My name is Jazzlyn Jolie Mancinas and I am a neurodivergent senior student raised by a single working class father. My mother passed away when I was three years old, leaving only my dad to care for me. Because of her passing, I developed depression and anxiety at an early age. Suffering a tragedy as such was difficult for me to overcome, especially when the tragedy struck when I was still a toddler and incapable of comprehending why death was a thing. For an entire decade of my life, I was stereotyped as an ill-tempered child and incorrectly diagnosed by my school’s therapists with bipolar disorder and anger issues. A few months after turning ten years old, my dad was finally able to receive benefits for me to visit an actual psychiatrist. I was then finally correctly diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, depression, and severe anxiety. I received medication for my ADHD and depression, but the depression pills, no matter the dosage, never helped. It was left at that and I’ve just been dealing with it on my own. I was never really able to go out with my friends, only exceptions were through Girl Scouts, but since my dad was so busy picking up extra side jobs to support both of us, he hardly ever had the time to spend with me. I would spend countless hours in my room playing imagination with my toys, writing stories, and studying for school. My elementary teachers hardly helped me with my work, almost always giving up on trying to educate me. I wasn’t understood. Taking time alone in my room was depressing because I didn’t have anyone to communicate with, but it has also heavily benefitted me and my passions to this day. I love to write stories and music, and I feel like I couldn’t have gotten to this level without the hours I would spend with my imagination. I’d love to become an actress or a singer, as I love to perform in front of audiences big and small, but I understand that it is difficult to get into the entertainment industry without any connections. Therefore, I’d like to be an author or a screenplay writer and share either my stories or stories involving people from minorities who have struggled just as much as I have. I see that not many people are informed about neurodivergent disabilities, which is why I would like to use my career as a way to bring awareness to our society and inspiration to those who are considered as minorities or disabled. I overcame my disadvantages with my mental disabilities by going through years' worth of therapy. I take medications and I practice therapeutic practices that help me control my own emotions and actions. I went from the little girl being bullied to a young woman who strives in her education field and is finally being recognized for her academic accomplishments. It took way too long for people to notice my hard work and I’d like to change that so others don’t experience what I’ve gone through.

Anyone who struggles with ADHD, ODD, Anxiety, and Depression knows how hard it is to stay focused and on the right path. Unfortunately, I struggle with all of the ones I named. I've taken so many medications in the past, jumping around from one therapist to another, and continue to take daily pills just to help me function and concentrate in school. When in doubt, no matter the situation, you can always turn to art for guidance. I've been in so many free art classes, starting since kindergarten. Art classes, music classes, choir, theater, dance, etc, I've done it all. All of these keep me from derailing. There is no limit to art. There's no right or wrong with art. In a world where I've been told that I'm not right for being the way that I am and for being different, I found comfort in being able to draw and paint my thoughts, emotions, and stories without having to be judged for being weird. I guess, with what I've said already, maybe it's easy to tell that my favorite form of art is surrealism. My favorite medium to use, though, is black and silver pens. I go all in, no erasing and planning. I like seeing my art in black, white, and gray because you can tell the major contrast of the white being space, and the black being the full areas, making it a symbol of my own life as the black represents the parts of my life that are full of achievements and struggles, and the white symbolizing the emptiness that is waiting to be filled. I usually get my art materials from backpack drives that the school and the other schools in my community hold; getting notebooks and artbooks from teachers who have spares. I was raised by a single hardworking Latino father. My mom passed away when I was 3 years old, triggering the years' worth of depression that my father and I faced all alone. He can't afford his therapy (we're hardly even considered at the lowest level of the middle class), but he was able to cut a few corners in order to help me receive medical treatment for my mental illnesses/disabilities and therapy sessions. He dropped his career of wanting to be a music producer and artist, sacrificing his own dreams to raise me and help me make my own dreams. He pushes me to be successful with my education, not wanting me to follow in his footsteps of barely making ends meet. Although sunflowers are a symbol for people who struggle with hidden disabilities, I like to think that I'd be an orchid. Peculiar, yet full of life and fulfilling. Regardless of my struggles that people may or may not know of, I haven't given up in life. I came close to it once, but I let art guide me out of the depressing trance of helplessness that I had been drowning in for years. I'm so grateful to be alive to this day, watching myself bloom despite what differences are chained to me from others.

