Imagine living your life with two tiny voices in your head saying things like this. “This isn’t good enough you need to do more”, “Of course they don’t like you, you’re annoying”, “your dumbass is never going to be able to understand this subject”, “You’re better off alone anyway...or even better...you’re better off dead.” That is what it’s like to live with anxiety and depression. When anxiety beats you down depression comes in for the kill every time and it feels like you’re being pulled to the bottom of the ocean with weights on your ankles. Now put that in the head of a sixteen-year-old girl, unmedicated, with no therapy, and just barely making it through high school. I eventually started therapy and medication which seemed to work well but something was missing. It was my freshman year of college and although I was doing what people with my diagnosis get told to do which is to medicate and do therapy. I still wasn't happy with my life. Before moving into college I had just been dumped, lost all of my high school friends, had no friends at college, my dad got diagnosed with cancer, I was glued to my laptop with the fear of failure, No social life, my grandfather died, I had huge bills I couldn’t afford to pay, and to top it all off I had a stalker who made me fear for my life. I felt as if any minute the world was going to open up and swallow me whole. As my grades slipped and my mind felt more like a prison with each new day I started to think if I even belonged in college after all. “Call your family and tell them you made a mistake coming to college”, “Seriously? You're struggling with basic algebra?”, “Doesn’t matter if you don’t show up to that party no one wants to be around you anyway.” It wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that I realized what I had been doing wrong. I was living but I wasn’t living for myself...I lived and breathed the opinions of others with the fear of failure and shame being my fuel every day. I wasn’t putting myself first, I wasn’t selfish enough, I wasn’t gentle enough with my mind, body, and spirit. I began challenging my brain and building a new mindset. When my brain said, “Everyone fails this class so what makes you think you’re going to pass?” I say, “Well I’m not everyone” and when it says “Really? Is a B+ the best you got?” I say “Yes, and I did my best to get it.” I realized that I had been a big bully to myself for years and wasn’t allowing myself to be human. I started closing my laptop and going to the gym, I went to that party every once in a while, and I made friends with people I was too afraid to speak to before. Life is about doing what you can and doing what’s best for you without fear of failure or rejection. Once I allowed myself to see what was out there and go after it full force only then my mind became a livable place and I felt welcome in my mind and body. I am now starting my second semester of my sophomore year and I’m excited to see what the new day brings me. I prioritize my mental health with medication, therapy, and living my life to the fullest and doing it unapologetically.

I want you to picture this... a little girl at the dental office sitting in the infamous chair with the ear-piercing sounds of machinery whirling and chairside there are many sharp and pointy tools waiting to poke and pry at the plaque and build up...okay now pan the camera over to the little girl in the chair...she’s excited? Yeah, that little girl is me. Hi, my name is Jaymirra and sometimes I feel like I am the only person that enjoys going to the dentist. Since I was little the thought of getting my teeth cleaned excited me more than recess. The toys in the waiting room, the taste of the fluoride they used, the feeling of bliss and cleanliness after getting my teeth flossed I loved it all. So much so that by the age of seven, I knew I wanted to make it my career. From then on little me made a plan to follow that I knew was going to make this happen for me. Finish elementary and middle school strong...check, Graduate high school with honors...almost check (Got a C in pre-calc), Get into college...check I got accepted into nine universities and now attend the University of Delaware. I even detoured my plan and took a nursing class during my junior and senior year of high school in which I earned four nursing certifications just because I wanted medical field experience under my belt. I also got a job in 2020 at my local dental office in my hometown where I did receptionist work, assisting, and shadowing our oral surgeon who works there—anything to get exposure to my dream career. I am currently studying biological sciences in college and what excites me about this field of science is that I gain every aspect of knowledge when it comes to the human body and what helps it do what it does best. Although I am only going to be working in the mouth I believe it is essential to fully understand the human body as a whole when going into the medical field. I plan to take my college degree and go to dental school so I can become the best oral surgeon on the East Coast. The dentist should not be a place that you fear or put off due to anxiety. You should go into any sort of dental appointment whether it be a cleaning or root canal and feel that you’re going to be taken care of and prioritized. It breaks my heart knowing millions of people are going without dental care but I and that little girl inside of me plan to change that.

Dreams are easier to accomplish when you have the fuel to get you going to accomplish them. My dreams however are and always have been fueled with the fear of failure and a hunger for success. My mom and dad weren’t always perfect but they tried their best. I come from a family where teen pregnancy or financial obligations are what stopped certain family members from pursuing a higher education. Seeing the way my parents and other family members struggled lit a fire under me at a very young age and I knew that I had to do something different. Since I was seven years old I have dreamed of being an oral surgeon and that dream has never changed. Elementary school me made a checklist of things that I must accomplish to jump-start my life and so far everything has gone according to plan. Finish elementary school strong...Check, Graduate high school with honors... almost check (Got a C in pre calc but nonetheless I passed), I even went a bit off course and got four certifications in the nursing field just for fun, I got accepted into nine colleges and I love the one I selected. I am now a sophomore and I’ve begun studying for the exam I’ll need to take my senior year to get into dental school. The only thing seven-year-old me did not plan for is how expensive accomplishing your dreams can be. Twice now I have faced the reality of almost having to drop out due to college expenses that I don’t have the money to pay. And by the grace of god, aid, and a small scholarship I am still here holding my breath with every email I receive from Financial Services. I currently work four jobs, Two receptionist jobs and a resident assistant, and I’m a part-time actress. Since my family doesn’t have the funds to support me through college I work as much as possible to be able to take care of myself and any sort of bills that I may get while at school. Although it’s a lot of weight on my shoulders I refuse to let my checklist go unfinished. With my reality of being a black woman in society going into a male-dominated field, I don’t see any of those odds being what stops me from being the best oral surgeon on the East Coast but unfortunately, money does make the world go round and I hope that I can finish my education without money being the factor that holds me back.

