst depression Ive ever felt. Shortly after her death, I was accepted into Barton College. I was so excited! I was so proud I made it into a college with a 42% acceptance rate! After hearing how I would never make it. I made it. I went my first semester, and seen my financial aid didn’t cover it. I did not I have a car to get a job because it was 4 hours away from my house. I was put on a business hold and could not attend my next. It crushed me. I felt like a failure, a disappointment, I felt so vulnerable. I didn’t even want to look at myself. After all the tears and countless hurtful words I said to myself. I picked myself up and created a plan.I wanted to transfer to community college, and work my way through so I could transfer to another 4 year school. Ive been working 2 jobs since February. I have bought a car, and working to pay 9,376.00 back to Barton to go back to school. I have always had ups and downs but I have always powered through with resilience! Which is something I want to share with the world! I want to gain a psychology degree so that I can teach people ANYTHING is possible! It takes hard work and dedication, and resilience! Pushing through when all becomes hard. I also plan on eventually creating my own scholarship to students just like me, who need something good to happen so they can hold on longer. I will give back to those who struggle, and cant seem to get above water. I want to help those through hard times! I will give what wasn’t given to me.

My whole childhood my grandmother has been my second parent. I was raised with split parents, and my mom was raising us as a single mom. She worked as a waitress for as long as I could remember. With that being said I was always at my granny’s house while she worked. I always seen my granny as my motivation and mentor to do better. She has taught me most of my lessons in life. My granny was my biggest supporter. She cheered me through everything. She picked me up every time I fell. When my dad had kicked me out at the age of 14 my granny was more than happy to help me back on my feet. Helped me forget all about his absences because she took over for him. She was my rock during this really rough time. Unlike both of my parents she never forget about my birthday, she always made sure it was acknowledged and celebrated. I always remember her taking my sister and I to golden corral for every achievement I and my sister made. She always loved keeping the family together and making sure everyone was included in everything. In 2020, my mom lost her job to covid. We had lived in a run down trailer that my mom could not even pay for. My granny with open arms told us to move back in with her. In this time I watched her get noticeably weaker. Especially in 2021, she had more doctor appointments than usual. My granny has always been ill even when I was a child. It is just this time around felt difficult and different to process. She started having to be in nursing homes to have 24/7 care, hospital stays, and more medicine for her needs. It was painful watching the women who basically raise me getting the way she was. In January of 2022, my grandmother was complaining she could not breathe and needed an ambulance immediately. I had to call my mother from work (she worked night shifts) to come back because she can’t breathe. The ambulance reached our house and I went into a panic attack not being able to answer or process anything. My mom got to the house and I watched them as they spoke with my grandmother, asking many questions. I seen them wheel her out on a C-pap machine, not knowing that will be the last time I seen her alive. Days have went by, I wasn’t able to see her due to covid regulations. On January 30th, I was grieving a family friends, whom I was close to, 1 year of passing. I was hanging around my boyfriend and their family to help with this grief. I got a call from my moms best friend to call my mom. I figured it wasn’t important because she did not call me first. I called my mom, she was hyperventilating, screaming that she was gone. I immediately dropped and felt like the room blurred. My boyfriends mom consulted me as I sobbed. Making sure I was prepared to drive home to go be with my mom. That day of losing my granny replays in my head every day. It has been a hard year achieving milestones without her presence. I have done many things I prayed that she would witness me do. For example, I graduated High school. Something I desperately wanted her to see, I even wanted to call it off and not do it. I got accepted into college something she dreamed of me doing. I only want to make her proud. I miss my granny heavily and hope that I am always making her proud. I want to accomplish the goals she knew I had set. I will continue to carry her name and my promise to her with me ever day.

I want to work in the criminal justice field. I want to make a difference to lives of others, to make them feel safe with my presences. I don’t want corruption to continue in law, I want to make my small change in the law enforcement. I want to be the one people look up to and not run from. Ever since I was a little kid I have had experience with police officers that I didn’t like. My DSS cases were often ignored, I was a victim of child abuse and I often felt ignored. I even went as far as running away and pleading to the officer for help. I still went back to my abusive father. From that point on it got even worse. It turned into more physical than emotional. I from that point on I knew I wanted to be that change that listens to people. My love for being in law enforcement changed over the years but still was something I wanted to do. I still wanted to make some sort of impact to peoples lives. I then went on discovering my degree, and thought of being a juvenile correctional counselor. Helping those who feel lost and don’t deserve to go down a rough path the rest of their lives. I want young people to know life doesn’t end from mistakes. I wanted to make a difference to those I can relate to. Juvenile prisoners are often coming from bad homes like me. They want to be heard, and want a difference. I want them to be heard and see a difference not just given a promised one. Through all the choices in my degree I still haven’t fully decided on what I want to do; all I know is I want to make a difference. I want to help people. I want to be what helps someone. I want to be the person who is given a phone call saying how much I helped them or a family member. I want to be looked up to as a motivation for better. My motivation to be looked up to started in middle school where I gave a presentation to the 6th graders on how to take this journey as a new chapter and not a closed one. I love giving other the advice I always needed. Even though my career isn’t fully figured out. It is definitely motivated for a change, to change someone’s life even if it’s just one person. I want people to feel like I am a safe space. I want to be a change in society. I want to work for making a positive impact on those who can’t see the sun past the rain.