I value my education just as much as a toddler values her binky; my education and the support I receive from my instructors have saved my life. I was born to two Latino parents who graduated high school but did not finish college, both dropping out to raise money to build a family. It was okay for them for the time being, together they made enough to get by, even if it meant having to live at my grandma's house with me. Unfortunately, when I was 3 years old, my mom passed away in a car accident on a freeway while she was on her way to pick up my grandma from her custodian job at the hospital. My whole world shifted, as someone so young should never have to experience a tragedy. My dad fell apart. We started cutting edges on spending, hardly getting by even with the help of my grandparents. My dad had to take on multiple jobs, ranging from afterschool coordinator to construction worker. He sacrificed his happiness and health; it had only been a little over 3 years since he had a life-changing surgery on his spinal cord. When he was incapable of doing construction work anymore, he had to pick up a side job making shirt designs. His dream was to be a music producer and had been working up to it when my mom was alive, even planning on going back to college to graduate, but after her death, he had to take full responsibility for raising me. I struggled with depression because of her death, getting years' worth of nightmares and panic attacks. It didn't get any better when I started elementary. I would get bullied in school for not having a mom, for crying too much, and for being overly emotional. Then came school therapy. Everyone believed that I had anger issues and behavioral problems, so I went over 10 years of being misdiagnosed with anything that they were able to excuse my behavior with. It turned out I ended up having ADHD and ODD. After word got out that I was going to therapy and taking medicines to "function" clearly, I was humiliated even more and my peers made me feel alienated. I was also blamed for things that I never did, but since my teachers viewed me as a troubled student, I wouldn't be believed. I didn't want to be around anymore by the time 6th grade came around. But 6th grade was also the year my teachers started noticing my talent and hardworking mentality in school, regardless of falling into depression. With my dad always working and dealing with his own depression and stuff, we hardly spent any time together, but when we did, he taught me how to study. I would read and study for hours in my room because of the lack of technology that we couldn't afford. I was then offered many opportunities for honors and advanced classes, recommended by my teachers. I confided in my teachers with my personal stories and even found them to be either mother figures for me or father figures when my dad didn't have the time to listen to me. To this day, this continues and I'm grateful to still be alive and see how much I accomplished with the faith of my compassionate and empathetic teachers. Therapy has also helped me. Because of all of these contributing factors, I'm now top 20 in my school, I take extra college classes, earned student of the month, and got accepted into Cal State San Marcos and Fullerton.

When I was three years old, I lost my birthmom in a car accident on a freeway. It shook many people's lives, as she had many friends from her years in school and also through church. It shook the lives of our family members, who adored her, and of course my father. I don't think anyone was affected the way that I was, though. A mother is supposed to guide us girls through womanhood, shape us into the women that we grow to be. From things such as menstrual cycles, hygiene, and boy crushes, a mom is supposed to be there for her. Unfortunately, that was stripped away from me before I was even able to completely process her death or understand what death was. My grandmother said that after her death, I threw one of her portraits across the room as I threw a tantrum because I believe that she had wanted to leave me. I had believed that she left me and wasn't going to come back. That wasn't true of course, not fully, because she didn't have a choice at all in her death. In addition to my struggles with ADHD, I struggled feeling connected to my family for the longest time. I didn't feel like my other peers, who had moms. I would cry constantly, feeling left out from that experience the other girls at school had. Their moms would comb their hair into high ponytails and pick out their outfits; my dad had to learn how to do that for me. As much as I am grateful for my father and my stepmom, my childhood was definitely not the same as my peers around me. I longed for my mom to come back, but that was and still is impossible. I grew up struggling with depression while being diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. I felt like I just didn't belong. My dad also doesn't talk much about my mom, so I feel like I lost an even bigger connection with her because I don't know much about her life other than she was a faithful Christian who loved to teach in pre-k as a Teacher's Assistant. She was still going to school to be able to become a teacher. I don't even think I know her favorite color. Everyone in my family says I look like her, but I think that they're just reaching at that point. I have very few pictures of her, as my dad still has the rest stored somewhere, and I don't see much other than our face shape and smile. Sometimes I still cry at night before falling asleep thinking about how different and mentally healthy I could have been had she still been with us. I feel selfish doing so, though, because then I wouldn't have made the friends that I have, I wouldn't have had my stepmom, and I wouldn't have had my brother either. I've received therapy to cope with my depression and was able to stop medical treatment as the years went by and the depression slowly faded. Obviously, it still lingers, but I'm happy to say that I'm definitely mentally healthier than how I was growing up.