Believe it or not, I have had my entire life figured out since I was seven years old. I am now nineteen going on twenty. Now I know what you’re thinking what seven-year-old is worried about her future, she should be worried about learning her times tables. I know, I know but when you live a life where dad is M.I.A, mom is struggling to make ends meet, electricity and water get cut off, and end up homeless wondering where you’ll live next. You start to fear what your future may look like and even at the age of seven, I knew I had to be greater than what was expected of me due to my life circumstances. In my little brain, I had it all figured out. Finish elementary school strong...Check. Apply to college and get accepted...Check. Graduate high school with honors...almost check (Got a C in pre-calc), graduate college, go to dental school, become an oral surgeon, get married, have kids, and live a normal life. Now I know there is no such thing as a “Normal life” because normal in the sense of how people may live their lives can be a very subjective thing. But all I have ever wanted was to live a life where money wasn’t an issue, where I have an undivided family of my own under one roof, where my kids don’t have to be wary of what tomorrow may bring. So far everything is going according to plan. I got accepted into nine colleges and I love the one I chose. Money is tight more often than not but that’s just college. Right now my eye is on the prize of securing my dream job as an oral surgeon. Seven-year-old me knew this was the career path for me because no other job sounded as exciting as the job of helping people love their smile and twelve years later I haven’t batted an eye at another career path. I am a biological science major and a healthcare theatre minor at the University of Delaware and it’s my sophomore year. Although I was blessed with a small scholarship there are still expenses that I struggle to pay on my own. My family not having the money to send me through college puts a lot of pressure on me to maintain my grades to keep my scholarship. Twice now I have been hit with bills that made me consider dropping out due to not having enough money to cover them and by the grace of god I’m still in school. This scholarship would help send me through the rest of college so I can make the steps towards living a life I have always dreamed of living, and so I can make little me proud.

My sister has been my rock for as long as I can remember. With her being the oldest sibling and grandchild in the family I can’t imagine all the pressure she has felt over the years. My sister and I are six years apart so once we got past that awkward stage of me wanting to relate to her and hang out with her and me being too young to understand we were able to do more things together. She joined the Navy which in my head set the tone for how successful the rest of us needed to be and she inspired me to make a big change in my life too. No, I did not join the military, but I did get into college which my sister thinks is the coolest thing (She’s the much cooler one) I have always told people if I could have even an ounce of her drive and determination, I could take over the world. My sister has made her fair share of mistakes, and she takes every opportunity to tell me about it and teach me about it. My favorite lesson right now that she has taught me is to “slow down and enjoy life” She gave me this piece of advice when like many other times I came to her crying about a boy. The way my sister lives her life despite who may be in it or not has always inspired me. No matter what she may have going on she always finds a way to learn from it, grow from it, and love life anyway. That element of my life is something that I still struggle with from time to time but through my sister, I see that no matter how crappy things may seem life is still something to be enjoyed and embraced even if it’s not the most pleasant. My sister has taught me to have fun and take risks because you may never know what day may be your last. She’s unapologetically herself and she is always putting herself out there without letting the fear of failure or rejection get to her. I quickly took after her in that sense and it’s the reason why I have been able to finally make real friends and do things I never thought I had the guts to do like go on dates and get a spine tattoo. My sister has taught me how to take care of myself when I’m away at college. I found myself in a few sticky situations my freshman year of college and although I knew her reaction wasn’t going to be the best when I told her, I told her anyway. Even if she was grilling me, I listened to every word and took it in because I know she means well and she knows best. With her being the first sibling to move away and start a life of her own she showed me that taking the next steps toward being an adult can be difficult and scary but it’s possible as long as you’re taking good care of yourself. I believe her guidance has shaped me into who I am today. I’d truly need more than 600 words to be able to describe the full aspect of the influence my sister has had on my life. I thank God for my built-in best friend every chance I get for she is the true definition of beauty, grace, confidence, and determination. I hope that one day I can be even a fourth of the human she is.

