Problems consume the livelihoods of so many. We need solutions to help people find their footing again. From airplanes, boats, to your average toaster, they are all a marvel of manufacturing tending to the struggles of humanity. Every product exists to serve a greater purpose(no matter how insignificant they may sound) they leave some kind of impact on those around you. The ideas that were once nothing but designs someone once thought of become a reality because of this thrilling concept. To hold an object in your fingertips; to feel not only the physical, but also metaphorically weight it carries in your hands. You are responsible for the quality of products you produce, and that the safety of the customers who purchase them are never compromised. In a way, you are holding a person's fate in your hands. It's a tremendous weight to carry, but it's one I want to take with me willingly. Since the first day I laid eyes on a CAD(Computer Aided Design) project, I knew I wanted to dedicate my life to Mechanical engineering. The world underneath me shook; beautiful, intricate shapes and textures flashed before me. The 10 year old me was speechless. It felt like the stars aligned when I came to this major career related realization. My combined love of math, science, CAD, and problem solving made pursuing a career in the engineering industry a perfect fit. Some will say that the profession gives people very little meaning; that it's not as gratifying as medical professions, or careers in teaching. Yes, while it may be true that as an engineer, you're not really interacting with the community on a personal level. The actions you take are done "in the shadows"/ behind the scenes to keep the world running. People might not know you by name, and you will probably never get to know them, but that's okay. I think just knowing that you made a difference in someone's life is enough. All jobs are valuable. Without the existence of one, society would be shambles. As a woman of color, what further motivates me to pursue the engineering profession is the fact that there is very little diversity in the industry. When little girls look at me, I want them to see that "the sky's the limit." They have an endless amount of opportunities available for them. The only thing that stops them from moving forward is themselves. I want to be the change I wished to see when I was younger. That's how I want to be remembered.

"Villains aren't born, they are made." People are often too quick to judge a person's character based solely on first impressions. From the very beginning, the students at the school one of the main characters (Elphaba) is enrolled in fear her presence and automatically assume that she holds "evil" characteristics simply because of the way she looks. Her vibrant, green skin, and dark colored wardrobe paint her to be the perfect, stereotypical villain. However, in reality she is quite the opposite. Her character is really anything, but menacing and she is really simply a woman who has been misjudged by her peers; she's someone without ill intentions who doesn't really want to hurt anyone. But rather it was societal pressure that forced her to take on the title "Wicked Witch of the West." Perhaps what makes Elphaba stand out even more is whenever she stands along Galinda(the other protagonist in this story). Unlike Elphaba is described to be the perfect image of the ideal kind of person(kind, beautiful, and popular). She is idolized by all her classmates, and holds herself in high regard in order to maintain a good public image. The juxtaposition between the two, makes viewers even more tempted to compare the two of them. They are complete opposites of one another; despite this though, they build a friendship that fails because it is unfairly tested by the trials and tribulations of harsh society. I really enjoyed watching their dynamic because of the fact that it shows that two incredibly different people, can still get along; there's no need to shun away those who are different than ourselves. In the original story, Galinda was painted to be all well-rounded individual who possesses no flaws; however, it appears to be the case where the upcoming movie version has decided to go on a completely different approach. Galinda(played by Ariana Grande) is yes, a supernova worshiped by her peers, but also has a further depth of complexity to her. While yes she portrays herself as a good person, deep down she does harbor ill intentions to those around her, and can be for a lack of a better word, full of it at times. Just by the trailers released alone, we can already tell that Galinda believes that she is deserving of all luxuries(even at the expense of the comfort of others). This becomes apparent when we see her give a measly corner of the room to Elphaba who she has to room with. We can tell in this scene that she has little concern for those who can't elevate her status, and treats them differently as a result of this. For example, she acts like she's doing Elphaba such a service by bequeathing her an hat that she isn't going to wear, but we see just moments ago it was something that she finds the hat unflattering, and that it was something she was going to throw away anyway. Which is by no means a kind gesture. After why would a truly kind person, want to contribute to another's downfall. It doesn't make any sense. To sum it up, what made me really invested in this story, was the fact that it goes above and beyond to test stereotypes, and goes to show present themes that occur in present-day society as well. Examples include: pretty privilege, mistreating those who are different, along with so many others. It's just so "wickedly" good.

“One step forward, 10 steps back.” It feels as though any time I make any progress, a forceful slap sends me back where I first started. Despite running at full speed, I somehow never manage to get anywhere. The world continues to spin leaving me behind. I am lost in my mind. It’s as though the world around me consists of only dull hues of gray. There are days where I can get burnt out from doing nothing, just letting time slip past me. I was wasting away without a single care. People—complex living creatures you come to both love and hate. For the longest time, I was afraid of them. I looked down, blocked out the surround sounds, and avoided social interactions at all costs. It was as though there was a massive mountain between me and them that I both couldn’t seem to get around, and didn’t want to move past. I didn’t want to get hurt again. Yes, it’s true that by disassociating yourself from others eliminates any potential for negative outcomes, but you’re also depriving yourself of a lot of great moments, too. Life is incomplete without both. Personal growth is only made possible because of those bad experiences. You learn how to handle situations that were once foreign to you, and that what you once thought as the “worst” case scenario isn’t so bad. More often than not, matters are way worse in our head, than they are in real life. Humans(especially myself) are pessimistic, so we can prepare ourselves for what lies ahead. A piercing silence fills the air. Not a single soul is in sight. I stand alone for eons waiting for someone who’s never going to come. It was in this moment where I realized I needed to build thicker walls around myself, to ensure my own safety. I never wanted to relive that day again. This reoccurring memory used to live rent free in my mind; it kept me frozen in place. A life that includes only yourself is no life at all. Everyone needs a support system through the thick and thin. Letting a single event dictate everything you do is never the answer. I craved something beyond the borders I created for myself—human connection. I uncovered my ears—the rush of sounds came all at once. For the first time in a long time I stopped holding my breath. Since that day, I’ve hurt in more ways than once, but also had so many wonderful experiences in the process—I don’t regret it one bit. Things never get easier. The only thing we can do is choose to move forward.