I've been a Billie Eilish fan since 2018. My friend at the time introduced me to her, the first song I heard was idontwannabeyouanymore. At the time, I was going through a hard time and listening to Billie Eilish got be through so much. I'd like to pick all of her songs, really, but if I had to chose 3, I'd choose TV, my future, and Bored. TV from her 2022 Guitar Songs album is my first pick. This one resonates with me on a deep level with relationships and how I feel in the eyes of others. When I say relationships, I mean not only lovers, but friends and family members. As someone who has severe ADHD and has trouble communicating her feelings, I tend to trauma dump after a while without realizing it. I have lost 2 friends in the past month, actually, very close friends of mine, because they say that I trauma dump harshly out of no where. I bottle up my emotions for long periods of times and when it finally gets to me, I turn to my friends because they've never seemed to have a problem with it. That's on me, as my friends should never serve as therapists for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the problem in their eyes. This goes the same to my family members, except I feel like they look at me like I'm the black sheep because I make continuous mistakes over small things. I feel like I'm often never enough for them, no matter how hard I try. I've even struggled with an ED because of how much stress I went through trying to prove my worth to my family, fake friends, and toxic ex boyfriends. Billie's "my future" that was released 2020 has been one of my top favorites, but it recently created a deeper meaning for me. During my Sophomore year, I was in a highly toxic relationship with a guy who constantly manipulated me in ways that still make my heart wrench to this day just remembering... these would range through forceful behaviors and lovebombings. I tried convincing myself that it was normal for a relationship to work like ours, but I knew deep down that it was not right. My ED actually became more active after this relationship. Eventually, I got the confidence to finally break myself from him. I'd receive messages such as I would never be anyone without him and so forth; I wouldn't be anyone because I'd be lonely. Breaking it off with him was hard, but it has led me to the recovery that I am still making today and I'm happy to say that I'm so much more healthier now than I was then. Lastly, Bored from 2017 would be connected to a fake friend I had. In 6th grade, the same friend that introduced me to Billie's songs, was very manipulative in the friendship. She'd threaten her own life if I ever left her or if I ever told a trusted adult about her suicidal thoughts. I was usually put in tough positions and going through this as a 11 to 12 year old was not healthy at all. I never wanted to lose her, but she continuously used me to get away with things and to hide notes in which she wrote suicidal things in so she wouldn't get caught. She'd shame me for everything. I did what was right after a while and she left me, spreading lies about me through the school. I went to therapy for a while after.

As someone who has severe ADHD and struggles to communicate her feelings and thoughts, writing has always been a safe space for me to be able to spill it all out. Whether it was through writing short books (fed from my obsessions with writers such as J.K. Rowling, Rick Riordan, and Stephen King) about fictional worlds, my own small autobiographies to hopefully be able to show the world what it was like growing up with ADHD, or my own songs, writing has never failed me. It's never hard for me to write about my feelings or thoughts out and I find it to be my most best form of communication. My therapists, family, and teachers all agree that when I write, I really connect people as one would in a strong conversation. With songs, I write a variety of genres and topics, most of them being about breakups, but it's art nonetheless. Writing helps me calm my mind down when it's going 1,000 miles per hour because I can either type or write everything out until I'm all out of writing juice in my fingertips and brain. I like to describe it as a therapeutic coping mechanism. Sure, writing isn't for everyone, but it really does connect a large intended audience. Unfortunately, there are times in which I suffer from writers block, but then I look at the nearest object near me and make a poem with it being represented in there or I'll listen to a song and write a story about what I think it could be about. Once, for a music class, we listened to a classical piece on the piano that was around 8 minutes long. Our objective was to write what we hear in a story form. Within an hour I had a 4 paged love story about two lovers finding each other in the rain after a brief interaction at a coffee shop. The point is, writing is what I love and what I would like to pursue in life. I would like to major in English Literature/Creative Writing. Majoring in these categories opens up doors for me such as screen writing, being an author, being a secretary, and even opens up to being either an English teacher or professor. If I can't be famous for my work on the screen, behind the screen, or behind a book, I'd like to help young students find a safe space in literature. I want them to look forward to writing just as much as I do; find peace in being able to vent to a piece of paper with a pencil or a word doc with a laptop. I want to guide them just like how my English teachers since 6th grade have supported and guided me. I guess it comes as no surprise that English is also my favorite topic in school. In fact, I've already finished all of my English credits as of Junior year because I took some extra college classes for English College Composition 101 and 103. Being able to win this scholarship would mean the world to me as it will contribute to majoring in the thing that I love doing the most and it would support me by not having my family pay so much for my University, as we don't make much.