Believe it or not, I have had my entire life figured out since I was seven years old. I am now nineteen going on twenty. Now I know what you’re thinking what seven-year-old is worried about her future, she should be worried about learning her times tables. I know, I know but when you live a life where dad is M.I.A, mom is struggling to make ends meet, electricity and water get cut off, and end up homeless wondering where you’ll live next. You start to fear what your future may look like and even at the age of seven, I knew I had to be greater than what was expected of me due to my life circumstances. In my little brain, I had it all figured out. Finish elementary school strong...Check. Apply to college and get accepted...Check. Graduate high school with honors...almost check (Got a C in pre-calc), graduate college, go to dental school, become an oral surgeon, get married, have kids, and live a normal life. Now I know there is no such thing as a “Normal life” because normal in the sense of how people may live their lives can be a very subjective thing. But all I have ever wanted was to live a life where money wasn’t an issue, where I have an undivided family of my own under one roof, where my kids don’t have to be wary of what tomorrow may bring. So far everything is going according to plan. I got accepted into nine colleges and I love the one I chose. Money is tight more often than not but that’s just college. Right now my eye is on the prize of securing my dream job as an oral surgeon. Seven-year-old me knew this was the career path for me because no other job sounded as exciting as the job of helping people love their smile and twelve years later I haven’t batted an eye at another career path. I am a biological science major and a healthcare theatre minor at the University of Delaware and it’s my sophomore year. Although I was blessed with a small scholarship there are still expenses that I struggle to pay on my own. My family not having the money to send me through college puts a lot of pressure on me to maintain my grades to keep my scholarship. Twice now I have been hit with bills that made me consider dropping out due to not having enough money to cover them and by the grace of god I’m still in school. This scholarship would help send me through the rest of college so I can make the steps towards living a life I have always dreamed of living, and so I can make little me proud.

Mental health within the black community is something that is not often talked about and unfortunately, my family was part of that statistic at one point although mental illness runs in my family. I come from a family where if you are concerned about your mental health, you are to “pray about it” or even better “just talk to one of us about it. Your family is free therapy.” So, you can imagine how tough it was after being diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and struggling with suicidal ideations at the age of sixteen. After weeks of convincing my family that wanting to kill myself wasn’t a normal thing for a sixteen-year-old to constantly think about I was able to get into therapy. It had been about four years of me being in therapy when my freshman year of college rolled around. One thing my anxiety was good at doing was making me feel like no matter how much I worked, no matter how much blood, sweat, and tears were shed the work I did was never enough, and I needed to do more. Which ultimately lead to me constantly feeling like a failure due to my never being able to meet my unrealistic expectations for myself. I was overworking myself in school, had no social life because I didn’t feel like I deserved one, was far away from my family, had no friends at college or back home, stressed about where the money for my college expenses was going to come from, just got dumped before moving to college, and two critically ill family members. I felt as if the world was going to swallow me whole. Still being in therapy and refusing to take medication for my anxiety and depression I felt as if I didn’t make any sort of progress at all and I wondered if this is what the rest of my life was going to feel like. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that I finally realized what I had been doing wrong all these years. Yes I was going to therapy once a week, yes I was now finally taking the proper medication and although I was prioritizing my mental health I wasn’t fully prioritizing myself as a human being. I was still glued to my laptop, still hadn’t put myself out there to make friends, and still hadn’t gotten a job on campus because I figured I didn’t have time for one. Mental health is important to me because once I realized that celebrating myself and allowing myself to enjoy life fully without restriction and fear of failure was the only way I was going to be able to free myself from mental torture and I haven’t lived any other way since. I’m still in therapy and taking daily medication but now if I get invited to a party I go, If I meet amazing people I make them my friends, If I miss my family I call them, and when I make a mistake, I learn from it rather than label myself a failure. I take care of myself and find time to do the things that make me happy and just make me feel good because hanging out with friends is just as good for my brain as studying is. My mental health didn’t change until I said enough is enough and made a change in my life. And for the first time in years, I can truly say I am happy.

My relationship with God has been a funny one for lack of a better term. I grew up in the church and with my grandfather being the pastor that meant that we as a family were very tight-knit to the church and our faith. God has always walked with me and my family even if I didn’t think he did for a while. I always knew of God growing up but believing in him was something I struggled with from time to time. My childhood wasn’t the easiest and often it felt like God was punishing me for whatever reason. Dad wasn’t around, mom was struggling to make ends meet, ended up homeless for a year, couch surfed for another year...It just seemed like I could never catch a break. When COVID hit I was living with my grandmother because my aunt who has custody of me argued a lot with my uncle which led to a physical altercation in which I was a victim. As a sophomore in high school who felt like she had lived a thousand lives by the age of sixteen, I became severely depressed often I would beg God to please take me away so I would no longer have to endure whatever it was life was going to throw at me next. With each day I woke up I wondered why in the world God was keeping me here because I truly felt as if I served no purpose. After four years of therapy and finishing high school, I finally felt like I understood why God kept me here. Despite coming from a family where college was out of the question due to financial issues, I got accepted into nine colleges with one of them providing me a small scholarship that covers a little bit of the costs. Just when I thought things were lightening up for me, here came freshman year. Grandfather passed away, lost all my hometown friends, struggling with classes, and to top it all off I had a stalker who made me fear for my life. I thought to myself why is it that when the only thing I do is try to make a better future for myself I always seem to get the short end of the stick? But I started to notice a pattern in the things that happened to me. Being homeless made me want to work harder to have a financially sustainable career, losing all my friends back home helped me realize who my real friends are, losing my grandfather brought me closer to my family and made me appreciate them more, and even having a stalker taught me how to better protect myself. God presented me with some of the worst situations and it’s almost as if he said to me “You know exactly what you must do...now do it.” Two sayings I hold near and dear to my heart are “Everything happens for a reason”, and “Sometimes when things may seem like they’re falling apart they may be falling into place” To me those sayings translate to “Trust God’s plan.” I truly believe that the things that I have endured have made me the successful student I am today. I have four jobs I love, Friends I love, and overall true happiness in my life. I now see struggles as learning opportunities rather than punishments. And I believe through and through that God will always have my back for I am a child of his which he unconditionally loves.

