In middle school and high school, I was convinced I was not going to live to see my 21st birthday. I would walk home, convinced that the next car would hit me. There was not a future I could envision for myself, and I idealized suicide. Eventually, I talked to my mother about it and she said she would get me counseling. Then the next day she acted like everything was supposed to be fine because we talked about it, and never brought it up again. I love my mom, but I will never forget how she reacted or that she had also asked if 'it' was because I was a lesbian ( I identified as bisexual back then, but now identify as asexual). This experience, among my other experiences with depression and anxiety, reminds me that everyone I interact with has a story. I want to be there for the students I will be teaching someday, and help them get help for themselves. As a paraeducator, I have been there for students who were dealing with suicide ideation, depression, and anxiety. I once was pulled out from a math class I was assisting in at a high school to provide mental and emotional support to a non-binary student. I also talked with a new student who was feeling anxious and overwhelmed. They were previously hospitalized for a suicide attempt, and helped them until I could contact their counselor. For the LGBT+ students at this high school, I was a resource and role model as an asexual and gender-nonconforming adult (I currently identify as agender). Another thing I learned from my experiences is to be more gentle with myself (as my anxiety would make me guilty about not doing things when I was depressed, which just led to more depression), and that time opens up more opportunities for hope and joy (that even bad things cannot last forever). My experiences with depression, anxiety, and feeling rejected because of these has made me more sensitive, compassionate, and understanding to others with their own mental health struggles. I am now pursuing a Master's degree in teaching, and I want to teach at the middle school level. Because of my experiences with depression and anxiety, I want to be there for students struggling with these and other issues. My vision for my classroom is that my students and I will co-create an environment that fosters sensitivity, hope, compassion, and curiosity. The texts I want to engage with students have protagonists going through personal issues, while also examining more global themes and events. I have started my classroom library through buying books at the scholastic book fair event at the last elementary school I worked at. I always found comfort in books and wished I could have read books like these as a class when I was in middle or high school. Also, if my school has a LGBT+ group/club I want to participate in it as an advisor or extra support.

I was trapped. I had no clue what I was going to do about housing for the next year of my bachelor degree at the University of Alaska Fairbanks, in (you guessed it)Fairbanks, Alaska. I was living with my older sister, and that was not going so well. Her husband (now an ex-husband) was awful and made her awful in turn. I had come there at the request of my mom to help take care of my two year old niece and be supportive to my older sister. Well, the living situation was becoming too horrible and I did not want to live there anymore. I did not have money to leave to rent an apartment, and I did not want to return to Washington state and leave my degree unfinished. I discussed all these things with my mentor Sarah Stanley of the UAF's English department. Sarah encouraged me, that there are always more options and to not give up. I did not, and I ended up renting a dry cabin from an art professor during the summer and working at a gyro food truck that summer (I now loved roasted eggplant, biryani, and sumac). That year, I had housing in the dorms and worked as a peer mentor tutoring other students in writing and analysis while also doing the same at the campus' writing center. Sarah also pushed me to join the campus' club for English majors, EMU, and to volunteer for various activities around campus. Research was another activity that Sarah pushed me to do, and so I completed an independent research study with another student on eye-tracking software and composition. We were accepted to present at a conference about writing and technology, and I needed to find funding for my travel and accommodations. The Undergraduate Research and Scholarship Association did not pick my proposal for funding, and I was not sure what to do next. Sarah pointed me in the direction of another funding source on campus; I applied and my travel and accommodations for the conference was funded by the school. Later, with her help and encouragement, I also received a grant for my own undergraduate research which focused on literacy, religion, and linguistics through listening and transcribing to record tapes of a Bible study discussion. The people discussing were Jews for Jesus, whose discourse have not been well-studied, and I listened for things of linguistic interest as well (intonation, stance-taking, how they used religious language etc.). Doing this project was a great learning experience, funded my apartment off campus for that last year, and has been an excellent addition to my resume. One of the most important things I learned from Sarah was that the worst someone, whether it is a barista or a university can say, is "No" and that it does not reflect on my own value or self-worth. This advice has helped me keep applying for things that I think might be out of my reach, and to keep looking for opportunities to keep learning and growing. The fear of rejection still gnaws at me, and tries to tell me I am not enough, but I remind myself of Sarah and her advice and hit 'submit' anyway. Because 'no' will not change my life, but 'yes' just might.

In middle school and high school, I was convinced I was not going to live to see my 21st birthday. I would walk home, convinced that the next car would hit me. There was not a future I could envision for myself, and I idealized suicide. Eventually, I talked to my mother about it and she said she would get me counseling. Then the next day she acted like everything was supposed to be fine because we talked about it, and never brought it up again. I love my mom, but I will never forget how she reacted or that she had also asked if 'it' was because I was a lesbian ( I identified as bisexual back then, but now identify as asexual). This experience, among my other experiences with depression and anxiety, reminds me that everyone I interact with has a story. I want to be there for the students I will be teaching someday, and help them get help for themselves. As a paraeducator, I have been there for students who were dealing with suicide ideation, depression, and anxiety. I once was pulled out from a math class I was assisting in at a high school to provide mental and emotional support to a non-binary student. I also talked with a new student who was feeling anxious and overwhelmed. They were previously hospitalized for a suicide attempt, and helped them until I could contact their counselor. For the LGBT+ students at this high school, I was a resource and role model as an asexual and gender-nonconforming adult (I currently identify as agender). Another thing I learned from my experiences is to be more gentle with myself (as my anxiety would make me guilty about not doing things when I was depressed, which just led to more depression), and that time opens up more opportunities for hope and joy (that even bad things cannot last forever). My experiences with depression, anxiety, and feeling rejected because of these has made me more sensitive, compassionate, and understanding to others with their own mental health struggles.