“One step forward and ten steps back.” The journey towards better mental health takes a lifetime. When you feel like you’ve finally made progress, life will slip a rug right under you forcing you to start all over again. No path is a straight line; there is no such thing as perfection. No matter what you’re going to experience unanticipated bumps in the road. When these occur it isn’t anyone’s fault, but simply an inevitable part of reality. During my freshman year of high school, I fell into a dark patch. Everything from Covid, the stresses of entering high school, to breaking things off with one of my few close friends spelled disaster for me. I no longer felt safe even walking by myself because I knew the world didn’t welcome those who looked like me. When I turned on the news, I feared that I would see the face of someone I knew being broadcasted as one of the countless victims of Asian hate. It felt as though Covid had made people a thousand times crueler than before. All of a sudden, a rush of pressure and worry was placed onto me. High school is the time to buckle down and really think about what you want to do. How does a 14 year old decide what they’re going to do for the rest of their life? I couldn’t even decide what I was going to eat for breakfast, much less what my future was going to be like. It’s things like this that put a younger version of me into emotional turmoil. I was constantly concerned about doing the wrong thing; that one misstep could destroy everything I worked so hard to build. There was always a heavy weight on my chest. Distance. I put a lot of space between me and everyone else in the beginning of high school. Yes, choosing to not make new friends prevented me from getting hurt, but it also stopped me from making new, fond memories as well. One negative experience made me deprive myself of a ton of fun times with people I could have made deep connections with. “I’m no good enough”—the words that I would recite over and over again in my mind. On bad days, I drowned myself completely in self-doubt and unsolicited criticism my peers had dumped onto me until it consumed me entirely. I thought badly about myself because I let those false beliefs get to me. When the thought “I’m not smart enough to become an engineer” crossed my mind, it wasn’t really me saying that, but rather the people who didn’t believe I was capable of achieving great things. I am the main dictator that chooses what path I will forge. It’s my life, no one else gets to decide that for me. This is both a liberating and terrifying concept. True, it means I have the freedom to pursue what I want to do; however, it also means that I’ll have to live with bad decisions that I make along the way. Regardless though, I can no longer live in the past letting my peers hold me back. I have to move forward.

An incessant buzzing fills the air, a lump swells in my throat—I can’t breathe. I crashed and burned. On one unprecedented snowy day, I arrived to school late. I raced as fast as I could to my first period Chemistry class, and had what I now consider to be my first panic attack. I don’t know what exactly triggered it. Perhaps it was me feeling overwhelmed about messing up my attendance record, my fear of getting scolded for my tardiness, or a little bit of everything that was going on. For the longest time, I’ve had a subconscious habit of bottling up my emotions. I let the mountain of problems loom over me until the smallest of things tips everything over onto me. I can’t focus. the words drown out, and everything meshes together. When I’m not doing well mentally it feels as though my mind clouds my ability to discern what’s going on. The words said during lectures get sucked up by a black hole, and my classmate’s faces fade away. I’m floating; I need to be grounded. When I have a hard time paying attention at school , I’ll go straight home and contemplate on my whole day to deduce the root cause of my troubles. Am I taking on too much? Did I eat or sleep enough last night? Matters usually become crystal clear when I reserve the time to think about them. This allows me to decide which situated environments I need to extract myself from. Self-care—actions one takes for the sake of being kinder to themselves. For me this looks like taking a leisurely stroll around my neighborhood, eating my favorite snack, and/or curling up to read or watch my favorite series. It’s the recipe for ultimate comfort. When you walk into that door all your personal troubles disintegrate—all lies. This is the mindset everyone who has a job usually has. Over the summer, I worked part-time at a summer camp watching 9-10 year olds. I always had to show that I was in the best of spirits—all smiles and good vibes, even when I wasn’t. There were days where I’d spend my 15 minute breaks tearing up on the inside. On those kind of days, I’d try to rely on my co-workers a little bit more. I still followed through with all the same tasks I usually did—watching all the kids, playing games with them, leading activities, etc. But unlike most occasions, I’d take it down a notch and take turns with my co-workers being charge of different aspects of the schedule. A job is by no means a solitary activity; you’re constantly surrounded by other people. It’s ok to reach out to them for assistance. Don’t wear a mask. When you aren’t doing well, you don’t need to put on a smile. Now, that doesn’t mean break down in front of a random stranger, but rather confide in the many people who care about you(family, friends, etc.). Regardless of what you’re going through your problems are valid.

Time passes right under my nose. The Earth continues to spin leaving me behind in the process. Everyone has low points in their life—a fact that needs to be normalized more. To have emotions is not a crime. Taking care of your mental health is vital to maintaining your overall wellness. Just like you’d go see a doctor for a broken arm, you need to seek out help when you’re struggling mentally. Just because you can’t see the injury that’s been inflicted doesn’t make it any less important to recognize. In fact, oftentimes it is the invisible scars from silent battles that leave the largest impact on us. I lost the motivation to care about anything; I was simply going with the motions. The relationships I had suffered as a result. They weren’t redividing the attention they deserved from me. I wasn’t brining my “A” game everyday. Your mind is responsible for keeping you in full working order. If you aren’t fully present in the moment, you’re incapable of doing anything. You’re no longer responsible for your own life. Burnt out—a feeling many people are susceptible to when they have a massive work load and are experiencing societal pressures from their peers. Eventually I realized that I was taking on too much and in the end I was sacrificing my own happiness. Instead of joining all 5 of those clubs, I needed to take a step back and maybe join only 3 instead. Going to sleep earlier was an also a huge game changer. Spreading out the school work I needed to do rather than cramming it all in one night made my life a whole lot easier, too. Taking yourself outside of overly stressful environments you’re situated in is the best way to self-advocate for your well-being. Even the smallest of actions like taking a walk, watching or reading your favorite series can make a difference. There are even studies that suggest those who are physically active, and avidly connect themselves with nature report overall better results in wellness. Exercise not only allows you to take physically in shape, but also puts you in a good mood as well. The reason for this is because when you move your body, your brain releases dopamine which is main contributor to the bursts of or lack of energy you feel on a daily basis. In summary, self care is always a must. You know your limits, so you shouldn’t cross them. After all, you aren’t a machine, you are only human.

“I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 1000 ways that don’t work.” There’s an infinite loop of trial and error engineers have to endure when tackling the design process. Yes, sometimes it can be so frustrating to the point where you feel like literally ejecting yourself into outer space, but you end up developing an indispensable concept you’ll need for the rest of your life—a growth mindset. Adversity is an inevitable factor that I’ll reencounter constantly through my whole life regardless of it’s through the relationships I have, problems in school, the work environment, creative outlets, etc. The field encourages me to step outside of my comfort zone and become a more resilient version of myself. You’ve climbed the mountain. At the top, you’re rewarded with an incredibly beautiful view of your entire journey. It’s always so gratifying to find solutions to problems that you once believed were impenetrable. I live for the adrenaline rush I get when I’m so close to finishing a project. Even when I face a set back that forces me to start from scratch, I keep going so I can relive the feeling I had before. Why stop now when I’m already so close? Of course it’s stressful, but knowing that someday I’ll be lucky enough to create products that bring ease to the daily lives of people is the ultimate source of motivation. Whether I end up working on something as large as airplanes that connect loved ones separated by oceans, or your standard microwave that warms the dinner families will sit now to eat, I want to leave an impact on those around me. There is purpose in every invention. “She looks like me.” As a woman of color, I want the next generation of little woman to see themselves in me. I want them to know that the opportunities are limitless; that it’s very much possible to break into an industry that wasn’t systemically made for you. Engineering has always been a predominantly white, male profession, I aim towards making it more diverse by pursuing it in the very near future. Perspective—the manner in which we see the world. When everyone has a similar background the ideas and concepts they bring to the table are going to be the same. For the most part, only those born into financial stability have the ability to go after careers that require higher level education keeping them in the upper class. Like many people of color, I don’t belong to a high social class. Therefore, my lived experiences will likely differ in comparison to those who already inhabit the field. The approaches I have when it comes to tackling issues will serve as a benefit to the profession because of this very fact. I can offer a unique angle when it comes to viewing how to potentially go about moving forward with challenging situations; I offer a different kind of outlook. Society—a mesh of people who speak different tongues and have skin colors. They all deserve to be seen and heard. I believe that all industries(especially ones that have a lack of diversity) should work towards incorporating more representation. Inventions need to be created by people with the best interest of people at heart.