From a young age, I always felt pressure to have a better outcome for my future than others in my family. College was out of the question when it came to the rest of my family due to money, having kids, and other life circumstances. My mom and dad did not attend college and they had to struggle for many years to take care of my siblings and me and to take care of themselves too. Watching my mom struggle to make ends meet while my dad was M.I.For many years was painful for seven-year-old me to watch. I knew that I wanted to create a different path for myself where I didn’t have to live a life of struggle and hardship and for me being a kid that loved school, I knew that college was my way to break the cycle. I had always dreamed of being an oral surgeon since I was seven years old. I also knew that to achieve my goal of becoming a college student I would have to keep my grades up. From First grade until my senior year of high school, I made sure to get honor roll. After applying to nine colleges and getting accepted into them all I knew that being the first one in my family to obtain a college degree meant that I could one day live a life where I didn’t have to struggle, where I didn’t have to wonder where I was going to sleep at night, where I did not have to fear my water or electric being cut off, and mostly a life where my kids did not have to see me struggle either. I am now a sophomore in college attending the University of Delaware and I am a biological sciences major and a healthcare theatre minor. I plan to take my degree and go to dental school so I can achieve my long-term goal of becoming an oral surgeon I’d even like to pursue getting my doctorate if I can. Overall, my long-term goals for my life are to obtain my doctorate, to have and raise a family of my own someday, and to give my family a better life than I had growing up. I want to also be able to take care of my parents and younger siblings so that they no longer have to live a life of struggle. But mostly I want to be an example to people who also share my story that no matter how messed up your circumstances are and how hopeless things may seem around you there is always a way to turn it around for the better.

Picture this...a seven-year-old girl sitting in a chair with a person poking and prying at her teeth with sharp tools and drilling at them with ear-piercing tools and as she sits there with this person scraping at her teeth and telling her that she needs to lay off of the candy if she wants to avoid cavities and she replies “okay” with a smile from ear to ear. That little girl is me, now I know what you’re thinking seven-year-old kid enjoys having her gums poked at and teeth scraped. I couldn’t tell you why all I know is for me being told I had a dentist appointment was more exciting than being told it was recess time. I mean from the toys in the waiting room to the taste of the toothpaste they used to the toy I always got at the end I loved every minute of it even if I did have a cavity or two. Even now at the age of nineteen, I look forward to getting a cleaning and I still love smiling in the mirror afterward and seeing how clean my teeth are. But now even at the age of seven, I knew that my experience at the dentist was not the same as everyone else’s. What I saw as a fun and relaxing appointment others saw it as an anxiety-filled and terrifying appointment. So much to the point where people didn't go to the dentist for decades because they were afraid. This upset me then and it upsets me now. Since then, I have made it my mission to change the stigma around dentists and dental offices. I knew at seven that I wanted to be an oral surgeon. At the age of sixteen, I started working at a dental office and it has now been four years of being employed there I have done receptionist work, assisting work, and even shadowed our oral surgeon. As a sophomore in college, it is my dream to get my doctorate and become an oral surgeon. I come from a family where education is the most important because we have lived a life of struggle and sacrifice. I believe that having a long-term goal, passion, and determination is what you need to achieve the things you want in life even if you may not have the money to do it. How I would use this scholarship to reach these goals is I will use it to pay off my tuition so I can continue my education without financial stress since I am paying for college on my own. Being able to pay for school is also being able to make seven-year-old me proud in the long run.

My name is Jaymirra Taylor, and I will be the first to say that I am what they call a “workaholic” I lived a childhood in which I was taught that taking care of the ones around you is the most important. And I have dedicated many years of my life to doing just that. Since High School, I’ve jumped at every opportunity to have a leadership position and to be a part of anything that involved supporting others around me. I was a part of many groups/ clubs such as the National Honors Society, CAV Culture (a mental health support club), Destined for Success (a support group for minority women), and Student Leader (a leadership role where I taught underclassman life skills). Now as a sophomore in college, I am an RA (Resident assistant), and a Mentor for my theatre class. What all those roles have in common is they are roles where they require the uplifting of a specific group of people or being a support system for a group of people. My favorite role is my role as an RA. This role requires me to watch over incoming freshman in my dorm hall and be their main resource for anything they may need. The role of an RA could be as challenging as showing them to the nearest dining hall to calling 911 for a medical emergency. However, many know that college can be a challenge in many ways and can take an emotional toll on an individual. As an RA I have not only been a resource, but I have also been a friend, a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on. RAs are what I like to call “The lifeline” of dorm halls and that contribution to my college community is the most fulfilling thing to me. My career goals have been the same since I was seven years old...Can you guess? I want to be an oral surgeon. Now I know what you’re thinking what child decides she wants to work at the very place she hates? Well, the thing is I always have and always will love going to the dentist. And since I was little the thought of other kids and even adults being afraid of the dentist was upsetting to me and still is. What I hope to do when I become an oral surgeon is to ease the minds of patients and show them that the dentist does not have to be a scary place. I’ve been a receptionist at my local dental office for four years now and it breaks my heart to see the number of patients that come in petrified just to get a cleaning. I hope to change the stigma around dentists and dental offices, so people don’t put off important medical care they need. But in the meantime, I will be looking for the next thing I can get involved in.