Society could most effectively empower women through telling the stories of diverse women in media, both fictional and nonfictional. Let women and girls make fart jokes. Let them be prim without making them 'naggy'. Show women in positions of power who CAN have it all, and let her love warmly. Show women who do not care about starting a family or marriage. Show women that do want children and marriage, and that they are not lesser or settling for doing so. Let girls know that they are allowed to be curious, to get messy and dirty, and cradle frogs and bugs in their hands. Let women and girls be funny, bruised, and flawed the way men and boys get to be. And yes, there needs to be a better ratio for girls to boys than 1:5 or 2:5 in my eight year old niece's media (if there any girls at all). Media informs our societal perceptions of the world and our place in it. Let's widen the places that women can see themselves belonging through increasing the feminine voices and presences in creative spaces and media companies.

My goal is to teach English language arts at a middle school, and make an impact within my community as a global-minded, language-oriented, diversity-enthusiastic teacher. I have lived in states from Virginia to Alaska, and lived abroad in Japan. I want to keep reading and learning all I can about other cultures. This especially goes for my language learning. am currently at intermediate level in Japanese, and have just started learning Korean and Mandarin. I also want to be a role model for LGBTQ+ students as a teacher who is both asexual and agender. As an educator, my goal is to have my classroom will combine my interests in global affairs, language, and diversity through the variety of texts (both contemporary and those in the literary canon) and through the constructivist and humanistic teaching style I favor. My classroom library is going to be filled with texts with protagonists of all ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations, and of a continuum of gender identities and experiences (I already started on it by purchasing some books from a book fair that supported the elementary school I was working at as a paraprofessional). With my commitment towards culture, inclusivity, diversity, and inquiry (for the sake of inquiry), I hope to inspire the same interests in my students. I want my students to at least know about the vast array of human experiences that are outside their own familial or cultural norms, and be (at the very least) understanding of those experiences. There is so much intolerance and ignorance in the world (especially in the USA), and I want to contribute to the current generations and the next towards solving issues stemming from post-colonialization and xenophobia.

This scholarship would help support my health as I do my teacher observations and my demonstration teaching. My goal is to teach English language arts at a middle school, and make an impact within my community as a global-minded, language-oriented, diversity-enthusiastic teacher. I have lived in states from Virginia to Alaska, and lived abroad in Japan. I am currently at intermediate level in Japanese, and have just started learning Korean and Mandarin. I also want to be a role model for LGBTQ+ students as a teacher who is both asexual and agender. My goal is to have my classroom will combine my interests in global affairs, language, and diversity through the variety of texts (both contemporary and those in the literary canon) and through the constructivist and humanistic teaching style I favor. My classroom library is going to be filled with texts with protagonists of all ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations, and of a continuum of gender identities and experiences (I already started on it by purchasing some books from a book fair that supported the elementary school I was working at as a paraprofessional). This year, I found out I have hypothyroidism and began receiving treatment for it. I also started medical treatment for depression (there is also something up with my pancreas that my doctors have not figured out yet). The most pressing financial concern of my medical conditions is my chronic sinusitus. My left sinus is completely opaque; I tried a three week combination of prednisone and augmentin, but it seems that sinus surgery is the only viable option to be rid of it. My observation and demonstration teaching periods will be a full time commitment. The financial support from this scholarship would help me to continue my education and dreams and support my health and well-being as I try to get my body back on track.

When I walk around a farmer's market or at my elementary school, there is always someone who tells me with a smile, "I like your shirt." I glance down at my non-binary pride shirt, "Thank you!" Now I'm crying, but that confirmation of identity and the casual love that LGBTQ+ and allies have for one another inspires me to continue to spread love and acceptance as I head off into my future as a teacher.

Sarah Stanley, the Director of Composition at the University of Alaska Fairbanks taught me numerous things about writing and pedagogy, but her words that had the most impact had nothing to do with metaphors or rhetorical strategies. "Just ask. The worst thing they can say is 'No' ". I cannot remember if this was about a coffee order, or for when I applied for the school to cover my travel fees for a technology and writing conference, but these words have given me the confidence to be an advocate for myself (and to value myself more), as well as for others. Ever since I was young, I have been so painfully shy and not wanting to be noticed or to be seen as taking up more space than what I thought I was worth. I have shared these words with many other quiet young people as an educator myself now, and I see their impact in how they are less afraid to take up space, to ask for the things they want, and to just go for it.

What you see: a damp person holding a tiger-shaped bun. What you do not see: humid weather and a storm. This is from when I visited Taipei, Taiwan. I went solo, and stayed in a hostel in the Ximending district. Off the plane, past midnight, I walked the two miles to my hostel. Mopeds zoomed by as I navigated through the city's labyrinthine side streets in a black jacket. I eventually had to ask a guy working a 24-hr crane game store for help! Thankfully, he led me to my hostel that was located in the same building, different entrance.