“I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 1000 ways that don’t work.” There’s an infinite loop of trial and error engineers have to endure when tackling the design process. Yes, sometimes it can be so frustrating to the point where you feel like literally ejecting yourself into outer space, but you end up developing an indispensable concept you’ll need for the rest of your life—a growth mindset. Adversity is an inevitable factor that I’ll reencounter constantly through my whole life regardless of it’s through the relationships I have, problems in school, the work environment, creative outlets, etc. The field encourages me to step outside of my comfort zone and become a more resilient version of myself. You’ve climbed the mountain. At the top, you’re rewarded with an incredibly beautiful view of your entire journey. It’s always so gratifying to find solutions to problems that you once believed were impenetrable. I live for the adrenaline rush I get when I’m so close to finishing a project. Even when I face a set back that forces me to start from scratch, I keep going so I can relive the feeling I had before. Why stop now when I’m already so close? Of course it’s stressful, but knowing that someday I’ll be lucky enough to create products that bring ease to the daily lives of people is the ultimate source of motivation. Whether I end up working on something as large as airplanes that connect loved ones separated by oceans, or your standard microwave that warms the dinner families will sit now to eat, I want to leave an impact on those around me. There is purpose in very invention. “She looks like me.” As a woman of color, I want the next generation of little woman to see themselves in me. I want them to know that the opportunities are limitless; that it’s very much possible to break into an industry that wasn’t systemically made for you. Engineering has always been a predominantly white, male profession, I aim towards making it more diverse by pursuing it in the very near future. Perspective—the manner in which we see the world. When everyone has a similar background the ideas and concepts they bring to the table are going to be the same. For the most part, only those born into financial stability have the ability to go after careers that require higher level education keeping them in the upper class. Like many people of color, I don’t belong to a high social class. Therefore, my lived experiences will likely differ in comparison to those who already inhabit the field. The approaches I have when it comes to tackling issues will serve as a benefit to the profession because of this very fact. I can offer a unique angle when it comes to viewing how to potentially go about moving forward with challenging situations; I offer a different kind of outlook. Society—a mesh of people who speak different tongues and have skin colors. They all deserve to be seen and heard. I believe that all industries(especially ones that have a lack of diversity) should work towards incorporating more representation. Inventions need to be created by people with the best interest of people at heart.

The sun rises and sets right under my nose. The world continues to spin in motion leaving me behind. There were days where I could get burnt out over doing nothing. I was letting all the time slip by without a care. Quarantine made everyone feel isolated. You could no longer hug a complete stranger, or even take a walk outside the same way you usually did. I no longer had a concept of time since I was cooped up inside 24/7 and didn’t have to go outside. I didn’t have a “normal” middle school graduation. It was more of a drive thru experience where I momentarily got out of the car to receive my certificate, take pictures, than be on my merry way just like any other day. I felt as though the pandemic had stolen a lot of major milestones for me, and made the world a thousand times more cruel to people who looked like me. Asian hate was at an all time high, and I was often afraid to watch the news out of fear that the face of someone I knew would be broadcasted across the screen. It is also during this time when I had a fall out with a close friend of mine. There was a big ordeal with miscommunication on both our parts. I felt like she had stood me up, and she thought I wasn’t understanding her position either. I ended up walking into high school by myself. I didn’t want to make a single new friend for a long time. Not just because Covid, which definitely made it hard to connect with people, but also because I was afraid of getting hurt again. I thought distancing myself from everyone was the best option. Yes, not surrounding yourself with people eliminates any potential for negative outcomes, but you also don’t get to experience the joys of having a support system outside of your family. I was depriving myself of a lot of fun and good memories during the beginning of my high school career. A world without people does not exist. I needed to step outside of shell and start living again. Time progressed, and I now can say that I’ve had the privilege of meeting tons of new people. Some were great, and others not so much, that’s an inevitable part of life. Initially, I tried really hard to win the favor of everyone I met, but I soon realized how unrealistic that is. Not everyone is going to like you, just like you aren’t going to like everyone you meet. There will be those who dislike you for no justifiable reason; don’t spare a second for those kind of people. Relationships are a two way street; both people need to be on the same page in order for things for work out. A friendship where you are the only one doing all the heavy lifting isn’t one worth having. In this vast world where it feels easy to be forgotten, all I really wanted was for someone to confide in, but in order for that to happen I needed to reach out to others. People aren’t mind readers; they won’t know how you’re feeling unless you openly tell them. I needed to advocate for myself better, and practice communicating. There are so many people in this world who are experiencing low points in life that will stick with them forever. Many of them will choose to go through their troubles in silence(much like I did); however, I hope they are told by at least one person that they are loved and cared for. I hope they are noticed.