My name is Jaymirra Taylor (Jay for short) I am an 18-year-old college student from southern Maryland who really does nothing much but do homework, workout, dance, and study. Since I was a little girl, I have always loved going to the dentist. Most kids cried when they were told they had a dentist appointment coming up but me, I looked forward to it. I enjoyed everything from the poking and prying at my teeth to getting a toy at the end. I remember being so happy to get out of the chair and look at my clean teeth in the mirror and smile at all the staff on the way out. Even now at the age of eighteen that smile has not faded once my cleaning is done. I even managed to get a job at the local dental office in my city when I was sixteen and I have been working there since then. By now you have probably already guessed what my dream field is. Of course, I want to go into dentistry, specifically oral surgery and I have had this figured out since I was seven. Something about pulling teeth does not gross me out the way it does others. The thought of giving a patient of mine the relief they want and the ability to put a smile on their face and feel confident doing so is what drives me to be an oral surgeon. Working in a dental office I do now as a receptionist I have spoken to many patients about their dental anxiety, and it has always broken my heart that people are not able to enjoy the dentist as much as I always have. For me, the dentist's office is a place of relaxation and I feel comfort in the sense that I know my teeth will be taken care of. I have learned over the years that many people view the dentist as quite literally the opposite and some even go years without dental care for that exact reason. People should feel like they are being taken care of and looked after when they come into the dentist's office, not crippling fear. Patients should not only view the provider as just a doctor, but also a friend. Patients deserve a Doctor Who is going to take their time and explain everything to keep the patient in the loop. People should not fear the very place that is supposed to help them. Another issue I hope to combat in this field of medical work is the fear that minorities (specifically African American minorities) feel when going into places of health care. Often, pain in minorities is severely overlooked in the medical field due to misconceptions about what we can and cannot feel. Unfortunately, we live in a world where the color of your skin sometimes determines whether you have a better chance of being helped or not and that is the vilest thing. I want to be a surgeon that people can come to and talk to, not just Patient to doctor, but human to human. I want people to come into my office feeling as if they have a friend that is going to look out for them and someone that has their best interest at heart. I hope that soon I can change the reputation dentist offices have.

Most people with my story don't even see college as Something that's even in arm's length reach. Being raised by a single mother with three kids, Having my Aunt and uncle get custody of me When my mother could no longer take care of me, My dad nowhere to be found, Moving from county to county because we had nowhere to stay, To say the least my life has been very unpredictable and for the people around me, the hope of me having a successful future was always there, but very faint Due to my circumstances. Me being someone that has been homeless I knew from a young age the value of a dollar and just how much it ruled the world around me. My family has always been well off enough to do a vacation once every other year. With the help of food stamps and government checks, they were able to get by and take care of us. From a young age, I had a clear understanding that the only way I was going to overcome the preset mindset that many people had about the outcome of my life due to my story, was to further my education. I knew the importance and the privilege that I had while being in a classroom and that many people fight for the opportunity to get an education around the world. Despite the financial strain that was on my family and the unexpected things that happened to me, I always kept my head in the books because I knew that was my only way to achieve the future that I dreamed of. Since I was seven, I had dreamed about being a dentist and living in the suburbs with a family of my own that I can take care of. It had always been my dream to live a life where no one around me had to worry about what was going to happen next. Although I knew money was tight throughout my family, I applied to nine colleges My senior year of high school and ended up getting into all nine colleges, with two of them offering me a scholarship. Twice as a freshman, I was presented with bills that I could not pay Since I am paying for college on my own. Although sometimes I do not know how I'm going to pay the bills, I know the Lord always makes a way for me. But just like I learned when I was a little girl, money makes the world go round. How I will use my education to better the world is to be the doctor that people can come to and have their anxieties Melt away. Most people you talk to don't enjoy the dentist, and many of them fear doctor's offices in general due to the lack of doctors that are people of color. I want to be a doctor so that patients of all different kinds and backgrounds can come to and get quality care.