Striving in a school environment from Kinder up to the Senior that I am now was never something easy to constantly do as a student with severe ADHD. Whether it was my performance in class, my work at home, or my relationships with peers, I have always struggled mentally, emotionally, and physically. Known, ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a mental disorder that affects the patient with their concentration/focus, attentiveness to certain things, behavioral conflicts, and so much more. Unfortunately, I have a severe form of ADHD and was diagnosed in late 4th grade, so I wasn't able to be the scholar that I am now. Instead, I'd be faced with stereotypes by peers, teachers, and family members that branded me as an emotional and misbehaved kid. I went through plenty of trials and errors in middle school, but everything truly looked up for me in 7th grade when I was recognized as an honor roll student for my outstanding performance. Being able to get the help that I needed through years' worth of therapy (which started way before my diagnosis) and medications that I take to control my ADHD symptoms, I was able to succeed in my classes. Instead of zoning out in the middle of class and remembering absolutely nothing, I was participating more and doing above and beyond the minimum I was expected to do. My attentiveness to my education was valued by not only myself but my family and my teachers. To this day, I'm still recognized for being honor roll, top 20 in my class, taking both college courses and high school classes at the same time, and being the representative for San Jacinto High School as the Student of the Month for September. I'm also a possible nominee for Student of the Year. I wish my outstanding performance was much more noticed before my diagnosis of ADHD, and perhaps in the few years that followed. I wasn't thought much of for awards that I now receive back then. There were times in which I couldn't remember what we were learning on certain days because of how my ADHD affected me, and other times I'd find I zoned out throughout the entire class. Staying still was also a major struggle for me. I often cried because I would get picked by my peers for the way I behaved, being called special and an alien as I didn't fit in with them. I had trouble connecting in relationships with them and my teachers. I would grow frustrated because I went through so many years misunderstood. Regardless of my struggles (as some continue to this day, unfortunately), I am glad that I was able to be led through the right path in my high school years. I find so much support with everyone around me and I'm finally heard by others. Going on to University after I graduate, I will take important skills such as my time management skills, anxiety/stress coping mechanisms, therapeutic advice that I have received for several years, and so much more. In addition to this, I will continue to strive as the artistic student that I am and never stop being myself just because others call me degrading words and such due to my mental disability. Kids with ADHD have gone through so much and view the world in a different perspective than "normal kids". I think the way I view the world will positively impact the University that I enroll in and those around me.