“I see you. I know that you like to blend in with the crowd and go unnoticed, but know that your hard work is appreciated.” During my sophomore year, I took what was probably the most rigorous class I’ve taken throughout my time at high school. Despite this though, I don’t regret taking the course because I became a better writer in the process—someone who can now write like there’s no tomorrow and doesn’t have nearly as hard of a time citing my sources. Mr. Brown was the kind of teacher who had high expectations for you because he knew deep down that you were more capable than you realized. On the day he told me those words, I genuinely thought I was in trouble. The first thing that came to mind in the moment was “This is the end. I’ve really done it now.” However, I was pleasantly surprised to hear him praise me for my everyday efforts. He happens to be one of those people who have a pissed off resting face, even when he’s trying to be nice, which is why I initially thought negatively about the situation. I’m someone who is rather prone to self-doubt. I constantly question if I’m doing enough; if I’m good enough to achieve the goals I’ve set out for myself. Therefore, to hear that I was doing a good job just doing what I’d always done meant a lot. It also made me realize that I can be too hard on myself, and that I need to hold the quality of my own work in a higher regard. I’ll be fairly transparent. At first, I did not enjoy attending his class. The lectures were lengthy, there was heavy note taking, and rather tight deadlines for assignments. However, it is only in these strict circumstances where I got more used to handling stressful environments—an indispensable skill to have. Stress is an inevitable factor of life that only increases the only you become as the list of responsibilities you have also grows. Getting through with adversity now allows you to have an easier time in the future. To finish something that can be done today, rather than postponing it for tomorrow is what I’ve grown accustomed to striving for. Perspective—the lens in which we view the world around us. If we continuously hold a pessimistic mindset, then of course we’re not going to have a positive outcome. When I tried walking into the environment with an open mind, I found that there were times when the content I was learning was actually quite interesting. In particular, being introduced to the stories of the Holocaust survivors, or Japanese Americans who were forced to go to internment camps for years, it allowed me to make a connection between modern-day racism with the past. If we cannot learn to acknowledge our past mistakes, then we are doomed to repeat history. As a person of color who has experienced what it’s like to be discriminated against solely on my appearance, I could resonate with how these individuals felt alienated from the rest of society. People are never as they seem. We sacrifice nothing by judging them purely on the outside, without taking the time to get to know them. Our kind has gotten so used to vast amounts of negativity in this world that we can’t help but think everyone we meet has bad intentions. However, we need to understand that first impressions aren’t everything. There is good in this world in the most unexpected places, we just need to take the time to see it.

A dark, endless tunnel with only small wavering fragments of light. Depression is a lifelong battle for the hundreds if not thousands of individuals going through it. It is an invisible threat to a person’s very existence that gradually sucks out their entire being. Many of my peers—my close relatives, friends, etc. have experienced what this is like. Prioritizing your mental health is crucial to leading a healthy lifestyle, much like you’d want to maintain any other aspect of your wellness. Everyone has low points in their life—a fact that we need to start normalizing more. Having emotions is not a crime, it’s a part of being human. Generational trauma is thought to be one of the leading causes of mental illness amongst people of color. My grandmother was hurt, so she proceed to take it out on my mom, who as a result targeted her resentment towards me. To sum it up, hurt people end up hurting others. To see those who looked like me dealing with the same struggles that I was going through has made me more compelled to be an advocate for mental health. It can be hard sometimes, but I need to help my mom heal through the years of troubles she’s gone through from an early age. Everyday I spend time sitting down with her and ask her to open up about anything that’s been bothering her. I want to make up for all the times no one was there to listen to her when she needed someone to confide in. Despite the fact that my mom on the outside is a grown woman, some part of her will always be that little girl who went through those silent battles by herself. I hope by getting her accustomed to these safe spaces where she can talk freely will allow her to break away from old, toxic habits like bottling up her emotions, and practice healthier ones like letting yourself feel upset when you need to. My friends are too hard on themselves. I recently had this conversation with a friend, she was telling me about how she was bothered by what someone said to her, and proceeded to apologize immediately afterwards, claiming that she was worried about coming across as “sensitive.” I wish she wouldn’t invalidate what she’s going through. She(like many people) need to hold her own feelings to a higher standard. I want people to know that what they’re going through is valid, and that no one gets to decide otherwise. I never want my friends or anymore else to feel like they can’t tell me what’s on their mind. Even if I can’t personally relate to what they’re going through, I do know that their life is made of a collection of experiences that shape who they are today. This of course means that past events will create certain triggers in present-day that differ from my own. It is times like these where practicing empathy is key. We as humans by nature are in search of a sense of connection from those around us. In a vast world where it feels easy to be forgotten, all we really need is be noticed.

To make a dream reality one must make sacrifices. They have to take action rather than relying on wishful thinking. For the longest time, I’ve aspired to become an engineer. I live for the rush I get when problem solving. When given the choice to listen to a lecture or be in an interactive classroom, I would always pick the second option. I can think of no greater honor than spending my life dedicated to designing products that bring ease to the daily lives of people. Regardless of it’s something as large as an airplane connecting loved ones over seas, to an item as small as a microwave that warms the dinner families will enjoy after a long tiresome day. Money—the currency that keeps the world in motion. Like many people I lack the funding to pursue higher level education. In order to save as much as possible, I’d spend my summers working 30+ hours a week at a summer camp watching 9-10 year olds. A job is a commitment; it means turning down plans with friends, signing up for that extra shit even when you’re so burnt out you could pass out in the break room, and showing up 90 minutes early because the bus was your only way to get to work on time. It is for this very same reason why I made the decision to go to Early College in my Junior year. To give up the life I’d known—lunches spent eating with friends and classes with teachers I loved. I gave up the community I’d spent the last 2 years building for the unknown. A life with much promise, but just as much uncertainty. The choice to start over is quite scary, but sometimes necessary. I had to accept the fact that change is inevitable; I’d have to leave high school at some point, whether it was now or a year in the future. Just because my path was different compared to the rest of my classmates, doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. Taking a step towards the life you wish to create is the best way you can advocate for your own happiness. I’ve been attending school at my local community college for about a year now. I’m happy to say that over the course of time, I’ve grown to accustom to the new environment I’ve situated myself into. It’s still without a doubt much more stressful in comparison to high school; however, manageable with the right mindset and study strategies. Whenever I found myself dreading an upcoming assignment/or project rather than saying, “I have to do so,” I would tell myself “I get to do this.” I have to appreciate the resources I’ve been given, and acknowledge the fact that not everyone at my age is fortunate enough to get a head start of their journey through higher level education. Everything in life is hard before it can become easy. Getting through the difficult stuff right now will only help me later on. Even with the credits I’ve earned at community college, financial aid, and other part time jobs, going to a 4-year university still feels out of reach(especially considering the fact that I’ll be financial independent after graduating). My parents are in no position to spare really any extra money; they’re already struggling as it is taking care of monthly bills and other basic necessities. I can’t financially burden them anymore. This is why I’ll be immensely grateful for any support that goes my way. It’s opportunities like these that will give me the chance to move forward.