All my life I had been a healthy kid, no major health concerns at any point. Besides my raging asthma that always ruined my recess time. Nonetheless I have been on a good track except for when it came to my weight. I struggled with what unfortunately most little girls struggle with today which is the case of chronic social media usage. From the age of ten to seventeen I struggled with body image. The Instagram models, photoshop, the fakeness of social media made me look at my little body in disgust. Where are my curves? Where is my clear skin? Why can’t I be shaped like that? Where questions I asked myself all before, I had even hit puberty. Although I knew I was a healthy weight for my age there was a small voice in my head that always said otherwise. “You’re so tiny” My family would say but when I looked into the mirror, I looked a million times bigger than what everyone was saying like a mouse compared to an elephant. In the fifth grade I had started a workout routine one hundred crunches every night, seventh grade I started eating less, ninth grade started photoshopping my pictures and enrolled in a fitness class in school, tenth grade during quarantine I wore a waste trainer for 2 hours a day along with some workout routine from YouTube the whole internet swore would give you your dream body in two weeks. I was eating even less at this point, my anxiety and depression paired with my troubled mindset of what the “perfect body” was supposed to look like stole my will to eat and exercise like a thief in the night. Looking in the mirror became torture; eating was a daily chore that some days I skipped all together. Being told “Well just eat more” filled me with a rage that burned hotter than a trillion suns...It just was not that easy. It was not until my first year of college I realized that to better myself I had to be at peace with my mind first. Realizing that my body is a wonderful vessel that does many things for me that I am not even aware of in my daily life. And for that I should love the body I was given, and I should appreciate it more than I do because it does its best every day to keep me alive. I realized that I must give back to my body so it can give back to me because it is all a cycle of love and nurturing. Food is one of many things that keeps us alive, but it can also be enjoyable in moderation. And if I decided to pig out there is nothing wrong with the possibility of weight gain, the earth would not stop spinning if I gained four pounds. Big or small, I am beautiful either way and my body being fed and nurtured was always the most important thing. I then started going to the gym towards the end of my first year not because I wanted to lose weight, but I loved the feeling of my muscles getting stronger. The bliss I felt being able to feel my body getting stronger each week made me love myself even more even if running on the treadmill irritated my raging asthma I know that ultimately the more I love my body, the more it'll love me back and that is how I not only changed my lifestyle but my mindset.

In today’s age when people think about living a “healthy lifestyle” they picture going to the gym, dieting etc. Not that all those things are bad things, but I believe that a healthy lifestyle is a subject thing. I had a crazy journey with my lifestyle starting as early as 10 years old. We all know at that age our bodies are just barely beginning to develop and figure themselves out. At that age I had no care in the world about what my body looked like until I learned in middle school that apparently people care very much about what other people’s bodies looked like. Not just in real life but on social media too from Instagram models to A-list celebrities I couldn’t escape societies guidelines of what it meant to be “Healthy.” You must be slim but not too slim or else you’re “flat”. You also had to be curvy all at the same time but not too curvy or you’re “too fat”. My teenage mind was baffled by the criteria. I began to work out to obtain a “flat stomach” and that when well until it didn’t. I quickly found out that me and workouts do not get along. Between seventh grade and my sophomore year of high school I developed severe anxiety that I didn’t get diagnosed for until 2020. That paired with a depression diagnosis I began to lose weight drastically due to loss of appetite. I had the body that elementary school and middle school me dreamed of. I finally had that flat stomach with barely any body fat to show. But still, I could not look at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted with what I saw. But why? I was the beauty standard… thin is what’s beautiful right? That happiness that I thought I would feel losing weight was far from my reach. Although the way I lost weight was out of my control, I thought that losing weight the way I did would be a much easier way for me to be happy since it required nothing of me but to not eat. As a shrunk skinner and skinner, not eating for days at a time, growing weaker by the day, I realized that I was far from healthy, and I needed to do something fast. I started by rekindling my relationship with food. Not seeing eating food as a chore but as a necessity and a reward to my body. I treated my body by eating and fueling it so I can do the things I want to do. I did start working out again but changed my mindset from “slimming down” to “getting stronger”. I found strength in working out rather than seeking to lose weight. I also learned to look at my body as a beautiful hardworking machine. The body is capable of so much and it does so much for us that we don’t even fully realize. So, I learned to appreciate my body and all that it does by taking care of it and giving it the tools, it needs to take care of me daily. My journey was a journey of learning to love myself and take care of myself. “Healthy” is not just black and white healthy is your own personal journey to feeling like the best version of yourself.

I never really considered myself a jack of all trades at any point of my life. I tried out for theatre in the sixth grade, didn’t make the cut. I then tried out for track shortly after and got put on the “alternate team” aka bench warmer crew. There was one thing that always stayed consistent with me and that was the art of dance. From the dance studio to the high school dance team, to learning dances off the internet at four A.M. dance has always been my saving grace and it has been the one of the very few things keeping me afloat. No matter how far gone I am mentally dance has been the one thing that pulls me back down to earth. The thing about the world of dance is that you need time to perfect your craft and between work and school time was not in my vocabulary. With all the noise that life brings dance is my quiet and calm place of escape. Despite not being able to afford studio dance and not having time for the high school team I spend most of my free time watching dance videos and learning them in my room during my free time. Doing that has increased my speed in learning new routines and sharpened my ability to pay attention to detail. I’ve kept up with every new TikTok dance and every new dance move that has been made up anything to keep my skills up to par. I’ve also gained the ability to choreograph my own routines and perfect them. I don’t ever see a time where dance won’t be apart pf my life and I will do whatever it takes to keep the love I have alive for this beautiful form of art.