Living in a generation full of technology and social media, many teenagers like myself have most likely struggled with self-image, and continue to. With recent terms like "Instagram pretty", options for filters, and plastic surgeries skyrocketing, it is hard to feel confident when everyone is competing to look pretty. Olivia Rodrigo understands that, making music for teenage girls, and anyone really, to relate to. The lyric from 'GUTS' that I relate to the most as a teenager would be "and I hate all my clothes, feels like my skin doesn't fit right over my bones" from 'ballad of a homeschooled girl'... though it was a hard decision to choose between that and every lyric from 'pretty isn't pretty'. The reason why I chose this is because I have struggled with body image issues and even developed an unhealthy habit of eating. Not only was I having a clothing crisis like everyone seems to have every few years when a new trend pops up, but I was also going through a negative viewpoint of my body and appearance. I wasn't the skinniest growing up, especially with my Latino genes, but I never really paid attention to it until I got to middle school. I endured many judgemental comments about my body fat, how my forehead was big, and my small breast size. I changed my hairstyle to one that wont show how big my forehead is and even started shopping for better bra sizes... but what hurt me the most was my body weight and what I decided to do. Starting Freshman year and through Sophomore year, I started eating less and less and exercising more and more. It didn't seem negative at the time, but once Junior year hit, it got worse. I started skipping meals, only eating one meal a day, and forcing myself to go to the restroom. I started Freshman year weighing 156 pounds and ended with 148 pounds. I started my Sophomore year at 148 pounds and ended with 144 pounds. I started Junior year at 144 pounds and ended up weighing 128 by the end of the year. I felt that I wasn't skinny enough, comparing myself with models on Instagram and the television. I wasn't even exercising anymore, I was just plain out starving myself. I started losing body fat, of course, but I also started losing myself. My beautiful genetic curves started flattening out slowly and even if I was skinny, I didn't think it was enough. I kept on making more goals and pointing out what fat needed to go, checking my weight at least 3 times a day. It was easy to notice my ribs now without me having to suck in my stomach. It was physically painful and mentally draining. I would cry if a pair of pants that were smaller than my size didn't fit or if a shirt was starting to get tight around me. Luckily, I got professional help and received therapy. Although I still weigh 128 pounds now, I no longer starve myself nor do I think that I'm not skinny or pretty enough. I realized that I don't have to be anything for anyone other than myself. So, thank you to Olivia Rodrigo, because her 'GUTS' album came out when I was at my lowest. It clicked in my mind that many other girls struggle with the same thing. I've always known that, I think many people know that, but I never experienced it until high school. Olivia seems to always get it right when it comes to how being a teen feels like: hell.

Growing up for half of my life as a woman without knowing I had ADHD was a struggle that neither my dad nor I were ready for. Every day was a challenge for me, starting the second I woke up to get ready for school to getting ready to go to sleep at night. I found that simple tasks such as making my bed, brushing my teeth, getting assignments done in school, reading, and doing homework when I got back home were hard to overcome. Therefore, I would throw tantrums and protest against doing things that seemed impossible for me to do because it either took too much of my time or it didn't interest me. My relationships with my teachers, peers/friends, and family members were bumpy because I didn't know how to control my feelings and thoughts, always resulting in arguments and fights; I would say things without thinking them through and I would hurt the feelings of other individuals in my life. It was hard for me to stay focused during lessons and study hours. My dad and closest family members believed that I was both a good student and a good daughter, but it was hard to prove myself to those labels. At the age of three, my mom died in a car crash and that event has taken a toll on my life. People at school thought me to be over-emotional and fake friends picked on me until I'd cry my way to the counselor's office. Yes, a tragic event like that affects everyone, but my ADHD made it hard for me to see the light in life. Eventually, a staff member in my school recommended to my dad that I should get assessed for ADHD and when I was around eleven years old, I was diagnosed with the neurodevelopmental disorder. We instantly started testing medications and I went through several years worth of therapies. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done and I had to move schools for fifth grade because of excessive bullying that I went through. Within time, everyone involved in my life who was aware of how hard it was for me to focus in school and to think through everything I said and did saw how I started succeeding academically and socially. I started receiving awards and recognition for my talents in school, and even joined honors/advanced classes. My academic life began to be something that I never thought it could become. I still had to work on my communication skills and relationships, and I had to move schools once more because of bullying incidents again, but everything was looking up for me. I still suffer from my own rumination, though. This is something I am currently trying to overcome. I still get judged by peers at school and I notice dirty looks from strangers when I talk too loud in public without realizing it. Sometimes, I even feel discouraged to do anything at all because of what people tell me. Yet, I know better than that. I want to succeed in my career goal as an actress/singer so that one day I can inspire young girls with ADHD to continue fighting for their goals and to not focus on what others say about them. I want them to be able to look at me and say "Hey, she's just like me!" I want to also spread awareness of late diagnosis and misdiagnosis of ADHD in women so that we can start providing resources to those who cannot afford it; start opening clinics at schools. I want to make a change.