”Keep it a secret. People who know won’t want to be with you.” My greatest internalized fear had been voiced. I started to spiral. After all these years spent hiding myself away, when I finally felt brave enough to say it out loud this is the message I was given. It wasn’t a direct blow; it was more of a slow burn. At first, my loved ones tried to be accepting by saying things like “We’ll love you now matter what,” but later they used words that contradicted the initial supportive mindset that they had presented to me. I suppose when me not being straight really sunk in, they started to change their tune. They said various hurtful things about me. I believed them. I fell backwards. Even when I kept my days busy, it was hard for me to put my entire being into the work that I did. I let the negativity from my peers consume all my energy. I no longer had a concept of time anymore. I could spend hours just laying down and still feel burnt out. I felt tired just from doing nothing. I wasn’t really present in the life that was living. I was frozen in place, going along with the motions. It was as though any motivation I had to strive for anything had dissipated. Your physical and mental state go hand in hand. Both are crucial when it comes to staying healthy. Just like you would need to visit a doctor if you had a broken arm, you’d want to seek support towards improving your mental state. Whether this means taking a mental health day, confiding in a close friend, or seeking professional help, your problems are valid. Growing up in a culture that considered any discussion of mental health as taboo made it hard for me to admit that I was having a hard time. I was taught that showing emotion was a sign of weakness, that it was only acceptable when something major happens like when someone dies. This ideology made me feel the need to bottle everything up—a rather toxic strategy for dealing with your troubles. The Korean word to describe someone who is struggling with mental health might as well be a swear word. As though being a human with feelings is a crime in itself. This of course isn’t true. In fact, it’s rather commendable that someone is taking the initiative to improve their life. No one is invincible; everyone has low points in their life—something that we need to normalize more. I now understand that in order to be the best version of myself I need to treat myself better. There are people out there who are counting on me to bring my “A” game. I owe it to not just them, but myself to move forward.

The voyage towards discovery. Humans by nature are compelled to look beyond the borders of what is already known. Whether it’s through outer space from planets to supernovas, the depths of the deep blue, or even secrets on our very own planet– Earth. It is the sheer immense size of the universe that makes us speechless from pure amazement. As humans, it is our responsibility to understand how the universe works because our actions greatly impact the state of it. One person might not be able to do much, but if a mass group of thousands collectively do the same thing, we start to witness noticeable changes in our world. How we choose to go about our day sets an example for those around us to follow. A small act like putting a plastic bottle in the trash instead of recycling may seem harmless; however, the long-term effects that result are by no means nothing. Once this bottle reaches the landfill it can take eons of years to decompose. Our carbon footprint is already large enough. Adding on to it will only decrease the amount of resources our planet has to offer. Perspective—the way in which we view everything. The foundation is structured during our adolescence and only gets more difficult to alter the older we become because we’ve spent so much time curating core concepts that shape our identity. In order to spread awareness about global issues from an early age, schools need to incorporate stories and factual information about the reality of our situation. They can also encourage students to actively work towards coming up with solutions on a community level by joining school based organizations like “Green team.” The main objective of this organization is to focus on educating youth about recycling and other strategies that are used to reduce waste. People—the living beings that have been known for their many contributions throughout the great span of history(both the good and bad). In order to understand the universe we need to grasp patterns in human nature. From the lense of an Asian-American, it’s fairly evident that humans have never thought kindly of those who look different or have ideas ahead of their time. People are much too quick to pass judgment and far too slow when it comes to owning up to their wrong doings. Never choosing to do this ends up setting a legacy where following false narratives is justifiable. A future where we don’t give credit to huge contributors in history. For instance, the hundreds of people of color who contributed to the infamous moon landing, or the enslaved individuals who had to build the homes our nation’s past leaders resided in. In the process, we also fail to recognize the suffering of thousands including the Japanese Americans who were forced to go to internment camps, what it was like to have to endure segregation, and the heritage and traditions of indigenous tribes that were lost because of the wave of white settlers. In order to move forward, we must first look to our past to fully understand modern-day social issues. We can work towards breaking unjust generational norms by starting to tell history the way it was meant to be told. It is the truth that will set us free from the illusion that our universe is the definition of perfectionism.

”Keep it a secret. People who know won’t want to be with you.” My greatest internalized fear had been voiced. I started to spiral. After all these years spent hiding myself away, when I finally felt brave enough to say it out loud this is the message I was given. It wasn’t a direct blow; it was more of a slow burn. At first, my loved ones tried to be accepting by saying things like “We’ll love you now matter what,” but later they used words that contradicted the initial supportive mindset that they had presented to me. I suppose when me not being heterosexual really sunk in, they started to change their tune. They said various hurtful things about me. I believed them. I fell backwards. Even when I kept my days busy, it was hard for me to put my entire being into the work that I did. I let the negativity from my peers consume all my energy. I no longer had a concept of time anymore. I could spend hours just laying down and still feel burnt out. I wasn’t really present in the life that was living. I was frozen in place, going along with the motions as the rest of the universe kept going. Your physical and mental state go hand in hand. Both are crucial when it comes to staying healthy. Just like you would need to visit a doctor if you had a broken arm, you’d want to seek support towards improving your mental state. Whether this means taking a mental health day, confiding in a close friend, or seeking professional help, your problems are valid. Growing up in a culture that considered any discussion of mental health as taboo made it hard for me to admit that I was having a hard time. The Korean word to describe someone who is struggling with mental health might as well be a swear word. As though being a human with feelings is a crime in itself. This of course isn’t true. In fact, it’s rather commendable that someone is taking the initiative to improve their life. No one is invincible; everyone has low points in their life—something that we need to normalize more. I now understand that in order to be the best version of myself I need to treat myself better. There are people out there who are counting on me to bring my “A” game. I owe it to not just them, but myself to move forward

"You can't become an engineer. Women don't belong in that industry." For the longest time, people have doubted my capabilities. They felt that they had the right to decide how much I could accomplish. My teachers questioned whether I could comprehend the English language fluently simply because of my appearance, rather than solid evidence that proved this self-made theory. The fact that I often re-framed from talking, and kept to myself fed the false narrative that they created, when in reality I was just a really shy kid. I didn't feel recognized by the educational system. It was structured for the sole purpose of serving the vast majority—Caucasian students. Assuming that every child has the exact same background, and learning abilities makes those who don’t follow this “cookie cutter” model feel isolated. Going to school felt like entering a zoo where I was the main attraction. Everyday I was scrutinized by my classmates as if I was some kind of strange spectacle. I felt envious of my peers who didn’t have a hard time finding a seat at lunch because people were afraid to sit next to them, or experience microaggressions like “Where are you really from?” Or “What are your eyes so small?” How could I enjoy, much less focus on what I was learning in school when there were so many factors preventing me from doing so. It’s not going to get any easier. A future full of more adversity only awaits me. Within the field of engineering my male classmates and/or colleagues will brush me aside simply because of the fact that I’m a woman. There will be times where I feel as though I’m not being given the same recognition for team projects as my male counterparts. Despite this though, I don’t want to quit because it’s not easy. I don’t want to give up the indescribable rush I get when I engage in problem solving, or the desire to create products that bring ease to human kind. Being able to find success in this industry will hopefully inspire the next generation of women to pursue careers in STEM as well. I strive to show them that it is possible to break into a field that wasn’t systemically made for you. However, how can I even get a chance to prove myself if I can’t even afford to be in the same room as other engineering students? Even if I sell both of my kidneys, I doubt I’d be able to cover even half the cost of college. To make matters more difficult, I’ll be financially independent when it comes to funding my journey towards higher level education. It’s for this reason why I’ll be eternally grateful for any support that comes my way. Even the smallest of things gradually accumulate into something much larger. In my case, the opportunity to build the life I want to live.