Education is the very thing that brought our world to where it is today. Without education we wouldn’t move anywhere as a human race. Education is the foundation of our world, and it is the reason I will be able to have a better future. For as long as I can remember I’ve always loved the idea of learning more so I can accomplish more. I had a very troublesome childhood with homelessness, abandonment, and family drama. I felt like I had no control of anything in my life. But even as an elementary schooler I knew and understood that education was going to be the one thing in my life that stayed consistent as long as I stayed consistent with it. So, from that point on I put my all into doing good in school because I knew that was the only way I was going to be able to write my own story and create my own success. Education doesn’t just mean a diploma or a degree, it means a better and brighter future for me. It means that I get to let go of my past and do the things that I’ve been dreaming of doing since I was a little girl. It means doing the things that my other family members didn’t get the chance to do at my age. Education to me means setting the bar high and doing things no one expected me to be able to do. Because of my education I will be able to see better days then what I’ve seen in the past. I learned that what you put into this world is what you get out of it and there were many times I surprised myself with how much I got out of putting my all into my education. Seeing others in my family who didn’t put education high above other things in their life and seeing the struggles that they had in life after doing so is what also pushed me to deepen my relationship with learning. I learned just how powerful education is and how fundamental it is that we understand the value of it and all that it does for us in the end. I had to learn that concept quickly and from that point on I became tunnel visioned on my goals. From the age of seven I knew that everything I did from that point on would count towards my goal and my relationship with education had to grow deeper in order for me to accomplish my goals. I am looking to become an oral surgeon in the future and with a career like that once I graduate, I’ll be spending a minimum of eight more years furthering my education even more. I have had the same dream job for ten years and putting my best foot forward with my education has put me on a perfect path straight to my goal. I am the first person to get accepted to multiple colleges in my family being accepted to nine colleges, I’ve passed with honor roll in every grade level, and I’ve won more awards than I can remember. All because I recognized that education is the key to all the golden things in life. My education has carried me so far and I know without a doubt it will carry me all the way to where I’ve always dreamed of being.

I have many passions but if I had to pick the passions that have carried me through my life and made me into the person, I am today my passion for creativity and my passion to be there for others. I love having the ability to create positive thing that brighten up not only my mood but other’s moods as well. I express these passions through things like dance, music, and healthcare. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression a little over two years ago and being in that dark space feeling like I was a victim to my disorder was something that kept me under for so long and I fought so hard to feel good again. I branched out to find ways that I could keep myself afloat and create a positive change in my life to combat those negative thoughts that I had. Putting my feelings into a form of art we call dance was one of the best things that I did for myself through those hard times. Everything that I was feeling weather it was negative or positive was personified into one of the most beautiful forms of art to me. Dancing for hours and hours was like heaven to me, and it still is. Music speaks to me in ways I believe no human can. In my hardest times I let the beauty of music take my mind away to a calm place. The power of creating and listening to music is one of a few things that has helped me with the struggles of my mental illness. Through all the things that I have been through mentally there is one thing that has never changed about me and that Is my will to be there for others. I believe that I was given a gift of being able to be there for other people. And it is a gift that I haven’t let go to waste. It is a gift that I will be carrying with me throughout my future career. I am working towards working in the field of dentistry and I also have certifications in the field of nursing. All of that is oriented around my want and desire to make others feel loved and supported. Throughout my struggles that is one thing that I have always had a will and a passion to do. The act of making other people feel heard and seen and like they're cared about is something that brings me an immense amount of joy no matter what I'm going through. I want to be a health care worker that not only helps patients on a physical level but on a mental level as well. I want to be a person that someone can look up to or talk to when they feel like they're in a rough situation. I like creating positive spaces and positive energy that makes everyone around me feel good. I believe that what you put into the world is what you get out of the world and when you put positive things into the world those positive things can come right back to you. My goals and my aspirations are not only to overcome my mental illness but to create a better pathway for myself without clinging on to my past I want to be ten times better of a person than I thought I was ever going to be able to be. Over the years I've learned myself worth and I know I am worthy of success, and I have every intention to do great things in this world

