My mother, Debbi, was a feisty and unique individual. Though she was extremely flawed, I loved her more than life itself. Her father died when she was one year old, and she was partially raised by a stepfather. She gave birth to me when she was sixteen years old. To say that she grew up fast would be an understatement. In retrospect, this was for the better. She spent the last eight years of her life battling breast cancer. She fought and won her first three bouts with the ugly disease, and ultimately lost after being stage four for a year within her fourth bout. She was forty-six years old when she passed. This event was one of the most defining of all things that I've experienced.
To be frank, this says quite a bit. I am thirty-seven years old. I have experienced being raised by young, divorced, and extremely poor parents, was ostracized by student peers because of my looks, consistently being new in areas, and less than desirable social status. I have served the US Air Force, I have sacrificed my dreams and career for the family I started, been a victim of identity fraud on more than one occasion, supported a spouse that came back from overseas with PTSD for years, I have lost two grandparents, a cousin, and an uncle, experienced a divorce, and had medical issues that led to a LEEP procedure, uterine ablation, and then a hysterectomy at the age of twenty-nine. I could write another article to continue this list, but my point is adversity and transition has been my life since day one. My mother was the only component in my life that was consistent, for better or worse, consistent. The day she passed changed me. It was actually a few days after my birthday. It was a Tuesday, and I was dropping my three children off at school and heading to work when I got a call from hospice. When I think about it, I can still feel her cold and soft forehead on my lips from when I kissed her goodbye before she was escorted away to the crematory. Losing her was one of the hardest things I've ever overcome. I was devastated and nearly in denial when it happened. For months, I would get off work, drive down the street and pull into my mother's driveway. It would take me a few minutes to realize she wasn't there, and I would cry.
It took me several more months to come to terms with her departure, but her life and her passing taught me several things. I watched her relentlessly fight, day in and day out, maintaining an optimistic and obstinate attitude. When she passed, it made me realize that time is a gift; one that is worth fighting for. Of all the resources we have, it is one of only a few that we cannot get back once spent. Her passing put my life into perspective. It became explicitly clear to me that my life was not what I wanted it to be. I was not what I wanted to be. The world was not what I wanted it to be.
Generally speaking, I've been the peacekeeper within my work, extremely small social circle, and family. After my mother's passing, I began fighting for my time. I no longer let others take advantage of my kindness and started to make moves for myself. I created boundaries I never knew I needed. I too have always been a fighter, but after this event, my life became clearer to me. I looked at my family tree and realized over a third of the women get breast cancer, and there have been a few that have passed from this. My mother passing at such a young age made me realize that I needed to change my life. I realized that I may not have much time on this earth either. How do you want to spend your last ten years, Jeana? Since my mother's passing, I have fought for finding myself. I have spent time reflecting and realizing who I am and what is important to me. I have spent my life bettering myself, focusing on my children and career, and have been helping and taking care of others. Overall, the death of my mother sharpened my perspective and encouraged me to fight for what I want and who I am. I want to sit on my deathbed knowing that I did the things that mattered, I was the best version of who I was meant to be and made an impact on the world around me for the better. To this day, I still and always will remember this lesson and use it to fight within my war against time.