A spot reserved just for them. The hustlers–single mothers, student teachers, and countless others make up the vast population of those struggling to get by. In this vast world where it feels so easy to be forgotten, they all deserve a helping hand; a reminder that someone is looking out for them. To the woman on the Trimet, who had to direct her attention in three completely different directions–the bus driver, so she could pay for her ticket, her energetic toddler who could slip by her any moment, and the heavy stroller in her hands. You deserve to give yourself more credit for all that you do. Just as August Pullman once said “Everyone in life deserves a standing ovation” especially yourself for every silent battle you’d had to endure in this world. On this particular day, all the seats were full. You frantically searched the scene for a spot. I get out of my seat, lift up the chair across from me, so you can rest your stroller there, and am about to head towards the back. You try to stop me saying that there’s really no need, even though the words “stress” might as well be written across your face. People can be so adamant about doing everything themselves that they forget that they don’t have to be alone in order to be independent. There’s nothing wrong with accepting help once in a while. I remember the way your mouth curled up into a smile when you finally accepted my gesture and said “Thank you.” The way your eyes squinted, and how your whole being expressed gratitude as though I’d just given you the best thing on Earth. She looked as though I had just lifted a massive weight off her shoulders. As I walked back to my seat, I saw her exhale in relief and immediately felt myself do the same. I’m at ease knowing that I was able to make her day just a tiny bit easier. For the rest of the bus ride, her silhouette was in the periphery of my vision. Her guard is up the entire time. She subconsciously squishes against her toddler whenever an unknown bus passenger gets on. As though she’s trying to protect him from the many dangers that inhabit this world. Immediately, I think back to my own mother. How hard it must have been for her to take care of me. After all, it was her first time being a person, and suddenly out of nowhere she had to take care of another human being. There’s no hand book that gives you a step by step guide on handling every unprecedented situation. Most of what you learn is self-taught. Mothers don’t have the luxury of holding onto someone’s hand through every difficult aspect of life. The sudden rush of responsibilities that are thrown at them make them question if they’ll ever get a moment of peace in their hectic, bustling lives. I hope to a certain degree that seat will symbolize a moment of peace for her.

Thump, thump, thump. The indescribable exhilaration you get the closer you inch towards the solution. After tolling away for hours, you’re finally able to marvel at your handy-work. Despite the stress and frustration that goes into problem solving, I live for the feeling I get whenever I reach the end of a project. The moments where I literally wanted to eject myself into outer space, or rip out my hair dissipate from my mind completely the second I get to hold what I’ve just created. It’s amazing how I got to be a part of the creation of something that didn’t always exist. Yes, in a sense the projects I work on are like my “children.” They’re the fruition of all the love and effort I put into them. I remember all the products I’ve had the privilege of working on. In particular, this digital alarm clock that I completed with a fellow classmate of mine. The crevices of the clock parts brush against my skin as I position them into place. The cold, metallic screwdriver in my hand follows my lead as I use it to twist in every screw. The smell of combustion against copper wafts into the air when I solder the back of the wires into the board. I can still distinctly remember the voice of my partner as we struggled to go about assembling this digital alarm clock. My 5 senses are at an all time high. Everything I’ve done is ingrained into me. I want to dedicate my life towards creating products that serve a purpose. Whether it’s something as small as an alarm clock to as large as an aircraft, I want anything I create to be used to aid the lives of people. It’s all a learning experience. You’re not just gathering information that is valuable for today, but for the future as well. Whether it’s from the mistakes that you make, guidance you receive from your teammates, or even from realizations you learn about from yourself. Engineering is an art that tests the boundaries of what is known. It throws one challenge after another straight for you; you have to constantly think on your feet, and take safety precautions not just for yourself and your team, but for the sake of those who will use your invention. After all, who would want to purchase something that didn’t undergo proper background checks? Why would they wish to use an item that was made poorly? You are the reflection of what you create. Therefore, you have to put your full heart and mind into whatever you do; otherwise, others will be able to point out careless flaws easily. I’m passionate about this field of study because it’s constantly pushing me to become a better person. I wish to become the change I want to see. For too long, engineering has been seen as a predominantly male profession. It’s facts like these that discourage women from pursuing careers in STEM. They feel intimidated just like I once was. When I began to notice the number of my female classmates in my engineering classes decreased as time progressed, I started to feel so out of my element. However, living a life where you follow the path everyone else takes is no way to live. It’s not going to be easy; I’ll likely face gender discrimination, be underestimated by my male peers, among other things, but it is very much possible to break into an industry that wasn’t systemically made for you. That’s the message I want to get across for the next generation of women.

I don’t want to float. Going with the flow and letting the universe decide my fate is the last thing I want. I’m the kind of person who needs their feet rooted to the ground; I thrive on structure. For me this means striving for 3 things–prioritizing family, stability, and a strong sense of self. A three bedroom townhouse securely planted on a hill encompasses my family–6 people under one roof. You can always count the house to be filled to the brim with noise, warmth, and an epic amount of food! As a child of Asian parents, family was always a value prefaced before all else. This of course meant more than just physically being present. It means lending an ear to listen, using the last of your pocket money to buy ginger when one of us is sick, and giving your kids the biggest piece of meat, even if there’s barely anything left on yours anymore. Family doesn’t have to verbally say “I love you” to show how much they care about you. My family is my support system; they’ve done so much for me; I’m everything I am because of them. My life is already so great with them in it, and it can only get better if they continue to be a part of it. Stability. It can refer to anything from mental, physical, to financial security. In order to live a well-rounded life one has to prioritize not just your health, but also contributing factors that affect it. The older we get, the more we begin to realize that the world runs on money. Without it people are incapable of obtaining basic necessities like food, water, a home, etc. For basically every human being, in order to establish financial security you have to build a successful career, which requires funding(something I lack). My parents already have enough on their plate, managing monthly bills and other important needs. Therefore, for the most part I’ll have to pay for college on my own. I’ve saved money from past part-time jobs over the years, and plan to get a new job once I start university. However, even with financial aid, it’s going to be a struggle. If possible, I’d also like to avoid applying for a hefty amount of student loans. I fear that I’ll be stuck in this finite loop of living paycheck to paycheck just to pay off debt. Any kind of support would put me closer towards my goal–becoming a licensed Mechanical engineer who can provide for my family. All kinds of emergencies can arise in the most unexpected moments. If one does occur, I don’t ever want them to ever hesitate going to the hospital out of fear that they can’t afford the cost. Don’t be a follower. Listen to the advice others give you, but with a grain of salt. Keep in mind that the methods they used were curated for them; even if you do the exact same thing as they did, things aren’t guaranteed to work out for you. At the end of the day, only you can be the one to forge a pathway to success. You also don’t want to be out of touch with your inner self. Your life is too short and precious to be spent living as a copy of someone else. Yes, it’s good to surround yourself with friends, but they can’t be the center of your whole world. You have to keep in mind that people come and go. The only person who’s always going to be there for you is yourself.