Growing up I was always the friend that people would come to. I was the shoulder to cry on and the human diary to be written in. I never hesitated to reach out my hand to others who needed comfort and support. I knew that mentally my friends were struggling and that is what pushed me too always be there for them. At the young age I was I never thought that I’d be on the other end of that stick reaching out for a hand myself and seeking a shoulder for myself to cry on. While I love being alone quarantine was a time where being alone was the very thing that spiraled my mind out of control. I felt like a stranger in my own mind. I felt like I had no control over myself like I was a character in a video game being played. That feeling hung over me like giant raincloud. I was soon diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and that reality changed my world. For me the next three months would be filled with an immense amount of self-reflection and racing thoughts. There was never a day where I woke up and felt like I served a purpose. I felt like I was nothing more than what my diagnosis was and far as I knew that was all I was ever going to be. The long restless nights staring at the ceiling wondering which day would finally be my last and hoping it was soon. I knew from there I’d be going to war with no one else but myself and I had no armor. That point of time taught me one thing. Everybody needs somebody. When life happens and we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders those are the times that we need to reach out to the ones we love or ones who can be there for us. I wish I understood that as well as I do now back then. I didn’t understand that reaching out was the very thing that would save me. And I thank myself to this day for reaching out. Going through the things that I went through made my will to be there for others even stronger and it made my will to keep myself afloat even stronger as well. My heart swelled even larger than it has been in years, and I love the ones in my life harder than before because I know what it feels like to believe that no one loves you, I make sure the ones around me are heard because I too know what it feels like to feel voiceless, And I uplift the people in my life because I too know what it feels like to hit rock bottom with what feels like no way up. The feeling of being loved, nurtured, and listened to is a feeling like no other. It is a feeling that can heal the wounds of hard times, it is a feeling that everyone deserves to feel. And because of my experiences I’ve become a better listener, a better friend, and a better supporter. My career choices are greatly revolved around the act of taking care of people I am looking to go into the healthcare field because I feel like with everything that is going on in the world, we need more people who are willing to be that person that someone can count on to be there and to support them through what may be a challenging time for them. I’m looking to pursue the field of dentistry and I also have received certifications in the nursing field as well. I pursue those careers in the hopes to be a person that people can talk to and feel like they’re being taken care of. I want to be a healthcare worker that not only creates wellness on a physical level but on a mental level as well. The mind and the body are two things that need to work together for great things to happen. So, I think as individuals we need to lookout for the ones around us even if we don’t know them. You never know what someone could have going on behind closed doors and you never know how far a little kindness can go for someone. You have the power to change someone’s life and you have the power to be not only the best supporter for others but for yourself also. Mental health is a goal that we all seek to achieve and one person at a time we can be the change that someone may need in their life and no matter how hard it may seem to escape the clasps of mental decline better days will come.

People are often in the mindset that the one who speaks the most or maybe even the loudest is the one with the most power and control over certain situations. Well, I disagree we have all heard the saying “you can’t listen and talk at the same time” and that saying will always hold true because you quite literally can’t properly listen to people if you’re talking. The power of a listener is like no other. I have always been a listener since I’m not much of a talker in most social situations. And the one thing that I have learned from being a listener is that a listener is sometimes all that people need to feel supported, seen and obviously heard. I understand that firsthand. I listen to the ones around me by paying close attention to the things that they may rant or complain about and understand that what may be a small issue for you may be a huge complication for them so hearing them is extremely vital. Listening to things like that helps me to be a better friend to them in return. To me Listening also means paying close attention to your surroundings and the ones that you have in your life. Paying close attention to the important things in life and not letting them pass you by, listening to the ones in your life that are there to support you and uplift you. The list of things that one could accomplish just by listening is endless. Listeners have the power to make others feel safe, loved, and nurtured. And to me that is the most beautiful thing, and that very thing is what drives me to be a better listener than I’ve ever been.

An example of my leadership is shown through what I embody and what I stand for as a young adult in this society. I am one of many people in this world who suffer from a mental disorder of some sort. Coming from the background I came from it can be expected that it was going to affect me later in life which it has. Being headstrong was something that I embodied throughout my childhood, and it was easy. I was able to stay afloat considering what I was enduring at the time with my living situation and parental situation. Life hit me with one of the most brutal challenges I never thought I would have to face. September of 2020 I was diagnosed with Severe anxiety and depression. The feeling of being told that I have a mental disorder hit like a ton of bricks. It felt as if the whole world had caved in on me. I knew of many other people in my life who had also been suffering from some sort of mental disorder and I always knew how to help them through their hard times but now it was time for me to help myself and I didn’t know where to start. I was no secret to my close friends and family that I was going through a rough time. They knew I went days without eating and sleeping properly. They knew that I was having a hard time enjoying the things I once loved and cherished. They saw that I was slipping away. I knew that I was beginning a journey to better my mental health, and I knew that I wanted to also lead as an example that no matter what you are facing and no matter what challenge you are thrown into that you can prevail, and you are more than just a person with a mental disorder. More than ever I became heavily involved in the mental health group I am in at school, and I used social media to push out the message of determination through hardships. I had many people telling me that I was never going to gain the weight back that I lost due to my mental state. I was told that I was overreacting and that I really didn’t need help. All the things’ people said to me stuck for a long while. That drove me to push even harder I used my social media platform to spread awareness throughout my school and to educate the people that what we go through is not who we are but rather what makes us stronger. I since then gained back all the weight that people told me that I couldn’t get back. I’ve been seeing a therapist for over a year now despite being told that I was overacting, and I didn’t really need help. I share my story with people who may feel afraid to speak up for themselves and get the help they need. I use my story and my fight to remain the ongoing voice for the voiceless. I do all the things that people have told me that I am incapable of, and I do them with a beautiful smile. Being a leader means that you go against the grain and do the unthinkable despite what others think. I will spend the rest of my life using the voice that I was blessed with to advocate for positive things and to advocate for better steps in the right direction.