Circles. After 2 weeks of labor, I finally got to witness the glorious final product–a digital alarm clock that can flicker in a circular motion. Many people probably wouldn’t consider this that big of a deal. After all, it’s just a clock right? No! It’s so much more than that. It represents the countless lunch periods spent glued to my seat soldering each and every single wire, the moments where I was so frustrated I literally wanted to eject myself into outer space, and most importantly a symbol of effective teamwork. This alarm clock wouldn’t exist if not for the attentiveness of me and my teammate. This clock in a sense is our “baby” that we’ve brought into the world. Suddenly, I have a groundbreaking epiphany–hundreds of inventions that we use every single day were only possible because of the adversity engineers had to overcome. I have a love-hate relationship with engineering. There have been many times when I wanted to quit. During those moments I think about this quote–”Do you feel stupid? Good. That means you’re in the right place.” Yes, it may be stressful right now, but everything in life is hard before it can become easy. If everything came naturally you would have no opportunity to grow and learn as a person. The greater the challenge, the more likely you are to find an equally rewarding discovery. Even if you aren’t welcomed with fanfare and confetti at the end for accomplishing the task, you can at the very least say to yourself “Hey, I did that. I am capable of doing hard things; no one else did that for me,” which is a major boost to your self-confidence. It serves as a reminder whenever you feel like throwing in the towel, that someone who overcame those struggles wouldn’t stop. No. They would move forward. It is lessons like these that make me want to stick with the profession. People–the foundation of a society. You get the privilege of working with a lot of individuals when you’re tasked with any project. Engineering is by no means a solitary art. It is one that is done collectively among the presence of many minds who all bring different thoughts, ideas, and perspectives to the table. We alone cannot handle everything by ourselves. At some point we’re going to get stuck, and we’ll need someone else to pull us out. From our peers we can grasp valuable information that we’ll use not just for today, but in the future as well. Our scope of the world broadens, and we become a little less fixated on our old methods of solving problems. I don’t know everything. I doubt I’ll be able to discover even half of the knowledge that this world has to offer. However, I can become just a little bit wiser by conversing with the person right next to me. Even though I know that I aspire to pursue a career in Mechanical engineering, I’m not completely certain exactly what I want to do. The future is uncertain and change is inevitable. However, I can say with full certainty that whether I decide to design trucks that can drive for hundreds of miles across the U.S., or airplanes that soar through the sky, I want the work that I do to bring ease to the lives of people.

In a crowd of blonde I am a drop of black ink; amidst an ocean of blue pupils I am the outlier. Like a vast majority of Asian-Americans I grew up in a predominantly Caucasian community. There were times where I felt that I had to act invisible. The mere fact that I looked different was enough to jeopardize my safety(especially during the pandemic when Asian hate was at an all time high). I was constantly worried about my close relatives and friends. I feared that the next time I watched the news I would see one of their faces, and that they would become one of the many victims of hate crimes across the U.S. It took a long time for me to be comfortable enough to even go on a walk by myself; I would often default to staying within the walls of my little "hobbit hole(my room)." Eventually though, I grew to realize that I wasn't happy with the way things were. I let fear dictate my very existence, and that is no way to live. Even though I couldn't control the actions of others, I still had the power to make my own choices. I could decide to move forward. My parents were by no means well-off, but they could afford the basic necessities for me and my younger brother--a home, food, etc. They would always encourage me to be frugal with the resources I had. Whether this was by encouraging me to save all my pocket money, eating every single grain of rice on my plate, or even saving old homework sheets to use as scrap paper. They would rather wrap themselves around in a gazillion blankets, than turn on the heater. Drive around in circles to find a free parking space, or squeeze every last bit of toothpaste from the bottle. At restaurants they were the ones who chose to eat less, so their kids could to their heart's content. I am everything I am because of my parents. My identity would feel incomplete if I didn't take the time to introduce them. They taught me how to express gratitude for every single thing that comes my way. During moments when I felt envious of the privileges that some of my classmates had like being gifted a car the moment they turned 16, to spending hundreds of dollars on clothes, I would take a minute to stop and reflect. Yes, while being given whatever you want sounds great, there is actually a huge downside to this. These individuals are less likely to work for anything. They see no reason to aim for something that will easily be given to them. It's unlikely that they will experience the immense gratification that comes with accomplishing a feat solely based on their own ability. It goes without saying that a person is less likely to take the things that they earned for granted. It is cases like these where Vincent van Gogh's words "What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything" hold great relevance. Without a will to try, people are incapable of building a sense of purpose in life. Becoming a licensed engineer would not only bring immense joy to myself, but it would also fulfill the dreams that my father had when he was younger. When my dad was around my age he wanted to pursue electrical engineering. He's an incredibly bright individual; however, due to an unfortunate turn of events he wasn't able to accomplish this well-desired goal. My grandmother at the time became unwell, which of course took a toll on my father. After all, how could he focus on school when his own mother was suffering so much? To make matters worse, the medical bills from my grandmother's surgery escalated the situation by increasing their need for money. My dad needed to find a way to make money right away; he didn’t have the luxury to build a career that was eventually going to provide him with stability. So in the end, he gave up on his dreams before he was even 20 years old. I hope to finish what my dad started, so he can live his dreams through me. I don’t do this because I feel pressured to continue his legacy, but simply because I share the same career aspirations as he once did. I've always been drawn to solving complex problems. I live for the rush I get when I work towards a possible solution. Even though it's really frustrating when things don't work out, it only pushes me to persist until I've accomplished what I've set out to do. Even the smallest of projects give my day a sense of meaning. Every waking moment I have is spent thinking about different approaches to go about the issue at hand. In my head, I visualize anything from led wires to resistors, and rearrange them how I see fit. This may sound strange, but problem solving gives me a sense of control. It serves as a reminder that even though I alone am incapable of solving world issues, I can at least fix this one clock, robot, etc. that's right in front of me. Engineering for the longest time has been thought of as a predominantly male profession. I'd like to take part in putting an end to the gender gap. I want the next generation of women to know that the opportunities are limitless, by showing them that it's possible to break into an industry that wasn't systemically made for you.To be fully transparent, I haven't fully decided what kind of impact I want to leave on this Earth. I do know that whether I end up designing HVAC systems that provide warmth to homes, or something as big as an entirely new kind of transportation, I want to dedicate my existence to creating products that bring ease to the daily lives of people.

Crowded bodies clump together in one place. One woman looks around frantically and rushes onto the bus. A small child no younger than 5 accompanies her as she pushes along a stroller. No seats are available. Exhaustion hangs over her entire being, yet she still manages to express a wide smile to the fellow passengers around her. Unfortunately, no one seems to return the gesture. They follow the unspoken rule that comes with riding on the public transit-- "Keep your head down until you get off." In this bustling society, no one feels compelled to spare even the slightest energy on someone they don't know. They don't care enough to pay attention. As I observe her, I think back to my own mother, and how much she must have struggled having to travel around with her own daughter, who was once incapable of fending for herself. If she had been in this exact same situation, I would have been enraged if no one stepped up for her sake. So I stand up, and help her get situated on the bus. I'm so engrossed in the process that I fail to even make decent eye contact with them. However, when I finally stared face to face with this woman, I was greeted with an incredibly kind expression. Her eyes soften, and the corners of her smile reach her eyes. As though she was trying to convey her utmost gratitude with her entire body. It's true what they say about smiles being contagious because I couldn't help but give her one right back, though I doubt mine was nearly as bright as her own. Initially, their response had me frozen for a long moment. It surprised me as to how, such a small gesture could be so moving to someone. Something this simple should be a given that's expected when someone appears to be in need. After ensuring that she and her child were in a secure position, I face the back and am about to make my way to a different seat, so she can sit next to her stroller. Yet she tries to stop me by saying, "There's really no need, feel free to stay seated." The idea of me imposing on her in really any way frightened this woman so much that she would much rather stand than have someone give up their seat. Even if her knees shook out of fatigue, and her child appeared to be on the verge of slipping away, if they didn't sit down. I was so touched by the fact that she put my needs before her own. It's a rare sight; most people would only think of themselves. It made me wonder how often this woman had to make herself smaller for someone else's sake. While this is a commonality within every journey through motherhood, there's nothing wrong with leaning upon your peers. Mothers often have to make sacrifices for their children(my mom included). Whether it be working extra shifts, driving in the middle of the night to buy medicine, or berating someone who's harming your child, everything they do holds a great significance. While I couldn't shield this person from all the future hardships they were about to encounter, I wanted to at the very least make sure she could get home with ease.

My name is Jennie and I'm a female, first-generation Asian American. I've lived in the state of Oregon my entire life and consider myself to be a committed citizen of my country. Despite this though, throughout the entire course of my life my peers have made comments that invalidate my feelings on what it means to be an American. From their perspective to be considered an American you have to be fair-skinned, be blue-eyed, and possess blond hair. I was born with none of these qualities; thus, I am deemed as a lesser version of what is perceived as the ideal American. My brown eyes, darker pigmented skin, and ink-colored hair in contrast to the sea of blue-eyed society I live in labels me as an outcast. I am not worth the same or treated as equally as my white counterparts. I can be the epitome of every single meritable attribute there is to offer in this world, but people would still see me as a "remarkable Asian American", not just a remarkable person. I am forever tied to my culture and racial background, a factor that holds a massive part of my overall identity, which I'm incredibly proud of; yet, at the same time, I wish to be seen as more than just that. I want to be recognized by my peers beyond just my race and appearance; I want to be seen for who I am on the inside. It can be conflicting at times, on one hand, I want people to acknowledge me as an Asian American to showcase cultural representation, but at the same time I don't want people to do so all the time. I'm grateful that in the present day, the AAPI community is being appreciated in mainstream media not just in America, but on a global scale, but I fear that a larger audience will lead to more opportunities for misrepresentation and cultural misappropriation. Some commit thievery by stealing another person's cultural heritage and altering it into a version that's entirely their own. What gives them the right to take something that was never there to begin with? They hear about something that is beginning to be populated on a wider scale and want to be a part of it. Which is of course a wonderful thing down to its core. However, if their idea of being a part of something is making it solely theirs, then they're disrespecting every single person who identifies as a member of the AAPI community. The AAPI community did not spend all of this time being ignored and outside of the public eye to have it all taken away from them. They had to fight for what should have been there's to begin with. Their efforts to be seen and heard by society will not be in vain, nor will they go down the drain just because a small fraction of society wants to suppress their voices with their own. AAPI youth have never been able to take their future into their own hands because there are more hurdles that they have to overcome in comparison to white/ and or Caucasian youth. Winning this scholarship, and having this opportunity would help me seize my future(something I hope every American youth gets to experience, regardless of race). It'll not only help me pay for higher level education, but it'll also be the first stepping stone necessary for me to achieve footing in a field that is under-represented in both women and minorities--Civil Engineering. Stepping foot into this career pathway will help me represent the AAPI youth and women.

Throughout the entire course of my life music has been a source of therapeutic comfort during difficult times. It allows me to bend my current state of reality by traveling to a safe place that only I'm aware of. Music soothes the broken fragments of a soul that was believed to be irreparable. BTS is the reason why I feel whole again. For those who aren't as well versed in K-pop, BTS is a mere word that's been thrown around countless times. It's one that they've likely dismissed without further consideration and thought. However, to me, the word holds much more significance than that. It envelopes the sheer willpower constantly being displayed by seven incredible human beings who are passionate and dedicated to their craft. Their example inspires me to become the best possible version of myself. Unlike BTS I don't have the means to shape the beliefs of a global audience, I'm not a figurehead of the next generation of AAPI youth, or as musically inclined. I will never become anything like them during my entire existence on this strange spinny rock called Earth. However, I will see to it that I at the very least become a person who benefits in small doses. I will choose to use my words for kindness rather than hate, aid those who need assistance, and most importantly, learn to love myself and those around me. In a great majority of songs that BTS has released the concept of "loving yourself" is one of the tallest hurdles many of us have to come. Being able to achieve a state of mind that's free from societal judgment, self-doubt, and exceedingly high expectations feels almost impossible in the world we live in today. Even BTS themselves have struggled with mental health, feeling like they're good enough, and dealing with widespread criticism after gaining a large fanbase. The reason for this is no amount of love and affection can erase the wounds gained from hurtful actions and words from others. Those words will continue to grow alongside us as time goes by, no matter how old we become. We as humans have a terrible habit of dialing the emotions we felt from the worst moment in our lives. It's an unescapable fate of our humanity. So where do we go from here, how can we change the way things are right now? Well, we can start by accepting the fact that mental health is a present factor in every person's life; it's just as important as one's physical health. BTS has been a major part of paving the way to global mental awareness by openly expressing their beliefs and personal journeys with mental health. They acknowledge that mental health is a lifelong component of an individual's life that can't automatically be fixed in an instant. It by no means is static and will continue to fluctuate as one progresses through changes. In summary, my devotion and admiration for BTS stem from the wonderful people who possess such beautiful voices, the fact that they are a form of global AAPI representation, and their deeply respected goal to spread love and positivity around the world( especially within younger generations of humanity).